I really don't want to go to college because the thought of being with a bunch of strangers and away from home scares me to death but you know... I have to at some point because "that's part of life". I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with my life. Everyone I went to high school with is living life, partying with friends, getting a colege degree, getting married, blah blah meanwhile I am still struggling with my social skills. It has been so hard for me and it's going to get much harder later on because I don't have a choice. I have to talk to people no matter how afraid I am and I hate it. I just ****ing hate it!
My parents are very verbally abusive, my whole family is. And right now I've locked myself in the bathroom to get away from them and actually use the bathroom because I'm very sick and need to go to a hospital. They're yelling at me to call the police to make me come out and I refuse. They're just going to yellow and taktake away the devices I use to talk with my emergency contacts in situations where I don't feel safe/am depressed and I get on this site se TBT helps me a lot too,especially this thread. I just want to be home, where my heart is with my fiance. I'll even drop out of school I don't care. It isn't worth it that I want to die or cut most of the time for the sake of my education. It can be postponed.
I never used to having problems sleeping and now recently I literally can't sleep, but I'm always exhausted. Pills don't even help; my mom gave me 2 benadryl to knock me out last night yet I still laid in bed awake for half the night :// sick of this