feeling awkward after trades and adoptions...am i the only one?

[zato]

edit: so i just over think and gotta get the feel of it again like in NL. thanks to everyone reassuring me i'm not alone. please don't stop discussing it though as some very good advice has been given from lots of folks for use in game and irl. also views of the hosts are also shared and very informative.

so normally things go well i go in get what i paid for/traded for and leave with some pleasantries and i normally complement their island cuz i mean you guys are amazing and i truly mean what i say when i love your islands! (and mine is uhhh yeah i restarted but even before i had nothing so lolz) i'm normally weird and awkward in social things...i mean look at this mess. anyway point is i know everyone has rules when you visit and i abide to a T( i'm a stickler for rules especially when it comes to other peoples things and houses...i'm just over polite and paranoid my friends joke that i'm Canadian but even Canadians aren't as weird as me.) like i fallow and only pick up or go where they tell me, i don't bother running, i don't touch anything with my pixels that wasn't in the deal or stated. now heres my problem...sometimes i get lucky and people boot me as soon as the deal is done and we say bye and thanks, or we say bye and i go back to the airport. i've never had bad experiences with anyone here but sometimes i find myself in an awkward silence(text-less?) and start to walk back to the airport in thinking ok time to go i got my stuff said thanks it's time to leave only to get sent home mid walk. idk if they think i'm gonna run off and do something or what...and i never wanna leave anyone with that kinda feeling as i know how much time and heart is put into these lovely places and i'd never want to mess that up. so is it just me being weird about things/over thinking or do the rest of you have that same issue of thinking "did i do something wrong?" or is it just game lag?

TL;DR: no bad experiences just awkward leavings. wanted to know if i was over thinking things or if it's common to have pauses of silence where your unsure if you should walk to the airport or if they are gonna send you home? if you've been on the other end of things how do you see it? again no hate or nothing just curious if people like me come off as bad or something.

 

[oak]

I used to feel the exact same way! I would literally get anxiety to do a trade but now after 100's of trades I've gone numb haha. It should get easier & easier over time. If someone boots you it's not cause you have done anything wrong, they just might have another trade lined up. I used to boot people before realizing it hurt people's feelings so now I wait for the to leave through the airport but honestly it takes longer and if I want my gates closed afterwards, it's the easiest thing to do. You seem like a polite trader so I wouldn't worry!

 

[Pintuition]

I've felt that way a few times. Sometimes I've had people just like stand there and not say or do anything awkwardly for way too long. Made me think they were going to go off and do something weird on my island! I never had an issue and I assume it was just lag or them feeling awkward. I never really know what to do or say, but I still try to trade! I just hope in general that other people won't judge me if I'm not judgmental towards them, haha!

 

[Aurita]

Ah I used to boot people off after my last trade since it’s easier to end session than to go back to the airport and close the gate >_< but I also stopped once I saw people were unhappy by it or I let them know ahead of time!

 

[zato]

I used to feel the exact same way! I would literally get anxiety to do a trade but now after 100's of trades I've gone numb haha. It should get easier & easier over time. If someone boots you it's not cause you have done anything wrong, they just might have another trade lined up. I used to boot people before realizing it hurt people's feelings so now I wait for the to leave through the airport but honestly it takes longer and if I want my gates closed afterwards, it's the easiest thing to do. You seem like a polite trader so I wouldn't worry!

the boot it self doesn't bug me cuz even in NL it was done to do trades faster (though i normally never use it cuz i have plenty of time and i just don't care what people do on my island cuz it's MY island and i can fix it) i think it's just the lag in time but then again you are right i probably haven't gotten used to it yet in this one so it still feels off. also thanks it's really not hard with the amazing people on here tbh.

 

[sleepydreepy]

I think you are over thinking things. I don't feel awkward after trades, and I usually send people home if I am the host (end the session) so I don't have to manually go into the airport and close the gates after someone leaves (least I forget and turn my switch off and then lose progress). If I'm the visitor, I'll just head to the airport after the trade is complete and send myself home. It's pretty straightforward, you don't have to over complicate things! I'm sure you don't act as "awkward" as you may feel, and I guarantee the other person you are trading with won't dwell on it regardless, and is probably thinking about their next trade rather than thinking about how you are acting.

 

[niko@kamogawa]

I don't have any trust issues in this forum. I only had a few when dealing with villager trades though. In terms of awkwardness, I already lost that a long time ago. You just have to keep trading.

 

[zato]

I've felt that way a few times. Sometimes I've had people just like stand there and not say or do anything awkwardly for way too long. Made me think they were going to go off and do something weird on my island! I never had an issue and I assume it was just lag or them feeling awkward. I never really know what to do or say, but I still try to trade! I just hope in general that other people won't judge me if I'm not judgmental towards them, haha!

lolz so glad it's not just me. oof yeah i can see how being awkward can raise questions...i really gotta work on that. glad nothing ended badly though. =) any tips ya can give to try and make trading/picking up more fluid for me and others having these issues?

Ah I used to boot people off after my last trade since it’s easier to end session than to go back to the airport and close the gate >_< but I also stopped once I saw people were unhappy by it or I let them know ahead of time!

i'm fine with being booted tbh it's just the timing of some of them has felt off? so it's probably game lag or just me lolz. but if it makes things easier i say keep doing it just put in your rules that they should expect it. =)

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

I definitely felt that way when I first started trading, am Canadian, and tend to overthink as well.

I definitely felt more awkward when someone booted me out of their island just as I was on my way back to their airport -- I thought I had done something wrong. XD

My awkwardness has gotten better with doing more trades. Just keep doing what you're doing, as you seem to be a pleasant trader (being polite, exchanging pleasantries, communicating when you need to). Generally, people won't notice your sense of awkwardness, as we tend to be our own harshest critics.

 

[Kurb]

yeah, the prospect of “Oh no i might’ve messed up” is really daunting. I can see where you’re coming from

 

[Pintuition]

lolz so glad it's not just me. oof yeah i can see how being awkward can raise questions...i really gotta work on that. glad nothing ended badly though. =) any tips ya can give to try and make trading/picking up more fluid for me and others having these issues?

i'm fine with being booted tbh it's just the timing of some of them has felt off? so it's probably game lag or just me lolz. but if it makes things easier i say keep doing it just put in your rules that they should expect it. =)

My number one thing for fluidity is if I'm hosting, I lay the items out and step away from them then send the Dodo. As soon as they land I say hello or some other greeting while they approach. They're able to pick up their items quicker and can see I'm honest before they land! Usually I say a mutual thanks and they're already on their way! Arriving to an island I like to move any items/payment into one area of my pocket so I can drop them quicker! I sometimes like to use the "greetings" emote to wave goodbye or hello if they don't use the chat or say hello. I also use this sometimes to kind of indicate "hey, um, time to go, friend" when someone overstays on my island haha. I'm still painfully awkward, but I'm an organized awkward!!

 

[zato]

I think you are over thinking things. I don't feel awkward after trades, and I usually send people home if I am the host (end the session) so I don't have to manually go into the airport and close the gates after someone leaves (least I forget and turn my switch off and then lose progress). If I'm the visitor, I'll just head to the airport after the trade is complete and send myself home. It's pretty straightforward, you don't have to over complicate things! I'm sure you don't act as "awkward" as you may feel, and I guarantee the other person you are trading with won't dwell on it regardless, and is probably thinking about their next trade rather than thinking about how you are acting.

true true. i try to be quick about things. as your perspective of a trader (i haven't done too much yet in NH) what things make it the easiest for you when it comes to communication in game?

Post automatically merged: Aug 15, 2020

I don't have any trust issues in this forum. I only had a few when dealing with villager trades though. In terms of awkwardness, I already lost that a long time ago. You just have to keep trading.

i think thats my big problem cuz i was used to it in NL but now idk why but it feels different?

 

[rawstberry]

i have a pretty bad anxiety so i get where you're coming from! i used to be a bit stressed during my first trades but now it's gone for the most part! people on here have been so nice that i don't feel overwhelmed at all. if you start feeling awkward because of silence you can always break it by saying something. like you can literally just say that you will get going now, thank them again, emote and then head to the airport. at least it's what i'd do. ☺

 

[Tiffany]

When I trade I don't go further than the airport unless necessary(like i cataloged someones ring boxes and they walked me over to where they were). I say hi make the trade say ty and leave. Getting kicked out was weird at first cause I was like i'm already at the airport whats the rush? but i'm used to it now. The only awkward silence moments were on my island. I have the item im trading on the ground before the person gets there. we say hi and they just stand there and im wondering what they are waiting on. But it's only happened a few times. One time someone asked if they could shop and i was fine with that. I did do one trade where i thought the seller was risking getting scammed. i was trading tbt for a diy. when i arrived the diy was sitting by the airport with some kind of barrier behind it that prevented me from going anywhere else and the person trading me was nowhere in sight. now i didnt send the tbt until i got there so had i been a dishonest person i couldve grabbed the diy and left without sending the tbt. i did send the tbt of course but it wouldve been only too easy to grab that diy and run.

 

[Roxxy]

It gets easier with time but I was/am super awkward I get the weird feeling when you are at the airport and you get booted. Good to know it’s not personal

 

[zato]

I definitely felt that way when I first started trading, am Canadian, and tend to overthink as well.

I definitely felt more awkward when someone booted me out of their island just as I was on my way back to their airport -- I thought I had done something wrong. XD

My awkwardness has gotten better with doing more trades. Just keep doing what you're doing, as you seem to be a pleasant trader (being polite, exchanging pleasantries, communicating when you need to). Generally, people won't notice your sense of awkwardness, as we tend to be our own harshest critics.

lolz in all fairness i 100% identify more with Canadians despite being a American cracker mutt (mainly irish) tbh no Canadian blood sadly i wish though.

weird thing is i've done quite a bit of trades on NL with no problems but idk why but NH feels different when i do trades.

 

[sleepydreepy]

true true. i try to be quick about things. as your perspective of a trader (i haven't done too much yet in NH) what things make it the easiest for you when it comes to communication in game?

I think for me since I've done so many trades (in NL and NH), knowing exactly what will happen helps a lot. I have anxiety too, and whenever I have to do something in real life that makes me anxious, I like to research it or plan it out in my head beforehand so I have a general idea of what is going to happen. For AC trades, its easy- arrival, greeting, transaction, thank you, goodbye. And that's it! You can keep it short and sweet, or you can add other comments like, "I like your entrance," or fly over, etc. Also remember you can always say no if someone asks to visit your shops by saying something like "sorry I'm in a rush!" or "sorry I'm busy irl!" or something. And also like I said before, people are likely thinking about their next trade rather than thinking about you specifically.

Also random addition- something that helped me overcome anxiety provoking situations in real life was reminding myself that "it doesn't have to be so bad." Most of the time when I am anxious about something, I really work myself up which adds to my growing anxiety, and reminding myself that I am the one making myself feel this way (making my heart race, hands shake, etc) really helps adds perspective to the situation, meaning the situation itself isn't making me feel this way, I am making myself anxious. Does that make sense? Lol

 

[zato]

When I trade I don't go further than the airport unless necessary(like i cataloged someones ring boxes and they walked me over to where they were). I say hi make the trade say ty and leave. Getting kicked out was weird at first cause I was like i'm already at the airport whats the rush? but i'm used to it now. The only awkward silence moments were on my island. I have the item im trading on the ground before the person gets there. we say hi and they just stand there and im wondering what they are waiting on. But it's only happened a few times. One time someone asked if they could shop and i was fine with that. I did do one trade where i thought the seller was risking getting scammed. i was trading tbt for a diy. when i arrived the diy was sitting by the airport with some kind of barrier behind it that prevented me from going anywhere else and the person trading me was nowhere in sight. now i didnt send the tbt until i got there so had i been a dishonest person i couldve grabbed the diy and left without sending the tbt. i did send the tbt of course but it wouldve been only too easy to grab that diy and run.

oh no =O!! good on you for being a good human. then again almost everyone on here is. i worry so much about being scammed sometimes but then remind myself it's just stuff and i can always get another one.

 

[Marshmallows]

I'm socially anxious, too (who has to write a script to order a pizza? ) and I feel like you did at first.

But the whole ending session thing... don't take it personally at all. I've been kicked out while walking into the airport or very close to it, too. I think it's just faster and more convenient because they don't have to enter the airport to close the gate. It's not being distrustful or meaning to be rude.

 

[Peach_Jam]

My number one thing for fluidity is if I'm hosting, I lay the items out and step away from them then send the Dodo. As soon as they land I say hello or some other greeting while they approach. They're able to pick up their items quicker and can see I'm honest before they land! Usually I say a mutual thanks and they're already on their way! Arriving to an island I like to move any items/payment into one area of my pocket so I can drop them quicker!

this^ I do these exact things as well when dealing with trades, and it helps a lot c: