The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[Orius]

Make a life-sized time machine and go back in time to tell your younger self to start learning rocket engineering.

How do I become a better person?

 

[NovariusHaze]

Possess Ryan Reynolds’ body.

How do I catch a duck with only a pencil and ten pounds of cheesecake?

 

[Midoriya]

Set the pencil on the ground ten feet from the duck. Throw the ten pounds of cheesecake at the duck from behind. The duck will be so frightened that it will run and trip over the pencil, falling over. Then what you have to do is jump on it. Don’t worry about it pecking you, you’ll be fine.

How do I care more about things?

 

[DarkDesertFox]

You have to make an enemy in your life that will threaten the things you hold dear and then you will grow to care more about them.

How can I make the weekend get here faster?

 

[Clock]

Time travel of course

How do I deal with a cat that asks for a lot of attention

 

[Orius]

Buy another cat that will ask that original cat for attention.

How do I achieve world peace?

 

[DarthGohan1]

buy ACNH for 7 billion people

how do i time travel?

 

[Orius]

With a stopwatch. That neat little invention can time anything.

How do you stop bad puns like mine?

 

[frogslime]

Your vocal cords. Give them up. Sacrifice them, donate them, anything. It's the only way. Oh, and maybe your fingers too.

Help I have no costume for Halloween, what do I do?

 

[mrbeanfan64]

grab some curtains and put it over you and now you have one.

how do I get rid of a dumb three wheeled blue van that's always in my way

 

[SpaceTokki77]

ram into it with your car! this will ensure that the van is gone, and you’ll never have to deal with it again! although you might have to deal with a lawsuit

how do i get ready in a short amount of time?

 

[Orius]

How to end memes on the Internet once and for all?

 

[Darkesque_]

End the internet!

How to get someone to like me?

 

[Azzy]

Leave reality and become fictional. Most everyone obsesses over at least one fictional character ;33

How do I get a normal eight hours of sleep?

 

[Clock]

Put all your electronics outside and drink a lot of milk and go to bed in your empty bedroom

How do i win in any 50/50 situation

 

[Darkesque_]

Gaslight the situation

How to paint better?

 

[JulianSG16]

Ask better to pose in front of a canvas, then the rest is up to you.
Where can I find a good source of Vitamin D?

 

[Neb]

Eat a raw cow.

How can I read faster?

 

[Marridia]

add more eyes to yourself

how do I cook food

 

[Clock]

Grab your ingredients and put it in an open fire and now you can call it a day

How do I avoid stepping on gum on the sidewalk