Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity Support Thread

[xSuperMario64x]

there's something I saw recently that bothered me a bit.

I saw someone on Reddit (shocker) who publicly stated that the MLM flag should only be used for gay men and that everyone else should use the achillean flag. basically, they're saying that someone like me wouldn't be allowed to use the MLM flag, because I'm technically omni and not actually 100% gay.

that almost comes across as gatekeeping to me, though I really hesitate to use that word because I don't want to sound accusatory.

let me explain myself. I do resonate with the acillean flag, but I deeply resonate with the MLM flag. I am omni, and that basically boils down to the fact that I am capable of being attracted to anyone regardless of sex/gender. but with that being said, I do have a pretty heavy preference for men, and since I am trans-masc I consider myself to be gay. and I am proud of that!

I understand where they're coming from, because it's nice to have pride in being gay and if every guy who just happens to be attracted to the same sex/gender in some way also uses the gay flag, then it waters down its meaning. but I feel like if someone genuinely resonates with the MLM label then they should be allowed to use it. the community is for everyone to share and enjoy and embrace however they feel comfortable doing so, as long as they're not trying to hurt or put down others. at least, that's what I think.


I don't know, I'm just rambling. I did want to say that I got a new wallet yesterday, and since it was pretty bland looking (and I'm lowkey embarrassed bc it was a "As Seen on TV" product, I just wanted a wallet with RFID blocking tech lol), I decided to decorate it with a few stickers I have.

the gay weegee vibes are strong here

 

[-Mars-]

-Snip-

Yeah just wanted to chime in and say unfortunately there's a lot of discourse over flags in the LGBTQA+ Community over who should and shouldn't use them, so you might get some rude comments like that about your identity. I know everyone has different opinions on things but it makes me sad how divided the LGBTQA+ Community is.

 

[Doo]

This makes me think about the whole ‘asexuality doesn’t exist’ view

 

[seliph]

there's something I saw recently that bothered me a bit.

I saw someone on Reddit (shocker) who publicly stated that the MLM flag should only be used for gay men and that everyone else should use the achillean flag. basically, they're saying that someone like me wouldn't be allowed to use the MLM flag, because I'm technically omni and not actually 100% gay.

that almost comes across as gatekeeping to me, though I really hesitate to use that word because I don't want to sound accusatory.

let me explain myself. I do resonate with the acillean flag, but I deeply resonate with the MLM flag. I am omni, and that basically boils down to the fact that I am capable of being attracted to anyone regardless of sex/gender. but with that being said, I do have a pretty heavy preference for men, and since I am trans-masc I consider myself to be gay. and I am proud of that!

I understand where they're coming from, because it's nice to have pride in being gay and if every guy who just happens to be attracted to the same sex/gender in some way also uses the gay flag, then it waters down its meaning. but I feel like if someone genuinely resonates with the MLM label then they should be allowed to use it. the community is for everyone to share and enjoy and embrace however they feel comfortable doing so, as long as they're not trying to hurt or put down others. at least, that's what I think.


I don't know, I'm just rambling. I did want to say that I got a new wallet yesterday, and since it was pretty bland looking (and I'm lowkey embarrassed bc it was a "As Seen on TV" product, I just wanted a wallet with RFID blocking tech lol), I decided to decorate it with a few stickers I have.

the gay weegee vibes are strong here

this is gonna sound really blunt but the reality is pride flag discourse is terminally online slop. most lgbt people don't care and literally none of it matters in real life. use whatever flag you want, no one is gonna stop someone irl and inspect whether or not they "should be" using a flag or not.

also did anyone else double take cus they read that as "slammint" or just me

 

[Drawdler]

I’m just wondering out loud because I don’t have many people to tell otherwise, but I’m genuinely considering/curious about talking with my future psychiatrist about transition options.

It’s something between me and them, so I’m not really looking for advice, it’s just nice to get it out of my head.

Late happy pride month LOL I’ve been feeling more enby, ngl. Every day I wish I could be a shapeshifter orz

 

[Tude]

I’m just wondering out loud because I don’t have many people to tell otherwise, but I’m genuinely considering/curious about talking with my future psychiatrist about transition options.

It’s something between me and them, so I’m not really looking for advice, it’s just nice to get it out of my head.

Late happy pride month LOL I’ve been feeling more enby, ngl. Every day I wish I could be a shapeshifter orz

Good luck with the convo!

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I finally ordered myself a MLM flag to add to my collection, it brings me a lot of joy and euphoria so I'll be very excited when it gets here!

and my appt to talk to a doctor and begin my journey of having a top surgery procedure done is about a month away, it's very exciting to think about. I can only imagine how confident and liberated I will feel if I'm actually able to go through with it.

 

[Suguri]

I can't go into detail for personal reasons but after some time questioning my orientation, I've come to the conclusion that I may be omnisexual. This might change later, but for now I think that's how I'd describe myself best.

I was really shy about my sexuality when I first posted this, but two weeks have passed and I've noticed through my recent posts that I've become a bit more open about it. So as of posting, I'm positive that I'm omnisexual.

As for the "personal reasons" (or personal reason, to be more accurate), I simply have a crush on @ZeldaCrossing64. They've been so kind to me even when I felt like I didn't deserve it, and it makes me happy to have them in my life. I love my friend and appreciate their company.

I'm pretty sure some of you know this by now through my posts in the "Random Thoughts" and "Happy" threads, but I figured I'd put it out there just in case.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I was really shy about my sexuality when I first posted this, but two weeks have passed and I've noticed through my recent posts that I've become a bit more open about it. So as of posting, I'm positive that I'm omnisexual.

As for the "personal reasons" (or personal reason, to be more accurate), I simply have a crush on @ZeldaCrossing64. They've been so kind to me even when I felt like I didn't deserve it, and it makes me happy to have them in my life. I love my friend and appreciate their company.

honestly I've been debating the same thing for a while now, being demisexual it's hard to tell exactly how I feel. but I think that since I'm omniromantic, it makes sense that I'm also omnisexual. it's honestly something I'm still thinking about, and it's really not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but it is fun to think about! if it doesn't make you feel awkward I'd be more than happy to be omni buddies with you! (and @/Ravenkitty22 hehe)

also I kinda figured that after seeing some of your posts around hehe, I think that's so cute. it's always lovely to see close friendships form here on TBT, I've met some truly amazing people here.

 

[Tude]

I was really shy about my sexuality when I first posted this, but two weeks have passed and I've noticed through my recent posts that I've become a bit more open about it. So as of posting, I'm positive that I'm omnisexual.

As for the "personal reasons" (or personal reason, to be more accurate), I simply have a crush on @ZeldaCrossing64. They've been so kind to me even when I felt like I didn't deserve it, and it makes me happy to have them in my life. I love my friend and appreciate their company.

I'm pretty sure some of you know this by now through my posts in the "Random Thoughts" and "Happy" threads, but I figured I'd put it out there just in case.

Everyone deserves kindness. Don't forget that! Glad you're becoming more secure in who you are.

That being said, you shouldn't feel pressure to figure stuff out asap. You got your whole life, no use in rushing things.

 

[Croconaw]

I finally ordered myself a MLM flag to add to my collection, it brings me a lot of joy and euphoria so I'll be very excited when it gets here!

Awesome! I'm lowkey thinking of getting a non-binary flag sometime in the future. It's not a big deal to me whether or not I have one, but if the opportunity presents itself, I may.

Also, good luck on the top surgery consult. I hope it works out. I know it's not quite the same, but my dental surgery quite literally changed my life. I had a massive confidence boost and felt more like myself than ever. I know how important surgeries can be and I hope you can feel more like yourself afterwards!!

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

I've been thinking about getting a chest binder; I think it would help me feel more comfortable in my skin and give me a more androgynous look. However, I don't know where to shop for one (online is out of the question, for now) and I'm worried about not finding a good-quality one. In the meantime, I've been wearing sports bras (since the material is taut) and baggy shirts to cover my torso, but I only have so much in my wardrobe.

Also, to anyone who wears chest binders: Are there any long-term effects for wearing one too long/often (like tissue damage)? Obviously I wouldn't wear one 24/7, but say in the case of being in public for many hours... I want to feel more comfortable with myself, but not to the point of damaging my own body.

 

[.: Meri :.]

I've been thinking about getting a chest binder; I think it would help me feel more comfortable in my skin and give me a more androgynous look. However, I don't know where to shop for one (online is out of the question, for now) and I'm worried about not finding a good-quality one. In the meantime, I've been wearing sports bras (since the material is taut) and baggy shirts to cover my torso, but I only have so much in my wardrobe.

Also, to anyone who wears chest binders: Are there any long-term effects for wearing one too long/often (like tissue damage)? Obviously I wouldn't wear one 24/7, but say in the case of being in public for many hours... I want to feel more comfortable with myself, but not to the point of damaging my own body.

I don't use a binder, but I seriously considered it for a while, and it was the likelihood of it having long-term effects on my chest that ultimately led me to decide against it, personally. ;; Short-term usage, like wearing one infrequently for no more than a couple hours, or using it for longer stretches only very occasionally (like cosplayers who wear them for conventions/photoshoots only), is unlikely to do anything, but in terms of wearing it for several hours on most days, it's very likely to cause loss in tissue density and result in sagging.

A lot of it will come down to the individual (I've seen people say they've barely noticed a difference after consistent binding for years, and others who noticed changes within a couple months), but the risk can be minimized by practicing proper binder safety. If you decide to bind:
-Make sure you get a well-fitting binder from a reputable brand. You should always be able to breath comfortably in a binder. If it hurts to breathe or feels too tight, it's too small. If you're sort of gasping when you talk while wearing your binder, it's too small.

-Ace bandages are incredibly unsafe; never use them for binding.​

-Never sleep in a binder, and avoid wearing it for more than 6-8 hours at a time.
-Take break days at least a couple times a week where you don't wear your binder at all.
-Wear a sports bra instead for exercise.
-It's also important to stretch your chest, arms, shoulders, and back after removing your binder, and to take a few deep breaths and cough to avoid fluid build-up in your lungs.

Regular binding can have other side effects too that I highly recommend researching from (trans-friendly) medical sources. There's a lot of exaggerated fear-mongering around binding, but it's not entirely safe either unfortunately. Ultimately it's gonna be a very personal decision; be safe and do what you think is best for your happiness and comfort.

 

[-Mars-]

I've been thinking about getting a chest binder; I think it would help me feel more comfortable in my skin and give me a more androgynous look. However, I don't know where to shop for one (online is out of the question, for now) and I'm worried about not finding a good-quality one. In the meantime, I've been wearing sports bras (since the material is taut) and baggy shirts to cover my torso, but I only have so much in my wardrobe.

Also, to anyone who wears chest binders: Are there any long-term effects for wearing one too long/often (like tissue damage)? Obviously I wouldn't wear one 24/7, but say in the case of being in public for many hours... I want to feel more comfortable with myself, but not to the point of damaging my own body.

Meri already beat me to this question and pretty much said everything I would have said but I'd figured I'd also comment since I do have a chest binder and have been binding for 1.5 Years.

Just wanted to add a few extra safety instructions and the like that Meri didn't mention

- Yes most people recommend that you shouldn't bind for more than 8 hours and my binder's safety guidance even says that however everyone's body is different and you shouldn't try and push yourself for wearing it 8 hours just because that's the maximum you can wear it for doesn't mean you need to wear it that long, you should take it off when it starts to feel uncomfortable personally I wear mine for about 4 or 5 hours a day and have rarely worn mine for 8 hours straight

- Most binders are made of mostly polyester and/or nylon which makes binders mostly waterproof however it is not a wise idea to try and put on your binder after you just finished going swimming or got out of the shower/bath because it can get stuck to you and you can have a very difficult time trying to get it on/off. Make sure you aren't wet before putting your binding on and if you really want to go swimming in your binder is it highly recommended that people purchase two binders for this purpose, one normal binder and a second binder that is at least one size bigger than your normal one and wear the bigger binder for swimming so it's easier to take on/off for swimming

- Do not ever purposely get a binder that is smaller then your proper measurements, getting a smaller binder is not going to help you flatten better and it's only going to cause damage to the ribcage and respiratory issues. Every time you buy a binder you need to make sure you measure yourself properly and select a size that properly fits your measurements here is a help guide for measuring your size for your binder if your measurements are in-between two sizes then you should always buy the larger size. For example I am in-between "small" and medium" and I bought the medium size instead so I can have more room to breath properly and not crush my ribcage with the size small.

For concerns about "damaging your tissue" I am not a doctor and I am not qualified to give medical advice in any way but I have heard more concerns about people damaging their ribcages and having respiratory problems from not following proper binding safety instructions and less concerns about damaging the chest tissue. Mostly damage to the chest tissue happens because people do not position their chest properly when wearing their binder or because they were wearing ace tape/binding tape which is dangerous

Spoiler

When I hear about the negative side-effects from binding it's mostly because
- The person was wearing binding tape which you should never do
- The person was wearing their binder for too long or did not purchase a proper size and hurt themselves because of it
- Concerns about binding from plus-size people, I have heard a lot of concerns about that is very difficult to bind properly for plus-size people causing them to use potentially very dangerous methods of binding. I am not a doctor nor am I a plus-size person so I can't really comment on the things these people are choosing to do because they can't bind properly

I do not know of any "in-person" stores that people can shop at to buy binders at, I only know of several online stores to buy binders at. However I know that some people on Reddit and other Trans/Non-binary etc. communities such as Point of Pride sometimes give away their binders for free to other people who need them because they don't fit that person anymore.

Some binding companies I know of:
- Underworks (Personally don't recommend but that's just my personal opinion, plenty of other people recommend them)
- GC2B (Mine is from here) (Ships from U.S.A)
- Spectrum Outfitters (U.S.A and UK) (Seems to be the best chest binder company these days according to Reddit)
- ForThem
- Shapeshifters
- Wivov
- Sock Drawer Heroes(Australia)
- Origami Customs
- UNTAG
Are the main ones I've hear of, there's others but you need to do your own research and look at reviews to see if they are good or not

 

[xSuperMario64x]

I've been thinking about getting a chest binder; I think it would help me feel more comfortable in my skin and give me a more androgynous look. However, I don't know where to shop for one (online is out of the question, for now) and I'm worried about not finding a good-quality one. In the meantime, I've been wearing sports bras (since the material is taut) and baggy shirts to cover my torso, but I only have so much in my wardrobe.

Also, to anyone who wears chest binders: Are there any long-term effects for wearing one too long/often (like tissue damage)? Obviously I wouldn't wear one 24/7, but say in the case of being in public for many hours... I want to feel more comfortable with myself, but not to the point of damaging my own body.

I have two binders and got them both from GC2B, the quality is great and they are trans owned and operated so I highly recommend them. unfortunately I haven't found, or even heard of, any stores that sell binders, they're pretty much all online.

as for the other thing, yeah it's not a good idea to wear them for long periods of time because it can damage breast tissue. that's why I finally gave in and set up an appt with a doctor who specializes in gender affirming care, because I do wear mine so much. most of the time, if I don't wear it, I feel a huge amount of discomfort, from dysphoria and just in general. I know my limits though, I can tell if I've worn mine too much and need to take a break. sports bras are perfect for in-between times, especially ones that offer a bit of compression. I'll just say that, if you wear a binder for, say, five hours in a day, and then spend the rest of the day in a sports bra, then you should be okay. don't quote me though, I'm just speaking from experience and everyone's experience is different.

hopefully you can figure out something soon. speaking as a trans-masc person who presents androgynously, wearing a binder really is so liberating

 

[Croconaw]

-snip-

Everything about binding has pretty much been covered by those above me, but I wanted to say that I have a relatively “large” chest and my binder from GC2B flattens well. I posted a comparison picture last year. I was surprised with how much my chest flattened with the binder. I personally have a medium binder.

I hope you’re able to get a binder! I’m non-binary but it feels great to wear when I’m feeling masculine.

Spoiler: With a binder

Spoiler: With a sports bra but I have a shirt on

 

[Neb]

With pride month over, I did some more thinking and came to a few conclusions. My identity fluctuates a lot because figuring out my placement within the LGBTQIA+ community has been a very long and confusing process for me, so here is where I think I am.

I am 100% positively gender fluid. I wish I could get facial feminization surgery so I could pass more as either a man or a woman depending on how I dress rather than be stuck with the masculine features I was born with. I sometimes wish I could magically shift between gender presentations at will. There are days I want to dress masculinely, other day more feminine. Where my gender fits slides around, but neither fully hits man or woman, rather different points in between. I have no choice but to present as masculine where I live and be closeted since a good chunk of the people here are not very tolerant. I don't pass as feminine at all and even in cities considered safe like Portland I still got a lot of flack for wearing a dress. I have no interest in medically transitioning though since the thought gives me intense anxiety. I'm also taking several strong medications with many side effects already and HRT probably wouldn't mix well.

I have never felt romantic feelings towards any man despite calling myself bisexual or pansexual in the past because I thought I could potentially develop those feelings eventually. The fact it's never happened in 22 years probably means something. Instead, I'm only really attracted to women and some nonbinary people depending on the person. I think that technically makes me straight? I'm not entirely sure since I'm AMAB, but many days I feel much more feminine on the inside. Sexuality stuff can be really confusing.

From now on I'd prefer going by just they/them pronouns. I feel more uncomfortable when I hear he/him the older I get.

 

[Croconaw]

Pride month is over, huh? I only became confident in my non-binary identity about a month ago, and considering my age, well, it's a little late to the party. I sometimes wish I was more confident in my identity earlier rather than forcing myself to use she/her pronouns online.

I'm often referred to as she/her pronouns in real life because my chosen name is gender-neutral, which is something I had intended. I intended my name to be gender-neutral, just to clarify. It seems that I'm less bothered by she/her pronouns when accompanied by my chosen name. However, it bothers me when people use she/her pronouns with my deadname. I'm pretty sure that stems from invalidation. Like, I feel that people aren't truly accepting my identity when they use feminine pronouns with my deadname. It's a bit weird that I'm okay with the feminine pronouns otherwise, right?

I'm not sure if it's just myself accepting it or if I'm actually alright with it. The only thing I know for sure if that I prefer they/them, because even with the gender-neutral name, masculine pronouns feel off - more so than feminine pronouns.

 

[Suguri]

I have never felt romantic feelings towards any man despite calling myself bisexual or pansexual in the past because I thought I could potentially develop those feelings eventually. The fact it's never happened in 22 years probably means something. Instead, I'm only really attracted to women and some nonbinary people depending on the person. I think that technically makes me straight? I'm not entirely sure since I'm AMAB, but many days I feel much more feminine on the inside. Sexuality stuff can be really confusing.

I've crushed on guys throughout my life and recently fell in love with a nonbinary person. However, this led me to question whether I was really straight or some other sexuality since for me I associate heterosexuality with attraction towards only the opposite binary gender.

That's why I identify as omnisexual nowadays. It's when you're sexually attracted to all genders with a preference for certain genders over others. I feel that this is the closest sexual orientation that I can relate to unless there exists one that perfectly describes both of us.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

this is really random but I've had a thought in my head for the last week.

I keep debating whether or not I might be genderfluid. I do still fully identify with being trans, and I wouldn't even necessary say that my actual gender identity fluctuates. but one thing I've heard that a lot of genderfluid people deal with is their gender changing in the middle of the day, and feeling uncomfortable if they can't present themselves to match their current feeling.

I definitely get that way myself sometimes. my presentation often teeters between being masculine and feminine, more so the latter but I tend to remain androgynous regardless. but sometimes I'll go to work dressing more feminine, with lipstick and dangle earrings and bright colours. and in the middle of my shift I suddenly feel uncomfortable, and I wish I could put my studs back in and wipe off my lipstick and dress in neutral tones.

along with this, despite always asking people to use he/him pronouns, there are some days when I kinda don't mind if people slip up and say she/her, and there are some days where people referring to me as she/her makes me want to pull my hair out.

I don't know, saying that I'm genderfluid doesn't quite sound right because I wouldn't say that my actual gender identity changes, aka I can always confidently say that I am trans-masc. but the way that I feel about my presentation does shift. my reaction to the way in which people perceive me shifts. I'm not really sure how to describe it, and I'm honestly not bent on trying to find a label for it, but it is a weird sensation that I have.