What's Bothering You?

The good news is my doctor told me she is "99... point 9" lol percent sure my chest weirdness is not cardiac but musculoskeletal, but the bad news is I think she's right that my bad posture when doing stuff like crocheting is making my muscles really tight and pinching a nerve. My shoulders and especially my neck are just SO tense all the time anymore. I'm sitting here trying to use correct posture but it's hard after so long of sitting like a pretzel. Every time my shoulders creep up toward my neck I'm like no!!
 
Kinda hate seeing my deadname on my phone and want to change it, but I have an iPhone and I am afraid the new name will show in the texts when people text me (like for work). I know that would definitely draw some questions.
 
If there is one thing about money that really gets under my skin in general is that you have to make sure that you have enough to last you an entire month, because if you don't have any you're in a situation where you cannot even go to the store and buy certain things.

Also given how inflation has made stuff so expensive to buy it makes it so much harder to even save money. Even if you have a job or a source of income it still isn't enough to help you buy stuff you really need.

Not to mention you also need to have money to pay for bills but even that is getting more expensive because of how interest rates are so high these days. I know some might say "get a job" but that is easier said than done when you try to get one and then you keep getting ghosted/rejected just because they found someone better than you.
 
hate that I'm feeling better today but still awful enough that I can't really get up and do anything without feeling dizzy/nauseous. I just want to go back to normal so I can do what I need/want to do again.

also should prob eat something but i dont know what i can handle rn, plus i would very likely have to make it myself bc my mom is disabled and my dad doesn't really care 🥲
 
Feeling so crap because I have to take antihistamines which make me feel sleepy even if I take them at night. Plus taking steroids and ibuprofen to try to knock this mysterious allergy and to alleviate the pain of my sunburn. Not to mention I already get side effects from my regular medications 🥴 not a vibe rn
 
Trying to get this stupid book report done that's due tomorrow, but the book is so boring. I'm the person who loves characters and character development but a quarter of the way in it should be more than just "stupid main character meets new people and pisses everyone off because of how stupid he is." Give me a story, damn it!
 
had no idea that Community Day was today in pogo (I kinda knew bc of @/Alienfish's post yesterday but I was sick so it didn't stick w me), so not only did I miss it, but it was one of my favorite Pokemon in the entire series, Noibat. I haven't played pogo consistently since I graduated and I'm honestly very close to just uninstalling it at this point because I keep missing CDs (cause the game sends me push notifs for stupid **** but never community day) and I can never get what I want anyways cause no one plays around here. I'm so tired of it. I really am.
 
wish I could be with my mom right now. the guy (well, her ex) she was looking after this past year died unexpectedly the other day, and it's hit her pretty hard
 
I never really specify how awful my mom is at actually doing anything on here but I can’t take her excuses anymore.

I signed up for a watercolor class and it’s honestly because it’s all they had, I don’t enjoy the medium and I haven’t been looking forward to it. The part I would enjoy most would be preemptively researching it, to get an idea of how to use the tools and see if it inspires anything- and to buy things early enough that I could experiment.

However my mom insisted that when she got the list of necessary materials to buy that “one week is plenty of time”. I told her it is not enough time at all with her and I called it again. I always call her out on her crap in advance, and she always proves me right.

I held up my end of the work motivating myself enough to sign up and get as ready as I could mentally for the class. She kept telling me she printed and had the list of materials for me to look at ready days ago, I repeatedly asked her for it and she just did not give it to me. I’m busy tomorrow, and the lesson is in three days from now, so I basically only have one day (the day after tomorrow) to research and buy materials.

Basically, she ruined the only part I was genuinely intrigued by with her stalling, she doesn‘t see how this hurts me and keeps making excuses as to why she didn‘t give me the list, and she made something that was already hard for me worse. Honestly, I just genuinely don’t want to go to the lesson.
 
I still feel like I’m not actually part of any group. They plan things without me. I want to be included but I don’t want them to know it bothers me. I’ve not felt included in any group for my entirety of living and I honestly feel like it will always be that way. I can be friends with people but I’m never a part of group hangouts. I know I wasn’t always there. I know they have “history.” I can’t expect to just enter a group as an adult. I screwed up not making friends as a child and I have to now deal with the consequences of not knowing what it’s like.

The people I’m friends with or even just talk to have their own groups and I’d like to be included sometimes but it’s just not meant to be. I probably won’t be into doing certain things but it hurts that they don’t even ask. I feel like I’m facing the consequences for not forming any of my own groups when I was younger and now I’m just trying to insert myself into a puzzle I don’t fit into.
 
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had no idea that Community Day was today in pogo (I kinda knew bc of @/Alienfish's post yesterday but I was sick so it didn't stick w me), so not only did I miss it, but it was one of my favorite Pokemon in the entire series, Noibat. I haven't played pogo consistently since I graduated and I'm honestly very close to just uninstalling it at this point because I keep missing CDs (cause the game sends me push notifs for stupid **** but never community day) and I can never get what I want anyways cause no one plays around here. I'm so tired of it. I really am.
Yeah I was/am sick still so I just played from home til I got enough candy to evolve the shiny I got, but yeah I agree I was really excited but then of course my airways decided to **** up my allergy reaction sooo yeah here we go.

They do actually send for Pogo but it's mostly on the same day or like once before maybe so it's easy to miss, though I'm in a discord for it and people post news there. You can also manage notifs in settings sorta too(not for those 'commercial' notifs but if you don't care for most in-game stuff you can do).

Yeah the community sucks where I live unless it's raid hour, but then yeah I am on that discord for distance playing and it works good except for trading, I know like 2 people IRL and I don't have contact with them anymore so unless someone spoofs I'm out lmao.

Also what numpties put CD on a sunday like ??? lol.
 
So I had to call in and cancel my midwife appointment tomorrow and ask them to put in the jab prescription again because for some reason they never did it, haven't had the time or urge to check yet but I think the cancellation (and hopefully the prescription too) went through... I mean it's not a guarantee I can go tomorrow to work and even less that, had to text in sick today bc I still don't feel well from the weekend.

Apparently some random midwife called me like half an hour ago and I didn't get any calls, I only saw like some missed calls and when I called back I only got to a voicemail...like yeah must have put on do not disturb on accident or it just didn't go thru (which happens a lot here cause the 4g connection sucks in my suburb for 0 reason). :/
 
a few days ago i cut my curtain bangs straight across (got bored lol) and now it looks atrocious. it looked fine at first but now one part sticks striaght up, well well well.. if isn’t it the consequences of my own actions.
 
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