What's Bothering You?

Unfortunately mom’s dr appointment today didn’t go well. There are new areas of concern so they did a biopsy on them and now have to wait for the results. They are thinking of treating with medication first but she may need another surgery. Won’t be able to make a plan until the results get back.
 
pretty sure i have an ear infection, and there's nothing i can do about it. started maybe two weeks ago, and i figured it would clear up soon enough, but now the pain is worse (especially when laying) and it seems to be swollen; my hearing's getting muffled on that side. doctors appointments are super hard to get right now, so i don't know if there's even a point calling -- last time, my medication review was a month out from when i booked it. idk if they'd take an ear infection seriously enough to try and get me in any sooner. ear drops haven't helped because i'm pretty confident it's not an ear wax issue so rip.
 
tfw someone makes a unilateral decision that uproots all your lives and then starts breaking down about how much it has uprooted their life. Yeah this is exactly what I said was gonna happen so I honestly don’t wanna hear it.
 
me: relaxing
problem: exists
me: *dial-up internet connection sound as I fail to process it*
(accurate representation of me whenever I try to process something, like mornings)
If you can't tell, my autism bothers me.
 
Why is my nose bleeding again????? Granted, it's not as bad as yesterday, but still. I can't even blow my nose anymore.
 
While trying to make space in one storage container, I found the workbooks from my iop in 2017. Reading through them them made me feel disappointed that my situation hasn’t improved a lot since then. Also, that I’m still making the same mistakes.
 
We ordered a diet coke at Whataburger as my Hoppip plush’s last of seven sodas. It was a regular coke. Her last soda was ruined because they screwed up our order. It looks like I’m not going to Whataburger ever again.

Normally, I feel bad about wasting food. I don’t even like seeing onions get wasted. But regular cokes are one thing I wouldn’t feel bad about wasting.
 
randomly getting anxiety over my doctor appointment tomorrow, feeling nauseous for no reason (actually might be the coffee i drank), and feeling dizzy + the throat pain is making me feel like i just want to disappear 😭😭😭😭 i’m so so so so tired of feeling some type of sick everyday
 
My favorite person got a job in her field finally. I know it's been a while. She hasn't told me. I found out by accident and I'm wondering when or if she plans on letting me know. I know I'm not entitled to know or anything but I think we're close? She's been incredibly flirty lately but tbh I think she's just messing around? She told me a while back I'm too young. Unless she changed her mind, her flirting makes no sense.

Tbh, I normally date younger anyway and she's older than me. She's literally 7 years older than me. I'm just not sure what her intentions are with flirting. She knows I am non-binary but she uses both my chosen name and deadname. When she uses my chosen name she smirks and her demeanor changes, like it's a privilege that she's calling me my chosen name? That's just what I'm getting. I can't obviously confirm. She also recently said a few days ago that I'd look good with long hair, which is the exact opposite of what I'm going for. It sometimes feels like my identity is a joke to her? I think she respects me sometimes but when she calls me my deadname and chosen name a few minutes apart, smirking when she uses my chosen name acting like it's a gift that she's calling me that?

I'm ****ing lost.
Lol, now the flirting has cut back but she’s calling me “bro” now. This is all kinds of messed up.
 
I've suspected this for a while, but I've finally come to the conclusion that my 'Rheumatology Care Team' don't actually care. For about a month I've been suffering from an arthritis flare up all over my body, constantly trying to contact them and getting voicemails with 'Do not leave a message as they will not be heard.', 'Please phone back on x at y' or my old favourite, when you finally speak to them they tell you 'I'll get back to you as soon as possible.' It's been a week now, and I'm still waiting. 😭 So, I will need to start the chase again today as I am so fed up of this pain, stiffness and swelling. I've said before that I know they are busy, but I've had no pain injections since July and not even an appointment with my consultant to discuss further options. What do I need to do/say to them to even get the temporary medication which helps me until they can get me more pain injections?

Edit: Just tried to phone and another voicemail, not available until Monday. I would bet that on Monday the voicemail will say another date. This is beyond a joke. 😭
 
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Why do I keep stressing over things I know I have absolutely no control over? I know that it's not my fault and I couldn't have possibly had any control over it but I’m still being stressed about it. And it's something that's really stupid. I hate myself for doing this.
 
I've been driven insane for days because of erm, throat issues.
And now I just realized we have slightly poor air quality (because there's a fire somewhere) and that's surely going to make things worse!
The worst part is staying indoors won't help me. Not in this house. There's this one room where it came in... I can faintly smell the fire. It's also next to my bedroom. Great...
 
i hate when places/people tell you to call back and then. don't answer? some psychiatry place called me while i was asleep on tuesday and left a voicemail. i called back twice that day only for the call to ring out. tried again yesterday, and not only did i get put on hold, they hung up. seriously?
 
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