What's Bothering You?

Went to bed last night feeling sick and woke up in the middle of the night feeling hot and then cold. Luckily my Covid test came back negative and have decided not to go work as I just feel gross. However both my mum and dad think I’m worried about something and I should’ve gone to work. I’m 35 years old and can make up my own mind, plus who wants to go work with a fluctuating temperature. 🙄
 
Spilled some mineral/sparkling water on the laptop/keyboard. Luckily I could dry most of it out and it sure got clean. Not a lot, but the bottle was shaken a bit too much. Hope it's gonna be OK, since it didn't come inside of it at least...
 
Well, I got back from my trip to Boston. Anddd I ended up getting sick the night I got home. It isn't COVID, I know it's not because I've been throwing up, having diarrhea, dehydration, dizziness, etc. My mom thinks it's a rotavirus of some kind, because half of my family has it now. I haven't thrown up in about 36 hours, and I feel fine other than my body feeling like it's being weighed down by an anchor.
So glad I called off on Monday, they would've sent me home anyways. My boss gave me yesterday off as well, but I have to go back today. It's only 4 hours, luckily. So I hope I can make it through my shift without getting sick. Everything I do is soo draining. I can barely eat, walk around, or even shower. I forced myself to shower today though, and the day before. I just feel so? Energy-deprived. All I've been doing is just,,, sleeping.
 
People asks me "Why don't you make anymore friends?" Well this is the reason why. I used to have friends who said "I will always be there for me" but most times they are not. They never bother to check up on me to ask me "how I am doing" or "Are you feeling okay these days". I get that they have better things in life going on but did they ever think for one second think about how your friend is doing? For me I tried my hardest to be a good friend and all I ever get is the "Ghosting" treatment where I Feel like nobody is there for me and acting like they don't know who I am. They are the type of problem I have faced countless times in my life.

This is the reason why I will forever have trust issues, this is the reason why I became an introvert, and the reason why I can never make good friends, because of this type of treatment I always get. I keep asking myself "was I not a good enough friend to them? and "Was I someone that they hated seeing?" Well It seems like it because I have forgotten who my "true" friends were and I don't have any friends at all. This world has made me avoid talking to most people in life, because I've been hurt, betrayed, lied to , and of course manipulated by those ex friends who I thought I could talk too. Right now the only support I have is my Aunt and Therapist in real life.
 
i look absolutely terrible from the side of my face. my jaw is too recessed and the dentist said that i needed surgery to fix it but i opted not to get it bc i was too scared. i have all 4 premolars removed for the braces treatment plan but im kind of worried that’s going to push it back even more. my face is so short and my chin looks too small
 
edit: nvm

had a bunch of energy for a while but now that I'm sitting I'm like paralyzed and I can't do anything. i really need to go eat but I don't want to get up ksjdfksjd

also need to figure out how to be more grateful lol, i'm such an ungrateful *****
 
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So many doctors appointments lately, they leave me nervous and drained. My appointment today wasn't until 5PM and it was at the hospital so I cleaned my house like a madman today trying to distract my thoughts. It just ended and it was fine yet I still have the jitters.
 
My brother slapped me in the face. Again. I don't know why he keeps doing this, and how my parents don't seem to notice. And that's only one of the things he did to me today! I can't be bothered to talk about it now.
 
I'm only about 2.8k away from hitting 10k of tbt so I can start hunting for a Celeste Plush collatable has been getting harder with business slowing down to a halt despite me updating my shop to keep up with others. I haven't been letting bother me too much, but I'd still like to get the collatable soon to get it out of the way and focus on other stuff.
 
I keep having hyper-realistic dreams of me completing mundane tasks or sending emails/messages to people, only to realise days later that it never happened and it was only a dream 🙃
 
oak said:
So many doctors appointments lately, they leave me nervous and drained. My appointment today wasn't until 5PM and it was at the hospital so I cleaned my house like a madman today trying to distract my thoughts. It just ended and it was fine yet I still have the jitters.
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I feel you, things like doctors appointment and dentist appointments, stress me out so much .___.
 
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i'm worried my candidate degree won't get me anywhere in life. idk if i can even apply for a master at my own university and department because my education isn't technical enough and is mostly just philosophizing about the implications of technology. i don't learn anything aside from the basics of programming and an introduction to computer science and i feel like it's too late to switch to something else but also this is so stressful and idk what to do because if i keep studying this i will have no way forward. i could take complementary courses in CS possibly but the degree i'm working toward feels worthless

seriously the courses i've taken this year have been a psychology course, a requirements engineering course, participatory design, and now communication science and ethics??????? and i will take analytical perspectives and aNOTHER scientific writing course later this term. i already took scientific writing when i studied a term of english at the same university but a different department. tell me what company will want to hire me when i come to them like "hi i know nothing about computers but did you know that 95% of popular apps use several dark patterns in their design and that's unethical" LIKE BRO . i don't even learn that much about designing myself, just what's bad and what Big Bad Companies do but it feels so shallow and like anyone without a degree could say that.

i'm not saying HCI or UX aren't legitimate topics of study but the degree i'm working on in HCI is like. not worthless but not good enough. this is made even worse by the fact that i have to start looking for a job a year from now because i probably won't be able to take a master's degree and i feel so unemployable and terrible

i could technically change my degree, i guess. idk. this sucks and it stresses me out to think about, it's so much easier to study and do my coursework and not think about the future but at the same time i need to get somewhere using this education and at this moment in time it seems hopeless. i know people with the same candidate degree have gotten jobs as interaction designers but like. i'm an imposter and know nothing wtf
 
Apparently Japan Post stopped sending EMS to x number of countries which is... lowkey understandable since they might need to find other flight routes other than over Russia/Eastern Europe but I think it's a bit weird not to inform earlier and also where they basically had my package done sigh. Now they also claim "due to coronavirus" ... err I've ordered stuff from there the past 2-3 years and it has been fine but, okay.
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xSuperMario64x said:
I need new 80s songs 😩
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you're welcome.
 
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You know those toys where you can stretch the arms and legs really, really far? Well, I feel like one of those lately. I want to quit my job so, so badly but I should probably have another one lined up. I'm just having such a hard time finding the energy to search since job hunting is tedious. So sick of how things are right now at work. I'm just expected to do too much for too little.
 
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