The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“We don’t all have button eyes, silly! Some have button mouths.”
*Other Milhouse with a pink button where his mouth should be jumps up to the window waving his arms and mumbling*
“What’s up?”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I wish I could stay here forever.”
“Oh but you can.”
“Alright. Let me guess. Do you have to sew buttons over my eyes?”
*Other Abe bends down to talk to Lisa*
“Don’t worry, sugarplum. We’ll give you a button to bite on while we sew them on! Hold still!”
*Lisa screams as Abe shakily moves a needle and thread towards Lisa and she runs screaming through the small door back into her room. Homer then enters*
“Oh sweetie, you’re just in time!” *Pulls out Lisa’s saxophone from behind his back with a snake tail dangling from it*
“I killed a snake with your saxophone. Could you blow it out? Let me wipe the blood off of the mouthpiece….”
*Cut to Lisa in front of the Other Simpsons*
“Buttons please.”

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

"What are we celebrating dad?"

"I finally managed to get tenure!"

"What's tenure?"

"That means that if they want to fire me, they'd have to find me in bed with a freshman and a goat."

"Oh dad! They'd never find you in bed with a freshman."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*QVC Host talking to a viewer who called in*
“Let’s go to the phone and say hello to Rosalie. Hi, Rosalie! It’s Leah. How are you?”
*Sweet calm grandmotherly sounding caller*
“Hi, Leah! How are you?”
“I’m fine. Thank you”
“Good. I’m so anxious to order my clothes.”
“Are you really?”
“I am.”
“Tell me. So what did you like about these leggings?”
“Well first of all, I love Denim & Company. I love the make.”
“Yes.”
“And I don’t get a chance to order or shop because I live on an island in south Jersey.”
“Okay.”
“And there are hardly any stores around here. So I watch your program to order my clothes.”
“One, you’ve been happy with the things you’ve gotten?”
“Well we’ll see with this next order and how they fit.”
“Okay. Um I have to tell you, so you love Denim and Company? I have to tell you, Rosalie, I’ve been wearing these leggings for years. Honestly when I say to you easily fifteen plus years….”
*Man is heard saying something to Rosalie on the other end of the call and she turns into an angry sounding older woman*
“DO YOU SEE I’M ON THE BLEEPING [Actual word not censored] PHONE?!!!!”
*QVC Operator hangs up immediately and Leah is shocked*
“Uh oh! It’s a live television show and Rosalie didn’t want to be interrupted on the phone!”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"This is the face of a man who realized he made an oopsie-daisies of giant proportions. A man who looks like his first date said that she had to go to the bathroom and hasn't returned for 20 minutes. A man who's on the plane to Disney World and remembers that he left the stove on."

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

"So. You went back in time... And didn't change... Anything..."

"Yeah, I was kinda, ya know... A passive observer."

"...I would have tried to save your life. From me!"

 

[Midoriya]

"Greetings, father."

*gasp* "Hulk Hogan?"

*Steve appears with Hulk Hogan present*

"He goes to my chiropractor. So I asked him if he'd come talk some sense into you."

"STAN. My little Hulkamaniac filled me in on what's going on. AND LET ME TELL YA SOMETHING, BROTHER. The Hulkster had to battle my entire life to get where I am, brother, with nothing but sweat, tears, and heartache, and good ol' red, white, and blue pumping through my veins, brother. ALL the training, ALL the matches, ALL the prayers and ALL the brothers made me appreciate everything I've earned. That's why, no matter how many 1, 2, 3s I slap on my opponents, I just thank my lucky mean genes I was blessed to be able to step into that squared circle and use these TWENTY-FORCE PYTHONS! Stan, brother, sometimes as a Hulkamaniac you gotta look deep down inside yourself and ask, WHATCHA GONNA DO, WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD, ON YOU?!" *Hulk Hogan flexes as a random person claps*

*Roger looks back with a disapproving face*

"Listen, Terry, I appreciate you coming out, but--"

*Hulk Hogan shakes hands with Stan and proceeds to hurt him through sheer grip*

"Oh, what's wrong, dad? Have you developed privileged rich guy hands?"

*Stan struggling* "My handshake..."

"Looks like your grip's gone soft. Probably from not lifting a finger all day."

*Roger walks over*

"Nonsense, stan! Stick with what got you here! The easy way!"

*with everyone watching, Stan finally makes his decision and meets Hulk Hogan eye to eye, rips off his shirt, and screams as an old rock tune plays*

"My son's RIGHT! I became what I despise the MOST! I don't want your membership! Not this way! I wanna earn it! With my working man's hands!"

"Welcome back, dad."

"Whaddya say, Vanderhill, you keep my membership in exchange for us getting employee swim back?"

"No ways to your Joses!"

"Well, Hogan, then it looks like we're gonna have to earn swim time back the HARD WAY."

*Stan flexes as Hulk Hogan rips his shirt and the two proceed to beat up Vanderhill/Roger's underlings while the others scream and run away*

*Muscle Man from Regular Show can be seen waving his shirt in the background and screaming* "WOOOOOO, YEAHHHHHH!! YOU SHOW THEM!"

"Yeah, you show them!" *Master Shake and Meatwad are there too*

"Meatwad, can ya pass the popcorn, please?"

"Oh, here you go."

 

[Shawna]

“What a rigged-ass game! Do you not want me to have on my walls?! ” - Poofesure

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Everyone’s a little bit racist, alright.”
“Alright.”
“Alright!”
“Bigotry’s never been exclusively white.”

Post automatically merged: Tuesday at 2:31 PM

“Hey Bernice! Is that your huge rear end in your pants or did a couple of Galapagos tortoises die in there?”
*Bernice growls at Fluffy and Uranus who start laughing hysterically when a couple of grenades fall from the sewer pipe right into their mouths and explode*

 

[-Blue-]

Hey, Louise. It’s Rudy. Quick question. Do you think they’ll let me take my stuffed animal to jail, because I can’t sleep without Pancake!
No one’s going to jail, okay, buddy? Hold on, that’s the other line. Hello?
I think we got to get rid of Rudy. I think he’s gonna talk.
Millie, he’s not gonna talk, okay? He’s on the other line, and he’s cool as a cucumber. Hold on. Rudy, how we doing?
I’m freaking out!
Hold on. Hi, Millie.
How’s Rudy? He’s cracking, right?
He’s slightly worried.

 

[rocketspruggs]

"I'm tired of taking orders from G.I. Jerk, I'm gonna tunnel out of here!"

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"I'm a prisoner in Harvey's bedroom!"

 

[rocketspruggs]

"Out of the way, Tubby."

"Oh, pardon me, "Oldie Hawn"."

"Wh...ah! Why, you ill-mannered sack of crap!"

 

[ShadowLelouch97]

"just steal from your job"

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

In the beginning, the universe was created.
This made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.

 

[Suguri]

Yeah, sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world. Except for a nice M.L.T.; a mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich. Where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe. They're so perky, I love that. -Miracle Max, "The Princess Bride"

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Farm pomegranates aren't real, they can't hurt you."

 

[QueenCobra]

“I’ve told you a million times not to talk to me while I’m doing my lashes!”

 

[rocketspruggs]

"Sorry, but we don't serve miners."

"Daaaannnnng'nab it!" [spits on the road and walks off] "Eughh!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Bob, I’m worried about Beth. All she cares about is that stupid Velva.”
“Are you worried that she’s going to become a lesbian?”
“What?”
“Uh never mind.”