Relationships: Does appearance matter to you?

[Biyaya]

As they say, "looks can open doors, but personality can keep them open". I think it makes evolutionary sense to first assess what you see, but then consider the personality after in a potential partner.

And fiction helps play a role in the attributes we find attractive, but there are certainly logical boundaries (i would never want a fae husband who only visited during full moons, leaving me to raise our half-mortal offspring alone).

I watched a video that described how all the senses are used to determine attraction, or if a person would be a compatible reproductive partner. Basically, the first thing for most people is sight (physical appearance) then sound (tone of voice, in which certain ranges are typically considered more attractive). Next is smell (pheromones at play). Then it's touch (I forget what was special here). Lastly is taste; this is why sometimes a first kiss can cause someone to change their mind completely about a person. Personality is obviously important too. You need a partner who can raise your offspring effectively.

Also, lol at your second point.

 

[mocha.]

I’ve been in a relationship where I wasn’t physically attracted to my partner and it didn’t work out. I’ve always said personality plays a huge role and is much more important to me in a relationship, however, I believe looks are equally important for the initial attraction.

I think personality adds to a persons attractiveness too!

 

[cIementine]

i think looks play a very important part in initial attraction when you first meet someone or see their dating profile. but i also think even if you aren't immediately attracted to someone, sometimes you get to know them and things about them that you like and i think that shifts your perception and you think they're more physically attractive too.
i was talking about this with friends lately, and i think the best dates are when afterwards you can't really recall how they looked or what they wore. that's how i know i was so consumed by the company and i felt like i was seeing into someone rather than just looking at them.

 

[Licorice]

Personality comes first but looks also matter. They can have the most amazing personality and great chemistry but if the physical attraction isn’t there then that’s a friend.

 

[Loriii]

Physical attraction comes first, I guess? But personality will make it last. I mean, I've been in a relationship for 15 years. So yeah, I guess that says a lot about my partner.

 

[princess.looking.for.frog]

I find my bf partically cute because he looks rather boyish but all my friends disagree because they mostly like handsome or pretty boys. Though for me his personality is so ADORABLE along with his face it is just perfect. I definitely value personality and looks equally, but if the personality alone is like perfect for me then looks are free to go out the window.

 

[ting1984]

Wow.

I'm the only one so far who voted for:

Looks play a huge part. I can’t be with someone who isn’t attractive.

I've always been an exception to the generality that women aren't visual. I've always been very drawn to handsome men. It makes me stand out everywhere, especially in conservative Christian circles where women aren't expected to be visual/physical; only men are seen as such. And it seems like this poll indicates there might be some truth to it, and that I remain a very rare exception.

My husband is handsome. I wouldn't be able to be with a guy I didn't find attractive. But I also try to remain attractive for him as well. I don't expect something I don't hold to myself.

 

[Dinosaurz]

Looks don’t matter to me at all, I focus much more on personality with people.
I wouldn’t say I’m lying just because I’m not interested in looks. Attractiveness isn’t permanent and is very much relative.

 

[idiotdoomspiral]

Looks r important but i dont develop crushes until i get to know them better and that ends up making someone more attractive to me even if i didnt find them that appealing at first, so personality > looks but i wouldnt be in a relationship with someone im not physically attracted to

 

[Croconaw]

I find that for me, a person instantly becomes more attractive if I like their personality. I find myself more drawn to someone’s personality than their appearance.

 

[Holla]

Personality is probably worth 90% to me and looks only about 10%.

If someone had an ok personality but weren’t attractive at all I probably wouldn’t be interested, but if they had an amazing personality I could probably get passed subpar looks.

Actually believe it or not when I met my boyfriend it was the personality I was attracted to first. Only later I actually paid attention to his looks and found him rather cute so it’s more of a bonus for me really. Who they are as a person is way more important to me.

 

[0ni]

I'm not someone who is interested in being in a relationship, but I find that no matter how conventionally attractive a person may be, they can get hideously ugly in my eyes if they have a horrible personality. Same goes for boring people - sparkling good looks suddenly become a bit dull when you realise they aren't very interesting to talk to.

On the flip side, really funny/kind/interesting people who are otherwise average or below in terms of looks can become so beautiful once I get to know them.

So looks don't really count for much for me personally. I know how quickly my perception of them can shift so I don't even consider it a factor now.

Added note: does anyone feel put off by people who are RIDICULOUSLY good looking? it's intimidating lmao

 

[Croconaw]

Added note: does anyone feel put off by people who are RIDICULOUSLY good looking? it's intimidating lmao

I wouldn’t say I’m put off, but I would associate extremely good looking people who dress and walk like they know they’re better than everyone else with being not very nice. I’m talking about the types of people that would casually glance at people and glare at them in a condescending manner... To me, those people judge others based on appearance or how they’re dressed, and act on it.

We all form opinions on people based on many different things, but you can make it obvious that you think you’re better or you can just walk on by and mind your own business.

 

[Kaiaa]

Looks aren’t much of an issue for me, I don’t fall in love with people for their looks. I love their minds, especially if they are knowledgeable about the things they’re passionate about. I care way more for intelligence than I do looks. That doesn’t mean I like slobs though. At least keep your basic hygiene and clean up nice when it matters.

Also, I will be removing some posts. Please be respectful to each other or we will have to send out some warnings. Thank you!

 

[moo_nieu]

there is an element of physical attraction for me but tbh it is more personality that i care about

 

[Corrie]

Looks are important to me. I must find them attractive or it won't work. However, personality is the main thing. If that sucks, it won't work either. Both are important to me. Someone needs both or it won't work.

I'm picky lol

 

[Blueskyy]

Appearance matters to me and there has to be physical attraction. That’s part of the relationship. However, you could be the most attractive person on Earth, but I’ll never be into you if you have the personality of burnt toast.

Then again, I don’t worry about it much because I get pretty content living alone in my own space.

 

[VanitasFan26]

I guess I'm just on the "don't know how to feel" category. I am fine with being single and its hard for me to even find someone who can relate to me or share the same common interests. I know people have their own tastes in people and I cannot change how they are as person to make them like me. That is just ridiculous to do a thing like that. I'm a guy myself but I know most woman really don't like guys too well because of all the things they do to them. I can't speak for any guy in general but I am one of the ones who respect woman for who they are and treat them the same others deserve to be treated fairly.

However, with me because I've been hurt so many times in the past I am just not good at opening up to anyone, because irl whenever I would sit with other people they often ignore me, because they think I have nothing better to say or when I try to say things they often just shove me to side and act as if I'm a ghost to them. I know loving yourself is one of those things that is so hard to do in today's world.

For me I am just an autistic person who's been made fun of before and never treated so well in my life. I really want to believe there is good people out there, but in my case its very rare, because I've been hurt so many times in my personal life. I will forever remain skeptical whenever someone tells me how "nice" people are. Its hard for me because at times they may look nice, but deep down they could be someone that could screw you over or sometimes lash out of you.

Nobody will ever understand what I go through. They don't know how it feels like to be abused, neglected, manipulated, and of course the most painful one being backstabbed by those who you thought they were people that cared about you, but then turned their backs on you. For an autistic like me its really hard because I feel like barely anyone understands that mental illness.

Combined that with depression it makes it a lot more difficult. I know there is kind people out there, but the biggest is we live in a time where its easy to spot really kind people, but deep down they can turn into something you would not expect them to be in a bad way. I'm just saying how I've been deal with this throughout my life. Not just on the internet, but in real life too. Sorry if this got too personal.....

 

[Mr.Fox]

I find that for me, a person instantly becomes more attractive if I like their personality. I find myself more drawn to someone’s personality than their appearance.

I agree with this for the most part...but for me it's the sound of their laughter if that makes sense to anyone?
I live to find humor in things, and I love to laugh, so a fantastic sense of humor is a must for me.
Once I've decided someone has a great sense of humor...their laughter becomes intoxicating to me, I just want to hear it all the time...and thus, what could be considered a 6 based on appearances alone can easily become a 10 for me.

 

[Xara]

somewhat, yeah. seeing as how one’s appearance is usually my first impression of them, it typically matters to me at first but once i start getting to know someone, personality is the most important thing as imo, looks mean nothing if you aren’t a good person.