What's Bothering You?

There are so many things worrying me right now, that added with my physical pain and lack of sleep, etc, is not a great combination. I've had a headache now for several days and can't shake it. I think it's lack of sleep that's causing it. My Dad always tells me not to worry and that he's always there for me, but I can't help it everything is constantly in my mind.
 
Trying to stabilize my mental health since the start of the year has been really exhausting. I seem to have bouts of anxiety at total random now. Worse yet is that I’m feeling more depressed than I did before the start of the year, but it mostly feels influenced by the state of the world which isn’t something I have any control over. I can try to limit exposure to the news, but nowadays I can’t even take a walk in my neighborhood without passing by intentionally-provocative political nonsense. Part of me wants to snag all these signs and flags and tear them apart, whether I agree with what they’re saying or not, because everyone being needlessly antagonistic towards each other for the past decade (if not longer) is why everything involving having to interact with other people is such a drag now.
 
i think I tore my arm the other night. I was hoping it was just a sprang, but with the type of symptoms and it still continuing today, I am thinking I tore it a little 🙄 This is either from it not being supported in my sleep or from an aggressive cramp in my sleep. Either way, it is intense and highly inconvenient. I won't go into details of its pain sensations and arm operation as it may bother some, but it is pretty useless and swelled.
 
Yesterday was such a rollercoaster of good and bad things, it's crazy to think I have to sorta seperate things that happened in two posts.

At work I burnt my hand fully with hot milk, was multitasking as I held the milk jug, and I forgot that heat pole thing was chaotic and randomally heated it to a point that it spilt everywhere, so quickly put it under water before finishing off the drink. Stung for a few hours after. I don't think anyone noticed it happen either.

After work, me and my mum travelled out the city to go visit my cousin's grave, as it was my aunt's birthday yesterday and aparently my aunt's ashes were put there with her son who passed.
But when we got to the gravestone, it was hard to tell if my other cousin was lying to us about that because my cousins grave was in such a bad way as if they haven't come to see him in YEARS. (Either my cousin or their dad, who is the one who owns the gravestone hasn't seemed to been there in ages.) You couldn't even see anything, so me and mum had to stay longer and remove leafs, rubble, dead flowers and took over nearly two hours. The ground was really wet as well. So we were really angry and fustrated that it was left in such an awful state, my aunt would've been so angry. It was definitely an emotional situation. Luckily we bought a lot of waste bags to remove everything. And then finally added the flowers we bought.

Couldn't help but look over at the other graves, and how sad it must've been. Some old, really old graves were covered in ivy, on grave had a whole tree growing from it, and I kinda wished I could help clean some old graves that had no one visiting them; you know?

My cousin called my mum as she planned to call today, but obvs didn't know we were going to the grave, until my mum told her just then.
My mum's water bottle leaked and my sandwiches were ruined. :/

I also had my UC call that day at 3pm, but stayed so long at the graveyard, my phone was off because the phone they had on my details is old and likes to waste its battery so I turned it off, I only remembered an hour after. :/ Hope this doesn't affect me, I had to explain why I missed the call and explained as much as I could.

Such a tiring day, my shoulder blades, feet and ankles were in so much pain and I had to sleep early that night just to heal.
 
AGH!!!!!

LIGHTWORKS! PLEASE STOP FREEZING ON YOUR OWN RANDOMLY SOMETIMES & CLOSING YOURSELF!! WHY YOU DO THAT?! > <


(sigh~ sigh ~ .... i'm sorry for the caps/shouting.... it's just REALLY frustrating....
anime-reviews-slayers-next (s2 ep 1)....png

but i can always go back in & everything is fine, somehow
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)
 
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my surgery is in about two weeks, and while I am excited to finally have it done, I am NOT prepared for the pain and recovery and emotional rollercoaster that will inevitably ensue. I'm mostly upset because I've been working out for a few weeks now, and I feel myself getting stronger every time I go, and I won't be able to do that for a while after my surgery. I also won't be able to play pickleball for a while. I'm also wondering how I'll cope when I'm practically bed ridden for a week, and I don't know how long I have to wait to drive or go to work, and I'm sure I'll have some restrictions for a few weeks or months.

I know this will change my life for the better, but I'm worried I might become depressed from not being able to get up and go like I usually do. I hope I don't become an emotional wreck, and I hope that people don't use those emotions to say "haha I told you so."

oh, and I'm worried about how my dad will react. not because I care, but because I imagine he might start to berate me and tell me it was a bad idea. I dreamed about it last night. 🥲 I live with him so I can't avoid it.
 
xSuperMario64x said:
my surgery is in about two weeks, and while I am excited to finally have it done, I am NOT prepared for the pain and recovery and emotional rollercoaster that will inevitably ensue. I'm mostly upset because I've been working out for a few weeks now, and I feel myself getting stronger every time I go, and I won't be able to do that for a while after my surgery. I also won't be able to play pickleball for a while. I'm also wondering how I'll cope when I'm practically bed ridden for a week, and I don't know how long I have to wait to drive or go to work, and I'm sure I'll have some restrictions for a few weeks or months.

I know this will change my life for the better, but I'm worried I might become depressed from not being able to get up and go like I usually do. I hope I don't become an emotional wreck, and I hope that people don't use those emotions to say "haha I told you so."

oh, and I'm worried about how my dad will react. not because I care, but because I imagine he might start to berate me and tell me it was a bad idea. I dreamed about it last night. 🥲 I live with him so I can't avoid it.
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Best of luck with the recovery. I'm still technically in recovery from my own laparoscopic surgery, and I don't know what type of surgery you're planning to undergo, but I want to say definitely try to cut yourself some slack while you're recovering. Not being able to do certain things for a little while is a bummer, but it might be a good time to engage in some hobbies that aren't physically intensive; watching some interesting shows or movies, replaying an old favorite game, catching up on some reading... It may be a decent idea to gather up some things to occupy your time in advance while you're able to.


As for what I originally came to post: I'm going to be restarting antidepressants tonight, I guess. I'm kind of frustrated that it seems like I'm just going to have to lean on them after being okay for a few years, but I guess there's not that much else I can really do. I can tell the depression has its claws in me again, because it's been hard to look forward to much of anything, none of my hobbies have been bringing me a lot of joy, and it's difficult to force myself to even take care of myself properly. I'm just hoping that the medication is as effective as it was last time, because 2025 so far has been really wearing me down, and it's not even spring yet.
 
I just realized that I got pinged for an Among Us session in a thread and completely forgot about it until now. I don't really play Among Us that much, but I'm pretty sure it's already too late to join. ;-;

I have been playing a lot of Mario Party Jamboree lately, but as far as I know, there hasn't really been any active sessions as of late.
 
~Kilza~ said:
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Take a break if you need, there’s never any pressure to stick around. I dont know exactly what your role is but you as a person are more important to us than the running of the forum. That’s not to say we don’t appreciate and like having you here. Just take care, because we care 🩵
 
I don't want to go to work today. I'm so burned out and need the world to just pause for a while. In my field, this time of year is referred to as "Mad March" - and it is so fitting. Everyone is so tense trying to meet external deadlines. I hope my schedule for mid-week looks quiet - if so I might be able to book a day or two off to just focus on my mental health. Late week there is no chance as I need to prep for the three days I'm out of department training next week. Can the world just stop for a minute. Please?
 
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