The out of context quotes thread

[Midoriya]

"I could have sworn I read your status just now as **** BABIES!"

"LOL, no it's rabies, HAHA!"

"That makes sense. I was like, what do you have against babies?"

-From messaging a past friend

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Let’s make her a dress she’ll never forget and destroy personal property in the process!”
“Yeah!”

 

[Midoriya]

"Bro, why are you dancing like that? You look like ******* Lanky Kong having a stroke."

 

[-Blue-]

"Bro, why are you dancing like that? You look like ******* Lanky Kong having a stroke."

lmao this reminds me of this animated reaction clip.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I knew I’d get ya. Just like how Danny DeVito got Rhea Perlman.”
*Jump cut to Danny on one knee and holding a ring*
“I don’t know Danny….”
“It’s either me or no one.”
“Sold.”

 

[lasagne_of_death]

"I'm just curious about that chicken eating the rock"

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

“People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as "Is this the laundry?" "How do you spell surreptitious?" and, on a regular basis, "Do you have a book I remember reading once? It had a red cover and it turned out they were twins.”

 

[QueenCobra]

“I have nothing to wear.” *farts* “Did you guys hear that? I’m scared.”

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

"I once said 'I love you' to my five year old. Her response was 'Daddy. What would happen if everyone on Earth farted at the same time?' I died a little inside."
"...So what was the answer?"
"All of space and time would be ripped apart. You wouldn't even feel it."
"But would we smell it?"
"Well, we all dealt it so..."

 

[rocketspruggs]

"One glazed and one scratch-and-win, please."

"You look familiar, sir. Are you on the television, or something?"

"Sorry, buddy, you got me confused with Fred Flintstone."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*A female screaming is heard in the distance*
“What the [heck] was that?”
“Oh just Vicky putting the kids to bed.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Well, no use crying over spilled mitochondria."

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

“It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country. This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*As a very old playground in very bad condition and falling apart is being shown on screen with two little anime Tamagotchi like characters are in the top corners*
“Imagine empty playgrounds free from children laughing and shouting. That is beautiful dream of vasectomy.”

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

It is said that whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.
In fact, whomsoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company written on the side. It's more interesting, and doesn't take so long.

 

[QueenCobra]

“And you came in your Herman Munster shoes….”

“Louis Vuitton shoes.“

“You know, even Louis Vuitton makes mistakes.”

“That is so rude.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“And look! They have candy in the bathroom!”
*Kate puts on in her mouth and immediately spits it out*
“That’s not candy.”
*Theresa on Kate’s phone*
“Uh yeah. It’s a bathroom. Who puts candy in a bathroom?”

 

[Midoriya]

"Wait, it's you guys again!"

*Team Rocket giggles before taking off their disguises. The Team Rocket Alola motto plays, but at the beat part, it turns into a rap song with Jesse, James, Meowth, and even Wobbuffet doing complex dance moves*

*Ash and company look on, flabbergasted*

"Uhhhh, what are you guys doing?"

*An old, retired Team Rocket admin is nearby* "Team Rocket grunts these days really know how to part-ay, don't they? Hyuk hyuk hyuk!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“What’s your unfinished business?”
“Revenge. Against the man that caused my death!”
“The inventor of the tee shirt gun?”
“No! Homer Simpson!”

 

[Midoriya]

"Johnny, I wanna sleep..."

"Then put your pillow down!"

"Alright, if you insist..." *Willy puts his pillow down from the side of the bed facing outwards*

"WILLY, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO PUT YOUR PILLOW ON THE SIDE OF THE BED, THAT'S CURSED! IT'S SUPPOSED TO GO AT THE BACK!"

"Well maybe I'm just cursed then, Johnny..."

*a full night passes*

"Willy, did you sleep the right way? The way I told you to?"

"I dunno, Johnny..."

"Wait, I have an idea... let's consult Pepper Ridge Farms!"

"Alright, Pepper Ridge Farms... run the playback video!"

*time rewinds on the TV screen to the previous night. Willy is shown to be going to sleep. But just as he's about to put his pillow down, the TV goes static*

"What the heck? I thought the Pepper Ridge Farms plan would be foolproof!"

"Pepper Ridge Farms remembers... or at least that's what Pepper Ridge Farms would like to say, but Pepper Ridge Farms didn't remember this time. Pepper Ridge Farms wants to bring new evidence to the stand that the video feed was tampered with."

"What the heck are you talking about? This isn't a court case, and that's also impossible!"

"Oh, but it isn't. Ya see, in the split-second Willy was about to put down his pillow, he called Flying Nimbus from Dragon Ball Z from across the multiverse, and it arrived and crashed straight into the recording device Pepper Ridge Farms uses, at a speed of approximately .000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 second(s). This is why Pepper Ridge Farms was unable to remember this time."

"Um.......... WHAT?!?"