What's Bothering You?

tbh I’m really struggling with even having a will to live rn. I’m of Ukrainian descent so for obvious reasons the last 6 weeks i haven’t been able to function normally. trouble sleeping, lack of appetite, sapped of any and all positivity, just dragging myself through each day, topped off with an unhealthy amount of exposure to what’s happening in Ukraine all while pretending I’m okay around people. It’s exhausting, but it’s gotten even worse with the news the last few days, hearing and seeing whats happened in the suburbs of Kyiv, realizing that’s probably just the tip of the iceberg because there’s a good sized chunk of the county russia still occupies…. and now there’s rumors russias true intent is to wipe Ukraine from existence i.e genocide, which absolutely is believable because Russians have a history of viewing Ukrainians as sub-human, not to mention it’s already been attempted once with the holodomor. I expect that’s exactly what will happen; russia will carry out actual genocide, because nobodies doing anything to stop it, Ukraine simply can’t on their own, at best they can delay it (which they have) but I just….. if that happens, I dont know if ill be able to mentally or emotionally handle watching it or even just knowing it happen while unable to do a damn thing about it.

i haven’t been active here for like 2 years but this is the first place that came to mind to vent, tbh i couldnt spill all this to anyone i actually know
 
forget me trying to cut back on work hours so i could have one day off a week. i might have to get a third job working overnights now to afford to exist.
 
I'm so annoyed right now. I'm so so sick of people not being considerate or not fully understanding my situation or assuming stuff about my struggles. Maybe I just don't communicate efficiently enough to convey it to others. Maybe I mask it so much that it looks like I'm completely fine. I really don't know.

Work are trying to rush me back to work. I'm not comfortable with going back yet. I barely have my mobility back yet. How am I supposed to do things by myself while at home without full mobility? Have they even considered that? Have they even considered that I have no support at home?

Now they essentially think that I'm making excuses, which is not the case at all. I'm actually so done.
 
I hate myself and my life. I don't know what people see in me.
I relate to how you're feeling. Just so you know you're not alone. If you want to vent about your problems you can DM me anytime. I'm always open to listen. Trust me I know what it feels like when everything feels hopeless.
 
thank you all for taking the time to respond, i really appreciate it. as much as i despise school and talk/think about dropping out a lot, i don’t think i’d ever actually do it. i may not know if i actually want my diploma or if i just want to appease my parents/prove my late grandmother wrong for thinking i have no future, but what i do know is that i wouldn’t like myself very much if i dropped out. especially since like you all said, i’m close to being done. school has been an absolute nightmare for me since 5th grade, but i haven’t gone through all that i have just to give up now. i’m always gonna be embarrassed of this situation and the fact i’ll be graduating 2-3 years after the rest of my peers did, but i’m trying my best and that’s gotta count for something, right? maybe i can put perseverance on my resume after this mess lol.

as for college, i definitely don’t think it’s for me. at least not anytime soon. i don’t have much of an idea as to what i wanna do with my life, and i’ve got plenty of mental + physical health issues to take care of first, so i’ll be taking a gap year (or two) after i graduate to really focus on discovering myself and getting my **** together. after that? who knows.

sorry for rambling on lol, but thank you again guys for responding and listening to me complain. :’)
Hey xara (: I don't have much else to add from whatever everyone else has said, but I do agree that it would be worth sticking out high school. High school is stressful and definitely sucks, but it's worth sticking it through so that it opens up opportunities in the future. It saves catching up in the future if you wanted to go into tertiary study, but even then it's not impossible to catch up and there still is options out there.

I almost dropped out of university. I got extremely burnt out and failed a few courses, which extended my studies out by a year. My stress and anxiety levels througout uni were through the roof. I thought it would be better if I just quit. But I stuck it through, and I definitely don't regret it as it all worked out well in the end. It was a struggle, and I wanted to give up, but I got there in the end.

I have friends who have earnt massive amounts of money and have even brought their own houses at my age without having a degree. They went straight into the workforce. And I envy them for that because they're more financially stable and have been stable for a longer time than me. They have more life experience than me. Stuff you don't get by being stuck in school. Basically my point is that you can definitely be successful without having a degree lol.
 
Can twtr stop recommending me certain tweets. Sometimes I like twitter but sometimes it's just a cesspool of unproductive hatred. I like subscribing to drama every now and then, but I can't imagine just standbying on twitter all day waiting to create a problem from a generally unproblematic thing.

Obviously it's a case to case basis, but I swear I've seen on multiple accounts how people will really twist someone else's words and make baseless accusations from it. I'm reminded of that post where someone says "I like pancakes" and another person interprets this as "Oh so you hate waffles??" like no girl thats a whole other statement wth.

Is2g Genshin is the most toxic fanbase I've ever been in. I genuinely cannot enjoy fanarts without having to see whatever drama there is (mainly shipping drama) at least once a day.

(Regardless, please please PLEASE dont use my post to justify actions that ARE actually problematic! Again, case to case basis.)
 
I'm just bothered by the fact I have to go to work in a bit and for the rest of the week despite the fact I have next week off. To be honest I'm just not in the mood to work at all this week.
 
When I went to school a couple of years ago, everyone told me to go on until 12th grade instead of starting an apprenticeship after 10th grade. In reality most people do that because they don’t know what they want to do with their lives. Additionally, everyone always said they need to discover themselves, and I just don’t get it. People would think I am stupid for leaving school earlier than most (I did graduate). I think I was actually smarter than they were because I started earning my own money 4 to 5 years before all of them. I started working when I was 15 years old. And I think it’s the best thing you can possibly do because it makes you grow up, be responsible and learn for your life.
 
I still feel pretty crappy about the whole work situation. I feel like they all view me in a bad light now. It really wasn't my intention at all. Not to mention I was stupid to think that my life was magically going to get better after one appointment (and they were stupid to think that too).
 
I really hate waking up feeling more tired/exhausted than I did when I went to sleep 😭😭 now the sun is coming up and I have things k really need to do but I would also love to just... go back to sleep.

prob doesn't help that the cat woke me up like 7 times bc when she wants my attention she climbs on everything and knocks stuff off my dresser/tv/shelves.
 
I really hate waking up feeling more tired/exhausted than I did when I went to sleep 😭😭 now the sun is coming up and I have things k really need to do but I would also love to just... go back to sleep.

prob doesn't help that the cat woke me up like 7 times bc when she wants my attention she climbs on everything and knocks stuff off my dresser/tv/shelves.
I ended up going back to sleep for like 4 hours, now it's almost 11:30 but at least I'm not quite as tired.
 
thank you all for taking the time to respond, i really appreciate it. as much as i despise school and talk/think about dropping out a lot, i don’t think i’d ever actually do it. i may not know if i actually want my diploma or if i just want to appease my parents/prove my late grandmother wrong for thinking i have no future, but what i do know is that i wouldn’t like myself very much if i dropped out. especially since like you all said, i’m close to being done. school has been an absolute nightmare for me since 5th grade, but i haven’t gone through all that i have just to give up now. i’m always gonna be embarrassed of this situation and the fact i’ll be graduating 2-3 years after the rest of my peers did, but i’m trying my best and that’s gotta count for something, right? maybe i can put perseverance on my resume after this mess lol.

as for college, i definitely don’t think it’s for me. at least not anytime soon. i don’t have much of an idea as to what i wanna do with my life, and i’ve got plenty of mental + physical health issues to take care of first, so i’ll be taking a gap year (or two) after i graduate to really focus on discovering myself and getting my **** together. after that? who knows.

sorry for rambling on lol, but thank you again guys for responding and listening to me complain. :’)
No problems :) And everything you do, should be for yourself and you should be able to feel proud of yourself for completing it, not just for pleasing anyone else. And don't feel embarrassed for being late, as long as you get the diploma and can apply for jobs it's all for the good. I wish you the best of luck ❤️

And yeah uni/college is definitely not for everyone, especially if you live in a country where everything cost thousands of dollars and you might never be able to pay it back unless you 100% know what you want to be and can work/pay it back at some point. Or just stressful for any reason.
 
I graduated from high school and got my diploma the year I was expected to graduate. Several years ago. What’s bothering me is the fact that my school recommended me for ESY — extended school year or something. It made me feel stupid despite the fact that I graduated already and it’s beyond me why they even recommended such a thing. I was not going to college nor will I ever go to college. I’m doing just fine working. What’s the point of extended school year if I’m going to work???

They recommended 3 years or something? For what? I’d be a senior for three years or just get demoted to 10th grade again so I can repeat a bunch of the same crap I already did? Ngl, if my parents actually agreed to this, I would’ve dropped myself out 1000% seeing how I was over 18 at the time, and you can do that legally without their permission over 18. I’m glad my dad didn’t make me do that ****. I was so eager to work I actually got hired my senior year at Walmart, but since I wanted to work overnight they made my starting date the day of my graduation. (Yes, I woke up at 6:00 AM for the dreaded school, and worked the same night 9:00 PM to 6:00 AM).

School’s recommended things like this can really destroy someone’s confidence. Don’t understand the point of an ESY either unless you actually want to go to college and your grades were bad enough, but still i don’t think colleges would accept a redo? Like you weren’t good enough the first time you try again and get better, so now they’ll let you in? Sounds like a game…

(I had a dream where I actually had to do the extended school year and I did not like it, which is why I felt the need to complain now lol)
 
sometimes i feel bad for having mixed feelings towards my parents.
on one hand, theyre the best parents i could ask for. they care about me, theyre funny, theyre wise, they taught me the things i know today and are the reason why im trying to better myself all the time.
on the other hand, theyre quite... conservative. they're transphobic, homophobic, they want me to get married to a man and have children (im literally wlw but they cant know that), they took away my anxiety medication because they don't want me to get "addicted", and they yell at me for not constantly reading the bible.
i know that if i speak up about these things, our relationship is over. they might completely cut me off or disown me. i just wish i didn't have to hide a part of myself away from them. it sucks.
 
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