The out of context quotes thread

[DolphinCube]

"I only want to take his hand!"

- Schezo (who is a boy) from puyo puyo

EDIT: Just so you know. He was chasing someone else who had a red hand and he wanted to examine it. Because he thought there was a strange power coming from it

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Elisa..."
"Yes?"
"It's just... Um..."
"What is it? Spit it out!"
"Your backside is on fire."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Wow your bedroom is really nice!”
“What’s wrong with the rest of my house?!”

“You can’t be a vegan and eat meat!”
“Maybe I can!”
“No! They’re two completely different things!”
“So are knitting and sewing but I can do both.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"AND HER NAME'S ******* BLOCKY MCBLOCKBLOCK!" -Poofesure

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh my God, Nemo! It's "omen" spelled backwards! He is the Anti-Christ!”
“But...you picked the name Nemo. That-that doesn't make any sense.”

 

[MiraForceOne]

BLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Some Russian kid on Minecraft

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"To quote Briggs, Hobgoblins can be mischievous, frightening, and even dangerous. But no one told us that they can drop delicious doughnuts..."

 

[xSuperMario64x]

"looks like Mr. Squarepants understands poop!"

 

[Ravenkitty22]

“Your cloak’s on fire again.”
“Oh COME ON! There wasn’t even any fire this time!”

 

[CrazyMario64]

"Make a wallet sound!"
"WALLET!"
-Darwin and Gumball

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“We don’t follow rules. We’re rebellent!”
“Did she say ‘repellent?’”
“Seems like she should have.”

 

[Midoriya]

"We've captured him, boss."

"Good. Take me to him."

"H-Hello? Who are you?"

*short man with an army helmet walks up*

"For great low rates you can get online, go to the general and save some time!"

"NO! I DON'T WANNA! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO TO THE GENERAL!"

"Oh, we will make you go to the general. We'll TORTURE you and make you go to the general, so that you can save some TIME, by finding great LOW rates that you can ONLY find online!"

"OH GOSH, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME?"

"Oh nothing. We're just going to make you listen to every episode of the TV show MAD from a text-to-speech voice in audiobook format."

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

*door closes*

*A FEW HOURS LATER...*

"And then he said, you ain't got nothing on me, Bob. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha...."

"Okay, I think I'm ready to go to the general."

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Raisins?”
“They’re nature’s candy!”
“Then why do they cover them in chocolate in order to sell them at the movies?”

 

[-Mars-]

*looking at a plush rainbow Hello Kitty chair* "Y'know I think I might actually get this"
"What are you doing?"
"I feel like a king sitting on this chair"
"Really? Let me see"
*Sits on a plush Minnie Mouse chair beside him*
"Oh yeah this is heavenly"
"I should get this chair for my girlfriend"
"DAMMIT NO! I saw it FIRST!"
"I need this chair to conduct science experiments on"
"THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS!"
*slams a pile of plush chairs on him*
"Have you finished thinking about your actions yet?"
"No"
"THEN STAY UNDER THERE!"
....
"Brittney? Brittney? Hello?? Anyone?? PLEASE HELP!!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

*A crutch is planted into the ground like a tree*
“Look! It’s the new Tommy Sherman Memorial Tree!”
“Nice.”
“I wonder why it isn’t blossoming?”
“Did you try removing the little rubber thing from the bottom?”
“Oh.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"WHAT ARE THE OOOOOOOOOOOOODDS?!?! EVERY TIIIME!! EVERY TIME I FINALLY GET A HOLD OF THE BALL, IT GOES RIGHT TO PIERRE!! SOMEONE ******* CHECK HIS MOLE! THERE'S A DAMN MAGNET IN IT!" -Poofesure

 

[CrazyMario64]

"MAYBE I'LL GET THEM THIS TIME! BEAM hostage situation."
-Failboat

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh no, wait! It looks like he hung himself.”
“Hanged himself, like a piñata? Should I hit him like a piñata?”
“No, Misfortune. He’s dead.”
“Dead? But he’s wearing a pair sweet boots, he can’t be dead.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Look at those nails! That’s not a manicure. It’s a massacre.”

“I told you no more killing people!”
“Oh Alex, it wasn’t a person. It was a guidance counselor.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"These are only 77 mph... FASTBAAALLS?!"
---
"ALFONSO!! WHAT BREED OF STUPID ARE YOU?!"