What's Bothering You?

A weird dream woke me up an hour and half before I start getting ready to babysit. I woke up with the urge to use to the restroom, but my niece is in there probably putting on makeup; and I don't want to hurry her up.
 
how can i tell someone that i want them to leave me alone,,?
they're one of my best friends, but they sent me 38 texts in a span of two hours. why? because i was taking a freaking nap.
i told them that i had other things to do instead of roleplaying, and their response was just "multitask". they also constantly want to roleplay, but they usually only have one character that speaks 10 lines (out of hundreds) and i have to be all of the other characters, which is usually 8. it's basically me roleplaying with myself.
i've been having kind of a rough time with my mental health lately, and idk it never feels like "how are you doing? do you want to do this? do you have time to do this?" it's always "we're doing this thing i want to do. i'm not putting it off."
they literally tried to get me to dye my hair blue because that's the color they wanted. it feels so self-important, although i don't think they're trying to be that way.
and i know it's rude, but i've kind of just been ignoring them because i don't want to deal with it right now.
 
oddbear said:
how can i tell someone that i want them to leave me alone,,?
they're one of my best friends, but they sent me 38 texts in a span of two hours. why? because i was taking a freaking nap.
i told them that i had other things to do instead of roleplaying, and their response was just "multitask". they also constantly want to roleplay, but they usually only have one character that speaks 10 lines (out of hundreds) and i have to be all of the other characters, which is usually 8. it's basically me roleplaying with myself.
i've been having kind of a rough time with my mental health lately, and idk it never feels like "how are you doing? do you want to do this? do you have time to do this?" it's always "we're doing this thing i want to do. i'm not putting it off."
they literally tried to get me to dye my hair blue because that's the color they wanted. it feels so self-important, although i don't think they're trying to be that way.
and i know it's rude, but i've kind of just been ignoring them because i don't want to deal with it right now.
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I’m really sorry you’ve been having a rough time with your mental health right now. Reading what you said honestly raised a lot of red flags to me - this person does not seem like a good friend. 38 texts in the span of two hours without having a conversation that shows a back and forth equal participation shows controlling tendencies. I think this is further confirmed by the fact that your friend won’t accept an equal share of your roleplay to make it a true back and forth participation like role play should be. Every sentence screams controlling, and I personally think if you really want or need to take a break from them for your mental health, you have to tell them. If it’s easier, you can even be vague about it, though that won’t help them change, if they’re even open to seeing the need for change. Try saying something like, “I‘ve had a lot going on lately, and I just need to take some time for myself. I’ll let you know when I can come back to roleplaying with you. In the meantime I likely won’t be able to reply to many texts, if any. I just want to let you know so you don’t worry if I don’t reply.” That way, you’re telling them you need time, and setting expectations for your friendship during this time. If this were what I considered to be a healthy relationship, I’d say that laying out the specific reasons behind your needing a break would be best, but given how I don’t think this is healthy and your mental health needs attention, I think you’re fine leaving out the specifics for now. You can choose to provide those later, if you’d like. I hope this helps, and you’re free to DM me if you’d like.
 
Kitsuragi said:
my poor financial habits are really coming back to bite me rn 👁️👁️ i'm talking to my therapist about it since i more or less have a shopping addiction, but nobody is taking it seriously. whenever i ask for advice i get "oh it's normal to be broke in your 20s" like yeah, sure, but it's because I AM THE PROBLEM and i'd like some advice on how to un-learn the bad behaviors i have and how other people manage but! :)
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"it's normal to be broke in your 20s" well it shouldn't be lol. maybe instead of coming up with excuses they could, oh idk, actually give you some helpful financial advice? hopefully you can find the help you need, even if you have to resort to asking one of us for help. I know someone here would be more than happy to help you 💕

oddbear said:
they're one of my best friends, but they sent me 38 texts in a span of two hours. why? because i was taking a freaking nap.
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yeah uhhh that's a clear sign of lack of respect for boundaries. good friends understand that people sometimes need to take time for themselves, and that it's perfectly fine to do so. I'd understand if it was a dire situation, but that doesn't seem to be the case. you're not living to serve them and them only. they need to respect your space. and if they want to throw a fit or continue pestering you when you ask for alone time, then are they really that great of a friend?
I don't want to come across as pushy or rude, that's just the way I see this situation, and how I would personally respond to it. I also apologize if you aren't looking for advice, I know sometimes people post here just to vent and nothing more. I'm just keeping your well-being in mind <3
 
Feeling very very irritated because my mouth and throat are uncomfortable. My throat is kinda sore, actually. I am sensitive to certain things people can't see and sometimes foolishly think are just "scents". Something actually makes that scent and you're inhaling it. I don't know what my mom keeps using this week (smells like citrus?) but it's been getting stuck around the hallway for hours everytime she uses it and it happened again this morning. Previously this week I was having reactions to certain things being cooked and now it's just chemicals. Being exposed to these allergy (?) triggers multiple days in a row makes the problems worse. I'm the only person in this house with this problem or at least bothered by it. A couple of years ago when this allergy/sensitivity first developed and I couldn't stand candles and air fresheners anymore, my mom acted like I was crazy and being a problem. It has made me extremely discouraged from talking about it and I don't know what to do. I actually tried opening a window earlier and found out it smelled like mosquito repellent (probably because my mom is outside), which isn't going to help me.
I've also tried drinking things because it feels similar to my mouth being dry, but it doesn't help. It never helps.
Part of me wonders if the way I act about this is from being autistic since getting upset about the way my mouth feels seems kinda odd.
Update: My mom doesn't know what's making the scent which is not reassuring at all.
 
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This past week has been really hard for me, with my mom being in the hospital and all. I woke up 3 hours ago and spent those 3 hours talking with my dad about various problems about many things (too personal to delve into online). I've been the most open about my life literally today. It's hard talking about these things and it's hard seeing my 41-year-old dad cry. I don't know when I'll be back in school because I'm just so tired and drained. I want to crawl under my covers and be away from my troubles for the next month. This is way too ****ing hard for me, and I just don't know what to do or how to feel anymore.
 
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I really want to draw but I've also been awake since 5:40 this morning and I kinda want to go to bed 😔

edit: also love when my parents continually refer to me as she/her with no shame or consequence, because they literally could not give less of a **** about my gender identity 🙃 it's honestly pretty sad and pathetic at this point.
 
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I played a competitive sport for ~15 years growing up and throughout university. I didnt think I would miss it but I miss it so so SO much.
 
My brother dropped off three big bags of clothes that he was getting rid of yesterday. I looked through it, had it spread out on my bed...kept some of it, got rid of some of it...woke up this morning...itchy all over. Covered in hives. Seems like too much of a coincidence. Clearly having a reaction to something from that clothes. I washed all my bedding and all the cloths this morning...but, it's obviously too late. I'm super itchy. Splotches all over. Not a fan.
 
So this is a little list of stuff that’s been on my mind

  • Something is making me sick, probably in my room, still have bumps at the back of my throat. Could be how I swallow food but I can’t chew as much with braces and I thought I did plenty considering. Could be mouthwash? So I’m going to stop that for two weeks.
  • My boyfriend still falling asleep, and my neighbour still blasting music.
  • My granddad still being in the hospital.
  • worried for my boyfriend but not knowing what to do at all
  • not being allowed/able to walk to the park, since nobody will come with me.
  • My psychologist not having my disability report ready weeks ago, it was expected a month ago.
  • The overall feeling that all the stuff I went insane over 5-6 years ago trying to prevent ended up true. It’s not my fault. The crap that set all this in motion. #1 mistake by my parents was not letting me go that stupid drawing model art class - that was my peak bounce-back from trauma and peak energy they just wasted, and the world is a lot worse now
  • generally any time i have even a little bounce-back, instead of someone being there and proud of me there is always something to piss me off be it my bf falling asleep on me, neighbours, or bad news. Camp 2023 was a massive bounce-back for me and it feels like its gone to waste since
  • ^ tying into these any time i ask for minor help and make it a point to the people i should be closest with they just ignore my warning. I know i was reasonable, and all these things added up, everything is just crashing at once and forcing me back into mindset/pessimism i had years ago
  • ^ also it seems like it just doesnt matter what i do in life considering my maximum effort ends up like this
  • want to draw but suffering not being where i want, really stupid habits, no teacher, bad environment to study in, past failure
  • I don’t know how to stop blaming myself now. Nobody else is going to take responsibility and actually have effective action, but I’m stuffing myself up now too since I’m taking on too much.
  • why can i not put aside my ego?? i think having an ego is a trauma response from me to feel good about myself but it sure isn’t working
  • it feels like a cruel joke after all this my parents dont argue anymore. That would be the easiest thing for me to put up with rn life just decides on literally everything else
  • (just stomaching current aus politics + upcoming weather)
  • honestly… soon im just gonna have a break from the whole net. no full return until next year. I still have enough to wrap up here that its annoying, and i know im going to be lonely. But when i did this years ago it was my best focus ever and for my own sake i need to try that again. If the camp era didnt pay off then idk how this will go
  • general lack of words to explain everything :( i used to be so much more articulate
p.s. having an ego does not mean i think im the best. It means in my case i think i should be better because its ME

doing my best, ordered books and im wearing my fav clothes, trying to exercise, trying to draw even though it feels bad

i was so ready for 2023 to be my year and i put my max effort.

it only needed to be a little different to be a good year, and it’s honestly one of the worst years of my life. if i dont get disability support this year it will be absolutely bottom tier. It’s that close
 
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Drawdler said:
So this is a little list of stuff that’s been on my mind

snip~
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I know we're kinda just random ppl on the internet but we really do care a lot about you here, even if no one else seems to. if you feel like you need a break then that's fine, you know what's best for you. and if you decide to do that, we will patiently await your return. I pray that you find the care and healing that you need, you're amazing and you deserve to be happy 💖


one of my dearest friends is struggling a lot again. I don't usually post about things like these but I really do hope he knows—well, all of you guys too, my lovely friends—how much I love him, and wish him peace and strength to get through the day 🥺💗
 
I had an outburst over a week ago about my mom and her using feminine pronouns. She asked what I prefer, and I said “they/them.” She said I’m only one person and I’m not plural. She’s trying to understand and is trying to call me “Blue” which isn’t my chosen name but it’s one of my nicknames. She just doesn’t understand the pronouns thing. I use he/they but 95% of the time I prefer they. My deadname makes me want to barf.
 
I’m tired of my dad sending me money to buy birthday presents for my niece and nephew on the day of their birthdays. Stop treating my time as expansible! I don’t have time to get her something today. This is why I sent him the text message last week!!!!!!!
 
Dont mind me just rambling

My friend who identified as a transman for 10 years have decided to do a full destransition so all our friends told her we're behind her 100%. It's been a couple months now and not 1 person has said anything bad or unsupportive but she's decided to become a giant terf and has turned against the lgbtq+ community. She said "can't we be friends with different opinions" but there were some anti-trans rallies in canada this week and she was totally supportive. She said non-binary isn't real and we're just looking for attention 💀 all my other friends who are trans wanna give her a second chance and try to bridge the divide and then there's me who felt an instant wedge between us. I'm shocked my friends are being so understanding. I went to bed mad af last night. I want to be supportive but she has this air of superiority over us, like she thinks I'm simple minded. Oh lawd this is too much
 
Tera raids are so freaking boring, I hate that it’s the only way to get herba mystica 😔
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Doesn’t help that I’m having terrible luck and not getting any
 
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