The out of context quotes thread

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I’ve been all alone since my wife went to be with her ancestors.”
“She died?”
“What?! No! She moved to Columbus to be with her mother!”

 

[Midoriya]

"Guys, sit down! This is the best part!
*Master Shake sits down on the couch and flips on the TV as Frylock and Meatwad sit down as well*
"This looks... dark. Is this that new romcom you were talking about?"
"SHHHH, shut up Frylock, and watch!"
*Man confronts Jason Vorhees on the TV and starts punching him hard, but with little effect. Finally, he stops*
"Your best shot, ************."
*As Jason winds up his fist the Aqua Teen Hunger Force theme plays*
*His fist connects and decapitates the man*
"Duh duh duh duh duh duh, BECAUSE WE ARE THE AQUA TEEN, WHEN THE HOMIES--"
*The man's head falls off the building, but then rolls through a pipe on a mini golf course, goes up three ramps and through three rings of fire, and finally hits the dumpster, falls in it, and it closes*
"...number one in the hood, G!"
*Frylock and Meatwad look shocked at the screen*
"Um... what did we just watch?"
"Shhhh, it's gold standard television, Frylock! Geez, get with the times wouldya?"

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I will show some versatility when Santino wins a sewing competition and Visage wears a f****** turtleneck. IT AIN’T HAPPENING!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Alright, Earthlings, what form do you want me to take?

(after some thought) How about a taco… that craps ice cream?

(he turns into a taco and craps out pink ice cream)

Guys?

I like it.

Me too.

(they all start clapping)

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Wait, what did she call me?"

"Handsome, but she spelled it wrong."

 

[Aria Nook Violet]

"So how did you cut out their testicles?"
I heard it as I was passing through some girls in front of a science university. Glad it was me who heard it and not some poor guy lol.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“Finally we can enjoy the magic.”
“Told ya he was gay.”

 

[Yoshi155]

He died fair and square. Call it morbid, but I don't care.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“I know what you mean. Old Walt had a way of sentimentalizing everything with animals. I mean, for goodness sake, he made the world fall in love with a mouse. Now, I’m sorry, you can put gloves and pants on a mouse, and you can teach it to whistle Dixie, but when it comes right down to it, Mickey Mouse was nothing but vermin. And if he came whistling and tap dancing into my kitchen, I wouldn’t sing along, I’d call the Orkin man.”

 

[ZeldaCrossing64]

"Are you drinking straights vodkas right now?"

"Don't worrys about it."

"Toki, it's like, noons..."

"Oh thanks, Big Bens, now I know what time it is!"

 

[QueenCobra]

“Fuller, go easy on the Pepsi!”

 

[Yoshi155]

Gosh, my mom's treating those people like they're her family.

I don't know, Orel. It looks like she's just ignoring them and fed up, and not happy at all to be there.

Exact!...ly.

 

[Yoshi155]

*screams*

What, dude?

Dude, I was having this horrible nightmare that we were at this house, and it was filled with Cartmans!

Kyle, we are in a house filled with Cartmans.

Oh. *screams again*

 

[Yoshi155]

I'm sorry dad. From now on, when I do drugs, I'm going to speak properly.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

“How old are you?”
(To the tune of The Lonely Goatherd)
“I’m old enough but it’s still a bit dicey!”

 

[Yoshi155]

You think that's bad? Remember when I auditioned to be David Hasselhoff's car?

 

[Midoriya]

"Alright, who's next? Come on up!"
*Chowder waves*
"I am!"
*Schnitzel rushes past him and jumps into Gazpacho's lap*
"Radda!"
"Oh no, BIG BOI!"
*Schnitzel takes out a very, very long list and begins reading down it*
"RADDA RADDA, RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA, HEHEHE, RADDA RADDA RADDA--"
"Seriously, aren't you a little old for this?"
"RADDA!"
*Schnitzel continues reading as Chowder impatiently waits*
"RADDA RADDA, RADDA RADDA RADDA, RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA, OOH OOH OOH! RADDA RADDA, RADDA RADDA RADDA--"
"Come on......."
"RADDA RADDA, RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA, HEHEHEHEH, RADDA RADDA--"
"COME ON..................."
"RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA RADDA--"
"DARN IT, SCHNITZEL, IT'S MY TURN!!!!!!"
*Chowder hops into Gazpacho's lap as Schnitzel goes flying*
"Hey hey, Chowder!"
"How did you know my name???"
"Eheheh, your handsome friend Gazpacho told me!"
"So! What do you want for Kinishmas, pal?"
"Electric broccoli trimmer, detachable non-electric cauliflower trimmer!"
"Gotcha!"
"So I'll get one?!?"
"Sure, why not!"
"Pinky swear?!?"
"Oohhhhh... pinky swear? This is getting serious. Give me your hand, commence the pinky swear ritual! Chestnut! Please officiate the ceremony!"
*Chestnut hops onto the side of the chair*
"Dingaloo, Dingalee! Officiating is what Chestnut be! Dingaloo, Dingalee, that trimmer'll be under your tree!"
"Woohoo! Yay, hooray! Merry Kinishmas!"
"What's all the chattering about???"
"Kinish Crinkel promised I'll get my trimmer for Kinishmas!"
*Mung Daal sweating*
"He did? That's great.... really great...."

 

[-Blue-]

Snip

Hey ugly! You owe me 300 dollaps!

 

[Yoshi155]

My uncle Willie. The guy was weird.

(laugh track)

Let me tell you, he would do weird things.

(laugh track)

Weird.

(laugh track)

 

[-Blue-]

My uncle Willie. The guy was weird.

(laugh track)

Let me tell you, he would do weird things.

(laugh track)

Weird.

(laugh track)

Sounds like one of those Disney sitcoms where they force a laugh track into every segment.