What's Bothering You?

it's so hard to be saddled with unnecessary feelings.

i've always suppressed that part of me, i've always wanted it to go away, but somehow my subconscious pulls me to you in my dreams. it builds this version of you filled with lies and i take it like a blind follower to a false god. i'm consciously putting effort to distance myself and yet my subconscious is still so drawn to you that it hurts me a lot. it seeps into my every day life and time and time again i have to burn the image of you.

(it never truly burns down. my subconscious always keeps a part of you with it.)
it's been a month, and once again you've visited me in my dreams.
who are you? why do you keep haunting me? i can't shake you off no matter what; somehow when i thought you'd be out of my system, you visit my subconsciousness and suddenly i'm too hung up again. i don't even think about you often, i don't talk about you to anyone, nothing. just how strong of a grip do you have on me, and why won't you let me go?
 
Just when I feel like I've caught up with all my assignments last year, the workload kicks me in the butt again. I didn't want to turn in late work this year, but my other assignments, circumstances, and sub-par time management led me to finish a piece of homework after the due date for the first time in 2025.

And that's not all. I can't get my Switch back, even if it's for a single, tiny weekend, until all my homework for the week is finished. And it's annoying how I've been going weeks without it because of how long I take to finish my assignments. If that happens on a Sunday, Monday comes, I have more work, and I have to wait until Friday or Saturday or whatever so I can get my Switch. But then I still have to work by that point, then Sunday, comes, so does Monday, and the cycle continues. Urrgh, I can't wait for President's break... (_ _")
 
Depression is kicking my goddamn ass

20250117_161034.jpg
 
As a teenager with really bad acne, I was told time and time again "don't worry, you will outgrow it".

I am coming up on my 47th birthday soon, and still wondering at what age do I grow out of bad skin? I have tried everything including a medication that is bad for people with severe depression (that wasn't a known side effect at the time)

I just want clear skin like most people 😔
 
Due to being unwell throughout my whole weekend, it had completely left my mind, that I have planned to watch some insightful, one day online courses, one about wooden puppets, and the other was the best research when it came to researching your family, the puppetery, I can apply for again; the latter though I cannot and I am severally disapointed I missed out on that class :/

And I just hope the pupptery lesson doesn't ask the people watching to answer a question or anything, I just wanna sit and watch.
 
mightve just started a big crap storm. just stole a neighbor's older kitten because the poor thing was out in the pouring rain screaming from a hole in the parcel cupboard, desperate to get in and they kept refusing to let it come in because it "has fleas and poops" and it just made me SO angry because that poor thing has fleas and poops (presumably around the house) because you horrible people can't take care of it properly. i've had to knock here before because they left it in freezing temperatures while it cried to be let in. they're probably going to come and ask for it back later (i'm at the doctors rn) and start a big row in the street, i already just got cussed out by two kids, but that is Not right, you don't treat an animal like that. regardless of if i let them take it back, i'm calling the rspca. that poor baby deserves a home where it's warm and loved and not riddled with fleas.
 
back home now. nobody's come to take him back. at least one adult knows we have him because an older man was arriving just as i took the cat, but idk if the mom knows yet. pretty sure it's a little boy, he hasn't been neutered. (and presumably not chipped either which can get you fined here, but my mom doesn't want me to report that part because she doesn't want drama.) he's wolfed down two pouches of food as if he's never eaten before, and now he's fast asleep on me. we also gave him a flea treatment we had left from when we did our own cats. poor boy is fussy as anything and clearly doesn't get much if any love, idk how you could just leave him out there like that in stormy weather while he's screaming his head off desperate to get in. the rspca said we should just take him to the vets, but idk why because we know whose he is, feels like it would've made more sense to do a welfare check or something. i feel bad for just dumping him in the system like that because he's already attached to me, bless him, but my mom doesn't really want to keep him (and my dad is probably not going to be happy about any of this lol) because she thinks if we let him out in a few weeks/months, he'll just go back down the street to them.
 
One of my coworkers didn't show up. My manager called another worker to ask if he could fill in, but he said no.

The reason why one of those coworkers didn't come in (don't know which one) is because they have a headache... 🙃 I've been having chronic headaches everyday and still work, even when it got to the point where I was in tears from stress/pain. I still worked when I was sick. What's their ****ing excuse?

My manager didn't ask me to do overtime, but I might have to. I already work 40 hours this week and all my shifts are 7-4, so I'll have even less time to myself today. I don't know what I should do, and I don't trust my own judgement.

I know there's a lot to do in our department, but I don't know if doing overtime is worth it, especially if it risks my health for a **** job I don't even like anyways.

Needless to say, I'm livid. **** my coworkers.

EDIT: I also forgot to take my antidepressants. I thought I'd be okay for now, but I already feel like breaking down. Just... ****.
 
Back
Top