Step 1. Invent Jigglypuff
Step 2. Have the Jiggly sing you a song each night, at 10 PM sharp. This way you won't be able to be a night owl, as you'll be asleep
Get a routine. Never sit in bed to read/game/watch TV. After about a month you'll conk out as soon as you hit the bed. Sleepytime tea in the meantime, warm right before bed. And have your clothes laid out for the next morning, will save on stress and you'll wake up with one less task making you feel like you got better sleep.
Sell your house and all of your belongings, fly to a remote area of the world (preferably a jungle or something), and live as if you are from the Bronze Age. You'll still have some cash left over, which can last you as long as you want because there will be no electricity to use.
If a doctor ever says that you have “6 months” or something of the like, commit a major felony. Don’t plead guilty, but let them find you guilty. Then, hopefully the judge will give you 40 or so more years.
Tell him that you are in a relationship with Shrek, the sexiest man alive. Jealous, your crush will be forced to tell you how he really feels. Confess to him that you were planning on marrying Shrek, but it’s okay because you’ll cheat on him so you two can date.
Hire a bunch of good-looking New Yorkers to star in a crappy sitcom that make easily dated jokes. The setting of the show is that they'd hang out at some hipster café all day and each other's luxurious apartments even though they work middle-class jobs. Tada! Friends! I'll be there for yoooou! When the rain stars to fall!
