Mental Illness

[riummi]

Woah I never thought about it but I might have b.e.d too...I always wondered why I feel the need to eat even when I'm not hungry. but heck I might just be over reacting hm...

 

[Classygirl]

I am not a dr...just let's say in relation to some of what you said about your childhood experience and from...my own experience around your age have you brought those issues up somewhere safe as in it could be PTSD and not an underlying mental issue...or is that totally seperate from the situation. I am only asking, you need not respond as have seen these things pushed under rug by families causing misdiagnosis of mental issues when it is environmental or historical life reaction and not a problem with that persons born mental capacity..leading to unnecessary stigma and no recognition of those involved in the serious issues at play in the trauma part of it...again don't know your situation exactly. But families blaming and hiding trauma response on a problem with the victim I have seen and is a hot button of mine esp in teenage years with misdiagnosis involved...so just asking.

 

[Classygirl]

I have my own medical based issues..but my fianc?e who is a 22 year old male has severe ADHD and I really would like to understand from someone who has it's perspective what that's like as with my own issues it would be better for us relationship wise if we understood what each was going through but it seems my job to make this effort so I will just ask, as he has a lot of stress with school medical type which can put a lot on him he is obsessive over small assignments and takes on loads of extra work and I can't be as active with my physical stuff but don't know if it is normal for him to just randomly blow up at me, when I can't handle much more stress well, to get suddenly really upset about small things from nowhere, he was supposed to drive me to a dr apt once we were a little late as it takes me time I was trying to get in the car and he drove away I can't run but made it up the road he didn't come back and I had to force walk home as couldn't just sit in neighborhood street to rest. Once blamed me and my house for losing job hours, seems incapable of thinking of someone else's side than his...He is sweet and going I to pediatric nursing for sick children and is good at what he does. He said he has two meds but doesn't like to take the one to calm as makes him tired and I know from medical not my place to comment on that. He also said once randomly that he has issues of bias toward women so it may not be medical it may be his experience with women in which case that's different. But he can turn on a dime and push his stress on me which is hard. When we met he was soo sweet and when eventually as I knew it would I got really sick while he was here as was a lot first 6momths he was very helpful in an awkward situation for me, but he says back then he was on a med that was pushing down his testosterone and hurting his liver and causing...male issues so he stopped taking it and totally changed personality and appearance almost like was just going through that phase of life later than most...then came more aggressive attitude he says that and stress of school and new work is what changed. But during that 6 months of him being calm loving and patient we were engaged and now I feel I don't know him and if we can or should go on...
I would love to try to understand what he is going through so can match that to what I do to maybe help things but don't know anyone with this issue to ask what it causes or what thier experience is if they can express it...If know about this from a loved one or personal can private message me, really want to understand. And he makes me feel like if I left he would break apart but I need to understand how we could relate better given both our issues mine physical his different than mine under "mental" category although I know it likely effects a lot of things I don't understand. So that I can try from a place of understanding before deciding if it is this issue or just a bad relationship.

 

[Wittle_Munchkin]

Spoiler: Long story, but now feels like a great time to vent. :)

Now's the perfect time to vent about my frustrations with my mental illness.

I have a learning disability, Bipolar Disorder, OCD, and Anxiety. I struggled with school since as long as I can remember. In the 3rd grade, my school psychologist thought I had ADD, so I was put on medication for the rest of the year. All it did was kill my appetite, give me severe nausea, and make me exhausted at the end of lunchtime during class. My mom didn't take those symptoms as a sign that I didn't have ADD, so she just kept making me try different medications to treat it. She eventually gave up forcing me to take medications by the time I reached 6th grade.

(Fast forward to puberty)

Literally out of nowhere, I experienced deepest feelings of hatred, confusion, and depression. No, this wasn't the typical "angst/crazy hormone stage" that almost every typical adolescent goes through. It was something completely different... and my gut told me. Whenever I told my mom about how I was feeling, she swept it under the rug and told me it was completely normal and I was just trying to get attention. All it did was make me cry and wonder, "So... if everybody experiences this, why aren't they showing signs of it around me? Why don't they talk about it out loud? Aren't these feelings supposed to be talked about out loud? They should. It's AWFUL. Maybe I'm just weak... maybe I'm not strong enough to handle these feelings... maybe I'm not supposed to handle them... maybe... maybe..."
I tried to get my mom's attention in a positive manner. (There is positive attention and negative attention.) Positive attention didn't work, so I used negative attention out of desperation.
I feel stupid for bringing this up, but I cut myself. A lot. I did everything in my power to make her notice it. I'd purposely show my arms and legs in front of her. I never showed them at school because my friends were already concerned about me and I didn't want to stress them out.
It didn't work, so I gave up on the cutting and let my mental illnesses control me.

I had outstandingly impressive grades in middle school, but only because I would literally hit myself if I caught myself not paying attention/understanding my homework when I got home. If I looked away from my paper for a couple of minutes and noticed, I would hit/punch myself in the stomach until welts and bruises made my body their home. If I didn't understand a problem on the paper, I would pull pieces of my hair out. If I needed to use an eraser, I bit the inside of my lip until it bled. If the results on my calculator didn't match my answers, I wanted to kill myself. I needed to feel perfect; to be perfect. What's horrible is that I knew perfection was impossible. I KNEW that perfection wasn't a title I could claim. I thought I was a weirdo. I felt like a dried up worm in a world full of shiny race cars. Weird comparison, but it's true.
Body image later became a huge issue. I'm a girl, so of course I was bombarded with unhealthy beauty standards from every source imaginable. I ate 5,000+ calories after doing homework as a therapeutic routine I *had* to do and I found out how to throw it all up. I never gained weight. (In fact, I lost a lot of it. Too much.) I threw up after every meal later on.

I don't want to go more into my past because after reading over what I wrote so far, I feel gross. All I'll do is end with a few more statements.

I still have OCD.
I still have Anxiety.
I still have Bipolar Disorder.
I still have Bulimia. (It's less severe than before.)
I used to take medication for them all until this year. My psychiatrist doesn't know.
I'm still confused.
I'm still struggling to learn and succeed as fast as everyone else.
Things have gotten better in my life, but not at all at the same time.
I don't know.
I'm tired.
I'm sad.
I'm happy though.
(Blame the Bipolar...)
Nobody knows it about my illnesses except my family and my psychiatrist.
In fact, everybody I know thinks I'm one of the happiest people ever.
I know how to cope and shield what I have. I'll fake it till I make it, I guess.

 

[JasonBurrows]

I was diagnosed with autism when I was young and I have actually been leading quite a decent life. I wouldn't say a fantastic one as I find it difficult to understand social situations and general emotions.

I am posting in this topic because I have been worried for quite a long while (although I am calmer now) about something that I keep in my mind.
The thing that I have been concerned about is this.

PLEASE READ CAREFULLY. (I will assure you this is not shouting)

I am not sure whether I have got a problem that I am likely to regret ignoring or whether it is nothing at all.

I have been experiencing many issues over the last few months to a year. They are "could something be wrong with my health" issues etc.

Read all of the text in bold carefully and just have a think about it if you need before replying.

I have this issue where I am constantly doing burp-like noises and coughing. I was concerned to whether it is something wrong with me a few months ago, but these days... My Dad has listened to me when I am asleep and the burp-like noises and coughing stop as my active mind is obviously not focused on it and he said the following to me...

"Jason, if you had an illness of any sort, you would be experiencing more symptoms than this AND... An illness DOES NOT go away like your "issues" seem to do when you are asleep. An illness would more often than not KEEP YOU from going to sleep or staying asleep."

I would like to add that I have been for blood tests, check-ups and a stool test and nothing has come up abnormal.
The only thing I have not had is an endoscopy and I have been told that I shouldn't need one as I can swallow and breathe fine.

Important: Basically... Just from honest opinion. Do you believe that my Dad is correct?

 

[Yvonnetho]

Hi. Didn't read the entire thread but just wanted to show support for other mentally ill ppl here. I have borderline personality disorder (bpd) and other comorbid disorders which are difficult to pinpoint. Been in and out of therapy since I was 13 gone back and forth through medications to control my fits of intense anger and delusions. And other **** that comes with having bpd. So yeah. I'm new to this website. But hi fellow mentally ill friends.

 

[Geoni]

I've been diagnosed with severe depression and more recently anxiety, but the latter I feel was a product of doing too much at once and the medication just made me lazy, so a little anxiety is a good thing. Been battling with the severe depression for a while now and I can say with certainty exercising and having a normal sleep schedule helps much more than medication does (but that still helps some).

Personally my word of advice is to not let any mental illness you've been diagnosed with define you, that's a slippery slope.

 

[queertactics]

OP you need to talk to your psychiatrist and get on new medication, probably a different SSRI!!! your meds shouldn't make you feel numb. Thats a MASSIVE side effect and you like. Need (with a capital "N") to talk to your doctor.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder 4 years ago, and have been Stable for 2 years. Ive been exhibiting signs of Bipolar II and my psychologist wants me re-diagnosed but my psychiatrist doesn't want to worry about it until I need new meds, so we're at a standoff right now. Its totally Bipolar II tho.

I also have moderate dyscalculia, mild dyslexia, and ADHD, which were all diagnosed a few months ago. Im 20. Iwas never diagnosed in school because I excelled academically but its totally A Thing.

but yeah man ive been through the system since I was 10, I totally know how to play these doctors' games. and now that im in college, I have the resources to double check them. (I disproved my psychiatrist re: Bipolar II and treatment on SSRIs vs SNRI s because like. I can collect the latest research and talk to other trained physicians within the psychology department).

Even if you're a kid, call your psychiatrist out on things. If you dont trust something or if you want a second opinion, tell them. You become The Difficult Patient, but it keeps them on their toes.

 

[Dragonqueen0912]

I've had depression for a long time as well, but not nearly as long as OP. I remember being little and trying to suffocate myself with bags, or self harm or any of the such. I've pretty much traumatized myself by now though and looking at sharp objects makes me want to throw up I'm not really sure what's up with that

It's gotten a lot better but it's not completely gone, and now I have anxiety too so everything sucks

 

[momiji345]

I Have disability short story .I came to Canada when i was young i did't know why i had to go to special class .I Was never pick on but i had friends that have been there because they where different . I told my self i was stupid and there no point of trying ,middle school was ok i had a few friends that help me make the day fly by .Then when high school came it was the worst .The stuff they where teaching i all ready new .Am bad a math and spelling but life skills like work ,reading ect am fine .In gr 9 i wanted to take s.s in school but the teacher was saying its too hard for me .Sure its hard if i get a f i don't care at lest i will try to learn and make friends .Most of high i was in the special needs class but i did get a few class out i push the teacher to let me get 2 normal class i still didt try hard in school .In years I did things am not proud of ;( grd .10 ,11 12 i make only 5 friends that are not my classmates . I never went to prom,I get small depression i some times cry why god me stupid.After hight school i took a long break from school am not sure if i want to go to school .I have a job so am very happy ;-) I can treat my self to movies ,yummy food ect

How i over came stuff .I had few friend to hang out ,my cousin help me alot , music ,videos games ,love for aquariums/ fish ,reading books fav hobby's,just life its self even if am awark or wired.

 

[Albuns]

sooo im wondering how many ppl here are mentally ill

ive been depressed ever since i was a kid. like im severely depressed. i tried to kill myself when i was 5, and ive been trying a lot ever since then. im almost 15, and its been 10 years of awful experiences in my life. was planning to kill myself on my birthday as an anniversary of the first attempt, but its unlikely ill ever get the supplies to do so.

being on anti depressants suck. they make you numb. you don't feel anything. but sometimes i do get sad on them. im never happy and im always tired and puking, and or dizzy as well.

im pretty sure my dad beating me throughout most of my childhood probably had a role in my depression, and my stepfathers sexual abuse probably made it worse. i suspect i have BPD, so im talking to a psych about it tomorrow. doubt she will diagnose me with BPD, but maybe emergent BPD since im underage.

how do you live with your life? (if youre mentally ill)

for me, its hard. i dont feel like i have anything to look forward to. im doing great in school, im working towards jazz band 1 and going down the biotech path for the STEM program at my school. im not a loner either, i have quite a lot of friends.

but i dont feel like i have anything worth living for.

im kind of just... numb to everything. i feel like im drifting by. i sleep most the time. i stay curled up in my bed, usually sobbing or staring at the wall. i no longer find passion in music or writing, its just a chore to me now. i make an effort to talk to my friends (both real life and online) but i find it hard when i have so little energy. but at the same time i want their attention. its just hard.

when im not in a negative down like this, im usually irritated and bitter. im prone to breakdowns and yelling at people over nothing.

ive been like this since i was a child, and it feels like its never going to end.

and ive tried a lot of ways to cope. none of them worked. at all.

TLDR: but yeah just wondering what other peoples experiences with mental illness(es) was like

Haven't been diagnosed or anything, but I may have slight depression and for sure suffer from anxiety.

As I got into my first year of high school, I felt myself becoming lazier and more procrastinative in everything I do starting from simple things like cleaning to something I'd do almost on a daily basis like drawing and sketching. Eventually, that laziness turned into mini panic attacks from over-complicating the situation. Aaand then it just spiraled away into crying myself to sleep over something that seems trivial now like an essay or assignment due the next day. I always took it for pessimism and shrugged off any sort of help I got, whether it be words of encouragement and or a breakdown of whatever was troubling me.

Self-esteem reached rock bottom, self-worth broke through that rock, and somewhere along the lines, I started taking up swordplay to vent it all out. It's pretty affective to, and it's a form of exercise so hooray, I suppose!

The sad thing was that family was pointless. My mother assumed teens had no worries in their lives simply because of how she lived when she was my age and how lax we apparently have it today...

The closest thing to attempted suicide for me was grabbing a metal stick and hitting myself over the head with it until I bled. If it weren't for me losing consciousness, I might've actually killed myself..

Nowadays, I get around through ignoring my troubles and occupying myself with things that help me feel single-minded or enraptured in my imagination.

I usually feel a bit touchy about talking so openly about this, but over the years, I stopped caring. I've told enough people, what's wrong with telling a few more? Who knows, maybe I'll find someone who I can strongly relate to.

 

[ApolloJusticeAC]

since you were 5?! christ that makes me so sad, i didn't even know what mental illness was when i was that young :-(

i've struggled with an eating disorder for almost 6 years now. it's probably better classified as EDNOS because i've displayed symptoms/tendencies associated with bulimia as well, but my formal diagnosis was always anorexia
it's been really difficult and i had to move schools a lot because of it, and it's also delayed my entry to college because last year i didn't feel i was well enough mentally to move away for university

it sucks because my parents aren't really believers in mental illness in the sense that they thought if they just forced me to eat it would get rid of the problem, and yes that does eliminate the physical danger of starving yourself but it certainly doesn't do anything for (and most likely worsens) the mental aspect of an eating disorder because that guilt and that self-doubt and the feeling of worthlessness doesn't ever go away

i was an inpatient for a while a few years ago when things were really bad but i relapsed a few months after i left the ward, and i've kind of been up and down ever since
i spent a few months of the past year at a residential treatment center and it was really horrid because i wasn't underweight like the first time so i felt like i didn't have a right to be there. that's a huge issue with eating disorders, you feel like if you're not emaciated you don't deserve to reach out and seek help/treatment

it's just a really horrible thing to have to deal with and i've completely lost my sense of what a grey area is; i either eat like 100 calories max per day or i'll pig out and eat 8594956838595 calories in one sitting, there's never a healthy inbetween for me, and this just resulted in my weight fluctuating a lot and right now i'm probably heavier than i was before any of this started which sucks and really has taken its toll on my self confidence

it took a long time for me to consciously decide to recover because my eating disorder had become such a vital part of my personality/who i was that i wasn't quite sure who i would be if there came a day when i didn't have an eating disorder. i had to remind myself that i am intelligent and kind and worth so much without my eating disorder, and that it doesn't define me in any way. i've kind of acknowledged that now and that this is real and it's something that happened to me and something that i've managed to survive, and i'm actually doing really well right now in terms of taking care of myself and having a healthy attitude towards food which is super super great, i've also joined a gym and i can feel myself getting stronger both mentally and physically AND i've got a job now which means i'm kind of getting my life on track again ahah next step is university for sure though!

honestly it's such a horrible horrible life-destroying illness and i think unfortunately the severity of eating disorders is sometimes undermined because they usually affect the middle-class teenage girl demographic, which of course makes them no less dangerous but a lot of people kind of see them as a fad diet phase that every girl goes through or something. also people aren't educated enough on the fact that eating disorders affect a lot of men too, so it's really important that that point gets across

tumblr and certain tv shows have kind of romanticised and glamorised eating disorders which is the worst thing ever because for a while i believed i was special and some kind of impossible woodland fairy who by the force of my own will could survive on air and water and black coffee alone, which is the most warped perception to have because in reality i was just really really sick, so the glorification needs to stop because this is a horrible thing, it's taken so many years of my life from me and made me miss out on precious things like family dinners and friend's birthdays and stuff and it's also ruined so many of my relationships and friendships so yeah not very romantic not tragically beautiful not very fun etc

although there's a really strong correlation between eating disorders and depression, luckily i can confidently say i've never been depressed. i've never been suicidal and i always saw a light at the end of the tunnel, be it ever so far away

anyway yeah sorry i blabbered a bit and i'm also not very articulate when it comes to talking about this so this post probably makes very little sense but anyway yeah

i wish you all all the best in your struggles and recovery, mental illness is a horrible horrible thing and it is nearly impossible to pull yourself out of it but i promise you it is worth it in the end! i'm still getting there with baby steps but you just gotta keep picking yourself back up every time you fall down

why is this so long

 

[Akimari]

Spoiler

Is there an eating disorder where you literally can't stop eating? I eat WAY too much junk food, like probably 5000+ calories on some days (no, that is not an exaggeration). I tried to eat under 2000 calories a few days ago but I just couldn't do it. I spend so much time just being like "okay, I'm going to only eat a few chips and then do my homework" but then I end up just sitting there eating the entire bag and not doing any of my homework. I'm 94 lbs iirc so I'm not obese yet but I don't want to die of a heart attack/diabetes/whatever

It seems like this could be a symptom of binge eating disorder. Whilst everyone's bodies are different and have different needs, I don't recall it being common for a person to casually take in 5k+ calories per day. Eating disorders are not just disorders that focus on an inability to eat, and it really does make me sad that serious disorders like binge eating isn't as acknowledged.

If I were you, I would set up a meeting with your doctor to see if there's any other underlying reason as to why you're overeating so much. Is it a lack of nutrients? A side effect of some medication or another underlying medical problem? Or is it just downright binge eating? Regardless of your weight, an eating disorder is an eating disorder, and an overabundance of fat and calories can still have a negative effect on you even if it doesn't show in body weight.

 

[piichinu]

It seems like this could be a symptom of binge eating disorder. Whilst everyone's bodies are different and have different needs, I don't recall it being common for a person to casually take in 5k+ calories per day.

You don't recall it being common because it isn't. It's common for people to not gain weight while taking in that many calories. Obviously 5k isn't healthy even if you aren't gaining weight.

 

[Money Hunter]

I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 12 but I got it diagnosed and treated well since my parents are doctors. It still affects my life in lots of ways but I was very fortunate to have supportive parents and I know there are many out there who don't and struggle because of it

 

[hemming1996]

why is this so long

Why can't it be? If you don't want to read it, don't.

 

[HeadB!tchInCharge]

I feel you all to a terrible degree.

I was diagnosed with ADD (NOT ADHD, they're very different!) when I was six and that started the path of medication.

When I was eight, I was diagnosed with depression and it was a really hard year for me. I was on and off so many medications, it was crazy.

When I was ten, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I was constantly antsy and startled easily. I worried over everything and could give myself a stomach ache over the smallest things.

At age fifteen, I was told that my anxiety was the cause of my dermatillomania/dermatophagia. It made sense after all. I only pick when I'm anxious.

Finally, this past year (my first year of college) I experienced a break. I became so depressed that I didn't shower for nearly a week, didn't take my medicine and didn't go to class for nearly a month. In January of this year, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder type two. I've been on a new medication with fluctuating doses and have been taking Prozac for the last two months and it's been working very well. But we'll see how things work out.

I deal with my life the only way I know how: one step at a time. I don't see a point in killing myself. I love my family too much to leave them with that. I have too much to look forward to. Maybe that's just me, though. I've had enough death in my life, thank you.


P.S. When you guys say BPD you mean borderline personality disorder, right? Because that's what BPD stands for.

 

[ThomasNLD]

Not in the case of Money Hunter probably, because Borderline generally isn`t diagnosable until after puberty. He/she probably means Bipolar.

 

[Celestefey]

I've not been diagnosed but I do know that it runs in my family... I'd say I suffer from depression. And bleh, it sucks really bad. I tend to go through weird cycles. Like, for a few weeks, I'll feel totally fine - I'm happy and calm and feel positive and motivated. Then other weeks I have little motivation to do anything, I constantly feel sad and alone and bored, or like nothing can keep my attention. It just goes on and on like this. I'll frequently have moments where I break down and cry for like an hour and just feel so distressed and can't seem to calm myself. I'll freak out at friends over the silliest of things. I remember I once shouted and screamed at my brother because he was standing in the kitchen for ages and I just wanted him to get out and leave me alone. Like... Idk, it causes me to act really horribly and miserably. I would say though I have very mild depression now. It was AWFUL last year. My parents split up around the time of my exams. They used to argue and fight a lot, my mum had to stay in my room a lot whilst I was trying to study. I also then had to deal with moving house, a close family member dying, etc, all whilst taking exams. Honestly I don't know how I survived. It was probably the worst moment in my life. Honestly though, after counseling and moving on from that time, I can say that I've become a much stronger person because of it. Although, sometimes I do have my bad days. My mum is not very supportive either, she often tells me to "just get over it", which totally sucks because... Hey, if I could do that, then I suppose I would have done that many years ago. x3 But you know. The best thing I can do is try my best everyday, and be proud of what I can do and what I achieve. Even if that may seem small or insignificant to other people, that doesn't matter. I should still be proud and should still continue to do my best in everything I do.

 

[lizzy541]

this is all so sad to read :c i've been perfectly happy and content with my life for about 2 (almost 3!) years now, however i struggled with many things for about 3 years. i know where you are all coming from. i don't really know how i overcame everything, but at one point i just got to the point where i realized i didn't hate my life or myself and that i was going to be okay. i think you just really need to find the friends who make you the happiest, and cut those out who bring you down.