The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Tiffany opens a closet with an older couple dead stuffed inside*
“Oh! Excuse me!”
*Tiffany shuts the door*

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Everything’s all mixy matchy!”
“Mixy matchy?”

 

[lasagne_of_death]

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was looking for the mailman."

"Oh what? Are you saying I'm not a 'male man?' Is that what you're trying to say? I'm not male? I'm not a man? Is that- is that what you're getting at?"

"Are you crying??"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Tiffany throws a couple of plates at Chucky and they break*
“Hey! What would Martha Stewart think?!”
“[Bleep] MARTHA STEWART! SHE CAN KISS MY SHINY PLASTIC BUTT!!!!!!”

 

[QueenCobra]

“You’re supposed to be a flight attendant, not a pigeon in heat.”

 

[QueenCobra]

"I'm H2O intolerant." *sneezes*

"I'm obnoxious."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Bender finds Finn and Jake chained up to a wall. Jake starts to whisper*
“What time is it?”
“Time for you to shut up!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“He spit up all over the rug!”
“What baby doesn’t spit up?”
“After eating the cat!”
“Ewwwww.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Jesus Christ himself could reign down from the heavens tomorrow and my reaction would be “yeah, well, the Minecraft movie is actually happening, I’ve seen crazier.”

 

[QueenCobra]

“You know, at first, I thought you was an old Raisinet riding on a skateboard.“

 

[lasagne_of_death]

"I just had a horrible dream that Gideon stole the deeds to the Mystery Shack, and kicked us out, and we all had to move in with Soos' grandma?"

"That was no dream, dude."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

*Everyone wakes up.*

"Shh. Por favor."

"Uhhh, sorry, Abuelita."

"Oh, Soos, your grandma is so adorable! And her skin is old lady soft. Haaaahhh!"

 

[Yoshi155]

Congratulations on taking over the US healthcare system, doctor.

All it took was a little elbow grease and a comically large space laser.

So what’s your plan now?

I’ll do what I do best! I’m going to make it evil! I’ll start by squeezing cash out of the chronically sick by charging exorbitant prices for their medicine. Diabetics will have to pay me 100, no, $200 for their insulin! *laughs*

They… already do that.

What?

Insulin already costs at least that much.

Really? $200?

It’s closer to 300.

Wow, okay. Diabolical. Guess the US beat me to the punch there.

They certainly beat you to punching diabetics.

It’s fine. I have plenty of other great, evil ideas. Next, I’ll make treatment impossible to access by ensuring the hospitals are understaffed. And I’ll do this by limiting the number of people who are even allowed to become doctors! *laughs*

They do that too.

What? There’s no way.

Do you remember having to do a residency to become a doctor?

Well, I’m not a medical doctor, exactly. I have a PhD in Women’s Studies.

Women’s Studies?

Being an evil dictator doesn’t exclude me from being a feminist, Shadow!

Right.. well, you have to complete a residency at a hospital to become a physician. But the funds for hiring residents are provided by the US government. So the number of available residency programs, thus doctors, is decided by Congress’ budget.

So not only did they already do my evil thing… they did it in a more sinister and subtle way.

Basically.

I’m not sure if I should be proud of my country or disgusted by it.

Maybe both.

Seems as though I’ll have to do something truly despicable to defeat the US government. In that case, I’ll make sure that the only people who can even afford healthcare are the ones who work for companies that benefit my economic interests!

That’s called insurance.

…uh, well, I’ll let the hospitals deny treatment entirely to those who don’t have the correct insurance.

…

No!

Yep.

Oh my God.

You have some tough competition.

They’ve already done every evil thing. Next you’re going to tell me the hospitals are just straight up racist.

Funny you should say that. According to recent research-

Stop! I don’t wanna know! All this information is making me feel like I’m going to have a heart attack.

Should I call an ambulance?

No. It’ll cost too much. Screw this! I can’t be more cartoonishly evil than the United States’ healthcare system. And I’m literally a cartoon villain!

So what will you do?

I’m just going to take over something pure and free of corruption. Like… um… the US educational system!

Oh boy.

 

[Plainbluetees]

And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?

I don't KNOW, Margo!

 

[Psydye]

*A MAGA dies and meets God*

God: "Why did you choose hate over love?"
The MAGA: "...I saved 10 cents on eggs."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Don’t look back and don’t run. You must never run from anything immortal. It attracts their attention.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh god! I’m engaged to a Douglas fir!”

 

[QueenCobra]

“Look, for Christ’s sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigre? They’re the same face! Doesn’t anybody notice this?! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”

 

[Yoshi155]

What’s that?

It kind of looks like Mew!

I am Mewtwo.

You’re Mew, too, huh? Well, we’re not going to let you get away with this, Mew!

Do not insult me with that name, child. I am Mewtwo.

Yeah, I heard you. You’re Mew, too.

Correct.

So like I said, we’re going to stop you, Mew!

Stop saying that! I’m not Mew!

But you just said you’re Mew, too.

Yes. Because I am Mewtwo.

But you’re not Mew.

Obviously.

That doesn’t really make any sense, Mew.

I have surpassed Mew in every way. It is an inferior life form. I am Mewtwo.

How can it be inferior if you’re Mew, too?

No, I’m… listen, tell me, what is that Pokémon? *points to Mew*

That’s Mew.

And what am I?

That’s kind of an existential question-

What am I?!

You’re Mew, too.

So then you do understand.

Of course I do, Mew.

Okay, you do not understand.

I don’t know, kinda sounds like he does, Mew.

I am Mewtwo!

I know you’re Mew, too!

Do you?

Of course I do,

*both* Mew.

Jinx!

I am not Jynx! That is an entirely different Pokemon!

Of course you’re not Jynx. You’re Mew.

God damn it!

Who’s God?

That has nothing to do with anything we’re… nope, actually, you know what? Screw it. For all intents and purposes, I am now God.

I thought you were Mew, too?

How many times do I have to tell you- wait, you did it. You… you just said I’m Mewtwo.

Well, yeah, just like you said, you’re God, but you’re also Mew, too.

Yes, yes! You finally get it! I am Mewtwo!

So you’re God and Mew?

God! ****ing no! I am not Mew!

Well, now I’m just confused.

Ditto.

I AM NOT DITTO!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Hi Santa! I want a Barbie unless the feminazis take that away from me too!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Black Doom. I already know what you’re planning. There’s only one thing I haven’t figured out. Why do you keep taking me back to Radical Highway?

I just think Radical Highway is so cool.

…what?

I mean, you grind down the suspension cables like fwshhh, and then the fighter jets come in and drop bombs like boom boom boom, but you dodge them, and then you go in that building with the springs and it’s like bwong bwong bwong bwong oh my God it’s so cool.

What are you, twelve?

I am an immortal conquerer of galaxies beyond your imagination. I’ve earned the right to geek out about my favorite level in Sonic Adventure 2.