Just an Update on Me

[koopasta]

You guys may notice that I haven't been as active as I was a while ago, and that I'm not really the bubbly character I've made myself to be on this forum. I don't mean to sound ultra emo, but just passing this all off and telling y'all I'm okay would be lying.

These past two years have been some of the most miserable in my entire life. Even worse than whenever I was in fifth grade and could barely get out of bed because I was so upset. Nowadays, there's not a day in my life where I don't think about committing suicide. If I had the choice, I'd just lay in bed and sulk all day. I'm at the point where my school is becoming ridiculous and I don't have any friends. My mom is becoming nearly unbearable and my dad's never home. I've just never felt so alone in my life. I just break down and cry every day as soon as I get home from school. I'm at the point where I absolutely loathe doing any kind of activity because I'd rather sit in my bed and sulk all day. I can't even get myself to do activities that I like.

My real downfall started whenever my mom found one of my suicide notes. That's when she started getting harsh on me. I don't know why that is, though. Now she went from trying to motivate me to basically trying to tell me that I shouldn't go to college because I'm not motivated enough. I've tried to keep myself happy and keep up with this persona on this site, but I just can't anymore. I'm sorry. I'm just falling apart right now.

 

[cornimer]

I don't know you, but I've seen you around and you certainly don't need to apologize to us for not keeping up your persona. I am very, very sorry all of these awful things are happening to you, and I don't think anyone could blame you for not being happy. There's no need to pretend things are OK and there's no shame in falling apart.
I know it sounds super cliche, but I'm positive that one day in the future, things will be much better for you than they are now. Nothing stays the same forever; your life could change any day, even if it seems impossible. I really hope that your mom will learn to be more understanding, and that you will find someone you can talk to. I don't know if you've ever tried therapy or if that's even an option for you, but something like that might be helpful. There's online platforms too (like https://www.7cups.com/) if you've never heard of/tried them.
You seem like a lovely person and you deserve to feel better than this, I really hope things brighten up for you soon.

 

[honeyaura]

Hi there. I don't know you personally either, but Vampnessa is right; just between us (and I guess whoever else stumbles upon this), I've attempted it numerous times, stopped taking care of myself. I'd lay in bed all day. Got worse when mum got sick. The only reason why I stopped attempting and got on my feet again was because she needed it. It made her world. Why do I say this? Because I feel that we all have a calling, big or small. For ourselves or for others. It's hard. It's so, SO hard. But I guarantee you this: you're never alone.

I know we're just strangers on a forum, but real people behind it all. I'm here if you ever want to talk.

-Tiffany

 

[CoffeeAndCaramel973]

Dear MadMonsterMaddie, I do not know you in real life either, but I just wanted to tell you I really think Vampnessa and honeyaura (Tiffany) are right. I completely agree with their advice

 

[OctoLiam]

Well I hope that it all gets better. I feel so sorry for you well I hope that you are going to feel better soon

 

[Onion]

Hmm, nobody likes to admit it, but I think we're all bit depressed and put up a persona to keep living in this "haunting hillside" world. We all have to jump little hurdles and blockades that come our directions. Sometimes we have to make a U-turn to avoid it all together. It's a part of life and mostly growing up. I recently moved out of my parents and sometimes struggle financially and feel alone at times. But, to be honest, we're never alone. I put that in my head numerous amount of times, but there is always ppl you can reach out to, don't let yourself get trapped in that type of mindset. Be yourself, and you'll find your friends that way. But yeah, You're never alone like these ppl mentioned. You can talk to me if you need a friend ;D