What's Bothering You?

I feel like I’m so forgettable. I’m too quiet. I’m too boring. Both irl and online. The only people I matter to are my family, and I feel like I’m not going to matter to anyone else anytime soon.
 
I am just going through a personality crisis at this point. I don't know what describes my personality. I am just "all over the place" its really hard to say. 😟
 
I can relate to this. I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this. :( Nothing wrong with being sensitive about name calling because friends should know when to draw the line. Teasing is normal but going beyond that to be hurtful rude is different. If you need to vent, my dms are open. Sorry if you didn’t want a response or if this is weird. Just concerned.

Yeah, it definitely wasn’t a fun experience. Luckily, I ended up telling him and he apologized and acknowledged he went too far. I really appreciate your concern. Same goes to you, if you need anything my dms are always open. :)
 
Yeah, it definitely wasn’t a fun experience. Luckily, I ended up telling him and he apologized and acknowledged he went too far. I really appreciate your concern. Same goes to you, if you need anything my dms are always open. :)
I was just about to reply to your original message when I saw this response lol. It's a relief to hear you managed to discuss it with them and they saw they went too far. It's not always easy to confront a friend about this kind of stuff (especially when the tone of the friendship is one where you kind of poke fun at each other in the first place, like you said). It can very easily cross a line, so being able to speak up when it does is important, even if it is scary lol.

I have a similar kind of friendship with someone. I noticed they sometimes had a tendency to amp up the mean comments (and remove the tongue-in-cheek quality that kept them from being taken seriously) when we were in a group. One time in particular I remember I was meeting friends of theirs for the first time and I very quickly started to feel a bit ostracised and picked on. I generally have a thick skin for those kinds of shenanigans but I left that day feeling pretty terrible about myself. Thankfully we managed to talk that stuff out and our friendship is a lot better for it in the long run. It's just really nice to hear you had a good resolution to your problem and you and your friend got through it 💚
 
ok now I’ve got an actual problem that’s not in my head: a subcontractor has hit and damaged my work car. He was honest and owned up to it, which is very good. But then my workmate talks to my manager about it and throws me under the bus?? Saying it’s my fault and I should’ve moved it?? No one ****ing told me that it was in the way. If the subcontractor thought it was in the way, he should’ve yelled out to someone and got me to move it. The traffic manager should’ve noticed it. I’m so pissed that I’m getting the blame for something that I wasn’t aware of.
 
I am so out of shape it’s not even funny. I’ve been really struggling to stick with an at home exercise routine and it feels like I keep failing. I’ll keep up with it for maybe three weeks max, then usually when my period hits I’ll be too sick to. Then I stop and just... don’t restart for another month or so. It’s ridiculous and pathetic tbh.

I just want to be vaccinated so I can go back to work safely. At least at work I was up and moving around all day so I was getting some exercise vs now when I really just laze around the house because my anxiety is too high to go on a walk on my own. I’m just tired and grumpy with myself.
 
I feel like I’m so forgettable. I’m too quiet. I’m too boring. Both irl and online. The only people I matter to are my family, and I feel like I’m not going to matter to anyone else anytime soon.

As long as you have your family you have everything. People come and go, that’s true for everyone but family is forever.

The people who truly enjoy your company will come along. It’ll take time but they will come along. Until then the best you can do is work on yourself and make yourself so awesome that by the time theyre here theyre mesmerised by you and will never wanna leave.
 
Last few days until this project is due (illustrations for children's activity book). I LOVE my job, but my legs are paying for it lol.
 
I hate how paranoid I get whenever someone doesn’t reply right away. The fear of being ignored or being clingy just consumes me sometimes. I often have to remind myself that most of the people in my life are very busy. Otherwise the fear of abandonment kicks in. What happened to me in March has only intensified that trait.
 
Yeah you're right which sucks lol. I've been having trouble breathing at night so I guess this is a sign to get the machine.
I'm sorry if that sounded worrying to you. I really do think you should get one though. maybe talk to your doctor and see what kinds there are and get one that isn't too annoying to deal with.
also im really sorry you're dealing with this :<


I'm having a really difficult time getting up this morning :,,,,(
 
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I'm sorry if that sounded worrying to you. I really do think you should get one though. maybe talk to your doctor and see what kinds there are and get one that isn't too annoying to deal with.
also im really sorry you're dealing with this :<


I'm having a really difficult time getting up this morning :,,,,(
Oh no it's okay, I'm gonna try and make a plan with my doctor! No need to be sorry.
 
Yep, it's official. I have to retake a class over the summer, meaning that now my summer break is only 2 months long now. There goes my plans for July. -_-
Makes me wonder if college is even worth it if I'm just wasting money at this point. The only reason why I'm attending is bcuz the profession I want literally requires a degree and I really don't have a choice tbh.
 
These creatures neighbors occupying the floor below have been very audibly abusing their very young children and having daily violent arguments with each other for a ****ing year now. Don't know if they moved in then or if 'rona kept them confined to their flat too long so as to expose these glaring problems. Took a look at their doorbell this week to see that they are in fact not married and that the boyfriend must've been a recent addition just like I assumed, because I swear I did not ever hear this man until quite recently, but now it's impossible to NOT hear these monsters. One of their children is literal infant age, and the other must not be any older than a kindergardener. I can't understand their language but their screaming, stomping and disassembling of furniture from 8AM to near midnight has literally made me physically sick. My health has actually worsened because of them. I noticed that in the RARE quiet moments this house gets, I sometimes have noticeable tinnitus in my right ear, that's how loud they are. I also have more frequent migraines nkw. But that's not even the main thing. These poor ****ing children. It reminds me of my own abuse. I have bad C-PTSD and I've had moments where I've been sobbing into my pillow and having panic attacks whenever I hear these piercing, painful screams. They remind me of what my parents did to me. And I'm still living with said parents. I'm literally in hell here. My nightmares definitely got more violent as of late.
But like... Who cares right? DEFINITELY not my fellow neighbors! They literally hear everything I hear and don't do ****. Not ONCE have I heard another neighbor ring their bell and try to mend the situation, or even just complain. I KNOW they can hear it loud and clear. My parents? Those abusive freaks? They literally laugh at the situation. Yeah, sure, they are mildly annoyed by the noise. But the screaming and arguing is funny to them. When I dared to test the waters and complained to them about my literal physical pain in relation to their noise, they looked at me like I was a freak and, y'know, laughed it off. None of these cowardly freaks want to act on the situation, they'd all rather sit on their asses, let literal abuse happen right in front of them and then complain about not having any peace and quiet.
So where does that put me? Correct, as the ONLY PERSON in this entire household that gives even a pint-sized ****. Me. The sickly, lifelong abuse victim with severe trauma and a panic disorder. Not to victimize myself here, but you're really going to make my terrified leek ass go downstairs to these violent people and try to reason with them??? Like I don't have several panic attacks just listening to them from the discomfort of my own home? Like they couldn't break me clean in half like a lightstick if they wanted to? I'm deadass the worst person for this job. I'm trying to muster the courage to go down there, I really am, I can't just let this pass by me and let these people ruin two innocent lives like that, not in my mother****ing house. No human being on earth deserves to live under these conditions. I don't want any more children to end up like me. But I'm so woefully unprepared, what do I even say to them??? Bro I can't even make no doctor's appointment like what y'all want me to do here. Why does no one else care. Why does it have to be me.
(They've been screaming at each other the entire time while I was writing this text. Two hours and ongoing. It's 10AM.)
Wow that is NOT okay. If you don't mind me asking, how much longer til you think you can leave your household? Also, instead of talking to the family directly, do you think you can report it to the front office or police?

Also, I'm so sorry what's happened in your past. You and those children deserve better. Love x
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Fighting drowsiness to complete this project, but I think I'm at least making good time.
 
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