Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[SlEEPYTEARRS]

so i learned i was full nonbinary a few months ago and my gf is trans (mtf, she told me about two years ago so about four years into our relationship)

im just scared about how our parents will react if we even ever tell them. we live alone together so it isnt like we are around them much and also her and i's mom are rather accepting of things like that but its still scary

 

[xSuperMario64x]

so ig I basically came out to myself as non-binary last night and like? I already feel so much better???

for instance I've had long hair my whole life but for the last year or so I've toyed around with the idea of cutting it short with a perm like my brother did a year ago. I was always hesitant but now... like I feel like I really want to do it now! I'm also really excited to keep building my trans wardrobe (getting stuff like bow/ties, suits, binders, etc.)!

not explicitly identifying as female anymore is super great, I've always kinda known that about myself but it took a 3am-woke-session to really figure it out I guess!

 

[CyrusMoonside]

Oh this wonder to finally have a forum for everyone!

 

[Neb]

After years of being insecure about my gender presentation, I’ve finally realized I was gender fluid. The joy I felt wearing dresses, the occasional discomfort from he/him pronouns, and the insecurity of not being “masculine enough” all pointed to it: About 60% of the time I feel like a boy, 10% I feel like a girl, and 30% like neither. Only one of my moms know. They’re both fairly accepting, but I think the concept would be too foreign for one of them. I have no intention of coming out offline. My part of Oregon isn’t exactly tolerant. If I went out with full makeup and a dress I would be harassed in minutes. I might experiment more once I live somewhere more progressive, but until then I’m stuck presenting as a boy.

All of you can still call me Benjamin or Neb and any pronouns work!

 

[Croconaw]

Thank you for this thread. I’m pretty sure I’m pan but I do lean more towards females. I’ve had an unfortunate experience and it sucks how people can be so hateful...

***TRIGGER WARNING (mentions of homophobia)***
A few years ago, I was walking to a shopping center down the street. There was a homeless guy in the parking lot, and we made eye contact. He asked me for change, but I wasn’t in the best position myself at the time and I never carry cash on me anyway, so I just shook my head and apologized. He then followed me and shouted homophobic slurs asking me if I was a boy or girl. I had to call an Uber back to my place because I didn’t want him following me home. He literally almost hit the driver’s car with a rock. It’s upsetting how anyone can be so hateful.

I haven’t really talked about this with anyone, but it really changed my perspective on giving to the homeless. I hate to be the person that lets one individual dislike an entire group of people, but this was a very scary situation for me. I was only 21 at the time of this incident.
************

 

[Corrie]

ima go ahead and bump this:>

A few things:
1. I still haven't come out to my mom yet lmao. I really don't think she would understand how asexuality works (much less how being ace/apothi is even possible)
2. I'm in an awkward situation for the last few months where I've been questioning my gender identity. I've always identified as female but I honestly feel like I would be much more comfortable identifying as non-binary. I'm not opposed to people continuing to refer to me as she/her but I feel no true connection to a feminine identity, rather a gender-neutral or even more masculine identity.
3. I really want a binder! does anyone have recommendations on where I could get some for a reasonable price? or, is it possible to use a sports bra (or multiple) to achieve the same effect?

This might be late but hopefully this video helps. I love him and have been following him for years.

 

[xhyloh]

my boyfriend and i are both bisexual! it's great but can be a little frustrating when people assume we're both straight just because we're in a het relationship

 

[sushicatlikesart]

;

 

[Stella-Io]

Been thinking of identifying as somethin along the lines of non-binary or not gender conforming. Idrk which one I'm more inclined to. Possibly non-binary. I'm fine with she/her pronouns but I also want people to use they/them with me more.

 

[Rubombee]

Been thinking of identifying as somethin along the lines of non-binary or not gender conforming. Idrk which one I'm more inclined to. Possibly non-binary. I'm fine with she/her pronouns but I also want people to use they/them with me more.

I don't know much about Stella-Io, but I hope they have fun figuring out their gender identity! :D They can take all the time they need, and no matter what they find out, they'll be very valid as either non-binary or gender non-conforming – or even something else if they feel like it! I also hope that my use of third-person pronouns to answer them wasn't too awkward, and that maybe it made them feel at least a little happy :'D

 

[Stella-Io]

I don't know much about Stella-Io, but I hope they have fun figuring out their gender identity! :D They can take all the time they need, and no matter what they find out, they'll be very valid as either non-binary or gender non-conforming – or even something else if they feel like it! I also hope that my use of third-person pronouns to answer them wasn't too awkward, and that maybe it made them feel at least a little happy :'D

Aw thank you do much this is so nice

Also I keep getting the words in gender non conforming switched around, maybe it's a sign that I lean more elsewhere lol

 

[Marte]

Been a while since I've visited this thread now.. and I have to say it makes me happy and warm to see so many people opening up on here.

Also, I want to say this to those of you who can't come out yet.. or who struggles with it. It's okay, you're not alone. It's not a dance on roses. It's scary. And if you have yet to figure out your sexuality or identity, thats valid and 100% ok too! Exploring who you are is a natural part of coming out, and it's not suppose to come fast for everyone. And if you find out later that whatyou used to identify as is not longer who you are today, thats ok, no problem with that. I'm cheering for you and I support you, we all are in this thread and community! <3

WERE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER *insert the High School Musical song here*

 

[xSuperMario64x]

gotta bump this again cause I'm having some trouble and I'm too scared to really confront my parents (or really any family/friends) about it so hopefully I can find sound advice here.


I'm seriously considering telling my mom about me being masc/non-binary because I've been dealing w this alone and I would love to have some emotional support in my life. on one hand I feel like she would prob be fine w it cause I've already cut my hair short and started talking abt wearing more masc clothes and she's perfectly fine with it (she's cis but she actually always has really short hair and wears men's clothes as well). but on the other hand, what bothers me is that she's a conservative and I've already encountered issues in which she seemingly... simply cannot accept a "lack of gender binary" (for instance one time she went on a rant about how calling someone they/them is ridiculous since it's "plural", and yes i called out her bs and explained that they/them can be singular too, in fact english uses it in common speech a lot). not only that but im almost 22 and I've identified as female my whole life so this would probably be super jarring for her.

ive considered talking to my uncle (my mom's oldest brother) first cause he's experienced a similar coming out scenario, being a closeted gay man for a big portion of his life. I feel like if anyone could be supportive it would be him.

but idk I'm still terrified of saying anything, I just know that I need to tell someone so they can help me physically/emotionally transition and be more comfortable with myself ;w;

 

[Foreverfox]

gotta bump this again cause I'm having some trouble and I'm too scared to really confront my parents (or really any family/friends) about it so hopefully I can find sound advice here.


I'm seriously considering telling my mom about me being masc/non-binary because I've been dealing w this alone and I would love to have some emotional support in my life. on one hand I feel like she would prob be fine w it cause I've already cut my hair short and started talking abt wearing more masc clothes and she's perfectly fine with it (she's cis but she actually always has really short hair and wears men's clothes as well). but on the other hand, what bothers me is that she's a conservative and I've already encountered issues in which she seemingly... simply cannot accept a "lack of gender binary" (for instance one time she went on a rant about how calling someone they/them is ridiculous since it's "plural", and yes i called out her bs and explained that they/them can be singular too, in fact english uses it in common speech a lot). not only that but im almost 22 and I've identified as female my whole life so this would probably be super jarring for her.

ive considered talking to my uncle (my mom's oldest brother) first cause he's experienced a similar coming out scenario, being a closeted gay man for a big portion of his life. I feel like if anyone could be supportive it would be him.

but idk I'm still terrified of saying anything, I just know that I need to tell someone so they can help me physically/emotionally transition and be more comfortable with myself ;w;

Do you think it would help to maybe talk to your uncle first, that way he can already be in your court if or when you decide to tell your mom? Or would your mom be more upset if she found out you told your uncle first? I'm sorry that you are going through this. Even if your mom doesn't agree with it in general, hopefully she will be supportive because you are her child. I know I would love and support my son no matter what (he's only 19 months old right now lol, but still). It's hard to imagine other mothers not doing the same. I'm here for you if you ever need someone. My inbox is always open!

 

[xSuperMario64x]

Do you think it would help to maybe talk to your uncle first, that way he can already be in your court if or when you decide to tell your mom? Or would your mom be more upset if she found out you told your uncle first? I'm sorry that you are going through this. Even if your mom doesn't agree with it in general, hopefully she will be supportive because you are her child. I know I would love and support my son no matter what (he's only 19 months old right now lol, but still). It's hard to imagine other mothers not doing the same. I'm here for you if you ever need someone. My inbox is always open!

first off tysm for the reply

I think I would rather talk to my uncle first cause my mom has always told me in the past "if something is bothering [me], anything at all, then he would be the best person to talk to." I hadn't considered whether she would be upset about me talking to him first cause I really don't think she would be.

my biggest thing about my mom is that she has always told me and my brother that she would support us no matter what we were going though. I'm not too worried about her accepting me, I'm more-so worried about her actually understanding what I'm dealing with. this is the same reason why I haven't told her about me being apothi/ace-aro as well. I really don't want to have to explain myself, especially on the apothi/aro issue cause she's always acted like being sex-repulsed is highly unnatural and that I'm weird for feeling that way. In a similar way I feel like she might say something like "but you're clearly a woman so how are you just now thinking that you're 'non-binary'?" I shouldn't have to explain myself, I should be able to tell my mom who i really am and give a brief explanation and then have her be like "okay that's cool." (don't even get me started on talking to my dad, he'd be asking questions nonstop for the next 47 years lmao)

I also need her to understand that I really just need her to listen and help me feel validated (she's always trying to give me advice to make me feel better when I don't ask for it, largely when I'm dealing w really bad depressive episodes. tbh advice doesn't cut it during those times, it just makes me feel like I'm being lazy or selfish).


I'll prob try to muster up the courage to send my uncle a message today. I really think I would be more comfortable if those who are close to me understood who I really am and actively/openly supported me.

 

[Foreverfox]

first off tysm for the reply

I think I would rather talk to my uncle first cause my mom has always told me in the past "if something is bothering [me], anything at all, then he would be the best person to talk to." I hadn't considered whether she would be upset about me talking to him first cause I really don't think she would be.

my biggest thing about my mom is that she has always told me and my brother that she would support us no matter what we were going though. I'm not too worried about her accepting me, I'm more-so worried about her actually understanding what I'm dealing with. this is the same reason why I haven't told her about me being apothi/ace-aro as well. I really don't want to have to explain myself, especially on the apothi/aro issue cause she's always acted like being sex-repulsed is highly unnatural and that I'm weird for feeling that way. In a similar way I feel like she might say something like "but you're clearly a woman so how are you just now thinking that you're 'non-binary'?" I shouldn't have to explain myself, I should be able to tell my mom who i really am and give a brief explanation and then have her be like "okay that's cool." (don't even get me started on talking to my dad, he'd be asking questions nonstop for the next 47 years lmao)

I also need her to understand that I really just need her to listen and help me feel validated (she's always trying to give me advice to make me feel better when I don't ask for it, largely when I'm dealing w really bad depressive episodes. tbh advice doesn't cut it during those times, it just makes me feel like I'm being lazy or selfish).


I'll prob try to muster up the courage to send my uncle a message today. I really think I would be more comfortable if those who are close to me understood who I really am and actively/openly supported me.

You don't have to thank me, it's what friends are for! if she's already said in the past that it'd be good to talk to your uncle first then I would do that, personally. Then if you think she doesn't understand, you can say, well uncle so and so said ______. And hopefully that will help. Although, she shouldn't need someone else to accept and support it for her to do so. And I totally understand, my dad would ask a ton of questions too. I'm cis and married, but if I were in the same boat, he would never accept it.

It is frustrating to just want support and to have that weight taken off your shoulders and then to just have to explain and answer and still feel heavy after it all, and like nothing got accomplished. I will definitely be thinking about you! I hope it all goes well ❤

 

[Shawna]

I am aro-ace towards real people, and bisexual towards fictional characters.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

HAPPY TRANSGENDER DAY OF VISIBILITY EVERYONE!!

​

I figured today would be a better day than any other to tell my uncle/mom about me being nb (considering non-binary folk fall under the transgender umbrella) so guess what. I ****ING DID IT. I TOLD THEM. AND I HAD TO CRY QUITE A BIT CAUSE I'M STRESSED AS ****.

but besides that, yeah everything went really well. I told my uncle first cause he would prob understand better than anyone else in my family, being LGBT himself. ofc he has some concerns for me, like he just wants to be sure that I'm absolutely sure about my identity since it's a relatively recent discovery (I realized only a few months ago). but he whole-heartedly supports me, asked me if I more closely identify as a boy or girl, asked me what my new pronouns are, asked me what name I would like to go by from now on, etc. I appreciate that kind of support so much
he then asked me about my sexual/romantic orientation, and so ofc I told him I was ace (and that's not a thing I'm even slightly questioning, I'm like 173% positive I'm ace lol) and I think I might be aro though I think I could possibly still have a romantic attraction to someone? idk yet cause I don't think I've met the right person yet. but he's completely supportive of that too.

and the my mom honestly didn't even ask me any questions. I was like "oh btw mom I'm non-binary and also ace" and she asked what those things meant but then she was like "yeah okay that's fine." I think it's pretty obvious that I'm ace so I honestly prob didn't even need to tell her that, she's known how I feel about sexuality for years now.
but the thing I'm most excited about is exactly how supportive she is?? like I told her I wanted to get a chest binder and she's just like "yeah you can get two that way you can wear one and have the other washing" like omg?? that's one of the nicest and most accepting things I've ever heard her say and I'm literally crying over it I also told her about be getting a tuxedo and she said "I have a tuxedo somewhere, you can try it on and see if it fits" like YES PLEASE MUM
the only thing was that she told me it's weird to refer to someone as they/them cause she said it feels less personal to call someone that. but then she bounced right back and said "you know what, if people respect you they'll use the correct pronouns. I'll just call you 'my baby' from now on." like yall I literally cannot even I'm sobbing so muchshdfjshd


anyways I'm super tired and I have a bit of schoolwork to do before I go to bed but yeah!! now I can send my mom LGBT+/Ace memes all the time lmao

Spoiler: here's my favorite one btw, for my apothi/ace friends

 

[Foreverfox]

HAPPY TRANSGENDER DAY OF VISIBILITY EVERYONE!!

​

I figured today would be a better day than any other to tell my uncle/mom about me being nb (considering non-binary folk fall under the transgender umbrella) so guess what. I ****ING DID IT. I TOLD THEM. AND I HAD TO CRY QUITE A BIT CAUSE I'M STRESSED AS ****.

but besides that, yeah everything went really well. I told my uncle first cause he would prob understand better than anyone else in my family, being LGBT himself. ofc he has some concerns for me, like he just wants to be sure that I'm absolutely sure about my identity since it's a relatively recent discovery (I realized only a few months ago). but he whole-heartedly supports me, asked me if I more closely identify as a boy or girl, asked me what my new pronouns are, asked me what name I would like to go by from now on, etc. I appreciate that kind of support so much
he then asked me about my sexual/romantic orientation, and so ofc I told him I was ace (and that's not a thing I'm even slightly questioning, I'm like 173% positive I'm ace lol) and I think I might be aro though I think I could possibly still have a romantic attraction to someone? idk yet cause I don't think I've met the right person yet. but he's completely supportive of that too.

and the my mom honestly didn't even ask me any questions. I was like "oh btw mom I'm non-binary and also ace" and she asked what those things meant but then she was like "yeah okay that's fine." I think it's pretty obvious that I'm ace so I honestly prob didn't even need to tell her that, she's known how I feel about sexuality for years now.
but the thing I'm most excited about is exactly how supportive she is?? like I told her I wanted to get a chest binder and she's just like "yeah you can get two that way you can wear one and have the other washing" like omg?? that's one of the nicest and most accepting things I've ever heard her say and I'm literally crying over it I also told her about be getting a tuxedo and she said "I have a tuxedo somewhere, you can try it on and see if it fits" like YES PLEASE MUM
the only thing was that she told me it's weird to refer to someone as they/them cause she said it feels less personal to call someone that. but then she bounced right back and said "you know what, if people respect you they'll use the correct pronouns. I'll just call you 'my baby' from now on." like yall I literally cannot even I'm sobbing so muchshdfjshd


anyways I'm super tired and I have a bit of schoolwork to do before I go to bed but yeah!! now I can send my mom LGBT+/Ace memes all the time lmao

Spoiler: here's my favorite one btw, for my apothi/ace friends

Ahhh!!! I'm literally over the moon happy for you and so proud of you!!! You did it!! And I bet you feel a MILLION times better now. I'm so happy that your mom was so supportive and that your uncle was as well, but i know you weren't as concerned about him being supportive to begin with. Now you can switch gears and go from, "how do I get this out" to figuring out more about who you present yourself as to others. Thank you sooo much for sharing this great news, and you picked such a great day to do it!

 

[Princess Mipha]

Not sure if that counts to this thread, but I'm wondering if there are any other asexuals here and how they handle, well..
sexual things in a relationship? I never knew the term "asexual" and always thought it's totally normal to not have the need
for anything sexual until my boyfriend started to wonder if I might be asexual and yeah, seems like I am.
Sexual things are gross to me and doing those things are usually uncomfortable to me, but after almost 7 years with my
boyfriend I started to learn to be better around the topic. Still extremelly awkward tho and I don't like sexual scenes on
any TV show or movie.. just kissing grosses me out, lol.
Anyways, anyone else here that is really asexual (not the ones that say they are, just because they never actually did it or
what so ever) and in a relationship? How do you handle it with your partner? Is it frustrating for them?

I remember my boyfriend being super frustrated at the beginning, which I can understand by now, but he was always
super supportive of it, even thought it was / still is really hard for him!