What's Bothering You?

i start my new job on tuesday but i’m so nervous 🥲 the area i live in is predominately spanish speaking, and my spanish is okay? but not fluent. and the new job im going to work at i can tell that mostly everyone there speaks spanish and it makes me so self conscious because i can understand what they tell me, but my brain cannot form a coherent reply to what they say so i fear i just look stupid 😭
 
jiny said:
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I also work in a non-English speaking environment. I typically respond in English (and will ask, "can you say that in English?") or need to ask them to translate documents they've sent me, and everyone's really nice about it. Hopefully they will be in your workplace too. I've enrolled in an evening language class starting in August to increase my confidence in speaking - not sure if that would help you too but figured I'd share how I'm tackling the language barrier.

Good luck with the new job. And if you ever need someone to chat to about just feeling a bit stupid/alien in a non-English speaking workplace feel free to message me!
 
been three weeks of trying to get a doctor's appointment with no success :))) either end up in an obnoxiously long 20+ queue or my call gets disconnected, and the few times i've gotten through, the receptionist either said they "couldn't see" future appointments or told me to fill in their new online questionnaire which isn't even available by the time i look because they reach their daily "appointment threshold". i'm not even looking for a same-day appointment omg, this is a nightmare.
 
Feeling very stressed out. It's just not fair to me that other people are perfectly fine with air fresheners, candles, smoke, etc. but all this stuff makes me miserable. I had a migraine the last time I visited family that had a fireplace on. It went away after I got in the car.
Anyway, the smoke from the grill is getting into my house (because of course it is) and I am extra stressed because my cats have ruined the living room which I normally go into when I am upset about this. There's nowhere I can go that won't mess with my health.
The worst part is my throat was already messed up and this is going to make it worse. I don't need any of this. I don't want to be in this stupid house anymore.
 
prob just because I spent literally hours cleaning today, but I'm just feeling so stressed and tired and upset. today started out okay, great even, but at some point it fell apart.

I am certainly upset about the fact that, at one point while my dad was pulling a shelf out of our fridge so I could clean it, he backed into me and stepped on my toe (and the nail on that toe already has an issue for whatever stupid reason, so it bothered me even before this happened), and instead of apologizing he said "well you shouldn't have been standing so close to me!" I gave him a look and he did not care. I don't even know why I ever expect him to apologize at this point in my life. now I'm sitting here and my toe is throbbing and I just have to deal with it.

edit: oh, I forgot to mention that I literally cut part of my left hand, the thenar space, while using a pair of scissors earlier, so my hand is sore as well.

I'm also upset bc I desperately want to catch up on my journaling and I just can't find the motivation. feels like I used it as a coping mechanism for a long time and now I don't quite as much, but it's still very helpful to write stuff down and I haven't been diligent in doing that. too many other things going on.

oh and also, I don't want my parents to thank me for cleaning. I shouldn't have had to clean alone. I shouldn't have had to clean my dad's disgusting mess by myself. I shouldn't have to break my back and stress myself out so that I can live somewhere that is actually relatively clean. I only scratched the surface of cleaning this ****hole too. and it's gonna go right back to being disgusting if I am unable to maintain it for some reason. I feel like a maid. I feel like I'm being used, I'm probably not but that's how it feels to me. I feel very unappreciated. I feel a bit unloved.

and of course, fourth of July, stupid hooligans setting off fireworks literally all night.

I don't know. I need to take a shower but I don't want to. I need to fold laundry but I don't want to. I want to go to bed.
 
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So tired of my mom trying to recommend me her toothpaste where the only notable thing about it is it numbs pain. A couple years ago my dentist even told her that wasn't the kind I need. This somehow did not get her to leave me alone. I told her I've had sores on my tongue for a week and this was what she said to me. Yeah, I probably do need to brush more, but numbing it isn't exactly a solution. I would probably be just fine using my own toothpaste.
Plus, with all my other problems going on, I worry numbing my mouth might be a bit dangerous??? I would like to be aware of things and not accidentally choke because I couldn't tell I was drooling or something. (A real concern unfortunately and embarrassingly, sometimes I drool for days due to health issues.)
She should really be quiet about that, she's not a doctor.
 
I feel like a horrible (best) friend for what I just did… and technically still doing. I’m also super tired so I’m just going to go to sleep now… and then probably wake up randomly feeling worse about this and not be able to fall back asleep.
 
i know i should feel happy the tories are out in the uk but i just can't bring myself to. labour (imo) have morphed into just another slightly better conservative party thanks to kier starmer (who is happy that the sun is endorsing them?? i mean really....)

on top of that seeing reform do much better than expected just reminds me i'm sharing an island with a bunch of racist transphobes - to think they did better than the green party in my constituency (and many others) just makes me lose faith in humankind, i felt so hopeful for scotland's future only a few years ago and now it's so bleak
 
I've had a headache every day for a week now and it actually hurts so bad this morning 😭 ugh I wish I could go to urgent care but even they require an appointment now, like seriously??? I wonder if my family doctor might have an opening this afternoon.
 
think there's a good chance i might get let go from my job within the year... had my one month review today and was basically told i seem like i applied for a job i'm not suited to (because i get cold easily and can't lift a sack of potatoes) and that i look miserable, so that was. fun. unexpected too since my two supervisors have been saying i've been doing a good job and do a lot of the work, including more than one of the other employees. ugh.
 
My three hour shifts got turned into one hour shifts. Yay.

I wish I was joking. 😑

IMG_6133.jpeg


I. NEED. THIS. OTHER. JOB. NOW. 😵‍💫
 
My mom's stairlift broke and they can't send anyone out to fix it until the 12th. This is the second time it's broken and it's only been installed for a year. My mom was sitting on the stairlift when it broke 2 steps from the top so me and my dad had to dead lift her into her wheelchair. The stupid stairlifts cost 14k and it hasn't worked 100% at any point. It should be reliable and it is not.
 
The first time I ever noticed something wrong with my aunt was in a theme park. I had a panic attack due to the heat and crowd. She acted disgusted. As if I were at fault for interrupting her while we looked for lunch.

We moved closer to her. I noticed more behaviors. Gaslighting, excessive drinking, talking down on others when they aren't around, abusing and demanding public service workers.

My brother is a licensed psychologist. He says she's a textbook narcissist.

According to my cousins, she's been talking down about me again lately. I try not to let it bother me too much. Knowing how she behaves. Some of what she says is valid. I admit I have my flaws. But some of it is pretty illogical. (apparently scapegoated and blamed me for her kids problems during a cousins therapy session).

And I guess it does get to me. A little. It's just not very nice to do.
 
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