The out of context quotes thread

[lasagne_of_death]

"What do we do, Chadley? I thought they were dead!"

"Far worse, Trixandra! They're... Nearly Almost Dead But Not Quite!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"

"Man, these movies are a lot less scary when you've actually fought real zombies."

"They're slow! Just power-walk away from them!"

"How much you want to bet that guy dies first?"

*Chomping noises*

"Aah! My face is being eaten!"

 

[xSuperMario64x]

"she punched me in my front and it counted as punching my fart box!" - poofesure

 

[rrenaa]

DAMN IT, HE GOT ME!!
(ง •̀_•́)ง

 

[Plainbluetees]

*gesturing at man with a hook prosthetic* "I wonder if that guy ever wiped his [bum] with the wrong hand?"
Hook guy: "Yes."
Crowd: "bum biddy biddy biddy bum bum."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Run! Run as fast as you can! Can’t catch me! I’m the Gingerbread-!”
*Gingerbread Man runs right into a closed window and the Old Woman who made him is looking sternly at him*
“And just where do you think you’re going?”

 

[QueenCobra]

“I got beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes
Lamb, rams, hogs, dogs
Beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes
Chicken, turkeys, rabbit
You name it!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“What happened then? Well in that world they say Shao Kahn’s small heart grew three sizes that day.”
*Grinch X-ray shows Shao Kahn’s growing bigger until it explodes and he falls off the mountain dead*
“Fatality!”

 

[Midoriya]

"Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg."

"But wait, wouldn't it make more sense for Beast Boy to lay an egg?"

"WHAT?! I can'ts lays eggs in animal form, I can only use their normal abilities."

"I know, but Robin laying an egg just doesnt... sound right. I mean Robin is human and can't even transform into an animal."

"Aight, this conversation is getting too weird for me, so I'm out." *Cyborg walks away*

"So if one of us could lay eggs, who do you think it would be?"

*Group turns around and sees Starfire squatting over some hay*

"Shhh... they won't hatch if you watch."

"Uh yeahs, I thinks I'mma go join Cyborg and hangs with him for awhile. See ya!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Man explains EV training through a montage song and Rusty is uninterested*
“Wow. None of that sounds fun.”
“Uh yeah. Pokémon isn’t about fun. It’s all about math and winning. It’s a job you don’t get paid for.”
“A job you don’t get paid for? HEY! THAT’S JUST SCHOOL! I DIDN’T BECOME A TRAINER TO LEARN MY FARFETCH’D MULTIPLICATION TABLE!!!!!!”

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

On nights such as this, witches are abroad.
Well, not actually abroad. They don’t like the food and you can’t trust the water and the shamans always hog the deckchairs.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Cleffa wearing lipstick and stiletto heels and drawn to look similar to a stripper hatches*
“I shall name her Cleffaye Valentine after the woman of my dreams.”
“Cleffaye.”
“Wow you sure are excited about that buff baby.”
*Rocket Grunts suddenly crash through the wall of the Pokémon Daycare*
“Look! I told you this guy makes the best buff fairies!”
*Rusty panics*
“Noooooooo! I don’t wanna go back to Team Rocket!”
“Yeah we don’t want you either! Ever since the new boss took over, membership has been at an all time high.”
“Quit presenting exposition, Dennis. Grab that sexy baby!”
*Dennis grabs Cleffaye and gets back into the truck which drives off making the EV Guy upset*
“Nooooooo! Please! I was gonna marry her! When she came of age of course.”
“Wow! You really deserve all of this.”

 

[xSuperMario64x]

"Good things shall come to he who is in last place" - the Bible (according to Poofesure)

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

“You're wondering if I really would slit your throat. To tell the truth, I don't know either, but think of the fun we could have finding out.”

 

[QueenCobra]

"I would like to volunteer to take this ol' bird out of her misery.”

 

[QueenCobra]

”When I wear a suit, people ask me, ‘Marlena, are you a lesbian?” And I say, ‘Yes!”’

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

It is at this point that normal language gives up, and goes and has a drink.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Other than Fluffy and Uranus turning into monsters, this trip was really nice!”

 

[xSuperMario64x]

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*Woody and the other toys suddenly pop out of the box to show Andy that they are actually alive while he is driving*
“We’ve been alive this whole time!”
*Andy screams in horror and the sound of the car crashing is heard as an end credit card is shown while a Randy Newman song parody is being played*
“You just wrecked your car. You just wrecked your caaaar! Your toys are talking and you think you lost your mind. You just wrecked your car.”
*Jump cut to Andy with a bandage wrapped on his head and arm in a sling on the phone with his mom*
“Mom! I swear the toys came alive! Yes! They’re alive! All of them!”
*Woody whispers to the rest of the toys inside the box*
“Can we all agree that this was a really bad idea?”
*The other toys nod in agreement *

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“And look how shiny his hands are. He puts makeup on his hands!”
“Some people have ugly hands.”