honestly keep thinking about the fact that I might come across as arrogant to some people and I really don't like that. I mean, I'm not upset at them for thinking that way, I'm more so upset at myself for radiating that kind of energy. I want people to feel like they can come to me when they have issues and they need advice or just want someone to listen. I don't want to intimidate people.
now that I think about it, I almost feel like that's a vibe that a lot of autistic people give off. and we obviously don't do it intentionally, that's just how we are. and it's difficult for me to be someone I'm not. I really try not to come across that way, but I think some things slip through the cracks. I guess I just need to be more clear and direct in telling people that I want them to feel comfortable and safe with me, and I'll do what I can to make sure I'm able to do that for them.
and I mean, there will always be people who want to assume that I'm arrogant instead of approaching me about it. I'm grateful for those who have made it clear to me, even if it was done a bit passively. but I suppose if some people are more comfortable assuming that I'm arrogant, rather than giving me a chance to prove otherwise, then there's not much I can do about that.
edit: you know, I just thought about this. I think that people are naturally more intimidated by someone who is very smart. and I do believe that I am very smart. with that, I also don't believe that there is a fine line between arrogance and self-deprecation. I like to think there's a pretty huge grey area there. but when I tell people that I know I'm smart, they might see it as me being arrogant. so it's either that or me going around telling people that I'm really not smart, and I can't win either way.
I think the bottom line is, just don't worry about what people think of you. obviously you don't want to be an insufferable person, but there will always be people who see intelligence as a synonym of arrogance and intimidation, and that's just how it is. and obviously there is such a thing as being too arrogant, but I don't feel like I'm at that point. I think I just tend to intimidate people because I am very smart (I've observed this a lot in my workplace, since many of my coworkers come to me with questions, and I will often try to help them if they really seem to be struggling).
again though, I feel like these are big autism vibes (the intelligence/arrogance AND rambling lol).
edit again: note to self. there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. don't get them mixed up.
also have a headache?? idk if the surgery yesterday is causing my headache but whatever it is, it hurts so bad and i already took a painkiller but no help
