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What's Bothering You?

my brother walked in on me while I was in the bathroom, trying to get dressed .___. I probably should get into the habit of locking the door, but I don’t always think to, since it’s just me him and my dad (which my dad has his own bathroom). My brother got annoyed with me… like I said, I know I should get into the habit of locking the door, but he should’ve knocked… 😣😣😣
 
i keep dreaming about my ex and i can’t stop thinking about him but i feel so guilty because i have a boyfriend who i very much love… and like this has started happening very suddenly as of 2 days ago i just want it to stop i actually feel like im going insaneee
 
jiny said:
i keep dreaming about my ex and i can’t stop thinking about him but i feel so guilty because i have a boyfriend who i very much love… and like this has started happening very suddenly as of 2 days ago i just want it to stop i actually feel like im going insaneee
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to be clear, im a guy. It may be healthy to talk about this stuff with someone close. Ive thought a lot about revisiting someone from 14 years ago beause she was so important to me, we left each other in a way that was so harshly unimportant. Neither of us knew what we were doing. idk anyways. Let it out. Tread carefully where you lead yourself, what would you be afraid of to speak. Its ok that youve been having thoughts and things even though youre with someone. Ive felt devotion and your guilt is unfounded; like your looking for a reason that isnt there. Be honest with yourself and someone. Maybe your boyfriend if thats not too tall an order, honesty goes a long way and is quite peaceful when youre truly honest
 
I dont get what is going through people's heads at the theatre sometime.

Like my co-worker was telling me how a lady came in to try and reserve SAWX ticket for her kids! Like what is going through people's heads.

Do you not see the poster for it, the trailier, or the R WARNING on it. My friend basically had to let management deal with that because thats a no go. She was not happy at all.

one of my complaints is when people dont watch the trailier, or even read about it, and just assume its fine. Because its not.

If our theatre could be in so much trouble if we let a minor see R rated movies. Like shut down trouble. But theres always that one person who just assumes all movies are fine, and then get mad when we say we cant let kids into some movies.

I just dont get why people dont look into stuff they see, or even look at the posters. I mean posters are designed to market towards certain audiences. Have you seen the Saw X poster? Yeah its icky. But I guess some people just make assumptions
--
Working Logan one year, it was 18a, but still so many people bringing there kids over, and then leaving five minutes in. Alot of people left that movie, not evwn five minutes in.
(Dont even get me started on Sausage party) nightmare to work.

Like the majority of people look into stuff i like to think. But it always annoys me, because people blame us for not warning them. Well were not allowed to say anything. Do your research

Dont scar your kid by letting him sit theough two hours of a psychological, torture film. Its gonna be so stressful, I can already see how many people were gonna have to turn away, but hopefylly people actually do their research and look at the poster.

Like seriously. Its not hard. Just dont blame the staff, or managment. Eh. This is gonna be aweful. I really hope people will be reasonable and understanding.
-
Ya know Fnaf is rumored to be 18a now, so thats hreat, its embracing what Fnaf is really about. Buut current Fnaf, well its not as freaky. But do people look into the old fnaf? I hope! I really hope so!

I love spooktober, but working it with 18a movies aint fun.

Ironicslly the Pawpatrol movie is openimg the same day as Saw xD imma send so many kids over to it.
 
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My life feels lonely. How does a person that's so extroverted feel that way? I'm far from reserved. The person I'm closest with is my favorite person, but I feel like if she was anyone else, she would be out of my life by now. She's been so nice towards me but she takes a lot. Meaning, she lets people take advantage of her. It's very rarely that she ever gets upset. I try not to take advantage of her of course. We have a close bond. But this is just one person and I feel like it's one of the reasons I cannot let go of the whole "favorite person" thing. We are both okay with the relationship we have but I've lately been starting to think more for myself. I'm making my own decisions based on myself instead of her. I'm finally expressing a more honest version of myself. I'm lucky to have her in my life.

I don't want to lose my bond with her, because if I do, I wouldn't have anyone else. That's an issue. I don't know what it is, but I feel the need to keep my favorite person close to me out of fear that I am a finger's snap away from being lonely. I can't see myself becoming this close with another person. It's not realistic. I wish I had bonds with people where we'd hang out outside of work. Most of the time I meet people, it is at work because I can't just walk up to random people at Target and start conversations. I would have no issues doing that, but it's weird? That person likely already has friends. And isn't that a weird thing to do? How do you even make friends when most people my age have already found their friend groups?

It seems like I can't progress past an acquaintance level. And most people that call me their friend are omitting an adjective. They mean to call me a "work friend." That's what we are if we are only like that at work.

It sucks that I have to be my deadname right now. I literally had to tell my favorite person that her calling me that bothered me. I assumed that she knew. That was only like the 4th time she called me my deadname, but I don't think she knew it bothered me until I said something. It's just... why would it not bother me? She's kind of right-leaning but she does respect me enough to not use my deadname - anymore at least. She was using male pronouns while referring to me, to her roommates but I'm unsure if it was out of respect or because I just look like a guy and it was a joke to her? I like to think it was the former.

I wish I had more than one person and a WBY thread to ramble to. It feels like only one person cares. Is it pathetic that I'm almost 26 years old and most 13 year old's have more friends right now than I did throughout my entire life? I find it so easy to start conversations with people but it feels useless to try and progress them. Most people have already found their friend group and aren't open to any newbies.
 
it’s 2:43am. i just came across a video of someone cuddling with their black cat; the cat was “making biscuits” on them and purring loudly, and now i’m crying because my zeva used to do that. she had the loudest purr, one that filled up every room she was in, and could make all of my troubles and anxieties seem like nothing. i always jokingly told her that she was crushing my ribs whenever she “made biscuits” on me because of her size, but you don’t know what i would do to have that just one more time. just 5 more minutes. her purr only exists in videos now, and i will never cuddle her again. 2 years ago tomorrow is the last time i got to cuddle with her before she got hurt. i wish i had known. i wish i had known halloween would be her last full day on earth. i wish i had known i would never get to say goodnight to her again come november. i wish i hadn’t spent the entirety of halloween weekend willing november 1st to come faster, all because i wanted my copy of mario party superstars to come so that i could play. i wish more than anything that she was still here. i will never understand why she isn’t; why out of all the horrid people in the world, my sweet 12-year old cat had to die.

she was my everything, and i am so tired of feeling like i have to undermine my own grief just because pet loss isn’t on the same scale as the loss of human loved ones to a lot of people. i am tired of only receiving condolences for my grandmother, a woman who made me feel like a waste of space most of the time, when zeva’s death was the one that broke me. i would be fine if she had lived. i wouldn’t feel so irrevocably empty all of the time if she had lived.

i just want my grief to matter to someone. my parents and i grieve the same loss, and yet they left me alone to mine. i went through that loss alone. that life-altering, brain rewiring, world-ending loss alone. i didn’t have a support system. i didn’t have anyone to hold my hand, or walk me through it, or tell me that i would have a good day again, and i hate it. i don’t want to feel like i have to justify my grief anymore, or tell people that theirs is more important when talking about my own. i just want to feel like i won’t be alone on her 2nd death anniversary, but i know i will be. the world keeps spinning even though mine stopped.

i’ll delete this in the morning. i just miss her. i miss who i was with her.
 
Xara said:
- snip -
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I'm really sorry, Xara. Pet loss can be just as difficult as human loss when it comes to loved ones. Don't let anyone tell you different. From what you've shared of Zeva over time, it seems like she was a really sweet kitty and that you took exceptional care of her. It's unfortunate that she passed for sure. If you ever need to talk more about it, I'm here for you. 💚

---

Right now I'm bothered because I got back from my trip, but there's still a lot I wanted to do, so I'm not sure I'll get much sleep. It's also my mom's would-be birthday today. She would have been 65 today. But for some reason that's not bothering me too much right now. I already grieve over her at other times throughout the year. And later today I'm going flower-picking for her. So I'm finally starting to feel like I can think about her without getting too sad, which I suppose is a good thing.
 
I had a dream that someone I was really close friends with called me by my former name 🙃 I mean I know that still happens sometimes in real life, but ugh it just hurts so much, especially coming from someone like that.


also just generally feeling worried and anxious. I wish I could just leave for my trip now, and not have to wait another week. it's only a few days away, I only have to hold out until this weekend. I'm so close...
 
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I'm on my school bus and it's extremely rainy right now and water is leaking in. It feels extremely painful 😓. Also of course I'm the only person that water gets on.
 
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Xara said:
it’s 2:43am. i just came across a video of someone cuddling with their black cat; the cat was “making biscuits” on them and purring loudly, and now i’m crying because my zeva used to do that. she had the loudest purr, one that filled up every room she was in, and could make all of my troubles and anxieties seem like nothing. i always jokingly told her that she was crushing my ribs whenever she “made biscuits” on me because of her size, but you don’t know what i would do to have that just one more time. just 5 more minutes. her purr only exists in videos now, and i will never cuddle her again. 2 years ago tomorrow is the last time i got to cuddle with her before she got hurt. i wish i had known. i wish i had known halloween would be her last full day on earth. i wish i had known i would never get to say goodnight to her again come november. i wish i hadn’t spent the entirety of halloween weekend willing november 1st to come faster, all because i wanted my copy of mario party superstars to come so that i could play. i wish more than anything that she was still here. i will never understand why she isn’t; why out of all the horrid people in the world, my sweet 12-year old cat had to die.

she was my everything, and i am so tired of feeling like i have to undermine my own grief just because pet loss isn’t on the same scale as the loss of human loved ones to a lot of people. i am tired of only receiving condolences for my grandmother, a woman who made me feel like a waste of space most of the time, when zeva’s death was the one that broke me. i would be fine if she had lived. i wouldn’t feel so irrevocably empty all of the time if she had lived.

i just want my grief to matter to someone. my parents and i grieve the same loss, and yet they left me alone to mine. i went through that loss alone. that life-altering, brain rewiring, world-ending loss alone. i didn’t have a support system. i didn’t have anyone to hold my hand, or walk me through it, or tell me that i would have a good day again, and i hate it. i don’t want to feel like i have to justify my grief anymore, or tell people that theirs is more important when talking about my own. i just want to feel like i won’t be alone on her 2nd death anniversary, but i know i will be. the world keeps spinning even though mine stopped.

i’ll delete this in the morning. i just miss her. i miss who i was with her.
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I’m so sorry, Xara. I had to deal with something similar recently, with my dog Molly passing away in March 2022. We’d had her for 12 years (ironic), but it felt like less because I felt like I was the only one who cared at the end. Pet loss can hurt just as much as human loss, and that’s okay if it does. Your kitty was an important part of your life- it’s completely understandable. I like to think there’s a special place in heaven (or equivalent) for our furry friends, and I bet she’s up there right now, making cloud biscuits or something. I hope this helps, and my DMs are open if you ever need anything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Feeling a bit lonely lately. There’s this song, called Chosen Last by Sara Kays, and that’s almost exactly how I feel right now. How come everyone, even in my own friend group, is so happy, but I don’t feel that reciprocated?
 
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