What's Bothering You?

I still feel like I’m not actually part of any group. They plan things without me. I want to be included but I don’t want them to know it bothers me. I’ve not felt included in any group for my entirety of living and I honestly feel like it will always be that way. I can be friends with people but I’m never a part of group hangouts. I know I wasn’t always there. I know they have “history.” I can’t expect to just enter a group as an adult. I screwed up not making friends as a child and I have to now deal with the consequences of not knowing what it’s like.

The people I’m friends with or even just talk to have their own groups and I’d like to be included sometimes but it’s just not meant to be. I probably won’t be into doing certain things but it hurts that they don’t even ask. I feel like I’m facing the consequences for not forming any of my own groups when I was younger and now I’m just trying to insert myself into a puzzle I don’t fit into.
 
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had no idea that Community Day was today in pogo (I kinda knew bc of @/Alienfish's post yesterday but I was sick so it didn't stick w me), so not only did I miss it, but it was one of my favorite Pokemon in the entire series, Noibat. I haven't played pogo consistently since I graduated and I'm honestly very close to just uninstalling it at this point because I keep missing CDs (cause the game sends me push notifs for stupid **** but never community day) and I can never get what I want anyways cause no one plays around here. I'm so tired of it. I really am.
Yeah I was/am sick still so I just played from home til I got enough candy to evolve the shiny I got, but yeah I agree I was really excited but then of course my airways decided to **** up my allergy reaction sooo yeah here we go.

They do actually send for Pogo but it's mostly on the same day or like once before maybe so it's easy to miss, though I'm in a discord for it and people post news there. You can also manage notifs in settings sorta too(not for those 'commercial' notifs but if you don't care for most in-game stuff you can do).

Yeah the community sucks where I live unless it's raid hour, but then yeah I am on that discord for distance playing and it works good except for trading, I know like 2 people IRL and I don't have contact with them anymore so unless someone spoofs I'm out lmao.

Also what numpties put CD on a sunday like ??? lol.
 
So I had to call in and cancel my midwife appointment tomorrow and ask them to put in the jab prescription again because for some reason they never did it, haven't had the time or urge to check yet but I think the cancellation (and hopefully the prescription too) went through... I mean it's not a guarantee I can go tomorrow to work and even less that, had to text in sick today bc I still don't feel well from the weekend.

Apparently some random midwife called me like half an hour ago and I didn't get any calls, I only saw like some missed calls and when I called back I only got to a voicemail...like yeah must have put on do not disturb on accident or it just didn't go thru (which happens a lot here cause the 4g connection sucks in my suburb for 0 reason). :/
 
a few days ago i cut my curtain bangs straight across (got bored lol) and now it looks atrocious. it looked fine at first but now one part sticks striaght up, well well well.. if isn’t it the consequences of my own actions.
 
You ever just so stressed, angry and frustrated that you go completely numb? Yeah that's me rn. All I can do is laugh at the stupidity of it all. My brains non functional, zero thoughts, head empty.
 
Aight so that person called me back and put in a prescription but it's like... how do you even forget to put it in, I'm glad it wasn't anything more crucial...
 
Why is my brain so terrible with appointments

It's either completely forget I had one and miss it, or so paranoid I literally can't sleep and barely get anything done all day, scared I might lose track of time and be late.

Worst part there is no in between
 
My dad yelled at me because I haven’t been shaving my face aside from the “peach fuzz” and he noticed my visible mustache growing. He told me to please shave it. I’m 25. He thinks it’s a phase or something. I’ve felt this way since I was very young, at least 13. I’ve just been holding it in due to the obvious backlash like this.
 
The midwife called me back and put in a prescription so I can pick it up and reschedule that appointment..glad for that but man lol.

Also idk if actually being sick is worse than having a thinner paycheck coming up lol
 
Everything, just everything, going wrong with this one project. No one wants to work with each other. Everyone's trying to screw everyone over. I think I'd be a lot more stressed about it if I weren't emotionally numb to the bullcrap going on. I've ran out of patience and energy to give a ****.
 
Why is my brain so terrible with appointments

It's either completely forget I had one and miss it, or so paranoid I literally can't sleep and barely get anything done all day, scared I might lose track of time and be late.

Worst part there is no in between
I don't know if you just wanted to vent or if you were looking for the solution - but I have two. As soon as you have an appointment:
  • (A) Write it down where you will see. Writing it on a piece of paper and sticking it on a wall you see everyday (e.g. wall near computer or coffee maker), or keeping a physical daily or weekly diary and making a point to check it as soon as you wake up every morning helps. If you make the effort to do this daily it'll eventually become routine and you'll start to do it on auto-pilot.
  • (B) Make use of alarms and notifications on your devices. Even if something is a month away, set up reminders for it immediately. E.g. today I scheduled a meeting at 10:30am on March 7th. Even though it is a month away I already have alarms and timed notifications (via Google Keep) set for March 6th and 7th to remind me where I need to be that day. If I'm worried I'll forget I'll even add one to remind me when it's 30-60 minutes before I need to leave the house with the exact time train I'm aiming to catch noted on it to ensure I make it.
Being organised will help much more than simply expecting yourself to remember dates, times, and locations.
 
^
me: *puts sticky note on computer monitor so I don't forget smth*
also me: *sticky note becomes part of scenery so I don't even pay attention to it anymore*
"ugh I forgot my appointment again"
*rinse and repeat*
I love ADHD lol


I really wish I had a rice cooker :/
 
Now he’s doing what my grandma does, lol. Just repeating the fact that I’m a girl and using she/her repeatedly, while saying my name. Also brought up the fact that he “wishes he was black so he can get reparations” but literally that’s not even the same thing.

At least I can be myself online and around someone. 🤞🏻
 
I don't know if you just wanted to vent or if you were looking for the solution - but I have two. As soon as you have an appointment:
  • (A) Write it down where you will see. Writing it on a piece of paper and sticking it on a wall you see everyday (e.g. wall near computer or coffee maker), or keeping a physical daily or weekly diary and making a point to check it as soon as you wake up every morning helps. If you make the effort to do this daily it'll eventually become routine and you'll start to do it on auto-pilot.
  • (B) Make use of alarms and notifications on your devices. Even if something is a month away, set up reminders for it immediately. E.g. today I scheduled a meeting at 10:30am on March 7th. Even though it is a month away I already have alarms and timed notifications (via Google Keep) set for March 6th and 7th to remind me where I need to be that day. If I'm worried I'll forget I'll even add one to remind me when it's 30-60 minutes before I need to leave the house with the exact time train I'm aiming to catch noted on it to ensure I make it.
Being organised will help much more than simply expecting yourself to remember dates, times, and locations.
Thank you. I'll try it and see if it works for me.
 
really don't want to post here but I need to vent.

more often than not I feel like I really don't deserve my friends. I'm unreliable and I feel like I have a tendency to be manipulative and that's just awful. I don't want others to feel bad bc of something stupid I did that wasn't any fault of their own. I just don't deserve them.


idk I'm just so tired of everything. tired of my life. I really am. ugh. I need to get better and just when I think I'm getting better I get worse again. it's never ending.
 

Hey, just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I can definitely relate with regards to feeling like I don't deserve my friends at times. I just have to remind myself that they're my friends for a reason, because they care about me, and that as long as I treat them well they'll continue to be friends with me. I hope you feel better soon, Bug. 💙
 
I somehow ended up scrolling through someone's page who has PCOS. They're the same size as me, but my god their skin is so nice compared to mine. No acne scarring and minimal hair apart from facial hair. I'm lucky that facial hair isn't really a problem for me, as long as I'm on medication for it. I just wish that a doctor or someone had noticed how bad my acne was when I was younger (like around 13-14) and had put me on some medication or treatment that would have minimised my acne, and hence stopped some of the scarring 😔 At the time I just thought it was the normal woes of puberty and there was nothing to do about it, but PCOS had a clear influence on my acne. My dream would be to get laser hair removal and intense acne scar treatment but that costs 💸
 
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