What's Bothering You?
- Thread starter Kaiaa
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nintendofan85
Good grief.
While I've been back with my parents and my aunt for spring break, my mom has gotten increasingly critical of how my best friend is gay, as she says that since he and I still do hang around a lot (which is to be expected, he and I have been best friends since 2012), people at my college will think I'm gay (and, of course, I go to a Christian school, so being gay isn't accepted among the staff, although a lot of the students are more accepting). The thing is, my mom doesn't know that I'm bisexual myself. I realize I turned 19 a month and a half ago and really should tell her, and I honestly had already planned on coming out to her and my dad this past summer, but I decided against it because my dad made a last-minute decision in April where it had originally been looking like I was going to be going to Japan that summer, but after my dad found out that the college I'd be going to (I was still a senior in high school at the time, but I obviously had college lined up) had a study abroad program in Japan, he thought I should pursue that instead. The problem was, at orientation in July, the lady that was filling in for my advisor (as he was away in North Carolina) told me that since I'm in a program where I'll be finished with undergrad in three years instead of the usual four and then will go on to law school, it would be extremely unlikely that I could still do the study abroad program in Japan. My advisor and I finally met soon after the semester started, and he and I talked about it, and I also talked with my college's study abroad director. I got mixed results. As late as October I tried to hold on trying to make it work, but by the end of that month, it was clear it wouldn't. Luckily, it's looking likely that my dad and I will be going to Japan this summer, but obviously I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that from happening as it's been my dream for years.
Currently I'm hoping to come out to my parents this July, or maybe in August. All I have planned is that I'll do it between when my dad and I get back from Japan and when I'll be starting my sophomore year of college. That being said, while I think my reason for postponing coming out makes sense, a lot of the comments my mom has been making while I've been off for spring break are still hurtful. Because I've brought up a lot of stuff about homosexuality with her and my dad up within about the last year and a half or so, she started lecturing to me this afternoon that I think about it too much, and wouldn't stop talking about how sinful homosexuality is. She had also begun expressing roughly a year ago when it was clear that both me and my best friend were going to the same college that she was extremely concerned he was gay (she found out as she eavesdropped on a phone conversation where he came out to me back in 2016) and that he may harm my reputation, considering that again, he and I go to a Christian school. However, as I said, a lot of the views at the school have liberalized over the years-for example, my mom went to the school herself and graduated back in 1984, but that was now thirty-five years ago. A lot changes in thirty-five years (in case you were wondering why my mom graduated that long ago, she had me when she was 37). She also claims that my best friend has been making me think I'm gay or bisexual, when I had begun feeling this way all the way back around 2011-2012. I didn't accept myself for my sexuality until I was 15, almost 16, in 2016, but that was largely because again, with the very conservative Christian and homophobic environment I grew up in, I tried to deny the fact that I was attracted to males. If anything, I helped my best friend come to terms with his own sexuality, the only part about it bothering me was that at first, in early 2016, he considered himself bisexual as well, but then came out as gay at the end of the year (and it really bothers me when that happens as it makes bisexual men like myself get taken less seriously).
I realize what I've typed is extremely long, but it's just been bothering me a lot today. My mom told me to focus on beautiful things, but what isn't beautiful about two people being in love, regardless of gender? I just don't understand. I don't have anything against people who oppose LGBT rights for religious reasons, as I was raised Southern Baptist (and that explains why she is opposed to it, she was quoting scripture earlier today), but that doesn't mean I agree with their views. My mom likened being around LGBT people to being around criminals and how they will influence me-and I personally don't see any way the two are similar.
Currently I'm hoping to come out to my parents this July, or maybe in August. All I have planned is that I'll do it between when my dad and I get back from Japan and when I'll be starting my sophomore year of college. That being said, while I think my reason for postponing coming out makes sense, a lot of the comments my mom has been making while I've been off for spring break are still hurtful. Because I've brought up a lot of stuff about homosexuality with her and my dad up within about the last year and a half or so, she started lecturing to me this afternoon that I think about it too much, and wouldn't stop talking about how sinful homosexuality is. She had also begun expressing roughly a year ago when it was clear that both me and my best friend were going to the same college that she was extremely concerned he was gay (she found out as she eavesdropped on a phone conversation where he came out to me back in 2016) and that he may harm my reputation, considering that again, he and I go to a Christian school. However, as I said, a lot of the views at the school have liberalized over the years-for example, my mom went to the school herself and graduated back in 1984, but that was now thirty-five years ago. A lot changes in thirty-five years (in case you were wondering why my mom graduated that long ago, she had me when she was 37). She also claims that my best friend has been making me think I'm gay or bisexual, when I had begun feeling this way all the way back around 2011-2012. I didn't accept myself for my sexuality until I was 15, almost 16, in 2016, but that was largely because again, with the very conservative Christian and homophobic environment I grew up in, I tried to deny the fact that I was attracted to males. If anything, I helped my best friend come to terms with his own sexuality, the only part about it bothering me was that at first, in early 2016, he considered himself bisexual as well, but then came out as gay at the end of the year (and it really bothers me when that happens as it makes bisexual men like myself get taken less seriously).
I realize what I've typed is extremely long, but it's just been bothering me a lot today. My mom told me to focus on beautiful things, but what isn't beautiful about two people being in love, regardless of gender? I just don't understand. I don't have anything against people who oppose LGBT rights for religious reasons, as I was raised Southern Baptist (and that explains why she is opposed to it, she was quoting scripture earlier today), but that doesn't mean I agree with their views. My mom likened being around LGBT people to being around criminals and how they will influence me-and I personally don't see any way the two are similar.
ali.di.magix
🌟💫🌟💫
This is honestly one of New Zealands darkest days. I never thought something like this would happen here. This is not who we are. Kia kaha Christchurch </3
My body hurts all over, from muscles, back, , knees, etc. from pushing my body more than I'm used to after being sick for so long (and ovaries from another condition). I'm grateful for the new volunteer job and furniture, but it's putting a toll on me as I'm the young one in the home. Nonetheless, keeping my head up high as it could be far worse, but boy do I ache lol.
Just read about it, I'm so so sorry </3
Just read about it, I'm so so sorry </3
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xSuperMario64x
"I'm forever yours... faithfully" 💙💜
My life feels so worthless, now I'm starting to have dreams about being a complete failure as a musician and as a person. It's really starting to get to me.
And my parents don't even try to help, they just say dumb **** like "why are you upset" after I clearly tell them what I've been thinking through.
Also I'm so tired of being in school.
And my parents don't even try to help, they just say dumb **** like "why are you upset" after I clearly tell them what I've been thinking through.
Also I'm so tired of being in school.
Dawnpiplup
Kick ass.
I'm very, very dysfunctional.
Lady Timpani
sway
I typed a bunch of different responses out and none of them seemed quite right, but basically, I hope you're doing okay, and I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't feel pressured to come out if you're afraid for your safety or otherwise uncomfortable, and stay safe.
Try not to be too hard on people like your friend, though. I know it's frustrating that people both within and outside of the community don't take bi people seriously, but that's on them and their perception of bi people. You just keep doing you and being an awesome person and friend, as it sounds like you are both.
Wow stop being such a douche. Like you can say if you are busy the whole day(s), that's why I ask and not "demand" or whatever you take it as. You don't say like oh yeah let's do something, and then go like "oh yeah lol sry i forgot i have to help my dad all of a sudden doing some recycle ****" ... just say it from start so i know you are busy and dont get pissy because you never prioritize me...
nintendofan85
Good grief.
I typed a bunch of different responses out and none of them seemed quite right, but basically, I hope you're doing okay, and I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't feel pressured to come out if you're afraid for your safety or otherwise uncomfortable, and stay safe.
Try not to be too hard on people like your friend, though. I know it's frustrating that people both within and outside of the community don't take bi people seriously, but that's on them and their perception of bi people. You just keep doing you and being an awesome person and friend, as it sounds like you are both.
It's not that my best friend doesn't take bisexual people seriously, more just that I'm afraid that if you come out as bisexual and then gay and you're male, it makes bisexual men like me taken less seriously. I realize that's on them, but there are tons of people who think bisexual men don't exist.
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Oldcatlady
A young cat lady
I hate my bfs cat and I can?t exactly pinpoint why...
Nintendofan85 dude, I'm so sorry that you have to live with a person like that. I can't even imagine or truly relate what it's like living with a person who thinks like that. And who are these shallow minded people who think bisexuals guys don't exist? Like, they only thought it was reserved for girls??? Only a girl can like other girls and guys?
Anyway, I hope one day your mother will be more accepting, esp of her own child. Hopefully she can open her eyes and be reminded all people should be loved, atleast acknowledged for who they are, no matter religious beliefs.
I haven't come out to my parents as liking people for their personality. My dad, I know he would be fine with. It's my mom on the other hand... She isn't like hardcore religious, but I honeslty can't tell her stance on the whole subject. She doesn't do anythin to like, be accepting of it, but she doesn't do anythin dis-approving of it. I believe she doesn't do anythin negative about it because she knows my dad, sister and I would chew her out. Only my sister knows that I would date girls, and I only told her cause I felt 120% comfortable telling her. I actully don't really tell other people either, mainly cause I don't want to hear their toxic hate speech.
But like your friend, there was a time where I thought I was one thing, but turns out I was another. For a while I thought I was asexual, but this was largely because I had such low self esteem that I thought no one would date me. Later I thought I was only straight since I haven't had a crush on anyone other then a dude. Then I realized I like people for their personality, regardless of identify. I questioned this, but it was verified when I need up having this huge crush on a girl for months (I haven't really interacted with trans, pan gender, gender fluid people, ect... that I know of).
So your friend could have been going throu those questions in his mind, asking himself who he likes, and does he really like them for them? I'm sure he meant nothin of it, tryin to be rude and not 'validating bi guys'. Possibly the same thoughts have crossed his mind.
This isn't meant to be a lecture-thou the length certainly is.
But like your friend, there was a time where I thought I was one thing, but turns out I was another. For a while I thought I was asexual, but this was largely because I had such low self esteem that I thought no one would date me. Later I thought I was only straight since I haven't had a crush on anyone other then a dude. Then I realized I like people for their personality, regardless of identify. I questioned this, but it was verified when I need up having this huge crush on a girl for months (I haven't really interacted with trans, pan gender, gender fluid people, ect... that I know of).
So your friend could have been going throu those questions in his mind, asking himself who he likes, and does he really like them for them? I'm sure he meant nothin of it, tryin to be rude and not 'validating bi guys'. Possibly the same thoughts have crossed his mind.
This isn't meant to be a lecture-thou the length certainly is.
Anyway, I hope one day your mother will be more accepting, esp of her own child. Hopefully she can open her eyes and be reminded all people should be loved, atleast acknowledged for who they are, no matter religious beliefs.
Maybe make a day to leave the house, go do fun stuff, then the next day go somewhere else, like a library, and study? I think it was you who posted about people constantly coming over and being loud?
Basically a change of scenery.
Basically a change of scenery.
xSuperMario64x
"I'm forever yours... faithfully" 💙💜
I wish this was a possible thing lol
I hate living here but I also hate living at the dorm, I'm in a similar rut. I can't go anywhere cause I don't have a license and my bike is at the dorm. Such is life.
Also whoever thought that a puzzle with an overbearing solid color was a good idea is a nutjob.
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