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The out of context quotes thread

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-me to my father after he told me to feed his fish.
 
*Anne begins approaching the FBI agent after knocking out all the others as the agent begins banging on the door behind him and pleading.*

"Agh! Let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Let me ou-"

*Anne hits the FBI agent in the head with the toy lightsaber and the agent falls to the floor unconscious.*

"Uh, it says pull, dude."
 
“You’ve earned another gold star!”
*Cool.*
“Well would you look at that? The playground is completely empty! You’ve gotten rid of all your classmates and collected six gold stars!”
*So now what?*
“Now I get to go home early!”
“Don’t I get a reward?*
“Oh right! Your reward! Here you go. It’s a special lunch pass. You can use it at any time you want to have lunch with me. It’s my way of protecting my rats for selling out their friends.”
*Thanks.*
“Whelp, there’s no one left to teach today soooooo I’m gonna take off.”
*What about me?*
“Look kid. Either I can earn a gold star or you can start walking home. Choice is yours.”
“I’ll walk home then.*
“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow. Toodles.”
*Ms Applegate walks off screen*
 
“Wizards don't believe in gods in the same way that most people don't find it necessary to believe in, say, tables. They know they're there, they know they're there for a purpose, they'd probably agree that they have a place in a well-organised universe, but they wouldn't see the point of believing, of going around saying "O great table, without whom we are as naught." Anyway, either the gods are there whether you believe in them or not, or exist only as a function of the belief, so either way you might as well ignore the whole business and, as it were, eat off your knees.”
 
“Quick! Tell a lie!”
“Uhhh what should I say? But be quick!”
“Say something crazy like ‘I’m wearing ladies underwear!’”
“I uh I’m wearing ladies underwear.”
*Nothing happens*
“Are you?”
“I most certainly am not!”
*Nose begins to grow*
“Looks like you most certainly am are!”
“Am not!”
*Nose continues to grow*
“What kind?”
“It’s a thong!”
 
"I'm sending you straight to the [NIGHT KINGDOM]."

"You don't understand, [NIGHT KINGDOM] is just a word. The reality is much, much worse."

*he presses a button on a TV remote as a TV slowly descends and turns on, and starts playing the song "I'm too [redacted]" while the TV screen itself shows Capitano dancing and shaking his butt*

"OH MY GAH, YOU'RE RIGHT! THE REALITY IS MUCH, MUCH WORSE!"

*Captain Miller immediately rushes for the exit and jumps out of the spaceship, dying in the vacuum of space*
 
“I say we form a friendship circle so we can hug him and-“
“Or we can kick him in the face!”
“Butterbean! What’s wrong with you?”
“Ha ha ha! That just seems like the fastest way to get rid of him.”
“But you taught me that friendship and love are the best way to deal with problems.”
“Did I? That sounds ridiculous!”
 
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