The out of context quotes thread

[Yoshi155]

Let’s talk business expenses. Do you even have those?

Hmm. I bought stuff for my Chao.

Is that a business expense?

It could be.

What did you get?

I bought them some fruits and cute little hats from the black market.

The black market?! Why did you buy stuff from there?

Well, where else are you supposed to buy stuff? It’s literally attached to the garden.

You can’t put illegal purchases on your federal tax returns!

Why not?

 

[Yoshi155]

If you don’t pay your taxes, the IRS will come after you!

Yeah, and I’m the fastest thing alive. What are they gonna do? Catch me?

*gets thrown in jail*

Damn. They caught me.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

Elly Elephant went to bed with her teddy bear for the 11,000th straight night.
“I want to be held by a living being,” she cried.
So Elly Elephant ventured into the world.
Searching for two arms to protect her.
For two hands to caress her.
For two lips to kiss her.
For two eyes to get lost in.
Elly Elephant got a slap on the @##.
*Hippo touching Elly Elephant*
“Nice tush, Babe.”
Elly Elephant learned to be happy with her teddy bear.

 

[Yoshi155]

Whoa, Tails, uh, were you gonna… kill Eggman?

Uh… yeah.

Man, that’s dark.

Can I still kill him?

Eh, sure, why not?

What?!

Fire power laser!

*Eggman is disintegrated*

 

[Suguri]

"Who let the dogs out?"

I'm pretty sure Petey did... With Dave Mustaine. -ZeldaCrossing64

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Who let the dogs out?"

I'm pretty sure Petey did... With Dave Mustaine. -ZeldaCrossing64

"Next thing you know, they'll take my dogs away." (Misheard lyric in Holy Wars...The Punishment Due.)

I knew the quote looked familiar when I read it. XD

 

[Yoshi155]

Shadow!

Professor Gerald?

If you’re hearing this prerecorded message, it means the worst has happened. Black Doom has returned and called you cringe.

How did you prepare for this specific possibility?

He may be wondering how I prepared for this specific possibility, but I can’t answer questions because this is a prerecorded message.

…

Listen to me, Shadow. All my years of research have gone into making you the world’s most based life form. You are scientifically designed to be based!

He’s lying to you, Shadow. My powers allow me to detect all cringe.

He may be saying that his powers allow him to detect all cringe.

Stop doing that.

And it is true. There is one part of you that is cringe.

See?

It’s the blood of Black Doom that runs inside of you!

What?

If you defeat him, there will be no cringe left.

That’s preposterous! Cringe is determined by your behavior, not by your blood. Even if I were cringe, my DNA would have no effect on Shadow being so.

He may be making a valid argument about the nature of genetics, but observe this meme in which I have depicted him as the soyjak and you as the chad. He has already lost!

No! Impossible! They didn’t even have memes 50 years ago!

Mr. President, what the **** is any of this?

 

[Suguri]

Beautiful. Storytelling and acting were beyond amazing. It was a roller coaster of emotions. If only Star Wars was more like this -Yoshi155

 

[Yoshi155]

It’s hopeless. I can hear all this great music in my head, but my stupid hands can’t keep up.

Awww, you know what always cheers me up? Laughing at other people’s misfortunes! *laughs*

Beautiful. Storytelling and acting were beyond amazing. It was a roller coaster of emotions. If only Star Wars was more like this -Yoshi155

Haha I still remember that amazing video lol

 

[QueenCobra]

“Putting out other people’s candles does not make yours burn brighter.”

 

[Midoriya]

*Running through the crowd at the dance and pushing people aside to try and chase down the suspect*

*Meanwhile, one guy is from the future trying to make his parents get together so that he'll exist*

"Yes, this is it... I won't have to disappear!"

*But just as they're about to kiss, some of the operatives come through and push them aside*

"Sorry, NTSF:SD:SUV special agents coming through!"

"Hey, did you push me?"

"No?"

"Lame, I'm going to go dance over there now."

*The guy from the future screams as he fades from the picture, and slowly, but surely, fades out of existence as well without necessarily dying*

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Can I have my hands back now?

No!

You’re not nice!

 

[QueenCobra]

“Once in the fifth grade this kid called me a homo and I thought it meant homeless. And I was so confused I said, ‘But Jeremy, you’ve been to my house!’”

 

[Suguri]

"Game Freak" - Hey guess what Jirachi fans? You are a freak of Pokémon video games for the rest of the day

 

[Yoshi155]

Oh, how come I never get any mail?

I’m sorry, honey. Here, you can have the junk mail.

Gas your termites. Freeze your termites. Zap your termites. Save the termites.

 

[SkyKnight03]

You have any food here?

All I have is a piece of hard rock candy. But it's not for eating. It's just for looking through.

 

[Yoshi155]

Your phony credit card is no good here. Now make like my pants and split!

 

[Yoshi155]

Boy, Bart, Laddie’s the best dog in the world. He’s nothing like your old dog.

Santa’s Little Helper? I guess I was the only one who loved him.

You got that right. Remember the time he ate my goldfish and you lied to me and said I never had any goldfish? But why’d I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

 

[Yoshi155]

I don’t want a new dog. I want Santa’s Little Helper.

Well, crying isn’t going to bring him back… unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back, or you can go out there and find your dog.

You’re right. I’ll do it.

Rats. I almost had him eating dog food.

 

[Midoriya]

@Mimi Cheems

"We used to smear firefly guts all over ourselves so we could glow in the dark."

"**** YOU, MY STEPBROTHER WOULD DO THIS!"

"Yeah, but if I eat fireflies, it's protein."

"This is like that one song."

"YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE YOUR EYES,
IF I ATE TEN MILLION FIREFLIES!"

"Literally France at seven years old."

"Poor fireflies. What did they do to you?!? They didn't do anything! They had families and you ruthlessly murdered them all for your own gain!"

"I didn't eat them to be fair. I crushed them and smeared them on myself, in order to glow."