Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[Croconaw]

So, I had this bright idea of getting a pronoun pin and attaching it to my sling bag. I’m not sure how it’d be perceived around Florida since I’m going there in September. I wouldn’t really use it anywhere else since I’m not out here and people would get confused. I’d use it once I move, though, for sure. But also, I’m not sure how I’d feel about broadcasting it. I feel like it would attract unnecessary attention?

I also wanted to change my gender marker to the “Non-binary” option at least whenever I get my renewal on Wednesday, but I’m not sure I can since my plane ticket to Florida says “Female.” I don’t want to screw something up because I want to change my gender now.

Edit: Fixing a typo that was driving me crazy, lol.

 

[Autumn247]

I'm a little confused about my sexuality. I'm woman, I'm dating a guy, have always dated guys, but I do find women attractive in the same way, but I've never actually dated another woman before. But I have developed crushes on women in my life and in my past, but I never pushed it any farther maybe due to worrying about what others would think or what my family would think. I do find women sexually attractive though.

 

[Croconaw]

I'm a little confused about my sexuality. I'm woman, I'm dating a guy, have always dated guys, but I do find women attractive in the same way, but I've never actually dated another woman before. But I have developed crushes on women in my life and in my past, but I never pushed it any farther maybe due to worrying about what others would think or what my family would think. I do find women sexually attractive though.

You have to figure out what attraction it is and what you want. There is such thing as aesthetic attraction. I can acknowledge that a guy is good-looking; it doesn’t mean I want to date him. He’s just someone I find aesthetically attractive.

I later acknowledged that some of these guys I found attractive weren’t because I liked them. I liked what they looked like, and I wanted to look like them. Maybe it’s the same for you? This is just my experience so take it as you will, I suppose.

 

[Autumn247]

You have to figure out what attraction it is and what you want. There is such thing as aesthetic attraction. I can acknowledge that a guy is good-looking; it doesn’t mean I want to date him. He’s just someone I find aesthetically attractive.

I later acknowledged that some of these guys I found attractive weren’t because I liked them. I liked what they looked like, and I wanted to look like them. Maybe it’s the same for you? This is just my experience so take it as you will, I suppose.

That's what I thought at first, that I just appreciated women asthetically but then I realized I have wanted to date them before but was too scared to say anything about how I feel. I feel attraction on the romantic and sexual level too, so I am unsure what my sexuality is to be honest. I've always been confused about it. I would date another woman if one I found attractive expressed interest in me and eventually wanted to date

 

[LadyDestani]

That's what I thought at first, that I just appreciated women asthetically but then I realized I have wanted to date them before but was too scared to say anything about how I feel. I feel attraction on the romantic and sexual level too, so I am unsure what my sexuality is to be honest. I've always been confused about it. I would date another woman if one I found attractive expressed interest in me and eventually wanted to date

You sound a lot like me. I never make a first move and guys are the only people who've ever asked me out, so my dating/married life has been limited to being heterosexual. I've always found women attractive, but I only realized a few years ago that it went beyond that. I don't just think they're attractive; I'm attracted to them.

I think about women just as much, if not more than, men. I think about them romantically and sexually, just like I think about men. I would absolutely be open to dating a female if I wasn't married.

I debated with myself for a long time about how to identify, usually referring to myself as hetero simply because I lacked any experience outside of hetero relationships. However, after discussing it a bit here in this thread, I was told there was no need to have the experience in order to identify that way. I suppose it makes sense because many people identify as hetero even if they've never dated anyone, but I was letting my fear of offending anyone in the LGBTQ+ community hold me back.

Now, I choose to call myself polysexual because I found that after really examining my feelings I can and have been attracted to non-binary and gender fluid people as well. You can be whatever feels right for you and it's ok if you don't know what that is right now.

 

[Kitsuragi]

ugh. god. okay. i don't know whats going on anymore.

so lately (and i mean like, the last month) i've been having these really weird feelings of "what if i was a man?" and looking at like what... i hope i would be like? i'm not sure what it is. i've always been confident in my femininity. i love being a girl for sure, i've always adored feminine things and don't think i could see myself being called a man. maybe, idk, ill put that in my brain as a thought project.

but more and more lately i see a picture of like... someone cosplaying a character. a man. and im like wow, i wish i could do that but then i think more about it and its like no, im a girl. fine with being a girl.

what is going on? why am i like this?? i've been finding myself more attracted to women lately more than ever too which is so strange because while i am bisexual (and in a relationship) ive always been predominantly attracted to men. and somethings changed lately. idk whats going on, im not sure if im breaking down or if this is the start of something.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

started writing a document on my apothisexuality and the journey involved with that today. and I know I sometimes write things that hit me right in the feels, but there's one line I just wrote that hits so hard I'm close to tearing up:

"I spent my whole life being content with who I was, but also struggling to see myself as a normal person. Not that normal is necessarily something to strive for, but there's only so far you can deviate from 'normal' before you become an outcast."

and honestly, it could apply to basically any LGBT+ status. or even things beyond being LGBT+. It's just such a powerful thing, I think others can resonate with it too.

I hope I can transform this document into a book about my experience with apothi/asexuality, so people can be more informed and others, like myself, can feel less isolated.

 

[Croconaw]

My favorite person using my chosen name and pronouns is everything. She’s been doing it in private since I’m not out at work at it despite it being incredibly obvious. But last night was the first time she used my chosen name in person and it felt great. Strange to hear since I was at work at the time, but we were alone. I know she’s been doing it for a long time though to her roommates since they all know me as a guy. It’s just nice that she respects me. I still have the first picture she drew for me over a year ago which has my deadname on it, but I will always treasure it.

 

[Kitsuragi]

ugh. god. okay. i don't know whats going on anymore.

so lately (and i mean like, the last month) i've been having these really weird feelings of "what if i was a man?" and looking at like what... i hope i would be like? i'm not sure what it is. i've always been confident in my femininity. i love being a girl for sure, i've always adored feminine things and don't think i could see myself being called a man. maybe, idk, ill put that in my brain as a thought project.

but more and more lately i see a picture of like... someone cosplaying a character. a man. and im like wow, i wish i could do that but then i think more about it and its like no, im a girl. fine with being a girl.

what is going on? why am i like this?? i've been finding myself more attracted to women lately more than ever too which is so strange because while i am bisexual (and in a relationship) ive always been predominantly attracted to men. and somethings changed lately. idk whats going on, im not sure if im breaking down or if this is the start of something.

okay so

i think i may be gender fluid

i'm not sure yet

 

[Drawdler]

^ I’m starting to think I am too. There was a time I felt I was both genders but now it seems to switch more distinctly depending on the day or hour. Maybe I had to subconsciously figure out the distinction. I’m cool with any pronouns either way (although I wish very badly I could pass as male/enby in real life, and not in a “hey, aren’t ties for men?” way).

Anyway, simple request- can any demiromantics share their experience, advice, or something? Just feeling lonely as a demi lately Seeing how simple/fast it is for alloromantics, including my partner really kinda hurts.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

Anyway, simple request- can any demiromantics share their experience, advice, or something? Just feeling lonely as a demi lately Seeing how simple/fast it is for alloromantics, including my partner really kinda hurts.

hey, here's some demiromantic solidarity for you

the amount of time it takes for a demiro person to start to feel a romantic attraction can vary greatly. for me it's definitely at least a year of emotional bonding and development with a really close friend, maybe even two years. for others it could be shorter than that, maybe only a few months, or it could take even longer. but I can say that when that romantic attraction finally hits you'll definitely know. just don't rush yourself, and don't force yourself into something you're not comfortable with. have patience and enjoy your time with your friend/partner, and everything will eventually fall into place

honestly being demiro is kinda weird, you spend so much time thinking "oh I'll never truly experience any kind of romantic love, I don't want/need that." and then when you find that someone and you click with them, suddenly everything does a 180 and that romantic feeling hits really hard. like it's not a bad thing, it's really such a wonderful feeling. but it is kinda weird considering alloromantic people sometimes feel that way almost immediately, whereas for someone like us it takes quite a while to develop that.

if you ever want to vent or talk about your experiences with being demiromantic then absolutely feel free to reply or DM me!




since I'm here I need to get something off my chest. I maaaaaayyyy or may not be re-evaluating my asexuality lol
has anyone else ever gone through something like that? being on the ace spectrum your whole life and then suddenly realizing things may actually be slightly different than you thought?

 

[Kitsuragi]

^ I’m starting to think I am too. There was a time I felt I was both genders but now it seems to switch more distinctly depending on the day or hour. Maybe I had to subconsciously figure out the distinction. I’m cool with any pronouns either way (although I wish very badly I could pass as male/enby in real life, and not in a “hey, aren’t ties for men?” way).

oh, i feel it haha, ive always presented femme so i have no idea how to even begin to pass as a man. i get major gender envy from people with androgynous looks honestly, and i'm hoping i can reach that kind of middle ground. but no, i feel it too, it feels like it varies by day. especially lately...

 

[Ravenkitty22]

since I'm here I need to get something off my chest. I maaaaaayyyy or may not be re-evaluating my asexuality lol
has anyone else ever gone through something like that? being on the ace spectrum your whole life and then suddenly realizing things may actually be slightly different than you thought?

All the time lol. That's been me for the past couple months, realizing I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum but moving from label to label can be really exhausting.

Just now realizing I never made a post here. I'm some form of asexual (maybe demisexual? aceflux? gray-ace? idk anymore ), omniromantic (basically pan but not genderblind and attracted to different genders in different ways), and genderfae (which is essentially genderfluid but rarely/never anything masculine). It sucks that I'm not one of the main sexualities/gender identities that everyone talks about, because even some of my lgbtq+ friends don't know what I'm talking about when I come out to them.

Post automatically merged: May 26, 2023

oh, i feel it haha, ive always presented femme so i have no idea how to even begin to pass as a man. i get major gender envy from people with androgynous looks honestly, and i'm hoping i can reach that kind of middle ground. but no, i feel it too, it feels like it varies by day. especially lately...

I feel this so much. I've presented femme my entire life so it feels weird trying to find something to fit my gender identity on the androgynous/nonbinary days.

 

[.: Meri :.]

since I'm here I need to get something off my chest. I maaaaaayyyy or may not be re-evaluating my asexuality lol
has anyone else ever gone through something like that? being on the ace spectrum your whole life and then suddenly realizing things may actually be slightly different than you thought?

Oh boy. Yes. I'm pretty comfortable with my identity now, and I go with demisexual because it's easiest and close enough, but there's really a number of factors that have made me wonder where exactly I fall on the spectrum. First of all is the fact that I've only ever experienced physical attraction to fictional characters—I feel like, under the right conditions, I could be attracted to another person, and while I could probably write a book about how fiction can be an excellent and safe way of discovering/exploring one's orientation*, I do gotta acknowledge also that the unattainability/idealization could be playing into things. Personally, I don't think it is for me, but I can't really say for sure at this point in time.
Then there's the times where I've pondered whether or not I actually have experienced physical attraction the way allosexual people do (the answer I arrived at was "probably", and if not, it probably doesn't matter for all intents and purposes). Or if my patterns of attraction are closer to gray-ace or apressexual. But in the end I decided to stick with demisexual, because it still fits me comfortably enough and I like it, and even if my experiences don't match the definition 100% to the letter, that's okay too! c: Feelings can be hard to quantify sometimes, and there may even be an aspect of fluidity to it all, but that's just the nature of these things imo.

In any case, I'm wishing you the best in your journey of self-discovery! I hope you find what feels right to you, whether that's your current label or a new one or none at all. And if you ever want someone to talk/vent about this with, I'd be happy to listen. ^^

--

*I've been meaning to post here anyway that I recently discovered that I am also bi, and we have Dragon Quest XI and Rune Factory 5 to thank for that heyooo! For the longest time I thought I was exclusively interested in men but that is apparently not the case!!

Also just wanted to say that I can relate to a lot of the gender feels in this thread rn. ;v; I'm very feminine in appearance and usually content with that, but there are times when I wish I could pass as a guy just by putting my hair into a low ponytail and speaking in a lower register lol. I'm not sure there's really an avenue here that I want to pursue though, so I just kinda live with it.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

@Ravenkitty22 that's cool to hear that you're also omniromantic!! I'm not really sure what I would call myself, it's a combination of omni- and demi-romantic. because I develop romantic feelings after establishing a strong platonic/emotional bond, and I have the potential to be attracted to all genders but I have a pretty strong preference for men/trans-masc people.

also I understand the whole having to explain yourself constantly. basically everyone I've come out to in person I've had to explain what asexuality is. I would think (or at least hope) at this point people would be somewhat familiar with the idea. and that is why ace representation and visibility is so important!!


anyways, I came here to follow up on my last post. I mentioned that I've been re-evaluating my asexuality. I know for sure that I'm still on the ace spectrum, but after thinking about it for a while I think I may actually be demisexual. which is honestly probably the most insane discovery I've ever made about myself. it's going against pretty much everything I've said in the past. but I can't suppress it, and I really shouldn't. I'm honestly feeling a lot of euphoria from it, like I'm not gonna deny that part of me, so even though it's completely foreign to me I'll embrace it and accept it

 

[Croconaw]

anyways, I came here to follow up on my last post. I mentioned that I've been re-evaluating my asexuality. I know for sure that I'm still on the ace spectrum, but after thinking about it for a while I think I may actually be demisexual. which is honestly probably the most insane discovery I've ever made about myself. it's going against pretty much everything I've said in the past. but I can't suppress it, and I really shouldn't. I'm honestly feeling a lot of euphoria from it, like I'm not gonna deny that part of me, so even though it's completely foreign to me I'll embrace it and accept it

Yeah, I understand that. I identified as Apothisexual but I’m not sure that’s it. As someone that’s AFAB (transmasc) and was in denial until recently the idea of pregnancy really terrified me and it made me hate anything to do with sex. I didn’t want something else on my chest that reminded me of what I was born as. I’m definitely not into sex as most but I don’t think I’m completely opposed to it. I may be demisexual, as well.

Congratulations on making a self-discovery. Just funny you posted this, since I was questioning the same thing.

 

[Belle T]

I don't normally vent here for a variety of reasons, but group chat is currently absent, and I have feelings, despite my usual displays to the contrary. I won't be going into too much detail, so apologies that this is all quite vague. I just need to type; I don't expect any response or advice or anything.

So anyway, family is visiting right now, and I think these are the only people in the world who can so skillfully crowd me so that I have nary an inch to walk yet still somehow make me feel as though I'm completely on my own. My opinions and feelings--and conspicuously only mine, it seems--are oft regarded as unimportant compared to the social/political echo chamber that they often carry out with no remorse for whom they directly attack in the process. And fair enough, it's their right to congregate with one another. I have no intention on asking them to censor themselves for my sake. I've learned the hard way what a disaster it is to voice any form of disagreement anyway.

But beyond that, I'm so dreadfully exhausted of the people in my life who have only met my family in passing, deem them to be friendly people, and find it hard to believe that behind closed doors, things are quite different. That the conversation I had with my parents over ten years ago about who I am, where they stated their opinion in no uncertain terms, just... never happened, or that it's somehow a misunderstanding and that I'm the one to blame for it, even though they have only repeatedly hardened their stances since then.

Suffering from immense anxiety at the moment, feeling like I'm literally on fire and the entire world has turned a blind eye.
(And to be clear, I'm not blaming anyone for this; I realize that other people have lives that don't revolve around me.)
Kind of just want to leave right now, but I know that I won't because I'm a ninny.

And, er... that's it.

 

[Kitsuragi]

ive been playing with the title of non-binary for a bit and yeah, it works for me i think. i like it. i like all pronouns. feels really good.

i uh, need to save up for a username change. not going by fran anymore.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I updated my signature to include a few of my flags for pride month

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

My dad called me by my new name today. I'm not really sure how to properly describe how I felt. Surprised, but very happy. After being dead-named and referred with the wrong pronouns by my classmates a few times last week (and today), it was nice hearing my new name from one of my immediate family members.

Our conversation went something like this:
"Is it fine if I call you 'mademoiselle'?"
"I guess so..." (Not really fine with feminine terms, even in French)
"You don't have to say yes, if you don't want. Alright, Charlie?"

I'm not going to question how he knows my new name when I haven't spoken a word about it to anyone outside of school. Probably from my brother, though. I guess I should fully come out to my family with my gender identity and tell 'em that I go by a new name... Eventually.

But I wanna end this on a light note. I immediately felt better after hearing 'Charlie' from my dad. It's a really nice feeling when someone uses the right name and pronouns.