What's Bothering You?

[Lady Timpani]

Spoiler: career/ life planning woes

Trying to figure out what I want to do after next year... It was never my plan to make a career out of my current job, and I definitely don't want to stay in this lab past next year or maybe 2023, but idk what to do tbh. I've considered grad school a lot over the years, and I was hoping this job might help me figure out what I'd want to go for, but it hasn't really, and I don't want to just settle on a program because I don't want to work in the lab anymore. I also don't want to stay here longterm, but I worry about getting a new job and losing possible references for grad school from this job by leaving.

I'm also worried about my mental health with going back to school. Looking back on it I think school definitely had negative repercussions on me mentally and emotionally, and I actually feel fairly decent for the first time in a long time, and I worry that going to grad school will just make me feel bad again. Idk. But staying in a bad job obviously won't do wonders for my mental health either so asdflkf

This isn't a super pressing bother but it felt too heavy for the random thoughts thread. I still have time to figure things out, and tbh the situation with COVID is making me want to wait for school anyway. I just kind of wish I had a direction in life haha

 

[King koopa]

Just feel sad for some reason

Spoiler: Pet death

And my dad bringing up my cat who died last year isn't helping

 

[Dunquixote]

snip

my dad does the same thing :/. i’m sorry koopa you’re sad. if you want to talk, my dms are open. no pressure though. i hope you feel better soon.

Spoiler: personal

been doing pretty good lately but there are a few things that have been bothering me.

Still am troubled about what I read about a shoe company a year or so ago and where the money is going. This has nothing to do with the thread; I remembered reading about where the money was going and now it is bugging me again. I was hoping they stopped like Adidas had supposedly but the last article I could find on it was March 2021.

I used to love learning about things going on in the world but the fact things just continue happening in the region i’m interested in and not being able to do anything myself just frustrates and upsets me. I want to finish reading a bunch of books I bought on the conflict but it is so upsetting to put it lightly. I wish I could continue reading stuff even if I’m not feeling good or even if it makes me more depressed. Not sure how to explain my feelings so I am just going to stop there.

sad to hear a favorite artist of mine is still getting harassed among other things and twitter support is still not doing anything :/

 

[Bloodflowers]

I really don’t want to visit my husband’s parents tomorrow. I feel bad because they are good people and have shown me more kindness than my own parents ever did. The problem is they are very extroverted, especially my father in law. He can’t just enjoy the silence, every second has to be filled with conversation. In my third language which I struggle with. As an extreme introvert that is hell for me. I suppose I can chill upstairs with the cats if it becomes too much.

 

[King koopa]

my dad does the same thing :/. i’m sorry koopa you’re sad. if you want to talk, my dms are open. no pressure though. i hope you feel better soon.

Spoiler: personal

been doing pretty good lately but there are a few things that have been bothering me. One I’ve been able to not think about by distracting myself with a drawing but, honestly I am just bugged about the circumstances even if it happened randomly. I have been enjoying myself but maybe not as much as I could have been :/.

Still am troubled about what I read about a shoe company a year or so ago and where the money is going. This has nothing to do with the thread; I remembered reading about where the money was going and now it is bugging me again. I was hoping they stopped like Adidas had supposedly but the last article I could find on it was March 2021.

I used to love learning about things going on in the world but the fact things just continue happening in the region i’m interested in and not being able to do anything myself just frustrates and upsets me. I want to finish reading a bunch of books I bought on the conflict but it is so upsetting to put it lightly. I wish I could continue reading stuff even if I’m not feeling good or even if it makes me more depressed. Not sure how to explain my feelings so I am just going to stop there.

sad to hear a favorite artist of mine is still getting harassed among other things and twitter support is still not doing anything :/

Thanks for that. Luckily I feel better now, but I don't like it when my dad brings up things like that.

 

[Dunquixote]

Thanks for that. Luckily I feel better now, but I don't like it when my dad brings up things like that.

Anytime! Yeah, I don’t blame you. There are some things that take a long time to heal. I would suggest telling him you don’t like it but honestly it is common sense to me to not do that (and he should know you well enough as your dad). My dad of course won’t listen or says yeah yeah but continues to do it :/.

 

[arikins]

my bf left & i miss him :/ not gna give him a whole paragraph on here that he doesnt deserve so hey ! he stinks

 

[Neb]

I love how I can’t walk down the street without someone commenting on how creepy I supposedly look.

 

[xSuperMario64x]

it's half past 2am and i still cannot sleep at all

 

[jiny]

i think my school has to shut down for a while?? it kinda sucks idk i dont wanna have to do online. but i also h8 going to school especially rn so idk if its a good or bad thing ;__;

 

[Dunquixote]

Spoiler: personal

Even though I know I am not the only one that had trouble and feel this way, I still feel like I am now seen as a “bad” team mate since I couldn’t think of any guess for any of the riddles. I said I’m sorry since I do feel bad that I suck at riddles, but Idk I feel self conscious.

Also doesn’t help i didn’t sleep till sometime after 8 or 9 am and than slept past 5 pm.

I really need to talk to my counselor but at the same time she makes me feel angrier not better. i am still tired of feeling so disgusted and angry. I like my counselor but I hate the questions and counseling. Will try to get some sleep and hopefully i feel better tomorrow. just feel so triggered.

I was really happy a bit ago so i am hopefully i’ll be okay after i get sleep .

 

[Croconaw]

Spoiler: personal

Even though I know I am not the only one that had trouble and feel this way, I still feel like I am now seen as a “bad” team mate since I couldn’t think of any guess for any of the riddles. I said I’m sorry since I do feel bad that I suck at riddles, but Idk I feel self conscious.

Also doesn’t help i didn’t sleep till sometime after 8 or 9 am and than slept past 5 pm.

I really need to talk to my counselor but at the same time she makes me feel angrier not better. i tired of feeling so disgusted and angry and it has been happening multiple times. I like my counselor but I hate the questions and counseling. Will try to get some sleep and hopefully i feel better tomorrow. just feel so triggered.

Not everyone is going to be able to help with everything, it’s okay! I slept through the entire second riddle for my team, and had it figured out before I even woke up. You have 140 points and you’re doing a great job!

I felt this way a bit during TBTWC because I didn’t have WiFi. I couldn’t participate in any of the online games. I felt like people would’ve preferred a member on the team that had WiFi capabilities. I just wanted to feel apart of the team and participate. It felt nice to feel part of something, which is why I love these team events. I’m glad there were tasks that didn’t require WiFi, otherwise I would have felt completely useless. I don’t want to make this about me, but I’m just letting you know your emotions are valid.

I hope you feel better.

 

[Dunquixote]

Not everyone is going to be able to help with everything, it’s okay! I slept through the entire second riddle for my team, and had it figured out before I even woke up. You have 140 points and you’re doing a great job!

I felt this way a bit during TBTWC because I didn’t have WiFi. I couldn’t participate in any of the online games. I felt like people would’ve preferred a member on the team that had WiFi capabilities. I just wanted to feel apart of the team and participate. It felt nice to feel part of something, which is why I love these team events. I’m glad there were tasks that didn’t require WiFi, otherwise I would have felt completely useless. I don’t want to make this about me, but I’m just letting you know your emotions are valid.

I hope you feel better.

Thanks again for the kind words; I appreciate that you keep going out of your way to respond to me . I feel bad for letting the same things get to me, but can’t help but freak out when I say something; can’t help worrying i did something wrong in addition to not being able to help with the riddles. You’re right and that is what I kept telling myself, by my anxiety is yelling at me that I let everyone down .

Sorry you had felt similarly during the last event. :/ . I get what you mean. These team events are fun but at the same time, I get even more self conscious about my contributions. Oh no you’re fine . I appreciate you sharing that with me.

Thank you again for your time. I hope you are enjoying yourself more this time and .

 

[Dinosaurz]

One of my rats passed away today and one of my favourite youtubers has cancer

 

[Xara]

Spoiler: personal

Even though I know I am not the only one that had trouble and feel this way, I still feel like I am now seen as a “bad” team mate since I couldn’t think of any guess for any of the riddles. I said I’m sorry since I do feel bad that I suck at riddles, but Idk I feel self conscious.

Also doesn’t help i didn’t sleep till sometime after 8 or 9 am and than slept past 5 pm.

I really need to talk to my counselor but at the same time she makes me feel angrier not better. i am still tired of feeling so disgusted and angry. I like my counselor but I hate the questions and counseling. Will try to get some sleep and hopefully i feel better tomorrow. just feel so triggered.

I was really happy a bit ago so i am hopefully i’ll be okay after i get sleep .

i won’t tell you to not beat yourself up as i know that’s easier said than done, but i completely understand how you feel and your feelings are perfectly valid! my cabin mates did a great job at coming up with guesses and working together, but all i could do was search around the forums since i had no guesses myself lol. it’s a rough feeling, but we both did our best and i’m sure your cabin mates appreciate you a lot! and like @Croconaw said, you’ve earned 140 points to help your cabin and that’s awesome and something worth being proud of! i hope you feel better after you’ve gotten some sleep. you deserve rest.

One of my rats passed away today and one of my favourite youtubers has cancer

i just found out about technoblade’s cancer myself; i don’t watch him, but i wish him a speedy recovery and will keep him in my thoughts. i’m also so sorry to hear about your rat passing away - may they rest in peace.

i hope you don’t mind me replying to this. >>

 

[Chris]

I think someone cut their grass while I was sleeping. Woke-up with a scratchy throat, blocked nose, and one of those headaches that feel like someone scooped out your brains and replaced it with balls of cotton wool. I've a date this evening so I'm hoping a drug cocktail and a Red Bull will remedy the symptoms by then.

 

[TheSillyPuppy]

Spoiler: personal

Even though I know I am not the only one that had trouble and feel this way, I still feel like I am now seen as a “bad” team mate since I couldn’t think of any guess for any of the riddles. I said I’m sorry since I do feel bad that I suck at riddles, but Idk I feel self conscious.

Also doesn’t help i didn’t sleep till sometime after 8 or 9 am and than slept past 5 pm.

I really need to talk to my counselor but at the same time she makes me feel angrier not better. i am still tired of feeling so disgusted and angry. I like my counselor but I hate the questions and counseling. Will try to get some sleep and hopefully i feel better tomorrow. just feel so triggered.

I was really happy a bit ago so i am hopefully i’ll be okay after i get sleep .

Hey Dun, your feelings are valid and I've definitely had this thought numerous times throughout Camp. It's not the best feeling, but as long as you're doing your best, that's all you can really expect from yourself at the end of the day. Any effort is appreciated. It's also really hard to fall into the cycle of burnout when you feel like you're not working hard enough and sacrifice sleep to push through work, even though your brain could really use the rest.

Spoiler: Rant about North American attitudes about work culture

Trying to uphold my personal values when it comes to work is so hard sometimes. I feel like I'm trying to live to be the best version of myself, but then within the span of one week, I get the impression from two different male counterparts (one is a uni acquaintance, the other was an Internet stranger who is a member of a Discord server I'm a part of--so his opinion shouldn't matter to me but I have an ego, LOL) that I'm on my career path sub-optimally.

Situation #1 with Internet rando: I was on a tech career panel last weekend, and someone asked all the panelists how to choose between working at a small versus large company. I was the only person currently working in a small company, and the other three panelists are working at one of the FAANG companies. While responding to this question, one of them said "Only big companies solve big problems." Excuse me? My tolerance for people making generalized, blanket statements with absolutely no degree of nuance has gotten so low.

Situation #2 with a uni acquaintance, in a group chat we're both in: The impression he gave me is that he was subtly flexing that 1) he was given more responsibilities in another one of the big tech companies, despite saying himself he's being carried by his team, and 2) his job is something that he "glows about to family and friends." He mentioned before that he sometimes had to work weekends and said yesterday that he only had to do that because he wasn't fully paying attention to working during the weekdays. He also clearly doesn't understand the different nature of working in a small company and wearing multiple hats versus working in a large company of nearly 200k employees and comparatively having unlimited resources for not dropping any balls. Like great for you, I actually want to learn and better myself, not to mention have the opportunity to pave some roads within an organization. Why does someone need to share their pride in their work with others???

For a culture that claims to value individualism, I feel like there are still a decent number of hypocrites who will try to impose their version of reality onto others and it's just like... no, I don't want that. You live your life your way, and I will live mine how I want to.

 

[ali.di.magix]

Its 2am and I can't sleep

 

[Aminata]

Right now i think it's the time itself because i hate when i have to wait too long for things happen

 

[King koopa]

Spoiler: personal

Even though I know I am not the only one that had trouble and feel this way, I still feel like I am now seen as a “bad” team mate since I couldn’t think of any guess for any of the riddles. I said I’m sorry since I do feel bad that I suck at riddles, but Idk I feel self conscious.

Also doesn’t help i didn’t sleep till sometime after 8 or 9 am and than slept past 5 pm.

I really need to talk to my counselor but at the same time she makes me feel angrier not better. i am still tired of feeling so disgusted and angry. I like my counselor but I hate the questions and counseling. Will try to get some sleep and hopefully i feel better tomorrow. just feel so triggered.

I was really happy a bit ago so i am hopefully i’ll be okay after i get sleep .

Hey, i know you said this a while ago, but I can relate. Those clues were really hard for us, especially since everyone wasn't participating. I tried to help, but they figured it out without me, but it's alright. I mean, I still kind of think of myself as a bad cabinmate sometimes, because even though I completed all of the Woodlands tasks, I still feel like it's not enough, and count the bottle is out of question because I suck at guessing. Hopefully with the homework event we can at least catch up to the melon ballers but I don't know, it's very frustrating that we are having trouble yet everyone else isn't.
Sorry, this turned into a rant very fast, but I just wish more buzzy bees would help us