The out of context quotes thread

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"We are attempting to attract the giant now, with a bowl of Kraft Dinner. When the giant arrives we will attack him with our guns, our swords, our—"

*Large footsteps can be heard*

"Fee-fi-fo-fum! I smell Kraft Dinner."

"Give us back the princess, Scott!"

"You fart-loving tricksters! I'll take care of all of you!"

"You're a ****, Scott! You have always been... A ****! And then you got radiation poisoning in Ottawa and now you're a giant ****!"

"No, you all kept calling me a ****, and so then that turned me into a ****! And then I got radiation poisoning in Ottawa and now I'm a giant ****!"

"Just hand over the princess of Canada!"

"Why would I take the princess of Canada?"

"...Because you're a giant ****."

"I'm also the biggest Canadian patriot of all of you! You know that I would never harm the royal family!"

"Aw, crap. Sorry, everyone! Looks like we had some bad intel. Return to your homes!"

 

[Yoshi155]

*picks up phone* Hello? Oh, hello, Principal Skinner. …no, Bart has never been to Hong Kong. Good night *hangs up*

(the phone rings again)

*picks up phone* Hello? Tennessee State Police? No, my son’s car was not crushed in Knoxville. I really don’t know where to begin telling you what’s wrong with that! *hangs up*

(the phone rings again)

*picks up phone for the third time* Hello? No, Bart is not available tomorrow to deliver a human kidney to Amsterdam. *hangs up* Homer, are you laughing at me?

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“We come from the far off year of 2002!”
*Cut to a calendar with the year 2004 on it*
“Really?”

 

[Yoshi155]

Mom, Dad threw his beer can at the Miracle Grow guy on TV. Can I recycle it?

Why not?

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“The guys and I have been talking and we’re thinking of forming our own group.”
“Yeah! The Multi Culture Pals!”
“Apache Chief!
Black Vulcan!”
“That’s Supervolt!”
“Juan Gigante!
The Negotiator and His Super Sidekick Pitseleh!
The French Tickler!
And Jesse Jackson!”
“Multi Culture Pals! Many Heroes!”
“One voice.”
“You know we could always appeal.”
“That’s okay, my friend. We may have lost the case but I gained so much more.”
*Native American Woman kisses Apache Chief on his cheek and he grows a bit taller as he blushes and harp love strum sound plays. A bear then starts clapping and everyone stares at it awkwardly and it slowly stops. Everyone then starts to laugh*

 

[Mr.Fox]

'Alright everyone, listen up! In order for better understanding we've asked students of Canadian origin to introduce you to their culture and HEY LESLIE SHUT YOUR ****IN' MOUTH!

 

[QueenCobra]

“No! He would kill you like a small dog! Let your anger be as a monkey in a piñata... hiding amongst the candy... hoping the kids don't break through with the stick!“

 

[Yoshi155]

Help… me…

Holy smokes! You need booze! *throws change at him*

 

[Yoshi155]

Y'know, I went to the McDonald’s in Shelbyville on Friday night.

The McWhat?

Uh, the McDonald’s restaurant. I never heard of it either, but they have over 2,000 locations in this state alone.

Hmm. Must have sprung up overnight.

You know the funniest thing, though? It’s the little differences.

Example.

Well, at McDonald’s you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right? But they don’t call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.

Get out. Well, what do they call it?

A Quarter Pounder with cheese.

A Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well, I can picture the cheese, but… uh, do they have Krusty Partially Gelatinated Non-Dairy Gum Based Beverages?

Yeah, they call ‘em shakes.

Shakes? You don’t know what you’re getting.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Hot coffee… IN MY PANTS!!!!!”

 

[QueenCobra]

“I remember, a long time ago, when a good friend of mine told me that there would be a chosen one.“

“There will be a chosen one,”

“Then he told me, of the significance.”

“It will be significant.”

“And then…he killed the dog.”

(groans and closes his eyes; he then farts and a dog is heard whimpering and falling to the ground)

 

[Yoshi155]

Seymour, the house is on fire!

No, Mother, it’s just the Northern Lights.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Bye! I’ll miss you at first!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Hello, Mega Man. And Mrs. Mega Man. Welcome to couples’ therapy. I am Dr. Wily.

Dr. Wily? You’re a therapist now? But you’re evil and bent on world domination.

Not anymore. Those days are behind me. Don’t question it. Shut up.

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"I'm afraid that I'll come home one day and find you screwing the toaster."

 

[Yoshi155]

My name’s Ash Ketchum, baby!
My life is back on track
But I’ve been in the hospital
Since Pika shot me in the sack
And I don’t know all the new Pokémon

Yo, bro, I can help you with that

Hey, Brock!
I’ll do all the singing and you’ll take care of the raps

All right, let’s go!

Pikachu, Squirtle, Venasaur, Arcanine, Diglett, Jigglypuff, Muk.

Oh, I know these guys!

Asscloud, Nippleclamp, Poopypants, Dingledoodle, Ranchbreath, Turkeyburger, Beefhead, Clyde.

Whoa.

Haterade, Bubbledump, Overdraft, Headcheese, Picklefeet, Frontbutt, Softbrick, Commonwhore, Underloaf, Chairwolf, Manateats, Freebase, Nickleback (nope, not Nickelback the band), Lumbersack, Tinyhead, Door.

Are-are you serious? You’re not making those up, those are real?

Haha, you know it, bro! Gotta catch ‘em all!

Well, it seems new types of Pokémon are coming out really fast!

Oh, there are more.

Really? Wait, I’m immediately sorry that I asked!

(Wow, I guess I really should have been keeping up with Gen 9’s Pokémon)

 

[Mr.Fox]

‘How long have you had this house?’
‘Yes! That is true!’

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“But gawsh! There’s no one else like me!”
“There’s Pluto.”
“I’m gonna pretend that I didn’t just hear that….”

 

[Yoshi155]

I wanna know what would happen if I were human. I mean, being a robot’s great, but we don’t have emotions, and sometimes that makes me very sad. *sniffles*

 

[Yoshi155]

Wait a second. I know that monkey! His name is Donkey.

Monkeys aren’t donkeys. Quit messing with my head!