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What's Bothering You?

Everything is bothering me today. I still can’t connect my Switch to the internet, and the Cowboys are playing garbage football. My off days keep being terrible. Don’t want to deal with anyone today.
 
Midoriya said:
Everything is bothering me today. I still can’t connect my Switch to the internet, and the Cowboys are playing garbage football. My off days keep being terrible. Don’t want to deal with anyone today.
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Hey, they can still comeback! (Hopefully)
 
Midoriya said:
Hey, thanks for the sentiments, but I think 25-0 is basically too much a deficit to come back from. As they say, you can’t win them all. :LOL:
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Well, at least they have 8 on the board lol. Maybe next week.
 
i wish my mum didnt hate me.
i wish i didn't hate my mum.

(Context to this: i have a bad relationship with my mum, she abused me and excuses it on her mental illness, i moved out at 16, im now 18. soo... not a good start.. we got my cat when i was 14. she also has a history of being a bad pet owner)
i feel ashamed to dislike my mum, i feel guilt for how i feel. im a whole adult with a life and feelings and yet she can still toy me around.
she got into a fight with me today because she agreed to take care of my cat for a while and then whipped around and said i had to take her immediately and that if i didnt she would sent her to the RSPCA. i told her i needed time, i tried to be clear and calm but as per usual my mother spun me in circles and vilified me. ended up in such a bad texting arguement she called me, i put her on loud speaker. she 12 seconds in began yelling at me, i said 'please dont yell, i just want to talk about it' so she said 'right thats it im calling the shelter now' so me and my boyfriend were forced to rush to buy everything we needed and go get her from the otherside of the city.
she made up lies about my cat. said she was stealing the other cats food (for context the other cat is twice her size and abuses the hell out of her), we knew this was a lie because we recently visited and had to physically hold the bigger cat back so she could eat her food. ive witnessed him attack her countless times.
she told me that my cat was having toileting issues and this was the main reason. she said it was a long term issue and had been going on for some time, i said she shouldve told me as soon as that became an issue, not when she hit her limit. she shouldve told me right off the bat 'there are some problems beginning' and i wouldve done something
she also told us the bigger cat was afraid of her and wouldnt even go near her, when i got there they were asleep on the bed together. i even took a photo. they seemed totally happy. she said that my cat was attacking the other cat but that doesnt add up when for the past two years she has been constantly attacked by him to the point of once needing medical help. i tried to emphasise to her i needed time but she said 'fine shes being locked in a room then until you come get her'.
she spent an hour arguing with me because of me asking for a chance to prepare the house for her, so me and my boyfriend hastily went to her house which took an hour and got the cat. she was hiding in my little brothers room who said 'mum is so sick of the cat but im actually gonna really miss her' when i got her into the crate he said 'wait wairt wait please dont go yet i just want to touch her one more time. i really want a cuddle i really like her' and it broke my heart. hes literally seven.
anyways i got downstairs, my foster parents came and picked me and my partner up after my mum got mad at me for not asking her for money for a taxi home (???) and then when they arrived my boyfriend took the cat outside.
*As soon as i was alone with my mum* she began to argue with me telling me i was wrong and i should be apologising to her. how i had no right to be angry and no right to say what i had said (i had told her she was being manipulative because she was and had told her she was acting with a victim complex because her response to being called out was 'fine. do what you want, nobody likes me anyway im always wrong i guess..') she said i had no right to say she had a victim complex and i should feel bad. she said 'i admit it was wrong of me to say i will send her to a shelter i never actually would and i hope you know that' but 1. she has sent pets to shelters before because shes angry and 2. did not actually say sorry in anyway.
i stood my ground (for the first time in a long time) and it just got louder and louder until my partner and foster parents literally came back into the house just because they could hear us yelling.
as soon as i left with my cat i broke down sobbing in the car home. i sobbed all the way down the road to the car too. it got so bad my boyfriend wouldnt let me leave last, he walked behind me so my mum couldnt get any final words in.
im so angry at my mum. she thinks i get off on calling her out but i just want her to be responsible. i want her to love me and not toy me around but most of all i want her to love my cat and respect that she is a living thing you cannot just throw away, give up on and use as a weapon. she is real she has feelings she deserved to feel loved and wanted. she does not ****ing deserve to be locked away in a room and treated as if she is not there, as if she isnt anything at all.
only god knows what i would give to feel as if my mum truly loved me, or the cat at all. or what i would give to not feel so much shame in admitting that my mum has ruined my life.
i moved out at 16, i became legally homeless to get away from her and yet nearly three years later i cannot seem to escape her. she continuously hurts me or things i love and its tearing me apart inside. oh to be an abused child thats now a resentful and hurt adult... what a life it is
 
boring said:
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Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear this. I just want you to know my inbox is open. I'm glad you at least have what seems to be a very supportive partner. I'm also glad you were able to get your cat, even if it wasn't in the way you would've preferred to go about getting her. ❤
 
boring said:
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I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. I’ve been there and can relate to this so much. The best advice I can give you is that she is controlling you through emotions. It’s not an easy concept to understand because it doesn’t make any sense as to why some people can do that to someone else, but also an unfortunate truth, the person might not be aware that they’re doing it or why. It makes you think that if you just reason with them in the right way if they could just understand your point of view things can get better, but nothing ever works and you’re hopes for that loving relationship you try so hard to obtain always slips away and you find yourself doing things and saying things that can make you feel guilty for later on which just gives them more ammunition to use against you later on. The best thing you can do is arm yourself with knowledge about emotional control and what they’re doing to manipulate your emotions so you can be prepared and you can learn to deal with them by being offensive instead of being defensive with them. Either way, I want you to know that you aren’t alone and you’re feelings are valid.
 
i'm just done, can't deal with everything anymore, and i wish everything i liked didn't turn into a horrible piece of trash where people tell me things that i do wrong all the time and every minute compare me to my older siblings. i wish i wasn't apart of my family, im supposed to be good at school and be good at performing arts, but im not. my mom just yells at me for not being good at life, all i hear from my dad is just him yelling at my puppies when he doesn't do anything to train them properly, i wish my siblings could just stop flexing all the time, i wish my late dog could still snore really loud in my room, and i wish people would stop remembering me just because my siblings are talented for no reason.
nobody even likes me anymore, my mom forgets about me, and im just sitting here being asked how my siblings are doing and being called short every .00003 seconds of the day. im made fun of because the instrument i play is taller than me, the smallest shako (hat for marching band uniforms) doesn't even fit me, and im sick of all these high expectations people have against me. ive tried being nice, im trying my best in my extracurriculars, yet nobody cares. they just bash on everything i do wrong.
i had to get this out, sorry.
 
i've been dealing with a small cough these past few days and i really hope it doesn't get any worse ><
 
my ex finally apologized to me after everything (it’s been a year) and explained everything and now we’re friends again and I feel so much emotion and much more fuller than I did before. But at the same time I feel them becoming my fp again and that really worries me. It’s only been a few days but I can already feel it happening and I don’t want that ughghgh
 
I'm really worried what's going to happen at work. Every year we lose the most people around this time and this time our team leader is leaving which is a huge loss. Why can't the holidays just be nice and relaxing? They always have to be stressful... I just need to hang in there until my 4 day weekend for Thanksgiving.
 
My meds doubled in price and my doctor was talking about getting me a higher dose, which would double it again. There's no reason for medicine to be as expensive as it is in this country. God, I hate it so much; it really makes everything so much more difficult. This is part of the reason I keep giving up on my health in general and just ignore problems. I genuinely do not believe we can keep continuing the way we are.

My best friend keep encouraging me to get dual citizenship in Canada, and I think after I finish up university and get my QMHP license I'll probably move. I'm just getting pretty sick of how expensive being alive is.
 
I lowkey want to buy these used dvd's but I have 0 idea how the site works and cba registering for that ugh
 
My job asked me to do a fill that I can’t exactly say no to. The only thing that got me out of bed today was the knowledge that it will be over at 12:30 today a half an hour earlier than usual and then I can go back home and continue sleeping. Why today of all days?
 
i have work to do and an essay to finish by tonight but instead im on here ✨procrastinating✨
 
My mum continues to have no respect for me as a human, Im wasting my breath trying endlessly for years to reason with her.
 
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