What's Bothering You?

[xSuperMario64x]

just as a gentle reminder, there is no "correct" or "proper" way to progress through your life. the fact that we're here at all, living and breathing as we do, is a miracle in itself. trust me, whatever you guys are doing with your lives right now, whatever you're able to do, is perfectly fine. you're on your way to better things, you'll get to where you need to be soon enough. just go at your own pace, follow your own intuition, have some faith in yourself and your future, and everything will be okay




there is something that's bothering me. I'm fairly positive that I have plenty of financial security for this trip, and yet I can't help but think I don't. I've always been so worried about finances, given that I grew up with a parent who was (and still is) incredibly controlling of our money and has absolutely no money management skills whatsoever. I've been having to buy a few things here and there over the last week, and I'm just so scared that I'm not gonna have enough money (even though, like I said, I'm thinking I'll have plenty, if not some extra too).
also wish I didn't have to wait another week and a half, I'm so tired of being in this house. I'm ready to take some time for myself for a little while. it's only ten more days...

also also I keep having major anxiety whenever I think about my student debt. I lowkey regret even going to college, it was a really, really stupid idea to put myself in over 20 grand of debt knowing that I'm disabled and can't even work full time. I kinda feel like an idiot honestly. it's even worse bc my dad was the one who convinced me to do it, and ofc I was a misguided teen so I said okay, why the hell not. now I'm trying to decide how the hell I'm gonna make those monthly payments and be able to live comfortably away from my parents. just trying to live on my own without that debt is gonna be hard because of the situation regarding my ability to work, and then pile a $180+ monthly bill on top of that which will only graduate more and more over ten years. I feel so stupid.
it's situations like this where I have to try incredibly hard to not hate myself; don't get me wrong, I love who I am and I wouldn't change it for anything, but I can't help but feel like I would be much less of a burden if I wasn't disabled, and could actually work normal hours like a normal person, and have a decent income. really trying to follow my own words here, I know that everything will be okay eventually. it's just making me feel so scared, honestly.

 

[-Raven-]

okay I said yesterday wasn’t that bad but today has just been a nightmare, the “I’m sick of the same garbage, why me” variety.

also really bothers me I’m not having dreams in my sleep anymore

 

[daringred_]

looking through job listings makes me feel so useless because i'm not physically/mentally in a place where i could work full time, but even most part-time jobs are 20+ hours or have >15 hour weeks but stupidly long shifts, and the few that i wouldn't mind doing either end up having incompatible schedules or need you to be able to make phone calls or have some qualification i don't and it's like. ugh.

also super annoyed with my doctor's office. went for an appointment recently and found out that to be prescribed adhd medication (which my doctor agrees could help me) you have to see a specialist first, but not only is the wait-list 6-9 months minimum, i currently have to wait to even get on the wait-list because the surgery's go-to team isn't taking referrals. salt in the wound is that i filled in autism/adhd questionnaires back in march, and the receptionist never passed them along to my doctor, so i literally could've already been on the wait-list months ago but now have to wait even longer. that's a ludicrously long time just to receive medication. doctor also said if this anti-depressant has no effect (which i don't think it will) then we'll have to look into alternate treatments. doesn't sound fun, especially if it's what i suspect...

 

[Stella-Io]

Idk why my parents act like taking me to the grocery store so I can buy my own food is such a hassle.

Mom came in my room earlier asking 'I'm going to *grocery store* do you wanna come?' But with a tone, like , annoyed. As if it's such a bother taking me along when you're already going. Um yeah I would like to go shopping for my own food and drinks so you don't get mad at me when I order out food. Either way they get mad at me. How dare I make sure I have drinks and food to eat for breakfast and lunch. I can't drive myself (legally, my car has no insurance) and they won't let me insure the car, so don't get mad when I ask you to TAKE ME ALONG when you're already going. Same damn situation with the ATM. My bank is literally next to the grocery store we go to and the ATM is outside, but they act like me going there when we're already going grocery shopping is so horrible.

I take less time than they do to go shopping for my stuff, I pay for my own stuff, I don't see what their problem is. It's not like they're making a special trip for me, they were already going to the store, just take me along.

There was one time I told them I needed to go grocery shopping for food and drinks and they went to the store 3 times until they finally brought me along. Then they wanna get mad when I order food out. Most of the time I offer them some anyway and half of that time one of them eats some, so they're also benefitting from me ordering out. Btw, they don't pay for what they eat that I ordered. Not like I'm gonna ask them to pay for like two slices of pizza and a bread stick, but maybe don't have a tone in your voice when I do get food.

Today when I went shopping my mom didn't even wait for me near the entrance to tell me to shop by myself. Sometimes she wants me to shop with her, and when she doesn't she tells me. She went off by herself while I was gettin a cart, couldn't even be bothered to say 'okay go do your thing I'll go do mine'. Just zoomed off like I'm such a bother.

 

[Zane]

I tore my fingernail at work and it hurts. Also I don’t know what it is but it seems like other drivers on the road have gotten roughly 500 times stupider lately. It’s like every time I get on the road at least one person tries to cause a collision with me by doing some dumb (and usually illegal) ****. It’s gotten pretty rare that I don’t finish my commute full of rage and anxiety

 

[oddbear]

i’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately…
i’m going to spoiler them because some of them are graphic

Spoiler: nightmares

a while ago, i had a dream that there was a new animal crossing game where you went to a swimming pool, but it was extremely creepy for some reason? when i went to change in the game, there was a man with bees in his bloody mouth that were eating his teeth out. idk where this was in the game, but there was also a very disfigured tom nook.

i had two dreams more recently about my cat, felicity. in the first one, i brought felicity to my sibling’s school and she ran away and got lost forever.
in the other one… i was EATING felicity?? not ever cooking her, just… eating her. it was absolutely terrible, and i was petting her so much when i woke up.

i had a dream where i was being stalked by my neighbor a few days ago, and, in the dream, it got to the point where i was terrified to go in my room because i knew that, if he saw me, he was going to go up to my window and harass me.

thankfully i’m seeing my therapist tomorrow, so i’ll talk to her about it. i really don’t want to have any more nightmares…

also, my dad won’t stop telling my sibling to not be themself at school, and i’m sick of it. he told them the other day that “if you wear t-shirts and shorts like everyone else, maybe you’ll have more friends.” (i don’t know what exactly was said, i wasn’t in the room - this is just what i heard from them)
my sibling wears clothes that are a little more eccentric than you’d normally see at school, and i love that they feel confident and are able to express themselves like that. i wish he would stop destroying their self esteem.

 

[Zane]

if everything doesn’t stop being horrible pretty soon i legitimately might just die from sheer stress

 

[Yoshi155]

Nvm

 

[Shawna]

I keep getting that server error ._.

 

[VanitasFan26]

Everything is just making me angry. Nothing is going right. It feels like going around in circles with nothing improving.

 

[Kitsuragi]

my poor financial habits are really coming back to bite me rn i'm talking to my therapist about it since i more or less have a shopping addiction, but nobody is taking it seriously. whenever i ask for advice i get "oh it's normal to be broke in your 20s" like yeah, sure, but it's because I AM THE PROBLEM and i'd like some advice on how to un-learn the bad behaviors i have and how other people manage but!

 

[Bluelady]

My entire family are getting on my nerves today. Including the kids, which is rare. Plus, my nose is runny.

 

[moonbyu]

i feel so desperate and pathetic rn and i hate it so much ughhhhhh

 

[Yoshi155]

I feel like I'm getting allergies and I hate it.

 

[Soigne]

one of my classes is being taught poorly, and by that i mean it isn't being taught at all. we're given links to standards to read and then told to implement those standards with no instruction. then the week after, our professor says "this would've gone better if you had done extra work to understand the material!" girl, THAT IS YOUR JOB. i hate grad school.

 

[Midoriya]

Just a bad day.

 

[daringred_]

was diagnosed with PPS recently (patellofemoral pain syndrome) and oh my god, i swear it's getting worse. now, it's hurting even when i straighten my leg to try and dispel the pain from having it bent. hope the wait for a physiotherapist isn't too long ><

 

[AccfSally]

Spoiler

Am I crazy? Do I belong in a nuthouse all because I want to take my pet (hamster ) to the hospital or give it medicine when it's ill.

My Mom does at least. Not just for Hamsters, but for all types of pets.

 

[Midoriya]

Just a bad day.

To elaborate a bit, it's now 4 days until my mom's would-be birthday (she passed away in 2020), and I just found out someone in my extended family passed away today as well. Just kind of tired of hearing about deaths recently. I need to see something happy or positive that's special, and soon.

I'll be okay though. I loved on my kitty some while she was in here.

 

[-Apples-]

I am ashamed at my home state after reading a news article that it’s become a hotbed for hate and extremism. Why are people doing these acts? They are making America less safe. It’s time for our country to start cracking down on hate and extremism.