The Internet's Worst Advice Column

[Orius]

Knock yourself out. Literally.

How do I get food fast?

 

[tessa grace]

Get your favorite food and train it for the olympics. Some of the fastest sports that will improve your foods speed include swimming, track, and cross country! Good luck with that!

Where is waldo?

 

[Orius]

In a Where's Waldo book. Available at your nearest S-mart. Shop smart. Shop S-mart.

How do I track turnip profit spikes?

 

[DarkDesertFox]

I would wait after a week before tracking any profit spikes.

I don't have any ice cubes for my drink and I'm out. What do I do?

 

[Midoriya]

Take a small kitchen knife, fly to Antarctica, and slowly but surely shave off ice from a glacier for your drink. : D

How do I make more time for meetings?

 

[Orius]

Shoot balloons in ACNH for the "Time" DIY recipe.

How do I stop obsessing over Animal Crossing?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Call the cops so it will get arrested and go to jail so you don't have to deal with it. There, problem solved.

How do I keep my game consoles in good condition?

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

Apply to be a firefighter in Antarctica. When you get accepted, bring your game consoles with you. Wrap the consoles in plastic wrap, then put them in a zip lock bag (you can double up the zip lock bags if you really want). Finally, drop the consoles in to a deep hole in the snow. Promptly fill the hole with water, then when the water has turned to ice, cover with snow. This preserves the consoles, as they are frozen and always in perfect condition. At least until climate change takes its toll on Antarctica. Then maybe put them in a freezer.

What is the best thing to invest in?

 

[Midoriya]

Joe Mama.

How do I become super strong physically?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

I dunno ask one of your jock villagers lol.

How do I catch a Pokemon?

 

[Neb]

Chuck every safari ball that’s on your person. It’ll stay in the ball eventually.

How do I get my cat to stay in the litter box?

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

Make your entire house the litterbox. Do not let the cat outside of the house.

How do I make a sandwich?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Put stuff in a blender. I mean, you are combining things together after all!

I went to the grocery store, but I can't find what I'm looking for. What should I do?

 

[DinosaurDumpster]

rip up the entire grocery store until you find it. raid the storage room, steal from other peoples carts, etc.

how do i drive?

 

[Midoriya]

Go off the road and run into people like in Grand Theft Auto.

How do I catch more shiny Pokemon?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Just make your regular pokemon shiny. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!

One of my villagers requested that I catch a bug that's not in season. What should I tell them?

 

[Orius]

Catch a bug with tacky clothes.

How to catch a Pokémon in real life?

 

[Neb]

Attach a net to a ball and throw it at the nearest squirrel.

How can I tell if I have feelings for someone?

 

[DarkDesertFox]

If you have an extreme anger towards the person it probably means you like them.

How can we start moving to 3 day weekends and 4 day work weeks?

 

[Shellzilla_515]

Just invent an entirely new calendar. I'm sure people wouldn't mind changing their plans!

How do I diffuse a bomb?