Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[xSuperMario64x]

Not sure if that counts to this thread, but I'm wondering if there are any other asexuals here and how they handle, well..
sexual things in a relationship? I never knew the term "asexual" and always thought it's totally normal to not have the need
for anything sexual until my boyfriend started to wonder if I might be asexual and yeah, seems like I am.
Sexual things are gross to me and doing those things are usually uncomfortable to me, but after almost 7 years with my
boyfriend I started to learn to be better around the topic. Still extremelly awkward tho and I don't like sexual scenes on
any TV show or movie.. just kissing grosses me out, lol.
Anyways, anyone else here that is really asexual (not the ones that say they are, just because they never actually did it or
what so ever) and in a relationship? How do you handle it with your partner? Is it frustrating for them?

I remember my boyfriend being super frustrated at the beginning, which I can understand by now, but he was always
super supportive of it, even thought it was / still is really hard for him!

idk if you've seen my previous posts but I can definitely relate to this. I'm ace/apothisexual which basically means, not only do I not feel that kind of attraction, I'm also repulsed by it. I've never been in a relationship w someone mostly because I'm afraid that they won't accept me for who I am.

best thing I can say is that you should never feel obligated to give into your partners sexual desires. it is possible for someone to be ace and still do that but if you're not comfortable with it then you should never feel guilty about that, or feel obligated to give in. if they guilt you into giving in then that's highly disrespectful.

I would probably have a very difficult time finding a relationship because that's often a big part of it, and for me that sexual connection would be non-existent. I consider myself to be on the extreme end of being apothi/ace so if I was dating someone and they expected that from me in any way I would prob have to break up with them. I don't mind romantic relationships (except i dont like a lot of intimacy, simply hugging and holding hands and little kisses are fine but making out is a huge no) but the instant it becomes a sexual thing I have to draw the line. I've never asked anyone to date me cause I've yet to find someone who explicitly accepts me, and i don't want to burden them or suppress their sexuality.

maybe you can relate to this, idk. I just figured I would share my personal experience.

 

[Princess Mipha]

idk if you've seen my previous posts but I can definitely relate to this. I'm ace/apothisexual which basically means, not only do I not feel that kind of attraction, I'm also repulsed by it. I've never been in a relationship w someone mostly because I'm afraid that they won't accept me for who I am.

best thing I can say is that you should never feel obligated to give into your partners sexual desires. it is possible for someone to be ace and still do that but if you're not comfortable with it then you should never feel guilty about that, or feel obligated to give in. if they guilt you into giving in then that's highly disrespectful.

I would probably have a very difficult time finding a relationship because that's often a big part of it, and for me that sexual connection would be non-existent. I consider myself to be on the extreme end of being apothi/ace so if I was dating someone and they expected that from me in any way I would prob have to break up with them. I don't mind romantic relationships (except i dont like a lot of intimacy, simply hugging and holding hands and little kisses are fine but making out is a huge no) but the instant it becomes a sexual thing I have to draw the line. I've never asked anyone to date me cause I've yet to find someone who explicitly accepts me, and i don't want to burden them or suppress their sexuality.

maybe you can relate to this, idk. I just figured I would share my personal experience.

Oh I can definitely relate to this!! I sadly didn't know that it was something unusual, or I would've definitely warned my boyfriend about it,
as I find it only fair that he knows about it before going into a relationship with me. But yeah, that sadly didn't turn out like this.. but hey,
he accepted me still how I am and if I don't want to do anything for a few weeks, he is able to accept it. Sure, frustrating for him sometimes,
but he can deal with it by now, luckily.

I wish you good luck in finding someone who will accept you for who and how you are. It can be hard, but it's never impossible, that is for sure. Also I totally know what you mean. Hugging, holding hands and small kisses? Totally fine! But turning it into making out? Naaah, I do not like that at all. From time to time, yeah. But I don't understand how people can do this pretty much daily, or even more than once a day. I just don't have the desire or wanting for such thing. Once a month is more than enough for me, haha.

 

[Stella-Io]

HAPPY TRANSGENDER DAY OF VISIBILITY EVERYONE!!

​

I figured today would be a better day than any other to tell my uncle/mom about me being nb (considering non-binary folk fall under the transgender umbrella) so guess what. I ****ING DID IT. I TOLD THEM. AND I HAD TO CRY QUITE A BIT CAUSE I'M STRESSED AS ****.

but besides that, yeah everything went really well. I told my uncle first cause he would prob understand better than anyone else in my family, being LGBT himself. ofc he has some concerns for me, like he just wants to be sure that I'm absolutely sure about my identity since it's a relatively recent discovery (I realized only a few months ago). but he whole-heartedly supports me, asked me if I more closely identify as a boy or girl, asked me what my new pronouns are, asked me what name I would like to go by from now on, etc. I appreciate that kind of support so much
he then asked me about my sexual/romantic orientation, and so ofc I told him I was ace (and that's not a thing I'm even slightly questioning, I'm like 173% positive I'm ace lol) and I think I might be aro though I think I could possibly still have a romantic attraction to someone? idk yet cause I don't think I've met the right person yet. but he's completely supportive of that too.

and the my mom honestly didn't even ask me any questions. I was like "oh btw mom I'm non-binary and also ace" and she asked what those things meant but then she was like "yeah okay that's fine." I think it's pretty obvious that I'm ace so I honestly prob didn't even need to tell her that, she's known how I feel about sexuality for years now.
but the thing I'm most excited about is exactly how supportive she is?? like I told her I wanted to get a chest binder and she's just like "yeah you can get two that way you can wear one and have the other washing" like omg?? that's one of the nicest and most accepting things I've ever heard her say and I'm literally crying over it I also told her about be getting a tuxedo and she said "I have a tuxedo somewhere, you can try it on and see if it fits" like YES PLEASE MUM
the only thing was that she told me it's weird to refer to someone as they/them cause she said it feels less personal to call someone that. but then she bounced right back and said "you know what, if people respect you they'll use the correct pronouns. I'll just call you 'my baby' from now on." like yall I literally cannot even I'm sobbing so muchshdfjshd


anyways I'm super tired and I have a bit of schoolwork to do before I go to bed but yeah!! now I can send my mom LGBT+/Ace memes all the time lmao

Spoiler: here's my favorite one btw, for my apothi/ace friends

I'm little late on this, just now saw it but yay! I'm so glad for you and how supportive your mom and uncle are! It's so good to have people in your life that can support you and you don't have to hide or dodge the topics. I know there's people online who support you but having people irl is def different somewhat. I'm glad they've been taking it so well, esp your mom!

 

[Holla]

So a bit of an update from me. I came out on here as asexual a while back which I came to realize after a previous bad relationship about a year ago.

I was on the fence as to whether or not I was fully asexual or just demi-sexual. I have been pretty positive that I am actually demi for a while now.

I decided to risk a new relationship with a guy I met online (but nearby) just under two months ago. Just today he mentioned that he remembered seeing demi sexual on my profile and he didn’t know what that meant so he looked it up. He also said that he believes that he is also demi too it’s just he didn’t know there was an actual term/classification for such a thing before.

I am just blown away right now. I was hoping to at least find someone who would respect my boundaries and be willing to compromise but I never thought I’d actually run into someone else who is also demi. He’s like the first person I’ve ever met who actually truly understands me.

 

[Blueskyy]

So a bit of an update from me. I came out on here as asexual a while back which I came to realize after a previous bad relationship about a year ago.

I was on the fence as to whether or not I was fully asexual or just demi-sexual. I have been pretty positive that I am actually demi for a while now.

I decided to risk a new relationship with a guy I met online (but nearby) just under two months ago. Just today he mentioned that he remembered seeing demi sexual on my profile and he didn’t know what that meant so he looked it up. He also said that he believes that he is also demi too it’s just he didn’t know there was an actual term/classification for such a thing before.

I am just blown away right now. I was hoping to at least find someone who would respect my boundaries and be willing to compromise but I never thought I’d actually run into someone else who is also demi. He’s like the first person I’ve ever met who actually truly understands me.

That's so great! I wish I realized what all of this meant in 2009 when I was like 19. I have wasted so many years just finding meaningless experiences or being out of my own character. I realized now that I just want to feel happy. Nothing "sexual" (not sure if I can say that here), but just comfort. I probably am asexual but the way I've been in my 20s, I'd never be seen that way now. my brain, heart, and spirit have never aligned until now and I'm ashamed of myself for it.

 

[0ni]

I'm asexual and non-binary - or as I like to call myself:

Spoiler: spoiler

It took a bit for my folks (and myself tbh) to understand it. I think they assumed I would "grow out of it" and eventually show some interest in dating/relationships. Eventually they were like, "ok nvm" about it all when they saw that it wasn't a phase lol. The non-binary thing was always there, but without a name. I'm not 'out' about it to anyone other than my parents - I think at this stage other people in my family just see me as I am and always have been. I remember watching Queer Eye with my mum, and in one episode Jonathan Van Ness referred to himself as a "non-binary fairy", and my mum was like, "that's you!" - it's now how I (and my mum) lovingly refer to my identity lol

I think the non-binary/asexual journey is a difficult one that doesn't sometimes get taken very seriously - even within some circles of LGBTQIA+. It's a difficult one to navigate, you don't feel (or I didn't feel) like you swing one way or another, so you don't feel like you fit in or have a place. It's also hard to find a name for it at the beginning (outside of just being told "it's a phase", or, "It's probably a hormone imbalance"). Took me a while to feel settled, but I'm in a better position now. Just wish I had gotten here a bit sooner - but better late than never I guess lol.

 

[moo_nieu]

i need to vent a little bit so ive known for many years that im not straight or a woman, but ive always been hesitant to use labels since i just want to be known as Parker the individual. Over the past 2 years my self-esteem and awareness surrounding my identity has grown, and now i feel comfortable saying im nonbinary and pansexual. my boyfriend has been very supportive of this realization (weve known each other for 11 years and have been dating for almost 5) which is great because i dont feel comfortable telling my immediate family and its nice to have someone accept you. my family wouldnt accept me as they makes jokes about and are uncomfortable around people who arent very similar to themselves. i dont want to get in too far on the whole my childhood track though, so yes its nice to live with someone who actually accepts me and doesnt force me to be a lady. hooray! well the reason im typing all of this now isnt because of home, its because of work. my workplace is very small and doesnt care about covid safety or general respect for everyone. my boss and coworkers make offensive jokes and statements fairly regularly. it doesnt matter whats in the employee handbook as the boss doesnt even care. its actually ridiculous tbh.. i am trying to move cities this year, so it wont be my environment forever but boy is it crushing on the soul. at least i get to do graphic design. a n y w a y s the first week i worked there (this january) my coworker starts up the political talk (as usual) and long story short they end up refferring to gender as men, women, and "what the f-word". sooooo yeah. i dont exactly feel comfortable letting people know that im nonbinary. most days i wear mens shirts with womens work slacks (i even found some with pockets which was awesome. i feel like womens pants often dont get pockets). sometimes i will wear a womens shirt, but i dont prefer too as my boss has reacted in ways that make me extremely uncomfortable about wearing form fitting clothes.. anyways ive cut all my hair off, told my boss not to call me mamm or miss, and avoided all of the his telling me to take his card and go order womens shirts for me.. he still insists on referring to me as lady though :/ oh well. yesterday he sent an email about a women led event to the women only. its not an event exclusive to women, but it does focus on the perspectives of women in a male dominated industry. i wanted so badly to respond and say that im not a women and to not single me out for women events but i didnt want to as im afraid he will act all weird about it, come ask me about it in front of the whole office and ("what the -" coworker). the coworker who said wtf has already yelled at me, put me down, and made fun of me plenty of times already (yeah the boss doesnt care lmao) and i really dont want to be targetted for my gender identity too its not a protected class where i live.. although that doesnt even matter apparently based on whats happened at this place. anyways today the boss came to me and told me to tell him what my shirt size is because he wants to order womens shirts for the office so that all of the women are in womens shirts and all of the men are in mens shirts... now its important to say that i am the only "non-man" (quotes because although most everyone has stated their identity i wont know if someone is hiding how they really feel) who wears the work polos at all. needless to say, i feel a bit singled out and offended. i told him that i dont need new shirts, im fine with the company branded polo shirts my boyfriend gave me (we work at same office and he had many shirts so he gave me some) and he says again about wanting me to tell him my womens shirt size so i wont need to wear mens shirts. i told him that i feel more comfortable in mens shirts because they are less form fitting. he finally backs off and says he will now order mens and womens shirts for us to all try on and find the size that fits. idk what made him change his mind about telling him our size, but now we have to group change in the office??? my clothes fit me. they arent too tight or too baggy, and i always have my polo tucked in. its been months of me wearing mens shirts but 1 week after i cut my hair its "we want women in womens shirts"???? no thank you. im okay with my gender being ambiguous to other people. i really dont want to out myself and put myself on the chopping block for cheap jokes, but im tired of this. im afraid hes going to straight up ask me "what i am" or say that people who walk in (usually just the mail deliverer once a day and sometimes one more random person) in need to be able to tell what gender the person at the reception desk is. i know thats a little unlikely, but i dont know what else to expect at this point. my boyfriend overheard all of this (its a very small office with only a few people so everyone hears everything) and came to check on me and make sure i was okay. that made me feel better
anyways, my boyfriend is supportive, but hes never cared too much about what people say to him so its hard to talk to him about it. even if its just little things, having to live life enduring little thing after little thing becomes a lot... i feel a little better now. at least i know you all wont judge me

 

[Rubombee]

i need to vent a little bit so ive known for many years that im not straight or a woman, but ive always been hesitant to use labels since i just want to be known as Parker the individual. Over the past 2 years my self-esteem and awareness surrounding my identity has grown, and now i feel comfortable saying im nonbinary and pansexual. my boyfriend has been very supportive of this realization (weve known each other for 11 years and have been dating for almost 5) which is great because i dont feel comfortable telling my immediate family and its nice to have someone accept you. my family wouldnt accept me as they makes jokes about and are uncomfortable around people who arent very similar to themselves. i dont want to get in too far on the whole my childhood track though, so yes its nice to live with someone who actually accepts me and doesnt force me to be a lady. hooray! well the reason im typing all of this now isnt because of home, its because of work. my workplace is very small and doesnt care about covid safety or general respect for everyone. my boss and coworkers make offensive jokes and statements fairly regularly. it doesnt matter whats in the employee handbook as the boss doesnt even care. its actually ridiculous tbh.. i am trying to move cities this year, so it wont be my environment forever but boy is it crushing on the soul. at least i get to do graphic design. a n y w a y s the first week i worked there (this january) my coworker starts up the political talk (as usual) and long story short they end up refferring to gender as men, women, and "what the f-word". sooooo yeah. i dont exactly feel comfortable letting people know that im nonbinary. most days i wear mens shirts with womens work slacks (i even found some with pockets which was awesome. i feel like womens pants often dont get pockets). sometimes i will wear a womens shirt, but i dont prefer too as my boss has reacted in ways that make me extremely uncomfortable about wearing form fitting clothes.. anyways ive cut all my hair off, told my boss not to call me mamm or miss, and avoided all of the his telling me to take his card and go order womens shirts for me.. he still insists on referring to me as lady though :/ oh well. yesterday he sent an email about a women led event to the women only. its not an event exclusive to women, but it does focus on the perspectives of women in a male dominated industry. i wanted so badly to respond and say that im not a women and to not single me out for women events but i didnt want to as im afraid he will act all weird about it, come ask me about it in front of the whole office and ("what the -" coworker). the coworker who said wtf has already yelled at me, put me down, and made fun of me plenty of times already (yeah the boss doesnt care lmao) and i really dont want to be targetted for my gender identity too its not a protected class where i live.. although that doesnt even matter apparently based on whats happened at this place. anyways today the boss came to me and told me to tell him what my shirt size is because he wants to order womens shirts for the office so that all of the women are in womens shirts and all of the men are in mens shirts... now its important to say that i am the only "non-man" (quotes because although most everyone has stated their identity i wont know if someone is hiding how they really feel) who wears the work polos at all. needless to say, i feel a bit singled out and offended. i told him that i dont need new shirts, im fine with the company branded polo shirts my boyfriend gave me (we work at same office and he had many shirts so he gave me some) and he says again about wanting me to tell him my womens shirt size so i wont need to wear mens shirts. i told him that i feel more comfortable in mens shirts because they are less form fitting. he finally backs off and says he will now order mens and womens shirts for us to all try on and find the size that fits. idk what made him change his mind about telling him our size, but now we have to group change in the office??? my clothes fit me. they arent too tight or too baggy, and i always have my polo tucked in. its been months of me wearing mens shirts but 1 week after i cut my hair its "we want women in womens shirts"???? no thank you. im okay with my gender being ambiguous to other people. i really dont want to out myself and put myself on the chopping block for cheap jokes, but im tired of this. im afraid hes going to straight up ask me "what i am" or say that people who walk in (usually just the mail deliverer once a day and sometimes one more random person) in need to be able to tell what gender the person at the reception desk is. i know thats a little unlikely, but i dont know what else to expect at this point. my boyfriend overheard all of this (its a very small office with only a few people so everyone hears everything) and came to check on me and make sure i was okay. that made me feel better
anyways, my boyfriend is supportive, but hes never cared too much about what people say to him so its hard to talk to him about it. even if its just little things, having to live life enduring little thing after little thing becomes a lot... i feel a little better now. at least i know you all wont judge me

Whaaaat that sounds awful?? I'm so sorry you have to go through this!! Hang in there!!!

 

[Holla]

I remember watching Queer Eye with my mum, and in one episode Jonathan Van Ness referred to himself as a "non-binary fairy", and my mum was like, "that's you!" - it's now how I (and my mum) lovingly refer to my identity lol

Ok this is the sweetest/cutest thing I’ve heard in a long time. What a precious moment to cherish.

I’m glad that you are finally settling in with who you are as a person (or should I say unidentifiable meat? haha). It’s definitely not easy to accept yourself when you feel so different from the average “normal” person. The best thing you can do though is just be true to yourself no matter what anybody else thinks.

 

[0ni]

Ok this is the sweetest/cutest thing I’ve heard in a long time. What a precious moment to cherish.

I’m glad that you are finally settling in with who you are as a person (or should I say unidentifiable meat? haha). It’s definitely not easy to accept yourself when you feel so different from the average “normal” person. The best thing you can do though is just be true to yourself no matter what anybody else thinks.

Thank you so much, you're so kind taking the time to say that to me (and I appreciate it a lot)

lol, I'm glad you got a kick out of the non-binary fairy moment - My mum seemed to get it quicker than my dad (or so I thought as he didn't seem to have an opinion one way or another), but one day when I was feeling particularly down about things, and myself, my dad said, "Anyone who knows you can see it" (referring to how I present quite androgynous and fluid) and, "I've known you your whole life and I see that it's real". I think he just doesn't quite have a grasp on the idea of labelling it as anything - he is very "you're just you - whatever form that takes". It was nice to hear him say those things, I remember it really settled my worries at the time.

But you're so right, it's a bumpy road for anyone out there questioning their orientation/ identity - you just got to find a way to live life in a way that rings true to how you feel. It's not easy, but it's worth it in the end.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I'm asexual and non-binary - or as I like to call myself:

Spoiler: spoiler

View attachment 366834

It took a bit for my folks (and myself tbh) to understand it. I think they assumed I would "grow out of it" and eventually show some interest in dating/relationships. Eventually they were like, "ok nvm" about it all when they saw that it wasn't a phase lol. The non-binary thing was always there, but without a name. I'm not 'out' about it to anyone other than my parents - I think at this stage other people in my family just see me as I am and always have been. I remember watching Queer Eye with my mum, and in one episode Jonathan Van Ness referred to himself as a "non-binary fairy", and my mum was like, "that's you!" - it's now how I (and my mum) lovingly refer to my identity lol

I think the non-binary/asexual journey is a difficult one that doesn't sometimes get taken very seriously - even within some circles of LGBTQIA+. It's a difficult one to navigate, you don't feel (or I didn't feel) like you swing one way or another, so you don't feel like you fit in or have a place. It's also hard to find a name for it at the beginning (outside of just being told "it's a phase", or, "It's probably a hormone imbalance"). Took me a while to feel settled, but I'm in a better position now. Just wish I had gotten here a bit sooner - but better late than never I guess lol.

brooo finally someone I can wholly relate to
yeah it's really difficult to be non-binary as well as ace because, in terms of their prevalence to the LGBT community they're relatively new new realizations. I'm sure people may have felt non-binary or ace in the past but it hasn't come into public view until the last decade or so. In that sense it's really difficult for some people to understand how someone could be non-binary (since the gender binary is so prevalent in society) or ace (since being ace is literally the only sexuality with a lack of attraction lol)

I'm really glad to hear that you're coming to terms with yourself and accepting who you are. that's always really important especially if you identify in a way that isn't greatly understood by most people. I'm personally still trying to settle into being non-binary, since I just realized I was only a few months ago. it's been an awkward transition so far since so many people know the old me so well. but ultimately I think the best thing is for society to just learn to love and accept you, for who you are and secretly always have been


(also that pic you posted is absolutely hilarious I'm dying--)

 

[0ni]

brooo finally someone I can wholly relate to
yeah it's really difficult to be non-binary as well as ace because, in terms of their prevalence to the LGBT community they're relatively new new realizations. I'm sure people may have felt non-binary or ace in the past but it hasn't come into public view until the last decade or so. In that sense it's really difficult for some people to understand how someone could be non-binary (since the gender binary is so prevalent in society) or ace (since being ace is literally the only sexuality with a lack of attraction lol)

I'm really glad to hear that you're coming to terms with yourself and accepting who you are. that's always really important especially if you identify in a way that isn't greatly understood by most people. I'm personally still trying to settle into being non-binary, since I just realized I was only a few months ago. it's been an awkward transition so far since so many people know the old me so well. but ultimately I think the best thing is for society to just learn to love and accept you, for who you are and secretly always have been


(also that pic you posted is absolutely hilarious I'm dying--)

Sometimes there is nothing better than finding a kindred spirit lol - I'm so happy to see someone who relates to what I wrote non-binary/ace can be a combination that can be quite difficult to navigate sometimes... so it's nice to find another person who understands~

Non-binary seems to finally be getting an upsurge in recognition in modern society, which is always great to see - and opens up discussions that may resonate with people that are feeling a bit lost right now. Gender non-conformists have existed throughout history (Indigenous North American 'Two-Spirit', or South Asia's 'Hijra') but for some reason they haven't been talked about much before now. It's all really interesting - gender has been a lot more fluid than we thought for so long, and yet we still come up against folks online acting like it's a 'fad', and something we will grow out of.

It's also sometimes a bit sad (from the "ace" side of things) to see people within the LGBT+ community try and exclude us (such as those who argue the 'A' in LGBTQIA stands for 'Ally'...). But I've definitely seen a shift to a more positive attitude towards Ace/Aro folks.

It's awesome to hear that you've started making your transition into your non-binary identity - I totally relate to you saying it is a bit awkward, but you are showing a lot of strength by pushing through that and fighting for what you truly feel on the inside. I wish you all the luck

(we just a couple of unidentifiable meats, floating through the cosmos lol)

 

[Croconaw]

I’m on the asexual spectrum. I’m honestly a very affectionate person in general, but sex just disgusts me. I’m 23 years old, and haven’t done anything. For me to experience sexual attraction, my emotional bond with that person has to be very strong.

I feel like some people have sex when they’re not ready or when they aren’t into it just because they feel pressured. I don’t understand the importance of sex in a relationship.

I also want to say that I really appreciate this thread and I’m glad it’s here.

 

[ali.di.magix]

I’m on the asexual spectrum. I’m honestly a very affectionate person in general, but sex just disgusts me. I’m 23 years old, and haven’t done anything. For me to experience sexual attraction, my emotional bond with that person has to be very strong.

BRUH I have never related to a paragraph more than this lmao. I'm also 23, barely done anything, somewhat sex-repulsed, and I have to be very emotionally attached to someone to feel any sort of sexual attraction!

 

[Holla]

I’m on the asexual spectrum. I’m honestly a very affectionate person in general, but sex just disgusts me. I’m 23 years old, and haven’t done anything. For me to experience sexual attraction, my emotional bond with that person has to be very strong.

I feel like some people have sex when they’re not ready or when they aren’t into it just because they feel pressured. I don’t understand the importance of sex in a relationship.

I also want to say that I really appreciate this thread and I’m glad it’s here.

I totally relate to this as well. I’m 25 and the only things I’ve done were because I was pressured/forced to do so and never would have otherwise (I was in a bad controlling type relationship in general but that’s thankfully in the past now).

Recently I’ve gotten into a new relationship with someone more like how I am and it really is nice to have someone who understands how you feel about it. He is almost 29 and hasn’t done anything either. We are both starting to experience attraction towards each other but are in no rush to act on it. We are prioritizing building a strong bond over anything else basically.

I know for a fact I have some lingering repulsion due to my bad past experience but maybe with time that will change. Hard to say right now.

I too am grateful for the support that can be found in this thread.

 

[windloft]

i feel kind of conflicted with my gender to be honest : my folks are very traditional in terms of gender norms, but they're understanding and want to embrace however i identify myself as. i was born a woman, but growing up i never felt really ... attached to my womanhood. it's just there. i'm just me : i never encountered problems with it and i never saw my interests as being masculine or feminine. it's not anything i lose sleep over, but my identity's just something i want to come to realize and embrace.

 

[jiny]

i feel v conflicted w my sexuality tbh,, ive been struggling w this for about 2 years now. i want to say that i’m bisexual but idk. i keep trying to convince myself i am straight (i mean i do like men too i have a bf lol but i’ve found myself attracted to girls in the past and have fantasized abt having a relationship w a girl) i don’t have any experience w other girls dating wise (irl atleast), but i’ve had crushes on girls in the past (i had a crush on my best friend in 2019) and ive dated girls but they were all online and didn’t last very long. my parents had found out in 2019 too, and basically lectured me telling me “how can you be bi if you’ve never dated a girl?!” and i didn’t want to tell them that i have, because that would probably have made them more upset. they basically shunned me in a way? i got my phone taken away for abt 3 months and i wasn’t allowed to do anything outside of home :/ and my parents would barely talk to me when i’d get home from school and i dreaded going back home bc it’d be the same thing everyday.

where i’m going with this is, i would admit to myself i’m bi, but i’m so scared to have to go through the same thing with my parents again. that whole thing was kinda traumatizing in a way because idk it was just really bad and i didn’t want to tell anyone what i was going through because i didn’t know what my friends would say. the only person who knew was my best friend and she helped me throughout everything and i’m so thankful because it felt like she was the only one who stayed by me knowing what had happened. i think this went off topic lol, but anyway

tl;dr: i wanna admit to myself that i’m bi bc i’m 98% sure that i am but coming out to my parents scares me because they found out around 2 years ago when i was tryna ,,test the waters w girls online,, and shunned me for like 3 months :/

also i did this sexual orientation test thingy and these were my results if they’re relevant in any way lol

Spoiler

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I’m on the asexual spectrum. I’m honestly a very affectionate person in general, but sex just disgusts me. I’m 23 years old, and haven’t done anything. For me to experience sexual attraction, my emotional bond with that person has to be very strong.

BRUH I have never related to a paragraph more than this lmao. I'm also 23, barely done anything, somewhat sex-repulsed, and I have to be very emotionally attached to someone to feel any sort of sexual attraction!

If you guys develop any sexual attraction after developing a close bond then you would be referred to as "demisexual." I unfortunately can't relate, I'm 100% apothi/ace lmao. I'm happy to see you guys are coming to terms with yourselves though!!

edit: I took the same test someone mentioned above and I got this lmao

(I lean ever so slightly towards heterosexuality only because it asked about non-sexual romantic relationships and I have played with the idea of being in a quasi-platonic/somewhat romantic relationship with a guy.)


I also wanted to mention here, that I got my new binder in the mail on Tuesday and I love it so much I never want to take it off! (don't worry tho I've been taking necessary breaks!)

 

[-Lumi-]

i feel v conflicted w my sexuality tbh,, ive been struggling w this for about 2 years now. i want to say that i’m bisexual but idk. i keep trying to convince myself i am straight (i mean i do like men too i have a bf lol but i’ve found myself attracted to girls in the past and have fantasized abt having a relationship w a girl) i don’t have any experience w other girls dating wise (irl atleast), but i’ve had crushes on girls in the past (i had a crush on my best friend in 2019) and ive dated girls but they were all online and didn’t last very long. my parents had found out in 2019 too, and basically lectured me telling me “how can you be bi if you’ve never dated a girl?!” and i didn’t want to tell them that i have, because that would probably have made them more upset. they basically shunned me in a way? i got my phone taken away for abt 3 months and i wasn’t allowed to do anything outside of home :/ and my parents would barely talk to me when i’d get home from school and i dreaded going back home bc it’d be the same thing everyday.

where i’m going with this is, i would admit to myself i’m bi, but i’m so scared to have to go through the same thing with my parents again. that whole thing was kinda traumatizing in a way because idk it was just really bad and i didn’t want to tell anyone what i was going through because i didn’t know what my friends would say. the only person who knew was my best friend and she helped me throughout everything and i’m so thankful because it felt like she was the only one who stayed by me knowing what had happened. i think this went off topic lol, but anyway

tl;dr: i wanna admit to myself that i’m bi bc i’m 98% sure that i am but coming out to my parents scares me because they found out around 2 years ago when i was tryna ,,test the waters w girls online,, and shunned me for like 3 months :/

Aw hey. I'll try and jump in here because I've been in a similar spot before. Although I'm actually just 100% gay, lol.

I am really, really sorry that you're having such a tough time with this. Figuring out your sexuality can be so hard and it's always much trickier when you're in a situation where you know family, friends, coworkers, or whatever it may be might not be supportive. The way that your parents reacted in 2019 was terrible and I'm so sorry that happened.

I think it's important to note that you can admit to yourself that you're bisexual without having to tell your parents. If telling them puts your home life at risk (whether that be they might genuinely kick you out or just make your time remaining there unpleasant), then I wouldn't be in a rush to come out. Coming out is something that is personal and 100% up to you. You get to choose who you come out to and when. (In a perfect world, anyways! I know sometimes people are outed or other things happen). I'm a lesbian but I'm not out to everybody I meet because it's just not feasible. And that's okay. I'm not any less of a lesbian because I wasn't out to previous co-workers or because I'm not out to my entire family.

It can feel isolating not having them know, so I do sympathize with wanting to tell them. Just know that there isn't a rush to tell them and they don't automatically deserve to know your sexuality because they are your parents, same with your friends, and even your boyfriend. You get to tell them when you're ready and completely comfortable. I've known I was a lesbian since I was 15 or 16 but I didn't come out to anyone properly until I was around 21.

In regards to the, "how can you know if you've never dated XYZ?" that argument is always completely ridiculous. Straight people can comfortably say they're straight and be secure in their sexuality without having dated/been with the opposite gender and the same goes for bisexual and gay people.

I really hope that you're doing well though and that whenever you do choose to come out your parents, friends, and boyfriend are supportive.

 

[jiny]

Aw hey. I'll try and jump in here because I've been in a similar spot before. Although I'm actually just 100% gay, lol.

I am really, really sorry that you're having such a tough time with this. Figuring out your sexuality can be so hard and it's always much trickier when you're in a situation where you know family, friends, coworkers, or whatever it may be might not be supportive. The way that your parents reacted in 2019 was terrible and I'm so sorry that happened.

I think it's important to note that you can admit to yourself that you're bisexual without having to tell your parents. If telling them puts your home life at risk (whether that be they might genuinely kick you out or just make your time remaining there unpleasant), then I wouldn't be in a rush to come out. Coming out is something that is personal and 100% up to you. You get to choose who you come out to and when. (In a perfect world, anyways! I know sometimes people are outed or other things happen). I'm a lesbian but I'm not out to everybody I meet because it's just not feasible. And that's okay. I'm not any less of a lesbian because I wasn't out to previous co-workers or because I'm not out to my entire family.

It can feel isolating not having them know, so I do sympathize with wanting to tell them. Just know that there isn't a rush to tell them and they don't automatically deserve to know your sexuality because they are your parents, same with your friends, and even your boyfriend. You get to tell them when you're ready and completely comfortable. I've known I was a lesbian since I was 15 or 16 but I didn't come out to anyone properly until I was around 21.

In regards to the, "how can you know if you've never dated XYZ?" that argument is always completely ridiculous. Straight people can comfortably say they're straight and be secure in their sexuality without having dated/been with the opposite gender and the same goes for bisexual and gay people.

I really hope that you're doing well though and that whenever you do choose to come out your parents, friends, and boyfriend are supportive.

thank you so much!! this means a lot. i think i will just take some more time thinking about coming out to myself. i know the argument “how can u know if you’ve never dated x” is ridiculous, although i wish i could’ve tried things out w a girl to know how it feels but i’m super happy with my boyfriend so i don’t see that happening anytime soon.. but i am pretty sure i do like girls too, i don’t think i would really have to try something with a girl to know i like them. but that’s my parents logic. i feel like if i were to tell them while i’m with my boyfriend they’d be like, “how can you say you like girls if you have your boyfriend?” and they’ll probably guilt trip me or something. i really wish they’d be supportive :/ they literally told me “if you had tried things out with a girl and you liked it we would be more understanding” which is also why i brought up i haven’t dated a girl or anything. they thought i was just resorting to girls because guys weren’t talking to me at that time but that isn’t the case at all and i wish they didn’t think like that