The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Dear Magical Diary,
Today I burned you because you’re an evil book of death! Love, Toot”
*Toot tossed Diary into the fireplace where it briefly begins to burn before she quickly grabs it and opens it up to write some more*
“PS, I wish Mike Jarowski would like me!”
*Tosses Diary back into the fire*

 

[Yoshi155]

Mighty pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe.

Well, then what do you think you should stop doing?

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Welcome to Dear Ashley. Today we’re doing a live show so you can fax me your questions and I’ll answer them right now!”
*Message on the screen: Fax Ashley your questions at 555-5555*
*Fax machine is silent and is doing nothing*
“I SAID FAX ME YOUR STINKING QUESTIONS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
*Fax machine kicks on and starts making sounds as a fax comes in*
“That’s better!”

 

[Yoshi155]

We’ve got to find Hugo.

We’ll search out every place a sick, twisted, solitary misfit might run to.

I’ll start with Radio Shack.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Our first live letter comes from Tatiana Mustafa. Tatiana writes Dear Ashley, thaaaaat’s me! Dear Ashley, I want to watching you right now on television and I keep hearing you talk about the live show. I’m wondering Ashley, what time is the live show I’m watching going to be on? Oh the live show you’re watching right now will be on RIGHT STINKING NOW!!!!! IT’S A STINKING LIVE SHOW! WE’RE LIVE! WHICH IS MORE THAN WHAT I CAN SAY ABOUT YOUR BRAIN CELLS, YOU AWFUL BIG DOOFUS!!!!! MAN!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Oh, my god! Space aliens! Don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids! Eat them!

 

[Yoshi155]

And finally, the post office meter is for business mail only.

Aw, come on! I’ve got a lot of ransom notes to send!

 

[WhiteLily210]

I can't tell if you're a boy or girl but you sound like Spongebob!

 

[Yoshi155]

Then it’s settled. The new chief executive officer of Planet Express Corporation is …that guy.

*that guy begins humming the Safety Dance song*

 

[Yoshi155]

Wait, this isn’t a business plan. It’s an escape plan.

So long, suckers! *runs away giggling*

 

[QueenCobra]

“Hey, where the white women at?”

 

[Yoshi155]

Delivery has nothing to do with the delivery business.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Our next letter comes from Jennifer Brown. Jennifer writes Dear Ashley, thaaaat’s me! Dear Ashley, I heard that All That is doing a lime show. I don’t get it. What’s so great about limes? Why not lemons or pineapples? Well Jennifer, it’s not a lime show we’re doing. IT’S A STINKING LIVE SHOW!!!!! LIVE!!!!! *Grabs a lime off a plate next to her bed* THIS IS A LIME AND YOU KNOW WHAT?!!! IT’S A HECK OF A LOT SMARTER THAN YOU ARE!!!!!!!! *Hurls lime off stage* Man!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Our next letter comes from Cody Moore. Cody writes Dear Ashley, Thaaaaat’s me! Dear Ashley, I’m really enjoying the live show. I have a question that I really really want to ask you but I don’t know how to use a fax machine. Ashley, how do I use a fax? Well Cody, it’s interesting you don’t know how to use a fax machine because YOU JUST FAXED ME A STINKING FAX!!!!! *In mocking high pitched voice* My name is Cody and I have ask people how to do stuff that I already know how to do. And blah do blah do blah DI BLAH!!!! I WISH NONE OF YOU DUNDERHEADS KNEW HOW TO USE A FAX MACHINE BECAUSE THEN I DON’T HAVE ANSWER ANY OF YOUR STUPID STINKING QUESTIONS!!!!!! *Ashley goes into a rage and starts throwing letters into the air and knocking things over while screaming until she grabs the lamp and starts smashing it on the fax machine until both are destroyed and she then stops and smiles* Well that’s all the advice I have for you today! Bye bye everybody!”

 

[Mr.Fox]

'THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!'

 

[Yoshi155]

This isn’t a business. I’ve always thought of it more as a source of cheap labor. Like a family.

 

[Yoshi155]

I’m gonna miss Springfield. This town’s been awfully good to us.

No, it hasn’t, Dad. That’s why we’re leaving.

Oh, yeah. So long, stinktown!

 

[QueenCobra]

“What’s wrong with wearing all black? Emo lives matter.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Homer, on your way out, if you want to kill somebody, it would help me a lot.

 

[Mr.Fox]

'Yes Mr. Scorpion.'
'Don’t call me Mr. Scorpion. It’s Mr. Scorpio, but don’t call me that either. Call me Hank!'