how do you make friends irl?

[xSuperMario64x]

I don't have a problem with making friends online, I've met so many awesome and lovely people here that I'm very happy to call friends! ☺

but I'm looking to meet some new people in person, people I can hang out with and do stuff with. all my friends whom I know personally either have drifted away or they live 6+ hours away.
I'm considering going to the local roller rink to see if I can find friends because I would love to hang out w someone who loves skating as much as I do. but I'm very socially awkward so I'm terrified to approach people and I'm terrible at keeping conversations going. I'm hoping to get lucky and find someone who likes the same things I like (bc I'm autistic I have a very narrow interest pool and it's basically impossible for me to make friends who don't have the same interests as I do).

how do you guys go about making friends in person? I would love some advice

 

[Chris]

I'm a bit of a social magnet. I tend to attract people even in situations when I'm trying to keep to myself. When I'm actively trying to circle a room and generate conversation I get myself a drink (whether alcoholic, coffee, or a soft drink - whatever is most befitting), go up to people, and kickstart a conversation with a question. "How're you doing?", "Are you having a good time?", "I love your ____", "How are you finding ___", etc. A compliment or drawing focus to the activity you're bonding over is always a good one to get your foot in the door. I personally find having a drink of some description in hand instantly makes me chattier - not quite sure why but it works!

In the situation you've described, you can kickstart a conversation with something relating to the hobby. Don't default to the overplayed "can you show me how to do [something you already know]" or try to go overboard to impress them - find a more subtle middle ground that shows your understanding of the topic so that they view you as their equal.

 

[Antonio]

As someone who also has autism, my behavior is a bit different compared to yours. Like, I lack social awareness and just walk up and introduce myself, not being aware of what's happening beforehand. Of course, I am socially awkward but I don't have social...anxiety? Like, I don't have any fears of talking to people, just the very terrible conversational skills when I do talk to people. Honestly, though, I understand you about keeping up a conversation. It's very hard and to be honest, I'm not good at conversations. It's definitely easier to keep up a conversation if, and only if, the other person is interested and makes a similar effort to maintain a conversation.

Regarding ways on how to help, I'm not sure? Have you tried looking into any local groups online beforehand and finding someone there? Maybe you'll be more comfortable researching some friends beforehand. Also, on the topic of people who don't have the same interests, it's going to be hard in real life to make friends unless you try to be open-minded about their interests because it's rare to find people who are quite similar to you, even with my friends who enjoy similar shows and video games, there is still quite a difference between us. However, there is nothing wrong with pursuing a middle ground in the interests and looking for friends who share that middle ground but it would be hard to find a good friend if you put up these expectations for them.

To be honest, I'm not sure if anything of this is helpful. If it isn't, I'm sorry. I believe I may have misinterpreted this convo and went rambling, oops. The only final advice I can give is, "you never know unless you try so try". There's no harm in starting up a conversation, even if the other people do decline. I wish you the best when you go out skating and remember to have fun!

 

[xSuperMario64x]

In the situation you've described, you can kickstart a conversation with something relating to the hobby. Don't default to the overplayed "can you show me how to do [something you already know]" or try to go overboard to impress them - find a more subtle middle ground that shows your understanding of the topic so that they view you as their equal.

I'm not gonna lie, I love skating but I haven't actually skated in like over 5 years so there's a lot I either never learned or have forgotten lol. I may embarrass myself if I try to act like I know hat I'm doing lol. idk maybe some people like clumsy folk

Regarding ways on how to help, I'm not sure? Have you tried looking into any local groups online beforehand and finding someone there? Maybe you'll be more comfortable researching some friends beforehand. Also, on the topic of people who don't have the same interests, it's going to be hard in real life to make friends unless you try to be open-minded about their interests because it's rare to find people who are quite similar to you, even with my friends who enjoy similar shows and video games, there is still quite a difference between us. However, there is nothing wrong with pursuing a middle ground in the interests and looking for friends who share that middle ground but it would be hard to find a good friend if you put up these expectations for them.

I don't mind trying to take an interest in someone else's interest. I have a friend who absolutely loves One Piece, and I don't know a single thing about anime beyond Pokemon but I still listen to him talk abt it cause I know it's something he really likes. I think that's where my problem was in college, I had friends who acted like they didn't care about my interests at all and were never bothered to ask what I liked or wanted to do. I was basically trying to please them and they weren't reciprocating. hence why I haven't actually talked to them since I graduated in May.

I guess I got lucky with my childhood friends, they liked a lot of the same things I liked and they did like different things but so even though my social skills were **** I think they understood that I genuinely wanted to be their friend and they gave me a chance. I really appreciate people like that, they're so hard to come by.

 

[Croconaw]

To be completely honest, I’m very extroverted. I had a huge lack of friends in high school. I went to school with a lot of not so nice people, to put things nicely. I didn’t really show my extroverted side until after graduation. It’s hard to make friends with people if you’re not compatible as friends. I think it’s easier to make friends online because there’s a bigger pool of people to choose from, rather than being restricted to people that just happen to be near you. I talk to a lot of people, but there’s a line you need to cross to become friends. Like I said, there’s a line between being cordial with everyone and being friends with everyone.

It’s okay to have a standard with friends. I know it’s hard to keep friends if you don’t have similar interests. I met my best friend over a mutual interest we had. We are both really into the sport of hockey. Due to that one big thing we have in common, we get along very well. However, I think mutual interests are good, it’s not necessarily a requirement. Making friends can be intimidating but at some point, you need to get over it. After all, everything you want is on the other side of fear. If someone doesn’t want to be friends with you, that’s more on them than you. Don’t let fear stop you from anything.

 

[Alienfish]

I guess it comes quite random if I do, but yeah asking people or just talk to them about stuff you might have in common is a good way I suppose. Also helps if they have a sense of humour according to your own.

As long as people are chill and we got something in common it's usually a cool by me. I can't stand those attention-craving stiff people with photo rolls of babies or just being tumblrinas though but then I just leave if they're like that

 

[VanitasFan26]

My experience with making friends has been pretty rough. I guess it happens whenever someone random comes up and talks to me, then thats how friendship is formed, but I know given how toxic my life has been that same person I made friends with has forgotten about me.

 

[ManzarekMorrison]

Most of the time, me making friends looks like this:
See someone that looks interesting, go up to them, look at their shirt. See a cool color? A movie you might like? I say "Hey, I see you like (insert color or movie here). I like that too."
Consume their likes and interests
Become their twin until you find them uninteresting anymore and detatch
repeat the process with another person
It's become harder for me to make friends online for some reason. Used to be the complete opposite a couple years ago.

 

[MasterM64]

Oddly, even though I am an extrovert when interacting with people (especially strangers oddly), I personally don't have a lot of actual friends/build relationships offline. Whenever I do make a friend though (don't have like a set way of making friends), it is a strong friendship. I personally have always found peace/happiness/strength in solitude for most of my life. When I met my wife though, I of course have changed a bit for the better, but hard to change your ways easily. lol

My biggest advice for those trying to make friends (& this can apply to romantic relationships as well) is to just be yourself (no facade of any sort) and you will eventually find someone who has the same interests as you and is genuinely interested in getting to know you.

 

[Neb]

I’ve only made irl friends through school, people in the neighborhood, or people my age my parents knew. I always had the fear of approaching people in person, so it was usually because someone initiated the friendship first. Due to multiple moves and changes in interests I’m only in contact with four of them.