What's Bothering You?

I swear this is the fourth day in a row that I've had a headache, I hate this, it hurts so much 😭

also getting really ticked off at myself because it seems like, no matter how much time I leave for myself before I have to go to work, I almost always end up being late. I don't know how, it's truly a miracle. I gave myself an extra ten minutes earlier to get ready, and I still managed to leave the house five minutes late. I actually got so frustrated getting into my car to leave that I yelled in anger, and then I started to cry. if I worked at any other job they probably would've fired me by now. I don't understand how I am just totally lacking in punctuality when it comes to my job. I have the time management skills of a shriveled up carrot.

I'm very tired today and my head hurts a lot and I was seriously losing patience with myself. I just want to go home and lie down, but I won't be home for another three hours. 😞
 
Ugh, I was taking a glass pitcher out of the fridge when all of a sudden the handle broke off and shattered into pieces onto the floor. However, that wasn't the worst part. We had some food taken out to be reheated for dinner and somehow the small shards of glass got onto the counter. My mother didn't want to take any chances and had to throw it out which I understand. It was quite a lot too, and I get really really sad seeing perfectly edible food get thrown into the garbage. Thankfully, we still had other stuff to eat, but it still hurts. None of this would've happened if that dumb glass pitcher didn't decide to break on its own. 😔
 
i had this bursting sensation in my foot and then it was hot and cold like liquid was being poured inside of it?? and then it traveled up my lower leg???? now there’s some pinching feeling in my leg and it’s hot and it feels like it’s not circulating properly. idk man, i didn’t want to go to the doctor but looks like i’ll have to tomorrow. 🫡
if it’s a blood clot i will freak
 
And just like that, magically there are other days the relative is supposedly here for anyway. Can't let that go without sending me ice cube emojis because I'm just such a cold person because I set boundaries 🙄 so tired of stupid stuff making my phone beep. I almost hope they be like no I'm not gonna meet at other times and youre horrible for not coming to this event, because at this point I don't want to see any of them since theyre being this way. If we manage to put a time together, it could just be more nonsense to sit through while in person. The last time something similar happened it was expressed that it was a shame I didn't meet at this other time/event and we had an additional visit time so they could see me, but they ended up seeing everyone else too during the second time except for the person who insisted on a dinner at weird hours. So.. not sure how one is a problem and not the other and great you see the family you really wanted to see, more but whatever I dont care. We don't have to meet if it's that big of an issue but it "has" to be.
On the other side, I feel bad about being hard on grouchy old people as a kid.
And I feel bad for basically throwing laundry out here but its a bothering you thread and I'm sure other people deal with stuff like this too so, you're not by yourself.
 
I got back home to find an email saying I've been shortlisted for a deputy librian role...

And then a few minutes later got a second email stating the first was sent by mistake 🙃🙃🙃😠

Thanks for putting my hopes up. Really. The feeling that one of my applications actually mattered really fell through the floor. It even had my name, not like a typed email those fancy messages, and my application changed to shortlisted.
After the 'error' they should've changed it back but it's still up there as shortlisted.
 
kidney infection is gone
now my doctor wants me to get an ultra sound for kidney stones. he already said NUMEROUS times that it's extremely unlikely i have one, and it's simply for peace of mind- i have no pain, no nausea. really, no nothing. but he's doing it to cover ALL bases. even my nurse sister reassures me that it's totally okay, there's hardly a chance in hell i have a kidney stone, and i'll be fine

BUT THE BRAIN ANXIETY PARASITES ARE CONVINCED IM GOING TO HAVE ONE. it's the worst thing. this last month + some days has been absolutely hell on my psyche with health scare after health scare. i'm tired. so tired.
 
Woke up with cramps/abdominal pain and a searing need to use the bathroom again. I can't fall back asleep because I'm in too much discomfort; Not even pain, just in a state of physical discomfort. To make matters worse, I barely slept and my brother is making our dog bark and run around. I got mad at him because he wouldn't get out of my room, and he just makes a snarky "What are you so angry about?" comment. Dammit, I'm way too tired and agitated for this.
 
I've been having a breakdown this morning. I keep crying. From what I can tell, I have this thing called tonsillolith. I've been aware of this since last fall. It got really bad last night and nothing I did worked at all.... And then while I was typing this vent I had a tiny bit of improvement though my crying may have caused it. I'm still suffering, however. I'd really like the rest of it to go away too. I haven't eaten in about 12 hours and I skipped my allergy medication because I cannot stop wanting to gag. I also haven't slept...
Last night I actually had something really nice happen and this lead to most of my crying because I got so worried it would be the last time I get to have such a moment.
I might be improving now, but I don't really know. We will see. I still feel awful.
Almost forgot to mention I don't have health insurance. I had that typed but I erased that entire version of the vent.
 
I really hate working three hour shifts. It’s barely worth my time at that point. I know something is better than nothing, but it’s frustrating to do. I’m not sure how these other employees are okay with this?? We all work the same three hour shifts no more than three times a week, and that’s if you are even scheduled.

I might have another job lined up. I’m trying to get into this gas station one of my friends works at. She offered to talk to the manager for me after I told her I applied. They’re looking for overnights desperately and as someone that prefers the overnight, I think I’ll be alright if I can get an interview - which shouldn’t be a problem if my friend talks to the manager.

It’ll be a few days since the manager is conveniently on vacation and won’t be back for another two days. I didn’t want to ask for help, but I really needed to find something else. I don’t even mind between 20-30 hours… I just can’t do 8 hours a week because that’s nothing??

Thankfully my friend just offered to talk to the manager (which I was lowkey hoping she would offer because I didn’t want to directly ask her) so I hope I can secure an interview at this very least. It shouldn’t be that hard considering the job description requires zero experience and I’m willing to work overnights.
 
Today just hasn’t been a good day. I’m pretty sure most of my coworkers feel the same. All the trucks were late today then showed up at the same time. Our back room isn’t that big so with so much product there really wasn’t much space to work . So it took longer to get things done The store today was insanely busy and most of us felt we couldn’t keep up. It didn’t help that I didn’t feel that great today.

How I felt most of the day.
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woke up feeling sleepy and found that my pup had an accident on the floor overnight. apparently she didn't actually go potty when I let her and my golden go outside before bed. guess I need to keep a closer eye on her when I let her out at night.

I didn't punish her though, I know she didn't do it on purpose 🥺 she doesn't need punished regardless, but especially not now. I know there are people who punish pets for accidents like this and it upsets me.
 
Why are job applications so long? And I wish they give you the reference information at the very start.
Why do I have to write ALL this and when it comes to the references, they have specific requirements that I have none, so thats it? Can't apply for this one because I don't have upto two references? Can't use family friends who've known me since I was born, but you gladly would take my old work who weren't paying me right? Who knows what they would say!
I'm sorry I didn't get a job the moment I learnt how to walk, omg.

Also my last admin answers were resubmitted, saying AI content...again.
Do they want professional understandings? Or for me to write like a child? The problem is, if I had time to write out notes like I want, then types and retyped, I could make it sound like me more. But I don't have time. I hope they ask me for a review of the course; I will definitely be letting them know the literal meltdowns I had over the 50 questions because I was trying to make notes and had no reply from my teacher.

I need to do something today to make me feel better. For now though, gonna rewrite that blasted question.
 
I think mental health is a tricky subject because of how easy it is to chastise or dismiss something that isn't physically there. The societal backlash isn't the same. Hence, people get too comfortable with turning something like 'autism' into an insulting phrase.

I was depressed for several years. The days blended together and before I knew it - 3 years had gone by. I went into debt, lost all my closest friends, became numb.

But I'd like to think the progress I've made over the last year triumphs the person I was before this started.

Some things can't be brought back (such as time or friends). However being able to escape the 'cycle' and numb feeling has been an invaluable sweetness. Life for me is like a puzzle being put back together.

However, I hope society as a whole reaches a point of less stigimizatiom and hits a point of better understanding. It would make the world a better place.
 
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