The out of context quotes thread

[Suguri]

Greg Heffley, you are under arrest for failing to return "How to Make Sock Puppets."

 

[Yoshi155]

Wow, sweetheart, look at all of this seized booty. We could find the drug boat of our dreams!

I don’t want a drug boat.

Well, I bet there’s drug dresses and drug vacuum cleaners, too.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Lucille can’t date Buster! She’s my age!”
“Why not? Men date women much younger than them all the time.”
“She knew him as a baby!”
“So?”
“She changed his diapers!”

 

[Yoshi155]

I’m not getting back in this car until you drive like a sane person.

Okay, bye, love you. *drives away*

 

[Suguri]

I'm onwy thwee!
-Manny

 

[Yoshi155]

I don’t know, Marge. Trying is the first step toward failure.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Actual closed captioning text as Buster goes on a very long swearing rant that is continuously being bleeped out*
“Can you believe what he is saying?”
“I know! This is crazy!”
“Too bad you can’t hear what we are hearing.”
“Boy, he’s been really going on for awhile now.”
“If you are reading this, you are either deaf or have nothing else to do in your life.”
“Looks like he’s almost done. We should seriously get back to our jobs now.”

 

[Midoriya]

"Brian, no! You can't die! Look, you're the only one I've ever really considered my true best pal, and... I just can't bear to see you go yet...!"

*Peter finds a taser and shocks Brian with it, and Brian slowly gets up*

"Wow, Peter... you saved me."

*But before Brian can say anything else, Peter shocks him again and he goes back to being unconscious*

"OH NO, BRIAN! YOU CAN'T GO!"

*Peter shocks Brian again and he's revived again*

"Peter, I'm awake now. You can drop the taser now."

*But Peter shocks Brian again and he falls back down again, unconscious*

"BRIAN, WHAT HAPPENED?!? NO!"

*This process repeats several more times*

"GOD ****** PETER, PUT THE ******* TASER DOWN! I'M ALIVE, ALRIGHT?!?"

"Oh... sowwy."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This isn't funny you guys! Jessica?! Jamal?!"

*Stephanie looks for both of them, but they've both been killed already*

*Jason Vorhees shows up with his machete*

"AHHHHH!! Don't kill me!"

*But before he has a chance to, a random bypasser jumps in-between them*

"Don't worry, ma'am! I've got this handled!"

*He takes out a boombox and all of a sudden it starts playing the S-rank male rap from Zenless Zone Zero on it as he does Space Dandy dance moves and shakes his hips all around*

*Jason Vorhees continues to stand there with an even more perplexed look on his face for a solid minute or two before the song ends*

"RAAAAHHHHH!"

"Well, it was worth a try!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I love you, Dad.”
“And I love you just enough.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Thank you, Bart. Thank you, Lisa, for all your help.

What about me? You didn’t thank me.

You didn’t do anything.

I like being thanked.

 

[Yoshi155]

That house looks awfully small.

I’d say it’s awfully… cozy.

That’s dilapidated.

Rustic.

That house is on fire.

Motivated seller.

 

[Suguri]

Cordless telephones erase the memory of the elderly.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

"Cool Cool Mountain is our early dessert, serving up snow with four flavours: we've got floor, air, tree, and sentient snowmen." -ZoomZike

 

[Suguri]

HELP HELP GET ME OUT OF HERE THESE PEOPLE ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY

 

[Yoshi155]

It was salesmanship, that’s all.

Sure, Marge. “Salesmanship.”

But it was.

Sure, Marge. “Was.”

 

[QueenCobra]

“I wish I could be gay again.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I should have slept with you when I had the chance!”
*Billy on the phone*
“Father Maculy?”
*Phone goes dead*

 

[Yoshi155]

So, Fry, what do you do for a living?

Me? Uh, can I phone a friend?

 

[Suguri]

I don't know much, but I do know one thing: polar bears are some useless animals.

 

[Yoshi155]

For $1, what tool is used to hammer a nail? A. a hammer. B. a nail. C. a-

B. Nail! Final answer!