The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[Mick]

You just leap onto one from behind to make sure it doesn't notice you and then it'll never know you're there

How do I get to space

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Ask NASA.

How do I grow flowers?

 

[Midoriya]

Plant them and then splash tons upon tons of water over them every day.

How do I skydive properly?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Just do a nosedive and pull out your parachute at the very last moment, breaking your bones.

How do I make popcorn?

 

[DinosaurDumpster]

Don't take off the plastic wrapper over the popcorn bag before you put it in the microwave. It's really important. Then, set the timer for 50 minutes, burning the whole bag of popcorn and possibly even your whole kitchen.

How do I fly?

 

[applesauc3]

Tie Yourself to a kite

Where can I get an iced tea?

 

[Your Local Wild Child]

From chilly tea bushes

For Pokémon fans: what’s the easiest method to shiny hunt?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Just give up.

How do I delete reddit?

 

[Your Local Wild Child]

Nuke the internet.

What’s the best type of paint?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Use water as paint.

How do I stop a runaway train?

 

[StarParty8]

You head facefirst and try to use your arms to pull the train so it stops. I mean, don't stop the runaway train, just get your red water paint and splash it on train.

How do i defeat a famous plumber in battle?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Throw your pet turtle at him and hope for the best.

There’s a giant cheeseburger trying to eat me. What do I do?

 

[StarParty8]

Jump into a portal and move to a universe where cheeseburgers don't eat humans.

my pet cat i got last week from a professor decided to walk. on 2 feet.

 

[Your Local Wild Child]

Get a selkie to fight it.

I have 3 pets to choose from: tortoise, monkey and penguin. Which should I choose?

 

[Mayor Ng]

Tortoise to be your vegetable dumpster.

What do you do if you have an upset stomach?

 

[StarParty8]

drink a ton of milk. I dont know im not a doctor.


That penguin person decided to steal all my food and maybe summon a demon.

 

[Your Local Wild Child]

It was an accident. Better pick up the dream wand and fight the thing anyways

I’m so tired. How many bottles of five hour energy should I drink?

 

[Darkesque_]

You should take 5, so your heart can explode!

I am feeling sick, what should I do?

 

[StarParty8]

rob a five-hour energy bank and drink every last drop of every fivehourenergy there. ninjad
Contact the hospital, being sick is serious! although this answer isnt.
I just confronted the head of a team that wants to destroy the world for everyone but them, and somehow i'm not scared. but i should be scared of his TEAM! That's a evil peice of burnt bacon he's using!

 

[Dawnpiplup]

You know, I don't really know how to respond to that. However, if they truly wish to annihilate mankind - I'd say just let them do the damn job.

How do I gain superpowers?