The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[Clock]

Pickpocket, its the only thing to get money, but its risky and can only be used for last resort.
Fastest way to grow flowers?

 

[Ciary]

Here are the steps for the fastest result:

1. blow up your neighbors house
2. move your house to where their house was
3. pretend that you grew all the flowers in their (now your) garden over night
4. get rid of all the witnesses

Help, my insane neighbor blew up my house and is now trying to kill me. what do i do?

 

[DarkDesertFox]

Here are the steps for the fastest result:

1. blow up your neighbors house
2. move your house to where their house was
3. pretend that you grew all the flowers in their (now your) garden over night
4. get rid of all the witnesses

Help, my insane neighbor blew up my house and is now trying to kill me. what do i do?

Don't worry, I'm here to help. Just follow these steps:

1. blow up your neighbors house
2. move your house to where their house was
3. pretend that you grew all the flowers in their (now your) garden over night
4. get rid of all the witnesses

Oh man... I just committed plagiarism, what do I do?

 

[ProbablyNotJosuke]

Make everything increasingly verbose until it’s unrecognizable from the original source just enough that it seems original (Example: Commit arson upon thine neighbor’s abode)

How do i cure scurvy

 

[Midoriya]

Jump into a pit of lava.

How do I make a good sandwich?

 

[michealsmells]

Long Pork.

How do I keep my room clean??

 

[Neb]

Take the clutter and move it to another part of your house/apartment. Boom, your room’s clean!

How do I make my laptop’s fans quieter?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Remove it from your laptop so it no longer makes noise.

How do I refuel my car?

 

[Midoriya]

Okay, here’s what you got to do.

First, you sneak it to an F1 race. Don’t let security see you. Just drive without being seen with your body below the steering wheel.
Then, you get someone to let you in to where the drivers are.
After that, you wait for the race to start, and while they‘re racing, you hook your car up to where the gas is.
Then your car explodes because it’s not the right type of fuel for your car.

Help, my friend’s car has exploded. What do I do?

 

[Ciary]

go to your favourite social media platform
unfriend them
problem solved

I don't have social media and get one. where do I start

 

[ProbablyNotJosuke]

Download one of those ads you see that like have “5 health tips your doctor is hiding from you” with a picture of a skull in a banana

I can’t stop eating skull bananas, what do i do

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Okay, here’s what you got to do.

First, you sneak it to an F1 race. Don’t let security see you. Just drive without being seen with your body below the steering wheel.
Then, you get someone to let you in to where the drivers are.
After that, you wait for the race to start, and while they‘re racing, you hook your car up to where the gas is.
Then your car explodes because it’s not the right type of fuel for your car.

Help, my friend’s car has exploded. What do I do?

That is just gold LOL.

Tape your mouth so you can't eat anything.

All of my water has evaporated due to extreme heat! Where do I get more?

 

[Clock]

You may need to follow an animal, since they might go to a water source, and that's where you can get more
How do I make rain?

 

[Your Local Wild Child]

Throw salt in the air. The salt attracts water vapor, bringing you a small shower.

any tips on smoothie making?

 

[spawnpoint]

Throw a bunch of fruit and veggies into a blender and boom smoothie


How to gain more self confidence?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Have someone tell you you’re worth living!

How do I drive a boat?

 

[SweetDollFace]

With the paddles.

How do I tell people to give me space?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Build a mobile lava moat around you to show that you’re serious.

How do I light up a lamp?

 

[ProbablyNotJosuke]

Attach it to a bike, pedal the bike, and it’ll magically light up for as long as you pedal

How do i get better at drawing

 

[Clock]

Start small
How do I find a phone that got lost in water?