The Internet's Worst Advice Column

Wait until it’s summer and hope the ice melts so you don’t slip off.

How can I easily make money?
 
Sell your family on the dark web

How do I hack into Jeff Bezo’s computer?
 
You have to kill as many people as possible and get as many different blood types for it so can write. Just don't get caught and you're good!

My fan won't work. What should I do?
 
simply bang your head against a wall to knock yourself out.

how do i obtain something i want but cant have?
 
Well, let's see; they've been sold out for years. Ever since it was released in 2006, they've been hard to find. Last time I checked, I found some for sale in the dark depths of my basement walls. There's some mold growing on them (and the cords and controllers are missing), but they're in good condition overall. Let me know if you're interested.

How do you deal with a slow driver in front of you in a place where you can't safely pass?
 
The most efficient solution is to ram into their car. You may be charged with felonies but I'm sure the sacrifice is worth it.

How can I overcome writer's block?
 
Just don't breathe... everything's going to be O.K.

How do I care more about movies like Five Nights at Freddy's and Barbie?
 
Tell your body to stop getting sick in the first place. It's your own fault for letting it happen!

How do I change my signature?
 
You just stop being lazy and write a signature. Just like any good artist does.

How do I set an alarm?
 
Alright, here's the secret to setting an alarm: first, find that pesky clock thingy that's been staring at you from across the room, probably judging your snooze button habits. Then, press those mysterious buttons in a sequence that only you and your alarm clock understand. It's like a secret handshake, but with numbers! Finally, hope for the best and pray it wakes you up at the right time. If all else fails, remember that a backup rooster is always an option!

What's the best way to fix a leaky faucet?
 
Open the cabinet doors and bang your head into the pipe multiple times. The pressure from the force of your head hitting the pipes will knock it back into place! (y)

How do I more easily write a 50 page essay?
 
Page 1 Ssssssssss
Page 2 Aaaaaaaaaa
Page 3 Sssssssssss
Page 4 Aaaaaaaaaa
(Not too bad)


How do I resist clearanced out Halloween candy and fun decor??????
 
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