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What's Bothering You?

Lord God above, give me some people in my life who are NOT confusing !! Also, I have no gripes with this person, but I wish I was in a better mental state to date someone after they recently asked me out. They're so kind and patient and I wish I wasn't so scared </3 But it makes me worried that I'm leading them on by, uh, being friendly?
 
I am so tired of seeing people who can’t just drive. Why do they have to be on their phones when driving. Three of my friends got into accidents in the past week because someone else was distracted. I’m so glad they are going to be ok and are just sore. These could have been avoided if people would just stay off the phone . Two of them got hit from behind while sitting at a red light because the other person was on the phone. The third was because the other person was distracted and going to fast in the rain. This one could have been so much worse luckily my friend and her daughter are just sore.
 
An update to my boss trying to make me come in when I told her about the doctor's appointment.

She did admit she forgot (it was literally the last thing I spoke to her about.) and I tried to make it better by telling her I could take her sister's shift the next day to make up for her. But she said it's fine, and to have both days off :/
Which can be nice, but like, I also have the weekend off, and not many hours on the days I am working, so I'll be losing out so much pay; just because she forgot and rather not pay me. (Apparently her sister works for free, but I hardly can tell if I believe that.)
So once again, gonna have less money to come. I wouldn't mind if I was actually getting paid properly.

Just makes it so hard to save up for anything.
Wanted to save up for mother's day, to buy a new phone or at least some phone online (my old phone is not compatble with Pocket camp, and I miss is so much), need a new camera body part.
I was hoping to buy some cosplay bits for a cosplay I wanted to do for an anime con thing, and also save up for said anime con. And lastly, I am going to a theatre show for Spirited Away, and if they have anything to buy, I would've liked to save up for that!
 
It's quite tiring how easily angered I get. I was listing out all the bad things my ex did, not only to keep my thoughts in order but to give him less power or something. I ended up becoming extremely enraged at the fact that whatever justice I get won't be justice enough... Unless he ***** ******* but I'M the bad one for feeling like that. I just feel like crap. I hate this emotion so much.
I used to pray he'd change but now I don't want him to. Why'd he never change for me? Why must I be the one to bare the burden of what happened? I hope he doesn't, and I hope that leads to his demise.
Well, yeah, anyway, idk.
 
Tired. Just tired. Tired of being tired. Doesn't matter what is done or not done. Steps taken that day or not. 3 miles or no miles. There is no stamina increase or rest catch up and hasn't been for well over a decade. ☠️
 
Another bother, sorry DX

I am applying for an editorial assistant role for a book company.
They also want not just a CV and cover letter; but also for me to do a book review on a recent book I've read, to convice them to read it, and outline what other books it might sit alongside...I also have like two days haha :')

Thats without working, my sign language class, and art stuff. Crud
 
This will bother me until possibly march 1st. Hopefully not after.

So, about 15 years ago I had a really bad spell of vertigo (and a panic attack to go with it) while driving on the interstate. It was crazy, but I just thought - huh, that was weird - and brushed it off. I also started having headaches. A lot.

Well, it kept happening, but only while driving. I'd get dizzy, vertigo, panic attacks, just awful. But it wasn't all the time, just once in a while, quite random. And it only happened after I was driving for a while. Plus, more headaches.

Fast forward to today - yeah it's pretty much just part of life now. I don't drive much, sticking to certain routes that don't have bridges, curves, or high speeds. Dizziness, vertigo, headaches are just common, daily things to deal with. The new daily 'normal'.

After 15 years of this, and an insane amount of doc visits (nothing is wrong, all tests fine, perfectly healthy) I just figured this is permanent. (Fr I even had the doc run hormone panels, metabolic panles, a1c test, all kinds of stuff). Had ears checked in case it was inner ear thing. Pfft - all fine.

Recently, I found out there's an eye disorder that could cause ALL of these issues. No joke! It's a binocular vision disorder. One type - vertical heterophoria - could cause all this nonsense. So weird! And it usually isn't caught in regular eye appointments (which I've had - they're supposedly fine).

So, march 1st - im getting screened to see if i have what my husband calls "googly eyes". 🙄
First time ever I'm hoping they say yes! You have this problem! Solve the puzzle, eh?

But right now it's bothering me. Because it's possible my eyes are fine, which leaves me in the same boat. Fingers crossed, I guess....
 
Millysaurusrexjr said:
by any chance are you going to see an ophthalmologist? Some of those symptoms line up with something that I have and it was first discovered at the ophthalmologist, and its the type of thing that a normal doctor visit wouldn't really be able to detect.
Click to expand...
I'm actually going to see a binocular vision specialist (neuro vision specialist) locally (sort of, an hour away). I'm really hoping this is my issue. I figure - if anyone could diagnose or rule it out, this place can. 😁
 
Construction noises woke me up, computer still not starting, tablet just froze and it took like 20min to restart, my teeth hurt, I'm stressed out because I can't finish anything I had planned to.
 
Crazy anxious today.
Also, I don't like the idea of the window people moving my couch tomorrow, but I can't and they are gonna see all the dog hair and probably some kibble that collected under it since the last time it was moved and vacuumed and shampooed underneath (6 months ago 😬)
Too bad our couch isn't just a normal couch that I could just scoot bit by bit.
And would they let me get in their way and vacuum real quick before moving it back?? They are gonna get crumbs everywhere anyway that will need vacuumed..
 
i am so exhausted of pretending that everything is fine. im tired of being paranoid and avoiding 95% of people all because im scared, sick and tired of feeling ashamed for simply existing. i can’t talk to anyone irl about this because they’ll downplay my feelings, almost every time i do show some sort of struggle im ridiculed and seen as rude. i can’t even validate my own struggles because i feel silly saying them. some of my family thinks i CHOSE to behave this way because i want to. you think i CHOSE to be mute at 4 years old?? you think i choose to be anxious every day of my life?

every single time i go to the doctor i have to fill out this little mental health survey and i have to pretend to be a-ok just because im not suicidal. i’ll be questioned for wanting mental help, my parents will be like “but your life is great!! you finally have friends and a scholarship” in retrospect my life is a lot better than it was even a year ago but little things day to day set me off into a spiral of borderline hopelessness that im going to be like this forever and im not getting any better.
 
I sent my aunt some of my recent art and she insulted it outright and said that it "didn't even look like [ I ] drew it". Not a single thing she liked about it, not an area she thought I could improve in, just... that, and I feel like she may as well have slapped me twice in the face. I've been working hard to try to improve lately and I was happy with everything I showed her and now I've spent half the evening crying and I feel sick. It's not that I expect everyone to like my art, or that I don't expect anyone to insult me ever, but coming from my own aunt, who I've adored ever since I was little... I'm honestly really hurt.
Lately I haven't even been able to talk about any of my interests with her without her mocking them or making some derisive remark. For the most part I've been brushing it off as her trying to tease me and assumed it was meant to be playful, even if I didn't like it and it made me kind of sad, but after this evening... I feel too afraid to want to share anything with her anymore. I'd just been thinking that I wanted to arrange some time to play video games together again.

I've never been terribly close to most of my relatives, but I thought she was an exception. I loved seeing her and always looked forward to visiting her or vice versa. She absolutely adored me growing up and was always super nice to me. When I was in my teens she'd arrange outings for us whenever she got the chance, where she'd take me wherever I wanted all day long, because she hated that her work prevented her from seeing me most of the time and she wanted to spend time with me and get to know me better.

I don't know what happened or when or what I did that changed that. I miss my aunt.
 
Honestly, what's bothering me is the climate change.

We're currently in the month of February and this should be a relatively stable and cold temperature. Heck, it's supposed to be one of our coldest month of the year...

But where's all the snow and the cold weather? We've been having yo-yo temperatures back and forth all "winter" and it super sucks. I'm asthmatic and it's triggered by sudden changes in temperatures. I have been coughing on and off all January and February due to my asthma. Usually, in the winter months of December-March, I'm generally since since the temperature is the same. But this week alone is a yo-yo temperature of it being up and down. Today it is -21C and TOMORROW it is going to +3C.

Before, I would only have some asthma in late March to early April when the temperature starts to change. But now, it is all over the place.
 
I have gold leaf all over my fingers and therefore all over my phone and I can’t get it off either lol. Yes I know don’t use my phone while gilding but I want to!
Post automatically merged:

corlee1289 said:
Honestly, what's bothering me is the climate change.

We're currently in the month of February and this should be a relatively stable and cold temperature. Heck, it's supposed to be one of our coldest month of the year...

But where's all the snow and the cold weather? We've been having yo-yo temperatures back and forth all "winter" and it super sucks. I'm asthmatic and it's triggered by sudden changes in temperatures. I have been coughing on and off all January and February due to my asthma. Usually, in the winter months of December-March, I'm generally since since the temperature is the same. But this week alone is a yo-yo temperature of it being up and down. Today it is -21C and TOMORROW it is going to +3C.

Before, I would only have some asthma in late March to early April when the temperature starts to change. But now, it is all over the place.
Click to expand...
Please take my snow ❄️ it was 7” by the time it was all done!
IMG_2855.jpeg
 
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there's just....so much sickness around right now that it's sad.

Found out today that my parents are going to have to put one of our dogs down. Our poor 14 year old Roxie 💔 I knew the day would come, but still doesn't make it any better. It's sad that I can't see her once more, but she will forever be in my heart 🥺💜

On another sad note, one of my workmates has suffered from a stroke. I'm not sure how bad it was or what the damage is, but it's heartbreaking.

Then there's the remainder of my workmates who have been diagnosed with cancer which I've posted about before...

Life sucks. Life is cruel. But unfortunately it's the reality, and **** like this happens.
 
I think that I finally realize why I don't feel secure at my current position. They're throwing rules and procedures at me like recipes, but there's no cookbook. Nothing is complete or organized. I'm the one that has write things down by ear and try to organize the information. Worse still, are when some of the rules that they told me end up being incorrect and I get the blame.
 
woke up at like 4:30am and now I can't get back to sleep 😭 considering I'm gonna be driving for like 7 hours on Thursday this really isn't a good time for me to be lacking sleep jfdgsjsghskd
Post automatically merged:

.: Meri :. said:
I sent my aunt some of my recent art and she insulted it outright and said that it "didn't even look like [ I ] drew it". Not a single thing she liked about it, not an area she thought I could improve in, just... that, and I feel like she may as well have slapped me twice in the face. I've been working hard to try to improve lately and I was happy with everything I showed her and now I've spent half the evening crying and I feel sick. It's not that I expect everyone to like my art, or that I don't expect anyone to insult me ever, but coming from my own aunt, who I've adored ever since I was little... I'm honestly really hurt.
Click to expand...
I'm sorry if you didn't want a response, but this really hit me hard. there are few things in this world that are more cruel than pouring your heart out to someone whom you believe you can trust, just to have them completely beat you down. reading this made me feel so sad, you are so sweet and your art is lovely and imagining you crying honestly makes me want to cry. I know experiences like that can make it difficult to trust people in the future in regards to sharing your art, but remember that there will always be people out there who appreciate the things you do. I'm sorry to hear you couldn't get that from someone who used to be so close.
 
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