The out of context quotes thread

[Yoshi155]

*knock knock*

Let me out of here- I mean, come in!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Say hi to your other brother and sister!”
”Other brother and sister?”

 

[Yoshi155]

A father never gives up on his son, because then he's not really a father, and if I'm not a father, all I really am is a husband. And that's practically worthless!

Uh-huh.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“So I’m a robot. I don’t love it but I can live with it.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Come back here, young lady! Don’t make me wash my mouth out with ham!”

 

[Beanz]

“no i can’t take it off, i feel like i’m naked.”

said two years ago by a girl in my class when asked to take off her apple watch.

 

[Yoshi155]

Whoever this player is, he has played World of Warcraft nearly every hour of every day for the past year and a half. Gentlemen, we are dealing with someone here who...has absolutely no life.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Now I’m gonna wash your mouth out with soup!”
”Don‘t you mean soap?”
”Oooooooh! Even better!”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“No! No! Nooooooooooo!”
*Cindy runs off screen*
”Whats going on? Cindy! Come back! Don’t go running into the street! You’ll get hit by a-“
*Car horn blares and crashing noise*
”I keep telling the Principal that we need to put a fence over there! Sheesh. Okay children! There’s been an accident that I don’t want to get blamed for. We’re going to cut recess a little short today. Everyone head inside.”

 

[Yoshi155]

How was your day?

It was a day.

What does that mean? Why don't you talk to me like a person?

I am.

Amazing!

It's like they have their own language!

That language is called maturity!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Have you even seen where eggs come from?”
”Yes! All the time lately. And true it’s disgusting which is why I don’t eat eggs anymore.”

 

[Yoshi155]

Daddy, Peppa commited armed robbery!

Armed robbery, eh? Daddy pig might be clumsy and forgetful, but he knows how to call the police on naughty piglets.

 

[VernalLapin]

You already have a toxic rectangle spewing trash into your brain. Why do you need another?

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh god it’s not a comedy club! S-slaughter house. Oh! That makes so much more sense!”

 

[TN4U]

"When they get here tonight, they're gonna see that I'm a big phony and a loser!"
"Ooh, boo hoo. Let me play a sad song for ya on the world's smallest violin."
"This is serious."
"I know, this really is the world's smallest violin. (Holds up) See?"

 

[.: Meri :.]

"Help! Help! Help! There's children in the woods!"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Welcome to prime time b*****!”

 

[Yoshi155]

I really wish mom didn't raise me so well, because this deserves a much stronger cuss word than FIDDLESTICKS!

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Oh fish sticks.”

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I don’t want to date Barry for the same reason Dr Frankenstein didn’t date his monster.”
”Frankenstein wasn’t gay.”
”A single man tries to create the perfect man.”