Disneyfangirl23
🦁 Lion King fangirl 🦁
Dear Crush
I hope you can be my boyfriend one day
I hope you can be my boyfriend one day
Write a letter to someone who will never read it.
- Thread starter Croconaw
- Start date
ethnicbraat
Senior Member
To : _____
Hey
I just wanna know if your doing any good I know the last time we talked it was chaotic but I wanted to see if you are doing better than what you were before because I am working on myself and doing a lot better than what I was. I hope that you can see that I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I did and you didn’t mean to hurt me the way you did . We all make mistakes and we can learn to move past them right? Anyways I just want to say that I love you and I hope your doing good ml
Hey
I just wanna know if your doing any good I know the last time we talked it was chaotic but I wanted to see if you are doing better than what you were before because I am working on myself and doing a lot better than what I was. I hope that you can see that I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I did and you didn’t mean to hurt me the way you did . We all make mistakes and we can learn to move past them right? Anyways I just want to say that I love you and I hope your doing good ml Lilysgarden
Junior Member
Hey mom I want to say that I’m sorry for how I ever treated you I know I wasn’t doing the best I can but now I am and I’ll focus more on my future and continue trying my best for you so I can make you proud I know we don’t get along well but I’ll try and start communicating to you cause I’ve been closed off lately but I promise you I’ll start talking to you and we can spend time together just us
I know we don’t get along well but I’ll try and start communicating to you cause I’ve been closed off lately but I promise you I’ll start talking to you and we can spend time together just us
pottercrossing
☀🏹🎶Apollo🎶🏹☀
deleted, i can't write this, it's too painful
Dear Mama G,
hey! i still remember you and i wish i could just chat with you a bit because i never let you know how much of an impact you had on my life. i don’t know how much you know about pokémon but i’ve been catching this one called stufful lately so i can evolve it into the pokémon that reminds me of you. it’s called bewear because it gives literal back-breaking bear hugs, but that’s not why i chose it for you. i assigned a lot of people a pokémon in my life, just in my head. i think i chose bewear because of how friendly it can be but also because its japanese name, kiteruguma, relates to costumes. so sometimes, i think of you as “kiterugumama”, how perfect is that XD and I named my bewears in other games after you ^^
anyway, let’s get to why i really remember you. i was super shy and insecure and you truly felt like a guardian angel to me, the way you spoke to me and helped me. even though i only saw you a few times, i don’t know what i would have done without your help.
and that’s why i always think of you and smile when i see stufful or bewear.
my wording is not the best, sorry, but what i want to say is your kindness will live rent free in my brain for the rest of my life.
love, ******** (*** ****)
hey! i still remember you and i wish i could just chat with you a bit because i never let you know how much of an impact you had on my life. i don’t know how much you know about pokémon but i’ve been catching this one called stufful lately so i can evolve it into the pokémon that reminds me of you. it’s called bewear because it gives literal back-breaking bear hugs, but that’s not why i chose it for you. i assigned a lot of people a pokémon in my life, just in my head. i think i chose bewear because of how friendly it can be but also because its japanese name, kiteruguma, relates to costumes. so sometimes, i think of you as “kiterugumama”, how perfect is that XD and I named my bewears in other games after you ^^
anyway, let’s get to why i really remember you. i was super shy and insecure and you truly felt like a guardian angel to me, the way you spoke to me and helped me. even though i only saw you a few times, i don’t know what i would have done without your help.
and that’s why i always think of you and smile when i see stufful or bewear.
my wording is not the best, sorry, but what i want to say is your kindness will live rent free in my brain for the rest of my life.
love, ******** (*** ****)
For the sake of protecting privacy, the girl I'm mentioning in this letter - whom we were just friends - will have her real name replaced by "Jane"
Hey Jane,
How've you been? What's been going on with you lately? I realize it's been a long time since we've talked - and I don't want to come off as weird - but I've been getting some rather intense flashbacks of our high school years. I often think about the fun times we've had throughout our junior and senior years, and those were some of the best moments of my life. I hope they were the same for you, because you made me feel special whenever we hung out.
I can remember the times we would go out into town, eat at the local restaurants, and jam out to tunes in the car with friends. It felt like we were doing something new every other week, and it only helped that we were also co-workers at the same job. Not every shift was great, but you made every single one bearable. I've always loved your smile, the sparkle in your eyes, and the way you showed off your humor to both me and others around us. I truly miss those days - if I ever had the opportunity to relive those moments, I'd do so in a heartbeat. You meant more to me than others at the time, and I'm fortunate to have met a fantastic person such as yourself. I even remember our grad parties. I stayed the entire time at yours (remember your uncle vomiting in your friend's truck?!), and you were the last to leave at mine. Even though we never made it past the friend phase, your dedication to remain a good friend meant the whole world to me.
Ever since your family moved away from town and you went to college, things weren't the same without you around. It was difficult to balance both your job and college at the same time, and I understood why you had to leave. You wanted to move on to the next phase of your life, and I had to move on as well after a while. As you might still remember, I tried the university life as well, but unfortunately got me nowhere. There were a few times where I tried to reach out and see if you wanted to do anything, but it looked like you were tied up in school quite often, so I just let it be. It ultimately ended up with you making all new friends and me sticking with the people I still knew from high school, which I was okay with until recently.
You remember my good friend, right? Well, we had continued to talk for a bit, but then his girlfriend broke up with him a few months ago, and he hasn't been the same since. I tried to reach out a few times myself and see if he wanted to hang out, but kept telling me that he's either busy or emotionally unavailable. It was like this for a long time, and it got to the point were I simply stopped trying. The last time we hung out, he brought some guys with the intent of getting drunk and dancing like fools in a loud bar, and I couldn't take it after a while as my head started to hurt bad. We had a friend group that occasionally hung out, but it sort of tore itself apart after his breakup. Nowadays, I'm just a bored soul that's working a lot and coming home to a house that can't be properly maintained.
Jane, I wish we could talk again. You would always brighten up a room with your cheerful demeanor, and it made me a very happy person whenever we hung out. I've been struggling to find some new friends, as my job wears me out fast and my motivation to get my social life back on track has been decreasing more and more. I'm not entirely sure what I can do at this point. The only people I've been talking to lately are my parents and co-workers. I know you probably have a boyfriend and all, but if you could get some friends together and have me get to know them, maybe we can start a whole new friend group. I can only hope that it would lead to great things. I miss you.
- TK
Hey Jane,
How've you been? What's been going on with you lately? I realize it's been a long time since we've talked - and I don't want to come off as weird - but I've been getting some rather intense flashbacks of our high school years. I often think about the fun times we've had throughout our junior and senior years, and those were some of the best moments of my life. I hope they were the same for you, because you made me feel special whenever we hung out.
I can remember the times we would go out into town, eat at the local restaurants, and jam out to tunes in the car with friends. It felt like we were doing something new every other week, and it only helped that we were also co-workers at the same job. Not every shift was great, but you made every single one bearable. I've always loved your smile, the sparkle in your eyes, and the way you showed off your humor to both me and others around us. I truly miss those days - if I ever had the opportunity to relive those moments, I'd do so in a heartbeat. You meant more to me than others at the time, and I'm fortunate to have met a fantastic person such as yourself. I even remember our grad parties. I stayed the entire time at yours (remember your uncle vomiting in your friend's truck?!), and you were the last to leave at mine. Even though we never made it past the friend phase, your dedication to remain a good friend meant the whole world to me.
Ever since your family moved away from town and you went to college, things weren't the same without you around. It was difficult to balance both your job and college at the same time, and I understood why you had to leave. You wanted to move on to the next phase of your life, and I had to move on as well after a while. As you might still remember, I tried the university life as well, but unfortunately got me nowhere. There were a few times where I tried to reach out and see if you wanted to do anything, but it looked like you were tied up in school quite often, so I just let it be. It ultimately ended up with you making all new friends and me sticking with the people I still knew from high school, which I was okay with until recently.
You remember my good friend, right? Well, we had continued to talk for a bit, but then his girlfriend broke up with him a few months ago, and he hasn't been the same since. I tried to reach out a few times myself and see if he wanted to hang out, but kept telling me that he's either busy or emotionally unavailable. It was like this for a long time, and it got to the point were I simply stopped trying. The last time we hung out, he brought some guys with the intent of getting drunk and dancing like fools in a loud bar, and I couldn't take it after a while as my head started to hurt bad. We had a friend group that occasionally hung out, but it sort of tore itself apart after his breakup. Nowadays, I'm just a bored soul that's working a lot and coming home to a house that can't be properly maintained.
Jane, I wish we could talk again. You would always brighten up a room with your cheerful demeanor, and it made me a very happy person whenever we hung out. I've been struggling to find some new friends, as my job wears me out fast and my motivation to get my social life back on track has been decreasing more and more. I'm not entirely sure what I can do at this point. The only people I've been talking to lately are my parents and co-workers. I know you probably have a boyfriend and all, but if you could get some friends together and have me get to know them, maybe we can start a whole new friend group. I can only hope that it would lead to great things. I miss you.
- TK
Suguri
yeah-yeah !!
I based this letter on the story in the Pokemon Scarlet and Violet DLC, so expect references to major story spoilers.
Dear K,
I’ve been supported by various friends throughout my journey. And of all the friends I’ve met, you made the biggest impact on me.
Remember our first meeting? There was an emergency on my end and I had to go to the Community Center to let someone know, so that was pretty much why you saw me running on my own to town. Your sister saw me too, and she was pretty scary at first.
I knew the instant I saw those golden eyes that we’d be great friends.
You were shy back then. You had an unpopular opinion on the local legends. You stuttered a lot. You had low self-esteem. You once even apologized for buttering me up when you merely complimented me. But I like how you stood out. While the rest of my friends can be loud sometimes, your being here has always put me in a state of tranquil.
After I caught ol’ Janken*, our friendship broke off. You had changed significantly. Became envious of me. And I felt (and still feel to this day) as if I were the worst friend in the world. For defeating you in every battle, for lying to you, for taking away from you something you cherished dearly.
I get how you feel. I wanted to help you. I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed being with you. I wanted you to be happy. In fact, when I battled you in the academy for the Championship, I wanted to lose for you. But I was holding the fate of the entire league in my hands, and I didn’t want to let everyone down.
Everything for me was gloomy after this point, so I’ll be forever grateful for our trip to the underdepths. It was in there that you began to question the path you were taking and began to reform for the better.
I hope you can forgive me for my wrongs. I have since vowed to never lie to you, for good friends are always honest. I’m glad we became friends. We helped to change each other for the better. We had a lot in common, especially when it came to our desire to be accepted. And most of all, I will never forget your soothing presence.
Sincerely,
J*
*Jankenpyon, or Janken for short, is the nickname I gave to Ogerpon in my game
*J is the initial of my in-game name, which is my real name.
I’ve been supported by various friends throughout my journey. And of all the friends I’ve met, you made the biggest impact on me.
Remember our first meeting? There was an emergency on my end and I had to go to the Community Center to let someone know, so that was pretty much why you saw me running on my own to town. Your sister saw me too, and she was pretty scary at first.
I knew the instant I saw those golden eyes that we’d be great friends.
You were shy back then. You had an unpopular opinion on the local legends. You stuttered a lot. You had low self-esteem. You once even apologized for buttering me up when you merely complimented me. But I like how you stood out. While the rest of my friends can be loud sometimes, your being here has always put me in a state of tranquil.
After I caught ol’ Janken*, our friendship broke off. You had changed significantly. Became envious of me. And I felt (and still feel to this day) as if I were the worst friend in the world. For defeating you in every battle, for lying to you, for taking away from you something you cherished dearly.
I get how you feel. I wanted to help you. I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed being with you. I wanted you to be happy. In fact, when I battled you in the academy for the Championship, I wanted to lose for you. But I was holding the fate of the entire league in my hands, and I didn’t want to let everyone down.
Everything for me was gloomy after this point, so I’ll be forever grateful for our trip to the underdepths. It was in there that you began to question the path you were taking and began to reform for the better.
I hope you can forgive me for my wrongs. I have since vowed to never lie to you, for good friends are always honest. I’m glad we became friends. We helped to change each other for the better. We had a lot in common, especially when it came to our desire to be accepted. And most of all, I will never forget your soothing presence.
Sincerely,
J*
*Jankenpyon, or Janken for short, is the nickname I gave to Ogerpon in my game
*J is the initial of my in-game name, which is my real name.
Nothing to see here.
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Z,
They finally called back. I’m reminded of you because I wonder what you would have thought, back when I looked up to you.
Trauma sucks because it’s more than just a bad memory. There was already a basis for trauma with you.
You said to love everyone as long as they weren’t hurting others or themselves. You hurt me. You didn’t communicate either.
Whatever excuse you have for how I should “grow up”, I hope you realise to some degree what a fool you were. A casual relationship is still a relationship. Not commitment but you had responsibilities. You were more childish and hypocritical than your own ego would have you see. I wanted to be friends in the first place because I thought we grew enough not to repeat those same mistakes.
It’s not my fault that you hadn’t.
I can only see the times where we tried to be friends as you using me to rebound.
D
P.S. I hated it when you were drinking. Thank you for making me realise that alcohol is a hard line for me.
P.P.S. I do have unconditional love in a way that I think you yourself didn’t, or didn’t understand how to give.
They finally called back. I’m reminded of you because I wonder what you would have thought, back when I looked up to you.
Trauma sucks because it’s more than just a bad memory. There was already a basis for trauma with you.
You said to love everyone as long as they weren’t hurting others or themselves. You hurt me. You didn’t communicate either.
Whatever excuse you have for how I should “grow up”, I hope you realise to some degree what a fool you were. A casual relationship is still a relationship. Not commitment but you had responsibilities. You were more childish and hypocritical than your own ego would have you see. I wanted to be friends in the first place because I thought we grew enough not to repeat those same mistakes.
It’s not my fault that you hadn’t.
I can only see the times where we tried to be friends as you using me to rebound.
D
P.S. I hated it when you were drinking. Thank you for making me realise that alcohol is a hard line for me.
P.P.S. I do have unconditional love in a way that I think you yourself didn’t, or didn’t understand how to give.
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oneinamelon91
🍉🍉🍉🍉
I started writing to my sister, but I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't find the strenght to continue the letter.
So I'll write it to myself (hoping, I will not cry again)
Hey little me.
Only know I understand what you've been through and that you just wanted somebody to love you and to make you feel safe.
You thought living that life was normal, you even felt stupid for sometimes thinking that you were living in a bad family, becasue "there's people that is s***ally ab*sed, beaten in their family... how can you even find the courage to complain?".
But the fact that other families were worst than your, doesn't mean that you grew up lonely. You had to grew alone, wihout a parent loving you. You had to feel abandoned when your parents used to leave you alone in the house to go and have some fun... You had to get through their divorce. You had to listen to stories of how your mother used to leave you alone in the other room dirty, crying, just because she couldn't lose her favorite tv show. You had to listen to stories about your father trying to ab*se other women, beating you with a belt when you were only 3... And you had to listen to your mother saying, laughing "I tried to get rid of you to times when I was pregnant, but I failed".
And you were only 8 years old when you were listening to these horrible things...
And the worst is that when you where living that toxic place to go to school, it was even worse. Kids made fun of you, made you feel stupid and said horrible things to you. I still remember when you were 6 and while taking care of little stray cat near your house, a big noise coming far from there scared him and when running away, a car k***ed him in front of you. You were shocked. You cried and you screamed and after 10 minutes, your mom brought you to school anyway. You were still shocked and you had to tell to everybody what happened, because you couldn't handle alla that suffering, but as soon as you told the "story", your class mates started laughing and saying it was your fault if the cat di*d.
And when your mom married that man? Only now I understand how much he trumatized and humiliated you and how hard was to see your mother and all your family taking his parts and attacking you because, at 14, you were "acting like a kid and you had to grow up".
I could write for day, only we know all the things you've benn through. I remember everything, I will never forget a single thing.
I'm really sorry that you never had a chance to find a place where you could feel safe and loved.
I never forgot everything you've been trough, and I thought I could make sure to prevent me to make you feel like that again, but somehow, I failed, because I never fully understood how bad your life was and how much suffering it was causing to you... It was your reality, everything seemed "normal", just everyday life.
I'm really sorry that I came to this conclusion only after more than 30 years and most of all, I'm sorry because I disappointed you. I was the only one that could love you and take care of you and even I abandoned you. I left you in an angle, disappearing more and more every day and somehow I was able to make you go through everything again. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I really thought I was doing everything differently, but the reality was that All that abuse, all that bad stuff was normal to me, so I didn't notice it when I was livign it again, even if with different persons and in different places.
I feel really bad for what I've done to you. You dind't have to go through everything again. Now that I'm aware of everything, of the whole situation, if even more difficult to take care of you, to give you what you needed from the start.
I hope one day I'll find the strenght to take care of you as you deserve, as nobody never did.
I'm the only one you can count on and I hope one day I will find a way to make you proud of me. In the meantime, please forgive me and know that I KNOW and fully understand everything you've been through and I will try to make you heal from that.
So I'll write it to myself (hoping, I will not cry again)
Hey little me.
Only know I understand what you've been through and that you just wanted somebody to love you and to make you feel safe.
You thought living that life was normal, you even felt stupid for sometimes thinking that you were living in a bad family, becasue "there's people that is s***ally ab*sed, beaten in their family... how can you even find the courage to complain?".
But the fact that other families were worst than your, doesn't mean that you grew up lonely. You had to grew alone, wihout a parent loving you. You had to feel abandoned when your parents used to leave you alone in the house to go and have some fun... You had to get through their divorce. You had to listen to stories of how your mother used to leave you alone in the other room dirty, crying, just because she couldn't lose her favorite tv show. You had to listen to stories about your father trying to ab*se other women, beating you with a belt when you were only 3... And you had to listen to your mother saying, laughing "I tried to get rid of you to times when I was pregnant, but I failed".
And you were only 8 years old when you were listening to these horrible things...
And the worst is that when you where living that toxic place to go to school, it was even worse. Kids made fun of you, made you feel stupid and said horrible things to you. I still remember when you were 6 and while taking care of little stray cat near your house, a big noise coming far from there scared him and when running away, a car k***ed him in front of you. You were shocked. You cried and you screamed and after 10 minutes, your mom brought you to school anyway. You were still shocked and you had to tell to everybody what happened, because you couldn't handle alla that suffering, but as soon as you told the "story", your class mates started laughing and saying it was your fault if the cat di*d.
And when your mom married that man? Only now I understand how much he trumatized and humiliated you and how hard was to see your mother and all your family taking his parts and attacking you because, at 14, you were "acting like a kid and you had to grow up".
I could write for day, only we know all the things you've benn through. I remember everything, I will never forget a single thing.
I'm really sorry that you never had a chance to find a place where you could feel safe and loved.
I never forgot everything you've been trough, and I thought I could make sure to prevent me to make you feel like that again, but somehow, I failed, because I never fully understood how bad your life was and how much suffering it was causing to you... It was your reality, everything seemed "normal", just everyday life.
I'm really sorry that I came to this conclusion only after more than 30 years and most of all, I'm sorry because I disappointed you. I was the only one that could love you and take care of you and even I abandoned you. I left you in an angle, disappearing more and more every day and somehow I was able to make you go through everything again. The only thing I can say in my defense is that I really thought I was doing everything differently, but the reality was that All that abuse, all that bad stuff was normal to me, so I didn't notice it when I was livign it again, even if with different persons and in different places.
I feel really bad for what I've done to you. You dind't have to go through everything again. Now that I'm aware of everything, of the whole situation, if even more difficult to take care of you, to give you what you needed from the start.
I hope one day I'll find the strenght to take care of you as you deserve, as nobody never did.
I'm the only one you can count on and I hope one day I will find a way to make you proud of me. In the meantime, please forgive me and know that I KNOW and fully understand everything you've been through and I will try to make you heal from that.
A,
I’m sorry you don’t see me on the days I’m better. It’s your job to help me, but so much of that is being there in a way nobody else is. I know I tell you every time I just can’t express myself at home but after all this time, it’s still true.
I can’t believe that I’m still living with these people. I wish I could be so optimistic about the future but I just don’t believe until things have changed anymore.
Z can still suck it. For how long it’s been it still feels too fresh. We have a lot left to unravel. I still have a guilt complex from school.
It’s what keeps me in check though. I know you’d say it’s more neutral than bad. You know I stand up for myself, otherwise I’d still be talking to him.
Guess I dump so much on the internet for the same purpose. I guess when I get my man down here it’ll all be us. The biggest ray of luck in my life, maybe I just rationalise it like that because I still don’t understand how somebody could like me so much.
At least I could enjoy some things again.
E
I’m sorry you don’t see me on the days I’m better. It’s your job to help me, but so much of that is being there in a way nobody else is. I know I tell you every time I just can’t express myself at home but after all this time, it’s still true.
I can’t believe that I’m still living with these people. I wish I could be so optimistic about the future but I just don’t believe until things have changed anymore.
Z can still suck it. For how long it’s been it still feels too fresh. We have a lot left to unravel. I still have a guilt complex from school.
It’s what keeps me in check though. I know you’d say it’s more neutral than bad. You know I stand up for myself, otherwise I’d still be talking to him.
Guess I dump so much on the internet for the same purpose. I guess when I get my man down here it’ll all be us. The biggest ray of luck in my life, maybe I just rationalise it like that because I still don’t understand how somebody could like me so much.
At least I could enjoy some things again.
E
To someone,
I'm not an angry dude, believe me. Sure, I may have a resting bad face at times, but I get bothered by a lot of things in the world that make me confused and upset. Now, don't get me wrong -- I want to have a better social life, but I feel as if I need to change my after-work habits and actually put myself out there much more often. It's just a bit difficult when I frequently let my anxiety get the best of me, and on top of it all, I still live with my parents, who are always on my rear end about what I do outside of the house. Are they the reason why my transition to adulthood has become worrisome? Not completely, but there are definitely times where I feel that they're the mental roadblock in the path to my future, and I don't know who else to turn to in order to remedy the situation.
Let me start off by discussing how unmotivated I can get. I wake up almost everyday before 5:30 AM for work, and that alone drains my energy and makes me look forward to doing the things I like doing on a semi-daily basis when I clock out. Almost all my current activities are pretty much unattractive to others: listening to my rock songs, playing video games, watching sports, going on my computer, and growing a movie collection of films I never get around to watching. Am I an unmotivated nerd? You could easily say that, but it's what my current routine is and I'm contemptuous at the moment. However, I almost certainly agree that if I really want to build up a proper social life with others my age and actually get myself involved in some form of relationship, I'll need to step outside my comfort zone and actually delve myself into activities I could have even a slight interest in. As I quit the social media platforms a while back and have no desire to return to any, searching for stuff to do in town in order to make new friends can pose a challenge. A simple Google search usually won't yield any amazing results; It's mostly stuff catered to much older adults or are not within my interests whatsoever. Maybe I really need to sit down and investigate finding somewhere I can go to meet new people around my age, while partly staying in my comfort zone.
I tried the dating apps. I'll just make this quick and simple: they are crap. No, really, they are. I've thrown away so much money on these things and it's ridiculous. If you're a male and don't own a boat or have a six-pack in your chest, then good luck trying to find matches. There's simply no room for ordinary-looking guys like me. I've heard that it seems to be much easier for females, but I can't verify if the matches they get are actually real or from guys who are truly awful for a variety of reasons. Here's the truth: I view myself as a somewhat-confused man who has good intentions and wants to involve myself in more social scenarios, but the opportunities that come up to prove my claim are fairly sparse. I want to become a better person each and every day, and I seem to accomplish that for the most part in terms of going "by-the-book", but people my age tend to view that habit as boring and it's probably another reason for losing the friends I made back in high school. In the end, I believe that was for the best, as some of them changed their interests dramatically and had different views on a variety of topics. It really sucks that my last friend group had to end that way, but it is what it is. Jealousy attacks me on a near-frequent basis, but I do a good job at controlling it properly.
You might just advise me to suck it up and actually tell my parents how I truly feel about all these things, but there have been many times in the past where I can't get through to them at all. For instance, I don't like it when I make my mom upset. The last time I told her that she had a collecting problem and offered my help to clean the house, she bluntly did not admit any wrongdoing and refused to talk to me for two weeks. As for my dad, It's hit or miss when it comes to helping me with things. Then there's my sister, who gets angry at the smallest things and has our mom do chores in the apartment my sister currently resides. These things make me view my own family as dysfunctional, and I tend to disassociate myself from extended family and friends as a result because I'm just so embarrassed by the things I can't control. Perhaps it's why I value my alone time so greatly? I tend to believe it does, but I really need to make a stand and figure out how to complete my adult transition. I'll be turning 25 soon, and it won't be long until I need to get my own health insurance (and, quite frankly, a place of my own).
Wow, I typed a lot. I didn't even think my thoughts would come to fruition as much as they did. It does feel nice to get some things off my chest and make public, just so others can realize the things I go through in my personal life and how ASD/OCD can affect outcomes. There is definitely more to discuss in regards to what bothers me and the like, but I'll leave it at this for now. I need to get my mind off all this loneliness I keep experiencing.
- Trev
I'm not an angry dude, believe me. Sure, I may have a resting bad face at times, but I get bothered by a lot of things in the world that make me confused and upset. Now, don't get me wrong -- I want to have a better social life, but I feel as if I need to change my after-work habits and actually put myself out there much more often. It's just a bit difficult when I frequently let my anxiety get the best of me, and on top of it all, I still live with my parents, who are always on my rear end about what I do outside of the house. Are they the reason why my transition to adulthood has become worrisome? Not completely, but there are definitely times where I feel that they're the mental roadblock in the path to my future, and I don't know who else to turn to in order to remedy the situation.
Let me start off by discussing how unmotivated I can get. I wake up almost everyday before 5:30 AM for work, and that alone drains my energy and makes me look forward to doing the things I like doing on a semi-daily basis when I clock out. Almost all my current activities are pretty much unattractive to others: listening to my rock songs, playing video games, watching sports, going on my computer, and growing a movie collection of films I never get around to watching. Am I an unmotivated nerd? You could easily say that, but it's what my current routine is and I'm contemptuous at the moment. However, I almost certainly agree that if I really want to build up a proper social life with others my age and actually get myself involved in some form of relationship, I'll need to step outside my comfort zone and actually delve myself into activities I could have even a slight interest in. As I quit the social media platforms a while back and have no desire to return to any, searching for stuff to do in town in order to make new friends can pose a challenge. A simple Google search usually won't yield any amazing results; It's mostly stuff catered to much older adults or are not within my interests whatsoever. Maybe I really need to sit down and investigate finding somewhere I can go to meet new people around my age, while partly staying in my comfort zone.
I tried the dating apps. I'll just make this quick and simple: they are crap. No, really, they are. I've thrown away so much money on these things and it's ridiculous. If you're a male and don't own a boat or have a six-pack in your chest, then good luck trying to find matches. There's simply no room for ordinary-looking guys like me. I've heard that it seems to be much easier for females, but I can't verify if the matches they get are actually real or from guys who are truly awful for a variety of reasons. Here's the truth: I view myself as a somewhat-confused man who has good intentions and wants to involve myself in more social scenarios, but the opportunities that come up to prove my claim are fairly sparse. I want to become a better person each and every day, and I seem to accomplish that for the most part in terms of going "by-the-book", but people my age tend to view that habit as boring and it's probably another reason for losing the friends I made back in high school. In the end, I believe that was for the best, as some of them changed their interests dramatically and had different views on a variety of topics. It really sucks that my last friend group had to end that way, but it is what it is. Jealousy attacks me on a near-frequent basis, but I do a good job at controlling it properly.
You might just advise me to suck it up and actually tell my parents how I truly feel about all these things, but there have been many times in the past where I can't get through to them at all. For instance, I don't like it when I make my mom upset. The last time I told her that she had a collecting problem and offered my help to clean the house, she bluntly did not admit any wrongdoing and refused to talk to me for two weeks. As for my dad, It's hit or miss when it comes to helping me with things. Then there's my sister, who gets angry at the smallest things and has our mom do chores in the apartment my sister currently resides. These things make me view my own family as dysfunctional, and I tend to disassociate myself from extended family and friends as a result because I'm just so embarrassed by the things I can't control. Perhaps it's why I value my alone time so greatly? I tend to believe it does, but I really need to make a stand and figure out how to complete my adult transition. I'll be turning 25 soon, and it won't be long until I need to get my own health insurance (and, quite frankly, a place of my own).
Wow, I typed a lot. I didn't even think my thoughts would come to fruition as much as they did. It does feel nice to get some things off my chest and make public, just so others can realize the things I go through in my personal life and how ASD/OCD can affect outcomes. There is definitely more to discuss in regards to what bothers me and the like, but I'll leave it at this for now. I need to get my mind off all this loneliness I keep experiencing.
- Trev
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So often I write things to you that I would say if we ever spoke again
it really is back to coping the same way I did as a teenager
This is the latest one
—
The stuff you said to me is some of the worst stuff anyone has said to me
You had a lot of hypocrisy and I think your ego wouldn’t let you see
It was horrible of you to look down on me that hard when
First of all you insisted you were happy with things
And even if you don’t understand how bad it is
I’m still a struggling adult
I could tell instinctively but I gave the benefit of the doubt that you weren’t that awful
I was wrong
You DID take advantage of my nature
You were insensitive in expecting me to move on from my problems so much faster
When the year before you struggled for months
And I never ever said you just had to get over your problems
Or that you should be better by now
And I just see everything as you using me
Both times I tried to be closer you were insufferably just a love bomber
And you had your own rationale for how it’s not wrong
But it really is
You took a casual relationship as being able to waive responsibility
And really just ended up showing your own communication sucks too
I don’t owe you forgiveness and I will never accept you again
You move on but for me it still feels like last week
[Redacted line]
We hate you
For me it was the absolute worst possible outcome of trying to be your friend
A lot worse than the first time
it really is back to coping the same way I did as a teenager
This is the latest one
—
The stuff you said to me is some of the worst stuff anyone has said to me
You had a lot of hypocrisy and I think your ego wouldn’t let you see
It was horrible of you to look down on me that hard when
First of all you insisted you were happy with things
And even if you don’t understand how bad it is
I’m still a struggling adult
I could tell instinctively but I gave the benefit of the doubt that you weren’t that awful
I was wrong
You DID take advantage of my nature
You were insensitive in expecting me to move on from my problems so much faster
When the year before you struggled for months
And I never ever said you just had to get over your problems
Or that you should be better by now
And I just see everything as you using me
Both times I tried to be closer you were insufferably just a love bomber
And you had your own rationale for how it’s not wrong
But it really is
You took a casual relationship as being able to waive responsibility
And really just ended up showing your own communication sucks too
I don’t owe you forgiveness and I will never accept you again
You move on but for me it still feels like last week
[Redacted line]
We hate you
For me it was the absolute worst possible outcome of trying to be your friend
A lot worse than the first time
