The out of context quotes thread

[-Mars-]

"I love my new car!!"
"Cool women's car, where'd ya get it from?"
"Nah man this is a dude's car!"
"Then why is it pink with feminine curves?"
"Aw you're just jealous you don't have a sweet ride like this! See my car has a hot tub and a 50 inch HD TV with giant speakers and a coffee machine and the best part of all is it has a phone charger!!"
"Whatever it looks like Barbie's convertible"
"Can't hear a word you say!" *drives off*
"Quit driving 70 miles an hour!!!"

 

[QueenCobra]

“Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"The Tower of Pisa must've been what you studied growing up as a pin."

 

[QueenCobra]

“Gloss on the blunt, ain’t sorry it’s Fenty,
Don’t mean to stunt but we stuntin’ plenty,
End of the night and your bank account empty
Yeah, LemYanka own 2020.
It's like BFF necklace, VIP guest list,
Leavin' boys breathless when we get reckless
Smile is infectious, roll up in a Lexus
Me and my girl come through, let's get this.”

 

[Midoriya]

"Hu Tao, but as a stock trader."

"Instead of trading stocks, she trades dead bodies."

 

[Midoriya]

*Ash Ketchum walks up to the door as Professor Oak is listening to music*
"Oh ****, coming, uh, one second!"
"Oh, hello, Ash Ketchum it's you, I was just listening to some good ol' fashioned NBA YoungBoy, yes, that's right, that's what the cool kids listen to nowadays, right?"
"I don't have time for your midlife crisis, Oak, can we just start this?"
"So I called you here because I'm REALLY starting to worry about that Pikachu you gave me."
"Okay, hear me out. I'm telling you without a shadow of a doubt, I truly believe Pikachu is the final antagonist of this show."
"Don't be absurd, Ash..."
"No, no, seriously! Just listen to me. Do you remember that Masterball you gave me the other day?"
"Yes, I do..."
"Well you wouldn't believe this, but I actually caught Pikachu trying to steal it from me while I wasn't looking."
"Heh, you're joking, right?"
"Huh, I wish I was joking, man. I'm telling ya. I mean, what is he even trying to do with a Masterball?"
"Right? It's not like he's sentient enough to know that a Masterball has a 100% catch rate and realize that it's the only type of Pokeball that also has the power to capture people just as much as it can capture other Pokemon!"
"Sorry, say that again?"
*door is kicked down with ominous music*
"Pika..."
"Pikachu, it's you! I sure do hope you didn't hear that I just said a Masterball is the only Pokeball that also has the capability to capture humans, right, Ash?"
*Ash Ketchum trying to give the Masterball back to Professor Oak*
"I can't deal with this anymore! Here, take back this cursed Masterball you gave me. It's way too much of a liability! Come on man, I'm only ten years old!"
*the two struggling*
"What? No, I don't want this ****! Finders keepers! No backsies!"
*Masterball falls right in front of Pikachu*
*Pikachu picks it up and turns to them as more ominous music plays*
"Welp, it was nice knowing you, Ash."
*Professor Oak jumps out the window and screams as he falls to the ground*
"I'm okay!"
*Pikachu walks up to Ash with the Masterball*
"H-hey, buddy, what are you doing with that Masterball?"
*Pikachu throws it at Ash Ketchum and catches him*
*Pokemon caught music plays as Pikachu shows off his newly caught Ash Ketchum and then he leaves*

 

[Seastar]

"I'm gonna have to fine you for falling on me."

 

[xSuperMario64x]

"the world needs to know how great this guy is, how great this frickin wall dude is. he's just a wall who smashes people with his face!"

- me, absolutely losing it

 

[-Blue-]

"What's your name?"

(Demonic tone) "Death is sweeter then life."

"Death is sweeter then life? That's a nice name, why don't more people call their kids that name? Fine boy you have there."

 

[QueenCobra]

“My toes are sickening.”

“Lenin in the streets, Dostoyevsky in the sheets…Baby, are you ready for this Cold War?”

“There is a time and place for every kind of public restroom.”

“What is a Kohl’s?”

“I would say I’m a glamour Nana…definitely a pig in a wig!”

 

[QueenCobra]

“She loved to celebrate Taco Tuesday. She liked the soft shell, with carne asada. That's her favorite, with guacamole. And guacamole's expensive.”

“Come on CDC, let’s get sickening!”

“I’d like to keep it on, please.”

“That’s the sexiest baked potato I’ve ever seen.”

"You might not be Canadian bacon, but you'll always be our Canadian porkchop."

“You’re cute, Regis…they want more.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Where did you get your degree? The Global University of Ducks?! Because you’re a certified quack!”

 

[QueenCobra]

“I see you whinin' and cryin', take that to Lifetime.”

“I’m Dorothy, you’re Toto— get in the basket!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Gee these fries are really good!”
“Uh Cindy? I thought you were trying to lose weight….”
“LAY OFF OF ME! I’M STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

[BakaRina]

"Do you ever realize you've been doing something wrong your entire life and get really embarrassed in hindsight?"
"For example I just learned that you can open doors by turning the handle but I always just used the windows instead whoops."

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Pinky! Pinky, wake up!"

"Oh, Brain. I was having the most wonderful dream. We were living in an experimental research facility, and the horrible genetic testing had made one of us a genius and the other insane."

"That wasn't a dream, Pinky. That's a pithy description of our real-life antics."

*gasp* "Am I the genius?" *larger, prolonged gasp* "Can my new name be Thinky?!"

"Just get up, you slumbering saddle-goose. It's Woodchuck Day! We have a world to take over!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“She might be incredibly smart for her age but she’s still her age!”

 

[pottercrossing]

A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven. - Jean Chretien

#1 Prime Minister right there

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“The power of rice compels you! The power of rice compels you!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Robbie had the same thing. Only without the head turning thing....”