Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[xSuperMario64x]

The people misgendering me/using the wrong pronouns are usually people over the age of 40 and are clearly set on the fact that soft facial features + feminine voice = female. I guess that is partially my fault for continuing to talk in a feminine voice but it's not like you can just change your voice?? Also, my voice doesn't even bother me that much.

that's basically my problem, by default I look very "feminine" so people tend to interpret me as a woman. I'm perfectly content with my face and my voice and basically my whole body (except my chest, though that's not even entirely because of dysphoria), but the problem is, because of that, I'll never pass. that's why pronoun pins are handy, mine is kinda small but it's green with black lettering. I really feel for you, though I imagine your situation is worse just because people tend to not use they/them much in general (I always use they/them unless I know for sure what pronouns the person uses). it really does suck when people base gender off of looks and biology though, I see those all as separate things personally and I wish that was the norm.



on a different topic, has anyone else ever experienced the pipeline of going from fully ace (or even apothi-ace) to discovering you're demisexual? it's been interesting for me, for sure. I find that I'm becoming more comfortable with it, but I am still incredibly modest and I don't like to talk about that kind of thing at all. I guess it's a very sensitive and private topic for me, and I only reserve it for that one person who is somehow close enough to be to bring out that side of me.

 

[Croconaw]

Yeah. I think I’m more demisexual as I need to have a close bond with someone before even a relationship starts, let alone anything sexual.

I’m starting to get a little more clarity on my preferred pronouns. I only feel completely comfortable with they/them. My experimenting with he/him, the only excitement I felt was just because it wasn’t she/her. I was being pushed into a female box for so long anything other than she/her was nice, but it turns out that after presenting more masculine and having more people see me as masculine rather than feminine, he/him just didn’t feel right either.

They/them just seems so normal to me. I realize that after the feeling in my stomach after someone refers to me as they/them. I’m 100% non-binary. I think the indicator for me was my obvious preference for they/them pronouns. I know labels aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be stressed about but it feels nice to have the non-binary label.

I do appreciate the people on this forum listening to my spammy posts in this thread. A little later, but I’m living life as a confident enby at almost 26 years old.

 

[Ravenkitty22]

.(deleted)

 

[Croconaw]

I wish my dad would just not call me my deadname. He says it sometimes but most of the time avoids using my chosen name. I think avoidance is just as bad as deadnaming, because you are basically trying to avoid reaffirming my gender. Do I just let it happen because he knows and I don't think he wants to "lose his daughter." I can tolerate the she/her even though that's irritating, but hearing my deadname makes me remember that there are people calling me my chosen name and the people I'm supposed to be closest to just don't.

Do I just deal with it, or actually speak up? I think he knows because even people from my job call me my chosen name/uses the correct pronouns in front of him. I don't want to just deal with it because it's just building up unnecessary negative emotions at this point.

I'm non-binary for reference, but I already said that throughout this thread so you may be sick of hearing it.

Edit: Seems I took over this thread with my gender struggles. Sorry, lol.

 

[-Mars-]

Just wanted to drop by this thread and mention,
I do not recall the exact day I got my chest binder but I got it sometime in (probably mid or late) December 2022 and it has now been an entire year since I've had my chest binder. I've been binding my chest for an entire year to affirm my gender identity and it feels like I've made progress towards my transition. I really hope that I can be able to get top surgery in the foreseeable future(like within 5 years from this date)

Spoiler: Oh no suddenly as I'm writing this has suddenly turned into a five-paragraph essay rant about my gender identity better spoil this massive wall of text

I no longer want to put a label on my gender identity because it is too confusing for me to possibly figure out and no labels feel right,
I thought I was a Cisfemale and then Non-binary and then Agender and then Transmasculine/Masc-aligned Non-binary and then a full on Transman and then I don't even know anymore. I was battling a gender-identity crisis and trying to figure out if I wanted to live in a female or male body and where I lie on the gender identity spectrum. I have come to the conclusion I feel so much better not stressing out about a label and choosing whatever feels comfortable for me. My gender is nobody's business and it's my choice.

Mind you I do experience gender dysphoria.
I want to get top surgery
I want to get a total hysterectomy and have my entire reproduction system removed(Uterus, Ovaries, Fallopian tubes and Cervix)
I want to have my name legally changed
I want to have my legal sex on my birth certificate changed from "F" to "X"
I want to practice exercising more so my body can be more muscular and less feminine
I have zero desire what-so-ever to take Testosterone or get bottom surgery
I like to look masculine or androgynous and I like unisex haircuts that make me look like I could be either male or female, my fashion style is something you would see a butch-lesbian wear. Just because I like to be masculine doesn't mean I'm not allowed to like feminine things and I should hate the feminine things that make me happy to "prove my gender identity" every once in a blue moon(like every few months) I feel like wearing pink clothes and a necklace, I don't wear general makeup as a whole but I have lipstick I wear on my feminine days. Pink is one of my favorite colors and cute pretty things make me happy.
I go by all pronouns(He/Him, They/Them and She/Her) but sometimes on different days some pronouns feel better then others when they are used on me but all are OK none-the-less. As a rule of thumb I generally prefer gender neutral terms such as being called "person" as opposed to "man" or "woman" I'm aware honorifics are a formal way to address someone but I would rather not be called any and I don't feel comfortable being called "miss" or "mister" "ma'am" or "sir" some feminine and masculine terms are okay for me but I really hate explicitly feminine terms like "lady" and "chick" (I look nothing like a "lady" why would you call me that?)

Overall I want to have to choice to be myself and have a right to feel comfortable in my body and my identity. I'm not a Cisfemale because I experience dysphoria in my body but I don't really feel like a man either and non-binary labels don't feel right for me, I don't need to put a label on myself. My identity is not causing problems for anyone and if anyone wants to invalidate, dismiss or criticize my identity or accuse me of faking it frankly I don't need you in my life, not now not ever, you are most likely transphobic if you have an obsession with nit-picking people's gender-identities and how they feel about their bodies and I advise you to find something better to do with your life. Nobody cares about your opinion on people's bodies, everyone should have a right to be themselves and it's my body my choice.

 

[LadyDestani]

I wish my dad would just not call me my deadname. He says it sometimes but most of the time avoids using my chosen name. I think avoidance is just as bad as deadnaming, because you are basically trying to avoid reaffirming my gender. Do I just let it happen because he knows and I don't think he wants to "lose his daughter." I can tolerate the she/her even though that's irritating, but hearing my deadname makes me remember that there are people calling me my chosen name and the people I'm supposed to be closest to just don't.

Do I just deal with it, or actually speak up? I think he knows because even people from my job call me my chosen name/uses the correct pronouns in front of him. I don't want to just deal with it because it's just building up unnecessary negative emotions at this point.

I'm non-binary for reference, but I already said that throughout this thread so you may be sick of hearing it.

Edit: Seems I took over this thread with my gender struggles. Sorry, lol.

I'm not sure I have any great advice for you, but I did want to say that I hear you and support you.

I don't know what your relationship with your dad is like, but is this something you could sit down and have a real conversation with him about? He may be struggling, but if you explained in a calm and collected way how his actions are affecting you, is it possible that he would hear you out?

 

[Kit/Kitsune]

so basicly i think im trans ftm, im still questioning it tho! im kinda hopeing for some support and advice because most of my friends do not acept me that much, (i litterally just joined this website sorry if youve never seen me before!)

 

[erinz]

so basicly i think im trans ftm, im still questioning it tho! im kinda hopeing for some support and advice because most of my friends do not acept me that much, (i litterally just joined this website sorry if youve never seen me before!)

hi! bigender bisexual here!!

i went through wondering if im ftm, so i think i can help!

you dont owe that information to your friends, especially if they aren't going to support you. if you think they might judge you, it might be time to consider moving on (im going through this rn too)

a way that i figured out who i am is by changing my avatars on video games to be more masculine, and it did actually help me realise that i like being both male and female.

if you have any questions i can try my best to answer!!

 

[Croconaw]

so basicly i think im trans ftm, im still questioning it tho! im kinda hopeing for some support and advice because most of my friends do not acept me that much, (i litterally just joined this website sorry if youve never seen me before!)

Personally, my biggest sign was pretending to be a male online back when I first got a computer. I also had a few other indicators to me that I wasn’t comfortable with my assigned gender at birth.

To be fair, I’m non-binary since identifying as male didn’t feel right either. The joy was coming from not being referred to as female rather than being referred to as male. To me, anything was better than being forced into the binary female box.

 

[Kit/Kitsune]

View attachment 531958

hi! bigender bisexual here!!

i went through wondering if im ftm, so i think i can help!

you dont owe that information to your friends, especially if they aren't going to support you. if you think they might judge you, it might be time to consider moving on (im going through this rn too)

a way that i figured out who i am is by changing my avatars on video games to be more masculine, and it did actually help me realise that i like being both male and female.

if you have any questions i can try my best to answer!!

View attachment 531959

thank you just knowing theres someone out therte whos going thru simular stuff makes me feel a bit better! tysmmmmm!

 

[coordinator lissi]

I think I might be aroace but it’s hard to tell-

 

[.: Meri :.]

For a long time I've largely tried to avoid specific labels for my gender because nothing really felt like it was the "whole story", so to speak, but I think genderfluid really makes sense for me now!
edit: I rambled a lot more here originally, but some of it no longer feels fully accurate to me, so I'm leaving it at just the genderfluid part (which is still accurate!) for anyone wandering back a few pages in this thread lol. more specifically I consider myself genderfaer now! (not to be confused with genderfae, which has a different meaning). basically genderfaer is like genderfluid, but never feeling fully like a guy! but unlike with genderfae I still feel masculine-aligned sometimes

 

[frogslime]

I'm torn between transitioning vs. prioritizing a career in gynecology (that field being a passion for many reasons). I know there's many male gynecologists (or those who appear to be men :v for lack of better terms), but transitioning to a more masculine person means giving up automatic comfort a lot of women would have with me if I stayed put, y'know? Plus, there's a debate as to whether or not certain people should be gynecologists.
Dunno, does anyone have any input?

 

[Gabby]

I'm torn between transitioning vs. prioritizing a career in gynecology (that field being a passion for many reasons). I know there's many male gynecologists (or those who appear to be men :v for lack of better terms), but transitioning to a more masculine person means giving up automatic comfort a lot of women would have with me if I stayed put, y'know? Plus, there's a debate as to whether or not certain people should be gynecologists.
Dunno, does anyone have any input?

Yo. Can I offer a re-frame? You would be a safe doctor for transmasc people. I don't particularly think you'd be giving up comfort of cis women, per se (unless they're bigoted or just prefer other women), but, like, transmasc people have sooo much anxiety around the gyno, having their doctor not understand their experience, or like in cases where transmasc folks are pregnant?? From my stance, there is a lot of opportunity for you could create a safe space for trans people to receive medical care and ease a lot of anxiety, could be how you brand your practice. Food for thought.

 

[frogslime]

Yo. Can I offer a re-frame? You would be a safe doctor for transmasc people. I don't particularly think you'd be giving up comfort of cis women, per se (unless they're bigoted or just prefer other women), but, like, transmasc people have sooo much anxiety around the gyno, having their doctor not understand their experience, or like in cases where transmasc folks are pregnant?? From my stance, there is a lot of opportunity for you could create a safe space for trans people to receive medical care and ease a lot of anxiety, could be how you brand your practice. Food for thought.

OH I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT LIKE THAT. So silly of me, that actually makes me really happy. Better motivation

 

[.: Meri :.]

I'm torn between transitioning vs. prioritizing a career in gynecology (that field being a passion for many reasons). I know there's many male gynecologists (or those who appear to be men :v for lack of better terms), but transitioning to a more masculine person means giving up automatic comfort a lot of women would have with me if I stayed put, y'know? Plus, there's a debate as to whether or not certain people should be gynecologists.
Dunno, does anyone have any input?

In addition to what Gabby said, there's also a pretty substantial amount of women who don't have any gender preference for their gynecologist, and some actually strongly prefer a male or masc OBGYN. Even just looking at a female demographic, you'd actually be making some people feel more comfortable!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

For a long time I've largely tried to avoid specific labels for my gender because nothing really felt like it was the "whole story", so to speak, but I think genderfluid really makes sense for me now! I'd always kind of heard of it as one's gender shifting/fluctuating over time, which never quite fit me 100%, but a while ago I saw some descriptions saying it could also be based on situation and ohh my gosh I think it works??

I'd always managed to confuse myself because I could be feeling very neutral or masc-leaning sometimes, but as soon as I tried to think of that in terms of my romantic orientation, it would stop feeling 'right'? Like, I can't think of a time where I'd ever felt that my attraction towards men was gay, but I also can't think of ever describing my attraction towards women as anything but sapphic. But now I'm thinking that I just feel more feminine-aligned in relation to anything pertaining to romance. Which explains why in most games I have no problem playing male protagonists, and oftentimes even pick the male option when given a choice, but immediately resent when games with romance elements won't let me play as a woman lol

If it sounds like I'm perfectly describing a microlabel I don't know about then please tell me ahahah, but I've been trying genderfluid out for a while now and I'm happy to say it feels like it fits!! Also I already have a beanie that's almost the genderfluid pride flag so that's extra neat

I like to say that I’m gender neutral instead of non-binary or gender fluid. I feel like I’m really not any more masculine or feminine but rather balanced and I tend to see myself just as a person. I only dress as male because it’s easier for me to buy clothes and shoes and I’m just used to it. I also don’t care about being called a certain pronoun. I’ll answer to any of them and it doesn’t phase me one bit.

 

[coordinator lissi]

would it be ok if someone helped me figure out if I’m aroace maybe….?

 

[Croconaw]

would it be ok if someone helped me figure out if I’m aroace maybe….?

You can only figure that out yourself. People here can only give you guidance and answer questions. You have to figure out your sexual orientation on your own.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I'm over here trying to watch Dagnel's stream from earlier this afternoon and I'm experiencing some serious gender envy ksjdfksjd

and it's weird because, for the most part, I'm very content with myself and my identity (well, except for my chest). but right now that envy is just hitting me so hard omg.