Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[Tude]

There's so many issues, but the government focusing on that is certainly a CHOICE.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

I got my chest binder (from gc2b) in the mail today, and I couldn't be happier!!! I tried it on and my chest looks flatter, though I'll have to wait for the binding itself to see significant results. It's a big step towards expressing my identity and I feel so affirmed.

 

[Suguri]

I got my chest binder (from gc2b) in the mail today, and I couldn't be happier!!! I tried it on and my chest looks flatter, though I'll have to wait for the binding itself to see significant results. It's a big step towards expressing my identity and I feel so affirmed.

That's great, congratulations!! So proud of my love

 

[skarmoury]

idk if i ever shared this but identifying as a sapphic has made me more comfortable in my own skin a few years back I had realized I was a female-leaning biromantic, which was good and all but i didn’t feel fully comfortable with calling myself bi… but then I learned of the term sapphic, which is more of an umbrella term but it just fits me so nicely! i’d definitely prefer the term sapphic, but i’m just worried some people might question me because i have a boyfriend? i actually had a talk with him about me being more into females but it doesnt mean i love him any less because at my core i dont exclusively like women. i hope it’s okay to identify as such!!

also recently i learned i am also graysexual!! it’s so wild that i had never thought of myself that way until i and my asexual friend exchanged stories. she said “i genuinely think you’re on the asexual spectrum” and she explained some things about asexuality i was like…. wait that makes SO much sense to me actually. looked it up and holy cow. im graysexual! my boyfriend and i have known for long how i feel about sexual attraction so it really doesnt change our relationship, but it’s just nice to finally be able to put a label on it

 

[potato-queen03]

I’m straight but also aromantic.

 

[Suguri]

Something I've been wondering about trans people for a while (I'm cis so sorry if this comes out as offensive... ;w;): I get why some people wouldn't tell you they're trans first-hand (you just know their preferred name and pronouns), but how come others are overt about it? Maybe... it's from a desire to feel seen in a world that's already imperfect for them? Would love for a trans person to answer this.

 

[-Raven-]

Something I've been wondering about trans people for a while (I'm cis so sorry if this comes out as offensive... ;w;): I get why some people wouldn't tell you they're trans first-hand (you just know their preferred name and pronouns), but how come others are overt about it? Maybe... it's from a desire to feel seen in a world that's already imperfect for them? Would love for a trans person to answer this.

Not offensive. I’m in the closet / would rather be stealth anyways but my assumption is mostly in solidarity (look at the entire pride movement and unity) and some who are proud of the transition to the degree they want to share that they did it. I think it’s more solidarity right now but I’m speaking on assumption. I also think some people would do it to avoid certain physical expectations when dating you know (I hate putting it like that but this place is PG, you know what I mean).

I did sometimes imagine being more overt about it. If I can transition more physically I would still remember the female body and still living like that and I mean those were still my lived experiences. Right now I kind of just feel like I’m in a mech suit. Personally. I just wanna be stealth because life has enough bothering me and I find it very hard to connect with people anymore, which if I shared my struggles and wasn’t just venting, is why I would be doing it. But if the world was safe I would not mind it as something to discuss with people because it would’ve been a lived experience. Kinda just imagine an entire alternate universe there because I talk less about my issues these days, I’m tired of it. My younger self just liked sharing lived experiences to connect with people, so I would imagine it’s a lot of why other people do it.

I’m actually curious if anyone who is more overt about it can answer this I’m just answering as a confused trans which feels like a quarter of the puzzle if that lol. Idk just felt like throwing something in here.

 

[QueenCobra]

When I was a young closeted bi girl, I used to look at a forum that thirsted over chubby female celebrities. (Mama…) For whatever reason, I assumed everyone there was also a closeted bi girl and this was our place to escape. (Note: I never joined this forum, only looked.)

Now, eventually I figured this wasn’t the case and I wondered, how many other young wlw were looking at this forum? Probably more than one would expect.

And the there was that AT&T incident when I was fourteen…where we had “unexpected charges” on the cell phone bill because I was using my flip phone to look at pics and videos of women. I got so nervous I never wanted to step foot in AT&T ever again…like what if they found out what I was looking at? If they did, I never heard about it, thank God.

You know what, especially with those who were teens when the Internet got popular, I’m sure I’m not the only one with an “AT&T story.”

 

[Devicho]

I feel a bit out of place talking about the subject because, I dunno, for the most part it never felt as important to me as it is for a lot of people (over time I've come to realize I'm pretty much just asexual and aromantic, with the subjects only coming up in my mind when pressed on them, so to me they're not that important to my daily life). Lately, though, I've been thinking about some things that make me feel even more like an "other", and that is that on top of having zero particular interest in sex or romance, I also feel like I'm perfectly happy being female... almost.

I've always been more of a tomboy than anything. Hard to say how much is nature versus nurture; I got into more "boyish" hobbies very early into life but was also predominantly raised by my dad, and didn't have "feminine" stuff pushed onto me. I'm happy I got to be myself, but the tradeoff is that I really do not feel like I fit in with most other women (or at least what I see as fairly typical of other women), though I also don't feel I'm missing out on that much necessarily since my interests just often don't align. In a way I almost just feel like things might've been easier had I been born male instead, yet I'm fine having a female body and all that, so I have no interest in transitioning or anything, I just wonder if the alternate universe me who was born male had an easier time fitting in.

There is one specific area though where I do not enjoy having a female body, and that is that the ability to become pregnant feels so viscerally wrong to me that I actually just recently got myself sterilized. For a long time the thought didn't even really cross my mind; if I'm asexual, and not interested in sex, it seems like my body has a built-in protection measure, right? And I've never wanted kids, so it's not like a hurdle I'd have to overcome at some point. But for some reason around the start of the year, for whatever reason, be it a long-distance friend expecting a child (the first friend currently in my life to ever become a parent), the political kvetching over the birth rate and subsequent "have babies!" propaganda from some groups... it's like my brain finally realized what my body can do and it kickstarted a full-on identity crisis in me. I still didn't want kids, but there was this intrusive nagging that I'm supposed to want them, but having always felt more like "one of the guys", it just felt so deeply, deeply wrong. At risk of sounding sexist, it's like there was a part of my brain that was telling me I'm "just" a girl after all. And yet, ask me at any other previous point in time, and I would've always said that there's no one way to be a girl, nobody should have to do or forgo X or Y thing just because of their gender. Not really sure where this all came from, because that's still what I believe. I'm just glad that I was able to find someone willing to sterilize me, and that the recovery so far has been amazingly smooth.

I guess in a way I've just come to realize over time that, I just am a woman, and that's fine, but my comfort in being female is pretty dependent on external factors such as expectations and the general social climate. I've usually been spared having things pushed onto me, so just being a "one of the guys" tomboy was fine. Nowadays, with the ways politics have been going? Ehh...

 

[rocketspruggs]

I finally decided that I'm asexual and aromantic after years of many failed attempts to impress my former crush and get him to notice me. I realized my asexuality a little while after my ex-crush got engaged and married to a girl we've both known for a while.

I guess I've always meant to be aro-ace and I didn't realize it for the longest time. For years, I've had difficulty experiencing attraction and never had any interest in dating or marriage. I wasn't exactly dreaming of my ex-crush and I married in the future or anything, young me wanted to at least try having one date with him. It didn't happen, though, and I'm fine with it.

I only ever felt attraction to one person in my life, and I wasn't sure if that was genuine love or if this was just a puppy-love kind of crush, because I was a pre-teen back when I wanted my ex-crush to like me back. I have never felt any kind of attraction to anyone else, except for that same guy. I haven't had anyone confessing they had feelings for me or anything.

For my gender, just in case anyone didn't know, I'm female, and I prefer feminine pronouns, as it is my gender assigned at birth, and I'm uncomfortable being referred to with masculine and non-binary pronouns.

I took a long time typing and posting this, because I've been feeling a little shy at first.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

idk if i ever shared this but identifying as a sapphic has made me more comfortable in my own skin a few years back I had realized I was a female-leaning biromantic, which was good and all but i didn’t feel fully comfortable with calling myself bi… but then I learned of the term sapphic, which is more of an umbrella term but it just fits me so nicely! i’d definitely prefer the term sapphic, but i’m just worried some people might question me because i have a boyfriend? i actually had a talk with him about me being more into females but it doesnt mean i love him any less because at my core i dont exclusively like women. i hope it’s okay to identify as such!!

I hope it's okay if I respond, yes it's perfectly okay especially if it feels so right to you
if I may share my own experience, I am omnisexual so I am interested in people regardless of their gender, but I lean more toward men. and because of that, I feel a connection to the term gay/mlm. I imagine it might be a bit controversial since people can say "you're not even biologically male" or "you aren't exclusively interested in men" but I dunno, I don't quite feel the same way with the term achillean. not sure how to describe it. but I think that even if I was in a relationship with a woman then I would still identify with the term gay/achillean.
but regardless, yes I personally believe it's okay to be bi (or pan/omni/etc) and also be sapphic! do whatever makes you feel best!

Post automatically merged: Monday at 5:35 AM

There is one specific area though where I do not enjoy having a female body, and that is that the ability to become pregnant feels so viscerally wrong to me that I actually just recently got myself sterilized. For a long time the thought didn't even really cross my mind; if I'm asexual, and not interested in sex, it seems like my body has a built-in protection measure, right? And I've never wanted kids, so it's not like a hurdle I'd have to overcome at some point. But for some reason around the start of the year, for whatever reason, be it a long-distance friend expecting a child (the first friend currently in my life to ever become a parent), the political kvetching over the birth rate and subsequent "have babies!" propaganda from some groups... it's like my brain finally realized what my body can do and it kickstarted a full-on identity crisis in me. I still didn't want kids, but there was this intrusive nagging that I'm supposed to want them, but having always felt more like "one of the guys", it just felt so deeply, deeply wrong. At risk of sounding sexist, it's like there was a part of my brain that was telling me I'm "just" a girl after all. And yet, ask me at any other previous point in time, and I would've always said that there's no one way to be a girl, nobody should have to do or forgo X or Y thing just because of their gender. Not really sure where this all came from, because that's still what I believe. I'm just glad that I was able to find someone willing to sterilize me, and that the recovery so far has been amazingly smooth

I'm in a similar boat; I'm demisexual but I'm not at a risk of ever getting pregnant so I technically don't even have to worry about it. and yet I'm absolutely horrified about the idea that my body is even capable of doing that. I've always felt very uncomfortable with it, and as I get older and settle into my desires more, I stand more firm on that sentiment. I haven't been sterilized myself, but I have talked to an OB/GYN about it and he said that he would be willing to do it for me if I'm 100% sure of myself.

 

[Ravenkitty22]

Spoiler: ace struggles

I’ve recently come to terms with being asexual- not gray-ace or demi, and it feels nice but also weird in a way. I don’t know how to explain it. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t also a hopeless romantic. Like, how do you explain that to someone? It’s gotten me into multiple relationships now that have had to end because they want something I don’t.

 

[Devicho]

I'm in a similar boat; I'm demisexual but I'm not at a risk of ever getting pregnant so I technically don't even have to worry about it. and yet I'm absolutely horrified about the idea that my body is even capable of doing that. I've always felt very uncomfortable with it, and as I get older and settle into my desires more, I stand more firm on that sentiment. I haven't been sterilized myself, but I have talked to an OB/GYN about it and he said that he would be willing to do it for me if I'm 100% sure of myself.

It's good that you have someone willing to do it if you decide to pull the trigger. I got cold feet on my initial consultation, having set up the appointment when extremely anxious and deciding that I really didn't want to make such a permanent decision under that sort of duress, but the OBGYN I saw was very understanding and about a month later I went back to get the ball rolling for real with a much clearer frame of mind. I do feel like, were the world in a different state right now, I might not have ultimately gone through a whole surgery just to ensure I could prevent something that was probably never going to happen, but I don't at all regret the procedure (bilateral salpingectomy). Recovery is still going smoothly, and one positive side effect is that removing the fallopian tubes greatly reduces ovarian cancer risks, and since ovarian cancers are hard to detect until they're pretty far along, I'm quite happy to sacrifice what feels like an utterly vestigial part of my body in exchange for a lower risk.

It's definitely something you have to think carefully about, though, since it can't be undone later. Technically, since a salpingectomy only removes the fallopian tubes you can still get pregnant via IVF if you change your mind later, but that's an expensive and grueling process from what I've heard, so going in you'd really just want to be as certain as possible that you simply do not ever want to be pregnant from that point on. Even when you're sure, it's also easy to second guess yourself and sort of "mourn" the loss of choice, but in my case I just can't picture a situation where I want to be a mother even after really sitting down and weighing everything as best I could, so it just made enough sense to proceed.

 

[Chris]

My workplace just sent out a form asking for an update on our equalities information. Includes an intro saying we want to respect everyone's gender and gender identity among other relevant items. Cool.

First question? Gender: Male or Female.